Nightmares (of all sorts)
Lucius drew up Severus' robes, exposing bony hips and plain pants. "Don't you miss this, love?"
Severus jerked in his sleep, his expression pained as he dreamt.
"I'll make you scream my name."
Lucius' fingers slid around Severus' flaccid prick, caressing, and suddenly he was behind Severus, as if he'd just come upon him in the hall. Lucius had a strong arm wrapped around his middle, stroking him to hardness. He could feel Lucius' erection pressed against him from behind.
"Lucius," Severus groaned fitfully, rolling into Remus' back and burrowing against the solid form, unconsciously trying to seek comfort. "No..."
Severus felt hot breath in his ear, sick in the pit of his stomach as he let Lucius coax a reaction from his body, because it was easier than fighting.
"Stop," Severus uttered, and then made a noise of distress. "Lucius, stop...no..."
Remus jerked awake as Severus rolled against him in his sleep. He blinked out into the mostly dark room, trying to orient himself. Then he held his breath, listening; Severus was talking.
Severus whimpered again, shifting against Remus in his sleep. "No...Lucius, no, stop," he uttered, faintly at first, but then his voice gained urgency. "No," he repeated, obviously distressed and seeming to want to burrow underneath Remus' side. "Stop, no, stop!" he shouted, and then jerked awake.
Panting, Severus stared out into the darkened room, his forehead wet with cold sweat. Just a dream, he told himself sharply, trying to push the images from his mind.
Remus could tell, from Severus' breathing, when he woke himself with his shouts. He shifted and rolled over, wrapping his arms around Severus. "What's wrong?" he asked, stroking a hand over Severus' face. "Why are you saying Lucius' name?"
A cold wash of fear swept over him, and Severus curled into Remus' embrace. "Nothing," he said quickly. He'd been saying Lucius' name? Oh Merlin, what if Remus got the wrong idea? Though if he'd said stop there at the end, maybe he'd be all right.
"You were saying his name," Remus repeated doggedly, though he sounded sleepy more than anything, and he wasn't angry. He felt a bit frightened; what had Severus been dreaming? He'd sounded horrified.
"I don't know why," Severus uttered. "I don't remember what I dreamt," he insisted.
Remus' eyes narrowed. "You're lying to me," he said, sounding more awake. "Why do you always lie about Lucius Malfoy?"
"I don't," Severus uttered, voice hushed from a new wave of fear. The last thing he wanted was for Remus to think there was still something going on.
Remus propped himself up on his elbow and called a light to the palm of his hand, glaring at Severus. "I don't expect to be woken in the middle of the night with you sounding terrified and saying Lucius Malfoy's name," he said, a hint of irritation creeping into his voice, "but if I am woken that way, I'd like an explanation."
Severus took in Remus' angry expression, stricken. "I..." He took a deep breath, but deflated quickly. "I'll go sleep on the sofa."
A flash of anger ran through Remus and he grabbed Severus' arm. "You will not!" he cried. "You dream about Malfoy and then you say you're going to sleep on the sofa? God, Severus! I try not to get jealous, but what the fuck am I supposed to think!"
Oh Merlin, oh fuck. Severus desperately willed the flood of hot tears back, but they spilled down his cheeks anyway, without so much as a 'by your leave'. He shut his eyes, wishing Remus would just leave him alone. Why couldn't Remus just accept that he didn't remember?
He recalled Dumbledore's advice, that he should talk to Remus about it, but he desperately did not want to.
Remus stared at Severus, all of his anger crumbled by the sight of Severus crying. His mouth dropped open, but he couldn't think of anything to say. Finally he pulled Severus into his arms and held him. "Severus...Severus..." he managed.
Severus put his arms around Remus and clung to him tightly, crying into his chest. It was so embarrassing to be doing so, but there was nothing at all he could do about it just then.
He didn't want Remus to know. He didn't want Remus to think badly of him, and besides, if Remus didn't know, he could go on pretending none of it ever happened.
"I'm sorry," he uttered several minutes later after the flow of tears had mostly abated, sounding stuffy.
"What did I do?" Remus asked in a whisper. "What did I say? I'm sorry, Severus." He had no idea how he'd made Severus cry, but it must be his fault, because they were the only ones here. He stroked Severus' hair, wishing he could fix it.
"No, no, it's not you," Severus rushed to assure him, even though it half was. The other half was entirely to do with Lucius, however. "You're fine, you're perfect; it's me, I'm just--" What was he? Rotten.
"Don't say that," Remus protested. "I'm a stupid berk. I didn't mean to hurt you, God, Severus." He kissed Severus desperately. "Tell me, please tell me," he pleaded, thinking that nothing could be worse than having hurt Severus and not knowing how. Was it something about Lucius? But how could Lucius Malfoy matter that much? Severus had said he didn't care about him, that he didn't want him, and Remus had to believe that. But if it wasn't Lucius, then what?
Remus sounded so upset. Severus knew he'd already hurt Remus with this, and that Remus' upset would not go away if Severus kept his silence. He took a shuddering breath and wondered if he could talk about it. Dumbledore said that he ought.
"I... While you were away, I went to visit the Malfoys," he began, speaking slowly, putting off when he would have to come to the unpleasant bits.
"I was there to see Narcissa and Draco, really, I didn't want to see Lucius at all. But then we ended up drinking together, and he..."
Severus tried to go on, but his throat closed on him, and he shut his eyes tightly. He didn't want to.
Remus' arms tightened around Severus. "Did he bother you?" he growled, feeling a surge of anger at the man who would dare touch Remus' mate.
"He...he tried to..." Severus hesitated, then took another deep breath, holding Remus tightly and resolving not to let him pull away. "He tried to seduce me..."
Remus growled again, louder. "I'll bloody kill him," he promised. "Did he throw you out again? He threw you out the last time you told him no." Severus had told him no, hadn't he? He had to have told him no.
"No, he didn't," Severus uttered quietly, afraid of going on. "I said that I didn't want to, that I wouldn't, and he tried to make me anyway."
Remus felt a cold thrill of shock go through him. "He tried to make you?" he whispered, utterly unable to let go of Severus or even move. "Make you?"
"Yes, and so I hexed him," Severus said, hoping that would reassure Remus somewhat. "Which got him to stop, but then he used the Cruciatus on me."
"What?" Remus cried, anger surging through him again. "He hurt you! He dared to touch you, and then he HURT you!" He shuddered, feeling angry tears pricking at his own eyes. "I'll kill him. I'll fucking murder him in his sleep."
Severus shivered, pressing his face against Remus' chest for a moment. "Remus..."
"Oh, Severus, Severus, I'm so sorry," Remus murmured, stroking his hand over Severus' hair again. He wasn't sure exactly why he was apologising--he would kill Lucius Malfoy, if he ever got the chance. But it felt like the right thing to say. "I love you so much," he breathed.
"I love you too," Severus uttered, though he sounded miserable as moisture pricked at his eyes again. He still wished this had never happened; that he had never woken Remus by talking of Lucius in his sleep.
Remus kept stroking Severus' hair, thinking about Malfoy. It was slowly occurring to him that if Malfoy had thought he could get away with forcing Severus... "Had he tried that before?" he whispered, holding his breath. He didn't want to know. If he had all along been jealous of Severus, and Malfoy had...
Severus hesitated, not wanting to answer that question. He'd always tried to hint at the truth, but that was all he'd ever been able to manage.
"Severus?"
Severus managed a nod, figuring Remus would at least feel it.
"He...he's been doing--that--all along?" Remus managed, his voice breaking. His throat felt tight. He'd been angry with Severus, when Severus had been--had been all but raped by that fucking pureblood Death Eater?
Severus managed another nod, though he only wished now that he could take it all back. He didn't want Remus to know!
"Oh God, Severus!" Remus wailed, his arms tightening around his lover. He shuddered again, fighting down the urge to be sick. "I'm sorry," he whimpered. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't understand."
"I know," Severus said quietly, his voice thick. "I couldn't tell you."
Remus swallowed. "But...but why?" he managed. "Why couldn't you tell me? It wasn't your fault, it was--he was--" He took a sobbing breath and tried to push away his guilt. "God, Severus, I'm so sorry."
"I don't want to talk about it, please. It's not your fault," Severus uttered. He felt drained, and he just wanted to go back to sleep and ignore all of it.
Remus pulled away enough to stare at Severus, eyes blazing. "It isn't your fault, either," he declared, gripping Severus' shoulders. "Please forgive me for not understanding," he begged. "I love you so much, Severus."
"I tried to tell you without saying it," Severus said. "Now I know you had no idea. I do forgive you. I love you, too."
"I wish I had," Remus said. He wrapped his arms around Severus again, burying his face against Severus' neck. "I failed you. I'm sorry." He held Severus close, wishing he could give him comfort.
"No, you didn't," Severus said, stroking Remus' hair and holding him tightly. "It's okay."
"Tell me what I can do," Remus said. "How can I help you, Severus?" He took deep breaths, relief and hurt for Severus warring inside him.
"Just hold me," Severus uttered sleepily. "I like that."
"Yes," Remus murmured. He kissed Severus' cheek and pulled him back down to lie down. With a soft sigh he curled around Severus, holding him close.
"You make me feel so safe," Severus murmured, fitting himself snugly against Remus.
Remus let out a shaky breath, but he found himself smiling faintly. "I'm glad. I wish I could have protected you."
"You did, you got me out of there," Severus countered, stroking Remus' arm.
"I was such a prat about it," Remus breathed. He kissed Severus' cheek. "I'll kill him if I ever get the chance," he promised again.
"You didn't know," Severus reminded him, smiling faintly. "And I won't stop you."
"Good." Remus settled his arms around Severus more securely. "My mate," he murmured. "My Severus."
"And you're mine," Severus breathed happily.