Christmas afternoon
"I still don't know what in the world Lily was thinking," Severus grumbled in 'Tobias'' voice, running a hand through his head of thick, wavy black hair.
"That bringing you back would let the Marauders get more used to me being gay, I imagine. Not to mention if she couldn't get us to visit for any other reason, Christmas would work." Remus wrapped his arms around Severus and nuzzled the back of his neck, pleased that Severus at least smelled like himself.
"Actually, I was referring to her marrying Potter, but that was another thing I wasn't too certain about," Severus said wryly, resting his arms atop Remus'. "I love you."
Remus laughed, though he felt rather guilty for it. "Well, perhaps she was just being compassionate. It was obvious to everyone he would never be happy without her." He privately thought that marrying Lily had been the smartest thing James had ever done, but even though he knew Lily loved James, he did wonder, sometimes, if she loved him as much as he loved her.
"Mm, she has got plenty of that," Severus said, almost a little wistfully. "Too much."
"Too much compassion? Is that possible?" Remus kissed the spot behind Severus' ear and then buried his face in the crook of his lover's neck, breathing deeply.
"Too much when it comes to some people and not enough when it comes to others," Severus replied, thinking of how their friendship had ended, and how she'd refused to forgive him. But what had that mattered when she had Potter? It still made him angry.
He sighed and tried to let it go; Remus was too adorable snuggling against him to keep being angry about something else, and he was going to have to go face Lily and Potter, and being angry at them wouldn't help him be Tobias. Remus was lucky he was so good at duplicity.
"I love you," Remus murmured. "Thanks for going today. It'll be all right." He glanced up at the clock. "I suppose we ought to go."
"Yes, all right," Severus agreed, sighing again. He had his extra flask of Polyjuice in his pocket, but he hoped they wouldn't be so long that he had to sneak off to the loo more than once. "You're welcome, of course."
Remus smiled at him and let go of Severus long enough to get the satchel with his presents for everyone (there were three for Harry), and then wrapped his arms around him again. They Disapparated.
When they reappeared at the Potter's residence, Severus scrutinized the house, irritable to find it was nicer than his. But then again, that wasn't exactly difficult. He smoothed out his expression into something more pleasant, what he privately thought of as his 'Tobias face', and got into character.
Taking a deep breath, Remus glanced up at Severus' unfamiliar face and smiled, then stretched to kiss his cheek. "Love you," he whispered, and, holding Severus' hand, led him up the front walk to knock on the door.
The door was opened by Sirius, who grinned to see them. "Hey Moony," he greeted enthusiastically with a quick but overwhelming hug.
When he released Remus, he turned to Severus. "Hey, Tobias, glad you could come, mate. C'mon in!" He glanced to Remus. "Peter's not here yet, but he's supposed to be coming soon." He moved so they could enter.
Remus thumped Sirius on the back with his free hand, then led Severus inside, keeping a firm grip on his hand. He was greeted by the sound of Harry wailing, and the sight of a red-faced James patting him gently on the back.
"Thank God, Uncle Moony!" he exclaimed, and dumped Harry into Remus' unready arms. Remus nearly dropped the presents in favour of holding on to the baby, who wailed louder.
"Bloody hell, James!" he exclaimed, then wondered if he shouldn't swear in front of Harry, even though five months was a bit young to be learning how to talk. He glanced over at Severus, apologising with a glance as he took his hand back to get a better grip on Harry. "There are presents here," he announced over the din. "If they haven't broken in the fall." He shook his head and moved away from the others, bouncing Harry a little and making an experimental face at him.
James looked over at Tobias and grinned. "Tobias! Good to see you, mate! Glad you're not too busy for Christmas."
Severus grinned. "Thanks for the invite. Fortunately I do occasionally get time to get away from work."
"Hopefully Remus sees you on a regular basis," James remarked. "How's work going, then?"
"Busy," Severus sighed. "But of course I do manage to make time for Remus."
"Sometimes," Remus called, teasingly. He grinned at Severus, then Harry reached out and grabbed his nose. "Oi, you," he chided, turning his grin on Harry. "James, this one's just like you."
"What, handsome and a quick learner?" James said.
Remus snorted. "An annoying prat."
James' mouth fell open. "Oi!" He turned to look at 'Tobias'. "I'll have you know I'm nothing like what he says."
Oh Merlin, Severus wanted to strangle him with his bare hands. Instead, he laughed. "I don't know, Remus is usually a very good judge of character, I've found," he joked.
Remus grinned and shook his head in amusement.
"What, just because he fancies you," James replied.
To Remus' relief, Lily came out of the kitchen then. she'd twisted her hair up off her neck and was wearing an apron. She made a beeline for Remus and took Harry out of his arms. "Poor Harry, having to put up with all these wretched men," she cooed, and he stopped fussing and nuzzled up against her. She kissed Remus on the cheek, then crossed the room to kiss Severus' cheek as well.
"It's nice to see you again, Tobias," she said smiling at him. "I'm glad you could join us."
Severus wanted to glare at her so badly. This was not a good start to things. He cleared his mind and smiled Tobias' easy smile. "Thanks for inviting me, Lily."
"How have you been? Goodness, James hasn't even taken your cloaks. Here, Sirius, take their cloaks and put them in the guest bedroom."
Sirius saluted her and took their cloaks, then disappeared down the hall.
"I've been good, thanks," Severus said, suddenly hit with a wave of claustrophobia watching Black disappear with his cloak. He just wanted to escape, and tried not to put any of his awkwardness into Tobias' posture.
"Remus says you've been very busy with work lately," Lily said. "We've certainly seen more of him lately."
"Yes, unfortunately," Severus lamented, though he was smiling faintly. "But at least he's got his friends."
James snickered. "We don't keep the bed warm, mate," he teased. Lily shot him an annoyed look and pushed Harry into his arms. "Go check the dinner," she ordered. "Se--Sirius, would you make sure the presents go under the tree?"
Remus glanced at Severus, then back at Lily. She'd almost called him Severus.
Severus felt an inner jolt that he was sure not to let into Tobias' expression. Tobias was still laughing over James' horrid joke.
Sirius had just come back into the room. He arched a brow and nodded at Lily. "Yeah, sure thing. Hey, Remus, you said these were presents?" he asked, picking up Remus' bag.
"Yeah, they're all labelled." Remus grabbed Lily's arm. "Here, come show Tobias the nursery," he suggested, even though he knew Severus wouldn't care about it, because Remus didn't care about it.
She nodded and led them back to Harry's room. As soon as they were alone, she turned. "I'm so sorry!" she whispered. "I won't slip again."
"Yeah, thank you," Severus muttered, glaring, "because this is only my life we're talking about."
Lily's green eyes flashed. "My husband would not kill you, Tobias!" She paused. "Well, only if you hurt Remus."
Remus had his doubts, but only said, loudly, "I like the border you've painted up there."
"No he wouldn't, because I'd kill him before he got the chance!"
A moment too late, Severus realised that had probably been entirely out of line. But Lily didn't know he was a Death Eater - she might not take his threat seriously.
Lily rolled her eyes. "Don't be so melodramatic. God. I know you two don't get on, but you'll have to learn to, eventually. Someday Remus will get the stones to tell people who you really are."
Remus hissed at them--he'd heard footsteps coming down the hall.
Severus glanced away from her to a nondescript point on the floor, entirely unconvinced of that because he knew Remus understood why exactly it wouldn't work. But when he heard the footsteps, he smoothed out his expression and smiled, just in case someone was about to come in.
James poked his head in. "Harry wants his bedroom back," he whispered, holding up his sleeping son. Lily's face softened into a smile and she nodded and herded the others out. Remus grinned at the sight of James being all fatherly. It still seemed like a robe that didn't quite fit, on his friend. Lily led them out to the front room, where she directed them all to sit. "I'll have dinner in just a few moments," she promised.
Severus bit back a sigh and sat on the sofa next to Remus, smiling at him.
Remus took Severus' hand in both of his and pulled it into his lap. He hoped Severus could see how grateful he was.
James cleared his throat. "So...Tobias, d'you like Quidditch?"
"Oh yes," Severus agreed, quickly working out which team Tobias should favour. "I'm a Magpies supporter. Catch it on the wireless when I can."
James nodded. "Excellent. I favour the Tornadoes myself, but the Magpies are a strong team. Ever been to one of the professional matches?"
"No, I haven't," Severus said, glancing at Remus. "We've talked about going, but we haven't made the time."
"Oh, you really ought to, mate! Those pros, they're--" James shook his head. "Just bloody amazing. I played Quidditch myself, at school, and I'm not a patch on any of them. I'd never have made it, even though I wanted to play for England."
Maybe that's because you were bloody rubbish. "We'll have to do that, then," Severus announced, smiling again at Remus. "Would you like to?"
Remus smiled. "I would," he agreed. "I always like listening to the Magpies on the wireless, and I went to all James and Sirius' games." He glanced at the clock, wondering when Peter would get here.
Severus smiled too, noticing where Remus looked. He apparently wasn't the only one ready to be gone already, though Remus likely wasn't placating himself with fantasies about telling off Lily and Crucioing Potter.
"Remus said you two are going to have tea with your parents this afternoon?" James said. "Have you met his parents, Remus?"
"Oh, yeah, a few times," Remus said, nodding.
"Yes, I'm required to come see them at Christmas," Severus said with a chuckle. "They like Remus a lot."
Remus grinned, though he realised suddenly that they hadn't even talked about going to see Eileen and Richard. He looked at Severus. "I forgot to bring the flowers for your mum. We'll have to stop back at your place to get them."
"Oh bugger, yeah, that's right," Severus said, nodding.
James tilted his head. "Remus introduced you to his dad yet?"
Severus arched a brow. "No, not yet."
"James, you know what my dad's like," Remus protested.
"Oh, I know, mate, I was just asking." But James sounded a bit sceptical.
Severus just glanced at Remus in concern, not certain what Tobias should be feeling. Merlin, Remus' friends even thought Remus was ashamed of him when he was Tobias? Maybe Remus was ashamed of him.
"Look, if you want to meet my dad, all you have to do is say so," Remus said, looking earnestly at Severus. It would be horrible and Severus would probably end up hating his dad, but he knew it should probably happen, even if Remus and his dad hadn't spoken in over a year.
Severus raised his eyebrows. "You said you and your dad don't speak. I don't need to meet him."
"What, you're not speaking with your dad?" James asked.
Fortunately Lily came in from the kitchen then and announced dinner. "James, come help me," she ordered. "You lot go sit down." Remus glanced at Sirius, then Severus, and shrugged. He went in and sat down in one chair, making sure Severus could have the one next to him.
Severus sat next to Remus, giving him an apologetic glance. He hadn't known it wasn't common knowledge they didn't talk.
James carried in the duck and placed it proudly in the centre of the table. Lily followed him, levitating several dishes to the table. She took the seat at the end by Severus, and James by Remus. "So, Remus, you're not speaking with your dad?" James persisted.
Lily glanced at him, then at Remus. "Don't be stupid, James, this isn't proper dinner table conversation," she said. "Tobias? Duck?"
"I'd love some," Severus said, ignoring the looks James and Sirius were shooting each other.
Lily began serving everyone. Remus watched, thinking he probably ought to explain, but he wasn't even sure how it had happened, himself. And anyway, Lily would yell at him for talking about it at the dinner table.
Severus stared down at his plate of food and wished he were anywhere but here. He could hear Sirius talking about something. He hoped it wasn't anything he was supposed to respond to, because the last thing he wanted to do was talk.
Remus slid a hand under the table and rested it on Severus' thigh, his thumb circling gently. He hoped Severus wasn't too miserable.
Well that made things a little better. Severus rested his hand atop Remus', though he couldn't help wishing they were back home, where he could push aside worries and doubts and never question anything Remus did or said.
On the surface, though, he reminded himself to be Tobias, and he laughed at a joke Sirius told that was really incredibly stupid, and told a Herbologist joke he found in a book on magical plants in the Diagon Library.
It was exceedingly weird to hear Severus telling jokes. Remus laughed along with the others, and glanced at Lily, finding a surprised expression on her face. "Tell us about Harry," he urged her when the conversation lulled a little. Usually she could go on about Harry at some length--and James could always do so.
As he had hoped, they jumped on the topic and began regaling them with stories about Harry, who was apparently some sort of wunderkind, to hear James talk.
Severus turned a deaf ear to their talk, though he was grateful to Remus for suggesting a topic he didn't really have to listen to. All he had to do was smile and nod and occasionally say something like, 'Wow, that's amazing!' at the appropriate moments. He put his mouth on auto pilot and stroked a thumb over the back of Remus' hand, wondering if Remus would kill him if he moved it more into his lap.
Well, Remus wouldn't be able to kill him at the dinner table. Severus shifted it between his legs and smiled a bit wider.
Remus was glad he hadn't been taking a sip of his drink when Severus did that. He put a bite of duck in his mouth and then glanced at Severus.
Severus completely ignored Remus, focusing his attention on Sirius, who made some comment about Harry or maybe Potter that had Potter protesting, and laughed along with the others. Then Potter said something about Harry in an extremely proud voice, so Severus said, "Wow, that's amazing," and rubbed Remus' hand over the front of his trousers a little.
Remus jerked slightly and quickly said, "Yeah, just--wow." He reached down and pinched Severus' wrist.
Remus wasn't even going to play along? Severus was disappointed. He had to listen to Potter go on and on about his demon sprog and try desperately not to think about Potter impregnating Severus' former best friend...
Oh, there, it was gone. Remus could have it his way. Severus moved Remus' hand out of his lap and bit back a bitter sigh.
Somehow Remus found himself regretting that Severus had given in. He pressed his knee to Severus' and glanced at him.
Severus glanced at Remus out of the corner of his eye.
Remus slid his hand across to rub along Severus' thigh. He nodded at something James said about Harry.
Severus arched a brow at him and turned back to the conversation, smiling and nodding to something Sirius said.
They shouldn't do this. Remus shouldn't tease, but he definitely shouldn't do more than tease. He stroked Severus' thigh slowly.
Severus shifted a little in his chair and focused on eating so he wouldn't have to talk while his mind was completely focused on the hand slowly moving over his thigh. His earlier problem was going, and he found himself becoming aroused again. Either Remus was going to help him out with that, or he was teasing in retaliation for Severus' earlier move.
He realised now that he should have considered that first. If Remus wanted to be horrid and tease him, he could be merciless, and Severus didn't have much in the way of retaliation.
After a while Remus got his hand up far enough to press the heel of his hand lightly against Severus' erection. He raised an eyebrow at something Sirius was saying and took a sip of his tea.
Severus stuffed his mouth full of potatoes so he'd be certain not to let out a groan. He shifted his hips encouragingly.
That was an interesting reaction. Remus slid his hand back down a little, because he really shouldn't be doing this. Lily looked over at him.
"Oh, Remus, could you pass the potatoes?"
He swallowed and took his hand away to do so. "Everything is delicious, Lily," he said.
She beamed at him.
"Oh yeah, Lily, it's fantastic," Severus added enthusiastically as he silently plotted Remus' downfall.
James and Sirius started an argument about Auror training, and in the middle of that, Peter came in, adding to the general confusion. When Remus was certain everyone was sufficiently distracted, he slid his hand into Severus' lap again.
Oh never mind, Remus could live. Severus smiled at Peter because it seemed to confuse the boy, then nodded at Sirius' random comment, and went back to eating.
Remus didn't bother teasing this time. He went straight to Severus' erection and pressed, while asking Peter how he'd been and listening to the answer.
And Severus had no idea what that answer was because his mind went to a very faraway place in that moment.
This was bad. Very bad. And Remus liked it. He rolled his hand slowly against Severus' cock, nodding at Peter and then making a comment that quickly had Peter and James in a mock-argument about Quidditch again. He wondered if he could get away with undoing Severus' zip. Probably not, he decided regretfully. He settled for rocking his hand back and forth over Severus' erection.
Oh Merlin, this wasn't such a good idea suddenly. Severus clamped his throat closed tightly when a groan threatened to burst out, his posture tensing as he stared down at his food and helplessly felt pleasure washing over him. It was bloody brilliant, but he wasn't sure he wanted to come at the dinner table, even if a charm could take care of the evidence. It was a little late and very impossible to get up and run to the loo now, but he forced himself to grab Remus' hand, paranoid that someone would notice the flexing muscles in Remus' arm and put two and two together.
That would be horrible. Especially if the someone to figure it out was Lily.
His body hated himself for the dimming of pleasure, but he couldn't go on.
Remus was disappointed, but at the same time he was relieved that Severus had stopped him. If they had carried this to its ultimate conclusion, it could have been very embarrassing. But he wasn't going to be the one to stop, especially since Severus had started it. He shifted his hand to lace his fingers with Severus'.
"Is everything all right, Tobias?" Lily asked brightly. Her green eyes had flitted from Remus to Severus when Severus reached suddenly under the table, though her expression was open and not suspicious. "Remus didn't say what sort of things you like to eat."
"Oh yes, it's very good," Severus assured her, wondering if she'd caught them. He had, after all, already remarked on the quality of the meal, and he'd almost finished off his plate, which would indicate that he liked it, but he couldn't deliver that in the scalding tones he might have enjoyed employing as Severus. He smiled instead, squeezing Remus' hand.
Merlin, that was frustrating.
She smiled. "Remus talks about you a lot, but I don't feel like I really know you very well," she said. "Do you like to read?"
"Not very much for pleasure," Severus said, trying to think quickly. "I do plenty of that for work."
"What about films? Remus likes films, don't you?" she asked. "You said you went to see that last James Bond film."
"I don't know much about Muggle cinema," Severus said, smiling apologetically.
"I heard you talking about the Magpies earlier," Lily said. "What else do you like, besides Quidditch?"
Remus' brow creased slightly; why was she interrogating Severus like this? Her voice was friendly, but what was she up to? It occurred to him suddenly to wonder how long it had been since Severus took the Polyjuice potion. He surreptitiously lifted his arm to glance at the time, hoping Severus would see.
Severus caught Remus' movement out of the corner of his eye and wished he could check his watch without seeming rude. He shrugged. "Oh, you know, hanging out, listening to music...I like dancing. I'm working on getting Remus to come with me to a club." He grinned at her.
He decided to excuse himself in a few moments and go take more polyjuice, but he didn't want to time it so they'd think he was dodging her questions.
"A club? Moony?" Sirius snorted. "Good luck. He hates it when I drag him out to those."
Remus raised an eyebrow. "You know I like dancing in your flat," he told Tobias. "It's just the crowd, the flashing lights..." He shrugged.
"That's the fun part," Severus said, though he smiled indulgently at Remus. "Of course, dancing together, just by ourselves, is fun too."
He held Remus' gaze for a moment, then glanced slowly back to the other side of the table. "Excuse me a mo, I need the toilet," he said, pushing back from the table.
"Did you see where it was?" Remus asked, half-standing as well. Sirius beat him to it, though.
"I'll show him, Moony." He smirked evilly at Remus and walked behind him, pressing him back down into his chair.
Remus blinked and watched them disappear through the door, then turned to look at James and Lily. "He's not going to be horrid, is he?"
James frowned. "Why aren't you speaking to your Dad, Remus."
Remus sighed and scowled at his mostly-empty plate. He shrugged. "Dad and I haven't got on for years, Prongs. We just sort of fell out of touch, and I decided it was easier that way. Part of me wants to introduce him and Tobias, but...well, mostly I just don't want to tell him I'm queer."
James was still frowning, but Lily reached across the table and placed a hand on Remus'. "You shouldn't be ashamed of Tobias," she said. He wondered if he were just imagining the emphasis she placed on the name.
"I'm not. I introduced him to the people who really matter to me, didn't I?"
She sighed, and a silence fell over the table, though James continued to frown down at his own plate. Remus picked up his fork and started eating again.
Severus eyed Sirius' back warily as Black led the way down the hall. He didn't like that Black had volunteered, and more than that, he'd wished Remus had come so they could snog a bit. Of course, if neither one of them came back from the loo for a while, that would look suspicious as well. Still. Why should Black want to show him where the toilet was?
"There you are, mate," Sirius said. But he didn't move aside from the door to the toilet. His arms were folded across his chest as he looked at Severus. "We haven't seen much of you lately. I know Remus says he's seen you, but he's too trusting sometimes. Naive, you might say. "James and I sort of wanted to make sure you're not getting into any trouble." His gaze wasn't exactly friendly as he looked at Severus.
Severus blinked at Sirius, looking confused. The idea of Remus being the naive one was a bloody joke, of course, but he knew what Remus' friends thought of him. "Trouble? I don't know what you mean, mate."
Merlin, this was annoying. Severus just wanted to shove past Black and get into the loo so he could take more ruddy potion. He didn't even want to begin to imagine how horrible it would be if he started turning back into himself in close quarters with Black. At least, if the worst happened, he could save Remus' involvement and say he'd been using Polyjuice the entire time. They would believe that more readily than they'd believe that Remus would willingly date Severus, anyway.
"Don't play coy," Sirius said. "Everyone knows about You-Know-Who. We want to make sure you're not getting in with that lot." He drew himself up, apparently trying to look more like an intimidating Auror.
Severus just stared at Sirius in shock. Was he bloody kidding? "Of course I'm not. Merlin, where did this come from? Do I act like a... You-Know-Who supporter?" For the first time, he let Tobias' expression cloud over. "Why would you even accuse me of such a rotten thing?"
That would be irony, Severus thought, to have 'Tobias' accused of being a Death Eater, and then have the Polyjuice wear off. He didn't like how long it had been; was his scalp tingling, or was it just nerves?
Sirius watched him, his eyes narrowed. "You're busy all the time, mate. Either you're a Death Eater, or you're fucking around behind his back. Or you're really exceptionally stupid. Remus deserves to be treated better than that."
Severus frowned, thinking up an excuse. "I work a lot," he said. "I've got four younger siblings, no dad, and my mum's quite ill; I send most of my pay back to her every month, not that it's really any of your business. They're in Greece and I end up having to go home a lot as well. Remus knows that. I see him as much as I can."
Oh, God, his skin was definitely starting to feel tingly. It couldn't be his imagination. He wondered how much damage he would do to his story if he knocked Black over and locked himself in the loo.
At least Sirius had the good grace to look embarrassed, but then he said, "You said you were having tea with your folks this afternoon." His eyes narrowed again. "Pretty hard to do with no dad."
At the table, Remus looked up finally. "What's keeping them? Sirius was just going to show Tobias to the toilet."
Oh fuck, Severus was getting very nervous, and he was fucking up. "We set the Urn a place at the table. If you don't mind, I really need to have a slash."
Sirius' suspicious expression didn't dissipate entirely, but he stood aside to let Severus go into the toilet. He went back to the table and said, "Remus, your bloke is cracked in the head."
Remus stared at him. "What the fuck, Sirius? You were just supposed to show him to the toilet! What've you been doing?"
"He says his mum sets a place at the table for his dad's urn?"
James looked at Remus in confusion, though Lily's expression was more compassionate.
Remus shifted uncomfortably. "Look, it was...his mum's really ill, all right? It's what she wants. We all play along."
Severus gulped down the potion and then stared in the mirror, inspecting 'Tobias' for any signs of himself. Fortunately he didn't see any, which he hoped meant the tingling had been in his mind. It had stopped, at any rate. He waited a few minutes to make certain nothing odd was going to happen, then really did have a slash and cleaned his hands before re-joining everyone at the table.
With the worrying feeling that he really had had a close call, it wasn't hard to make Tobias' expression a little displeased as he sat down next to Remus again.
Remus reached out at once and took his hand. "All right?" he asked, darting a glare at Sirius and then looking back at his lover.
Severus stared at Black a moment, but he figured Tobias wouldn't be one to throw a fit. "Yeah," he said, and leaned over to give Remus a kiss on the cheek quickly. "Sorry that took so long."
Sirius looked relieved, though his expression turned guilty when Lily glanced at him.
"Well," she said. "Pudding? And then we'll open presents."
Severus cleared his throat and smiled. "Sounds good."
Remus squeezed Severus' hand and silently promised he would make up for this somehow.
The rest of the meal was awkward, but finally they were going back out to the front room to exchange gifts. Lily and Peter chattered brightly while everyone opened their presents, and an interminable time later, Remus looked at the clock and said, "We're going to go now."
Severus could only be relieved. He was still irritated with Black over that scene in the hallway, and the others had managed to bring up, state, or otherwise imply that Remus was somehow ashamed of 'Tobias', and between those two things he was entirely ready to be done with this stupid holiday.
He made a show of looking at his watch. "Oh yes, we'd best, if we're going to get to my parents' house on time."
"Your mum's house," Sirius said, watching him.
"Fuck off, Sirius," Remus snapped, glaring at him.
Severus narrowed his eyes at Sirius. "It's still my parents' house even if my dad is dead," he said, putting some hurt into his voice, as if it was still a sore subject. "Piss off," he echoed, standing.
Remus stood up and put his arms around Severus. A few moments later they Disapparated.
When the house on Spinner's End appeared around them, Remus immediately said, "Oh, God, I'm so sorry, Severus, I'm so sorry. How can I make it up to you?"
Severus sighed and collapsed against Remus, ignoring the fact that he looked different in favour of seeking comfort. "You owe me," he said tiredly.
"I know, I know," Remus said, wrapping his arms around Severus and holding him tightly. "I'm so sorry. I'll do anything I can."
"I maintain that it's not me, and your friends are just idiots," Severus said, enjoying being held, even though being Tobias did take a lot out of him and he just wanted to sit down. "And I think that the first thing I get when I change back is a blow job, because I think I earned it."
Remus stroked the hair that didn't really feel like Severus'. "Do...do you want one now?" he asked hesitantly. After all, he'd sucked off enough strangers in his life, pretending they were Severus, that he could manage another one, knowing it was Severus.
Severus hesitated. At first he'd added 'when I change back' because he didn't think Remus would do it, although from his perspective it would hardly matter, since it was still him getting one. He did remember, however, back to the Halloween party, when Remus saying they didn't have to wait for Severus to change back to have sex had scared the pants off him. It was sort of doing that now, too. He had never been jealous of Remus' past, but he didn't really like the thought of Remus not having a problem sucking off some stranger's cock. Of course it was still him on the inside, and they both knew that, but he didn't know if he liked the idea of Remus taking pleasure from someone else's body. What if sucking off turned to shagging, and then that turned into Severus taking Polyjuice just for sex, and then...
"No, that's okay," he said, a little disappointed that Remus had offered.
Remus nodded and buried his face against Severus. "Good," he admitted. "It's one thing pretending strangers were you, before I'd ever slept with you. I...I hate making you wait, but..." He lifted his head to look at Tobias' face. "I...this just isn't you."
He tilted his head. "But I don't want you to feel bad when you're, you know, pretending to be Tobias, for my sake. So." He shook his head. "Let's go snuggle in front of the fire. I'll close my eyes and you'll be you."
Severus bit his lower lip, looking down at Remus. "I'd rather wait to snuggle, too." It wasn't that he was insecure...except he was.
Remus blinked, then nodded. "All right. I'll...um. I'll start some tea. And then I'm going to start reading my mystery novel."
"It shouldn't take too long." Severus glanced at his watch again. "I've only got about ten minutes."
"Oh, good," Remus said, smiling at him. He started to go to the kitchen, then paused and turned back to take Severus' hand. "Severus," he said hesitantly. "You...you know I love you, no matter what, right?" He swallowed. "I mean, I'd love you even if...if you couldn't walk, or if you got transfigured into someone else, or...or anything. I do love your face and your body, but--I mean, what's you is your heart, your mind." He blinked, trying to find the words. "I don't--I don't want you to look any different to how you really look, but...I'll never stop loving you, that's all," he finished lamely.
Severus smiled at Remus, feeling incredibly warmed by that, and squeezed Remus' hand. "The same goes for me. I'll always love you, no matter what."
Remus beamed at him and ducked his head, blinking back tears. This would be a good time to retreat to the kitchen, he decided, and did so.
Severus watched Remus go, wanting to go after him and hold him, but he still looked like 'Tobias'. He sighed. Even as Tobias, Remus' friends weren't satisfied. Even as Tobias, everyone seemed to think Remus was ashamed of him. After Remus had said something like that, he didn't want to think it was true, but it was a little weird, the way everyone kept going on about it.
Brewing the tea gave Remus some time to collect himself. He was glad, because he thought he'd got too emotional at the end there. He never knew how to tell Severus how much he meant to Remus. He had a feeling he mucked up a lot. But he wanted to make Severus happy. He wanted to tell the world how much he loved Severus.
Standing over the aga cooker in the kitchen on Christmas night, Remus Lupin came to a decision. He was going to write to his father. It was time for John and Severus to meet.
It really didn't matter either way, Severus decided. Remus loved him and treated him well, so if Remus was ashamed of him, it didn't bother Severus in the least. It wasn't like it was really an issue anyway; Severus didn't want to meet people, he had no need to be dragged around and introduced as Remus' boyfriend, and Remus made him happy as things were now.
Eventually Remus took the tea tray out to the front room. He had Severus' favourite biscuits, as well as some chocolates and the tea.
Severus watched Remus, his breath hitching as he felt the tell-tale itchy, crawling sensation over his skin. "It's starting," he called, and then hurried off to the loo for the painful and unpleasant transformation back to himself.
When his stomach had stopped cramping and his hair was greasy again, he splashed some water on his face and stretched to get rid of the odd tingling sensation in his limbs, and then made his way back to the front room where he settled next to Remus in front of the fire.
Remus made a relieved noise and threw himself at Severus, wrapping his arms around him tightly. "My Severus."
That was a brilliant greeting. Severus embraced Remus, nuzzling him. "I am not doing that again," he said affectionately.
"No, no, never," Remus agreed. "I like you as you are." He kissed Severus heartily.
Severus returned that kiss vehemently.
"I half thought Sirius was going to come on to me in the loo," Severus said, chuckling, when they broke apart.
Remus growled and tightened his arms around Severus. "What did he do? He came back going on about your dad and an urn."
"He fucking accused me of being a Death Eater," Severus growled. "And when I got offended, he said that it was either that, or I was fucking around behind your back, or I was just stupid, because I obviously wasn't spending enough time with you, so I had to make up a reason why I was very busy that didn't sound bad. So I told him that my mum and three younger siblings were back in Greece and my dad was dead and my mum was very ill so I was working all the time to make money to support them."
Remus growled again and nuzzled Severus. "Sirius is turning into a right pillock," he muttered. "This Auror business has gone to his head." He kissed Severus' neck. "I remembered we'd talked about your mum being ill, so I said that when he mentioned the urn. We were going to say Tobias' mum died, right?"
"Yeah. I figured, coupled with his dad being dead, that would take Tobias back to Greece permanently, because he'd have to raise his siblings," Severus agreed. He would have been more relieved if it had just been a matter of Sirius coming on to him, but at least this would get rid of Tobias for good.
"If Sirius'd tried to come on to you, I'd have hurt him," Remus muttered, mouthing at Severus' jaw. "You're mine." He growled, then said, "But I really don't think he's gay."
"Yeah, well, I don't know," Severus said, smirking. "I can spot a closet queer from a mile away."
"Did you know I was queer?" Remus asked, curious. "Before, I mean."
"It certainly didn't shock me," Severus said, nuzzling Remus' hair.
Remus grinned. "Shocked everyone else, I think." He arched his neck, giving Severus access to it in invitation.
"Well, they can't see anything that isn't blatantly right in front of their noses," Severus said, and went after Remus' neck.
Gasping, Remus threaded his fingers into Severus' hair. "Oh, I love you."
"Love you too," Severus murmured, nibbling Remus' skin.
"Mmm." Remus enjoyed that for a minute, then pulled away, smiling. "I owe you a suck, don't I?" he murmured, lowering his eyelids halfway.
"Mmm, you do," Severus murmured, pleased.
Remus smirked at him. "Should I wear your Christmas present to do it?"
"Oh God," Severus uttered, completely aroused by that image.
Remus' smirk widened and he growled. "I think that's a yes," he murmured. He got up and went to find the box.
"Yes," Severus called after Remus' retreating form, grinning.
Remus Summoned his collar, then found the box with the lead and restraints. He studied them for a moment, then carried the whole box back to Severus. "Here," he said, and handed the box over, his collar on top. Then he stepped back and began stripping.
Severus held the box, watching Remus take off his clothes. He'd gone from mildly aroused to incredibly hard in all of two seconds.
Once Remus was naked, he reached out for the collar and fastened it carefully around his neck, then knelt in front of Severus. "Put the lead on," he said, his voice low.
Severus blinked, a bit surprised, but went with it. He took the lead out of the box carefully and attached the clasp to the D ring on Remus' collar.
Smiling slyly at his lover, Remus leaned in and kissed Severus' neck. "I'm your slave now," he murmured, trying not to feel shy.
Severus had no idea what to think about that, but Remus obviously wanted it, so he smiled and stroked Remus' hair with the hand not holding the lead. He hadn't expected things to go this direction, but that was fine. He just wanted Remus to be happy. "Okay then," he murmured, trailing his hand over Remus' hair and down his neck to rest on the brown leather collar. "Open my trousers and suck me."
Remus' smile widened a little and he moved his hands to Severus' trousers, getting them open and then taking Severus' erection gently in hand. He leaned in to nuzzle it, breathing in the smell of his lover's arousal, then he licked softly, glancing up through his lashes at Severus.
Severus watched Remus with love and desire in his eyes, shifting back a little.
"Love you," Remus murmured. "Want you. So much." He took Severus into his mouth, covering as much as he could and stroking the rest with his fingers.
Severus groaned, tangling his fingers into Remus' hair.
Remus liked that reaction. He sucked hard, hollowing out his cheeks, and stroked Severus, wanting to make him cry out and writhe quickly.
"Oh God," Severus groaned, tugging Remus' hair as pleasure spiralled within him.
That was beautiful. Remus growled and groaned, working his tongue over Severus' cock. God, he was so wonderful to look at.
"Oh Merlin, your mouth," Severus gasped, shifting on the sofa and letting his head fall back a little.
Remus growled again, then took Severus into his throat, burying his nose in dark pubic hair. He nuzzled Severus and swallowed around him.
"Oh Merlin, I love you," Severus gasped, tugging Remus' hair and desperately trying not to thrust into Remus' mouth.
Blinking slowly, Remus stroked a hand along Severus' hip, encouraging him to be free. He kept his gaze locked on Severus'.
"Fuck, sorry," Severus gasped as his hips jerked upwards. He was so bad about controlling himself when Remus was like this. Remus was so bloody incredible. He made little noises with every movement of Remus' mouth.
Remus thought Severus needed encouragement, so he made noises of desire and enjoyment, stroking Severus faster. He loved making Severus react like this.
Severus let go of his hips, letting himself thrust up into Remus' mouth, encouraged by Remus' noises. "God, that's so good."
Groaning happily, Remus moved his hand faster, breathing heavily through his nose as he swallowed around Severus' cock again.
Severus cried out at that incredible spike of pleasure, tugging lightly on the lead as he slid down the sofa back more. He held Remus' head in place as his hips jerked into the incredible heat of Remus' mouth.
That reaction was perfect. He loved how Severus let himself go, thrusting into his mouth. Remus felt a spike of arousal at the tug on his lead. He moved his hand to fondle his lover's bollocks, cupping and massaging them lightly.
Severus babbled incoherent nothings, overwhelmed with pleasure as well as affection; he couldn't believe that Remus was doing this for him, that Remus was letting him have so much control, and he liked how much Remus trusted him, that Remus wasn't afraid of giving Severus that power.
His climax almost took him by surprise; with as much pleasure as was already overwhelming him throughout, it was hard to tell when it was coming because he felt as if he'd been on the edge of orgasm the entire time. He was watching Remus as it hit him, thinking about how beautiful his lover was and how lucky he was to have him, and then he fell. "Oh Merlin--going to--" was all he got out, and then he was gripping Remus' hair tightly and coming into his mouth.
That look on Severus' face was so wonderful. And the hand in his hair--God, Remus was so hard! He felt the slide of come down his throat and swallowed around Severus' cock one more time, then pulled slowly away, sucking and licking him clean. He nuzzled the dark, sweaty curls of pubic hair, then shifted a little to kiss Severus' skin, stroking his hips lovingly.
Severus ended up sprawled almost completely horizontally against the sofa, his upper back and head the only thing actually propped up by the back any longer. He marvelled at his current state as he began to calm, breathing hard - still almost entirely dressed, limp as a boneless fish, brain hardly able to function, scoured blank from the intensity of his climax. The lead was still around his wrist, though he'd otherwise let go of it, and he didn't think he'd be able to move for at least the next several days.
His eyes still found Remus, however, and he watched his lover soothe him with a silly, slack-jawed smile on his face.
Remus beamed back at Severus, amazed and pleased by the expression on his face. He tucked Severus back into his pants and crawled up next to Severus, wrapping his arms around him. "Can I touch myself?" he whispered, letting Severus feel how hard he was.
For a moment, Severus wondered what Remus would do if he said no. He wouldn't, but he wondered. "Nnn, yes," Severus murmured, leaning into Remus' embrace for a moment. "I want to watch you."
With a soft sigh of relief, Remus rolled away enough to frantically undo his zip and push his jeans and pants down to his knees. Then he did a quick lubrication charm and closed his hands around his cock, his eyes falling almost closed at the pleasure. "Oh, Severus," he groaned, beginning to stroke. He twisted his wrist and flicked his thumb over the head, letting out little gasps every time he did.
"You look so sexy doing that," Severus murmured, turning onto his side a little to watch Remus. He really wanted to help Remus with that, even if his muscles felt like jelly, but from the way Remus had asked to touch himself, and not asked Severus to touch him, he thought maybe he wasn't supposed to offer. It occurred to him that he really had no idea if there were rules to this new game they were playing.
Oh, Severus was moving again. Remus smiled slyly at him. "Want to help?" he asked, shifting a little closer.
"Nnn, course I do," Severus said, delighted, and wrapped one hand around Remus' hand on his cock, letting the other smooth over Remus' thigh. He leaned in to give Remus a lazy kiss.
Remus liked that. "Love you," he whispered, between slow kisses. He moved their joined hands a little faster, shivering with pleasure and stretching against Severus. It wasn't going to take much to make him come.
Severus followed Remus' pace with his hand, exploring Remus' mouth lazily. He loved Remus so much. He hoped Remus had liked what he'd done.
"Good," Remus groaned, and arched his neck, inviting Severus' teeth. He was close, so close.
Severus kissed his way down to Remus' neck and then bit the ring of scar tissue he found, sucking on the skin between his teeth.
Crying out Severus' name, Remus came, the fingers of his free hand tangling in Severus' hair.
Severus held Remus close as he began to calm. "I love how you say my name when you come," he murmured.
"It's because of you," Remus replied, his voice hushed. "It's always because of you." He buried his face against Severus' neck happily.
"Love you," Severus murmured into Remus' hair. "Always."
Remus smiled into Severus' skin and closed his eyes, feeling beautifully sleepy. "I love you, Severus Snape."
"Mm, you're the best slave ever," Severus joked, chuckling quietly.
"M'glad you think so." Remus kissed Severus' neck.
"Of course, because you're all mine," Severus said happily.
"Yes, always, for the rest of my life," Remus breathed.
Severus moved his clean hand to Remus' collar, slipping a finger between it and Remus' skin. "Good."