I'd love to be your beta!sisikaApril 12 2008, 13:18:55 UTC
Hello! I'd love to be your beta, but I have absolutely no experience, and you might be looking for someone who has some. I loved your fic, but sometimes I found it quite hard to follow, but that's probably because I'm quite thick! I think that then third summary is the best one.
I love how you haven't elaborated too extensively...you've conveyed the feelings of grief yet left much to the imagination of the reader. You could include a little more imagery here and there if you want to fill it out, as it tends to move from here to there quite quickly, but really that's just a suggestion- it's great the way it is =] My favourite summary is the quote. I prefer ambiguous summaries, they tend to intrigue me more =] My personal favourites are the summaries where the writer has pasted a line of oh so profound prose, gets me every time :$ I would like to help with beta-ing but I have little experience and you may wish to stick with those who do. Let me know if you need any help =]
Thanks! I guess my goal was to, you know, convey the feeling, so your comment makes me all, I dunno, a combination of squee-y and snuggly! Maybe squiggly! Ehum. Or not. (I looked it up at http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=squiggly)
My quote summary seems to be leading with 100% of the votes! At this point anyway.
I might get back to you about the beta'ing. Thanks for your offer.
I'm not sure I should explain my fics. Hm. What the heck. Draco is grieving. Harry doesnt' know, get's interested in Draco and in a kinda unaware way takes advantage of his vulnerability. Only, the focus is more on how overwhelmingly huge grief is. It's like trying to understand how the universe can be endless. It's too much. It's incomprehensible.
I really love the idea of this fic. My fav line= "Potter is groping him - of all things! - pushing him back against a wall. Draco just tilts his head back and opens his mouth when Potter kiss him with a hot tongue and burning, insistent eyes.OOh wonderful. It gave me shivers =D
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Thanks so much!vickevireApril 12 2008, 17:19:36 UTC
This is exactly the things I need advice on (because I can't really see for myself). Thank you. I love your thoughts on it. :) It's very airy in my head too, except I do have all the facts, I just have to find a way to say them that rhymes with the feeling, you know? And yes, Draco is supposed to be very disconnected, very confused.
As for who died, well. Draco doesn't want to even think his name. It is one in his family. Just the one that's not mentioned at all. But, as you say, it doesn't really matter (for the reader, that is. It matters very much to Draco.)
I would greatly appreciate if I could send you a message, yeah? With the fic put in chronological order, and maybe some adjustments here and there.
I somehow totally missed the first version of this, so I don't know how it was before or what changes you've made, but as is this is quite sad and bittersweet. I especially loved the disjointed quality; it's very, very close to being *too* disjointed & confusing, since each section is so very short, but I think you've done a good job flirting with fine line where it conveys the sort of broken thought that comes with grief without getting to the point where your reader just gives up and goes "wtf?"
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My favourite summary is the quote. I prefer ambiguous summaries, they tend to intrigue me more =] My personal favourites are the summaries where the writer has pasted a line of oh so profound prose, gets me every time :$ I would like to help with beta-ing but I have little experience and you may wish to stick with those who do. Let me know if you need any help =]
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My quote summary seems to be leading with 100% of the votes! At this point anyway.
I might get back to you about the beta'ing. Thanks for your offer.
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There ya go! :)
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My fav line= "Potter is groping him - of all things! - pushing him back against a wall. Draco just tilts his head back and opens his mouth when Potter kiss him with a hot tongue and burning, insistent eyes.OOh wonderful. It gave me shivers =D ( ... )
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As for who died, well. Draco doesn't want to even think his name. It is one in his family. Just the one that's not mentioned at all. But, as you say, it doesn't really matter (for the reader, that is. It matters very much to Draco.)
I would greatly appreciate if I could send you a message, yeah? With the fic put in chronological order, and maybe some adjustments here and there.
Reply
Reply
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I somehow totally missed the first version of this, so I don't know how it was before or what changes you've made, but as is this is quite sad and bittersweet. I especially loved the disjointed quality; it's very, very close to being *too* disjointed & confusing, since each section is so very short, but I think you've done a good job flirting with fine line where it conveys the sort of broken thought that comes with grief without getting to the point where your reader just gives up and goes "wtf?"
Bravo!
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The first version was probably too disjointed & confusing. It's easier to read and follow now.
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