Best thing in the world to throw up when you want to send an opponent into utter apoplexy. They either have to stop and process the image, or they have to deny it. Only a few people can set it aside and process it later, and usually it puts you into a distracting inner turmoil anyway.
Anger is a personal thing, it is our internal reaction to an external reminder of something inside we do not want to look at. No one can Make you angry. You chose your reactions. You may not actually make a concious choice, but for those knee jerk reactions, you have already made a choice.
I agree with you 100% on that. But don't try telling it to the people who don't believe it (or will never have the courage to look into the mirror). It's a very not-fun reaction.
All my life when I was growing up my Dad always told me this. He always said that we got to choose how we felt, and if we became angry or sad or whatever it was because internally we chose (or wanted) to be angry or sad. I know what he says is true because that's how I live my life now. I choose to be happy, and so I am.
My father always talked about Zen and Karma when we were growing up. He wanted us to know that there were consequences for everything we did, for the way we treated the people around us. My father is a very wise man and I am both fortunate to have him around and unfortunate that my relationship with him isn't better so that I could get more of his wisdom.
Re: {GRIN}vicki_sineDecember 14 2006, 16:31:19 UTC
This seems to be almost an instinctual thing humans do.
We alienate our kids. It is part of the maturing and fledging process. It gives us time apart so the parent can learn to appreciate the adult our child has become.
And it gives the child time to actually put what they have learned into action and experiement with the set of tools our parents gave us, maybe modify them as needed, maybe change them up if those tools don't fit our lives.
If we establish good basic relationship bonds when the kids are growing, then the family bonds survive this traumatic process and eventually we find a happy place for our realtionships with our parents. If we are lucky we even come out of it with a long term friendship.
You and your father will find that again, when you are both ready for an adult-adult relationship and you have put aside the parent-child thing.
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Best thing in the world to throw up when you want to send an opponent into utter apoplexy. They either have to stop and process the image, or they have to deny it. Only a few people can set it aside and process it later, and usually it puts you into a distracting inner turmoil anyway.
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You chose your reactions. You may not actually make a concious choice, but for those knee jerk reactions, you have already made a choice.
I agree with you 100% on that. But don't try telling it to the people who don't believe it (or will never have the courage to look into the mirror). It's a very not-fun reaction.
All my life when I was growing up my Dad always told me this. He always said that we got to choose how we felt, and if we became angry or sad or whatever it was because internally we chose (or wanted) to be angry or sad. I know what he says is true because that's how I live my life now. I choose to be happy, and so I am.
Reply
Clearly he was spot on. And so are you. Your father seems a very wise man and clearly he passed on a bit of that wisdom.
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We alienate our kids. It is part of the maturing and fledging process. It gives us time apart so the parent can learn to appreciate the adult our child has become.
And it gives the child time to actually put what they have learned into action and experiement with the set of tools our parents gave us, maybe modify them as needed, maybe change them up if those tools don't fit our lives.
If we establish good basic relationship bonds when the kids are growing, then the family bonds survive this traumatic process and eventually we find a happy place for our realtionships with our parents. If we are lucky we even come out of it with a long term friendship.
You and your father will find that again, when you are both ready for an adult-adult relationship and you have put aside the parent-child thing.
Reply
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