Immediate reaction

[victorianist]

Why is my immediate reaction when someone I care for is hurt (usually emotionally) one of violence? Example: friend breaks up, and is still caused pain by the presence and actions of their ex, whom I also know. I have urges to explain to friend that I'd gladly take to physical blows their ex. However, I know that ex is human too, and perhaps does

Comments

[startrails]

I find relevant parallels with friendships and other very significant relationships I've had with others' romantic relationships. I've had friendships with very intense dynamics, or just difficult dynamics, and I think dealing with those things prepares me somewhat to deal with the dynamics of a romantic relationship. Of course I don't know that for sure, and there may be a level of intensity I haven't yet experienced so can't speak to, but I do think that in general a relationship is a relationship, and if one has friends and family one knows something about relationships.

[victorianist]

That is a very valid point - one which I think I knew and feel, but forgot. Thank you for reminding me of the validity of love in all its forms (friendship and otherwise), Jayleigh.
Perhaps it is me yet again thinking that others would not think so, and thus neglecting a truer internal sense that friendships and familial relations can be just as intense as romantic ones.

[ext_137191]

I don't think it's an unusual response. Since that friend is someone close to you, I think you just want to target the source of the pain. Your friend probably has the same inclination, but it's complicated by the feelings and intimacy they shared with the one who hurt him/her. If you don't know the other person, the easier it is to want to hurt them in retribution for injuring the person you care for. I think it makes sense. And you are very loyal, indeed. It's something I think your friends value and appreciate greatly - at least this friend does.