Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be: The Meeting
Title: Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be
Pairing: Brittany/Santana
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: For Audition (2x01)
Summary: For this prompt on the glee_fluff_meme
Disclaimer: Don't own Glee, Shakespeare, The Spiderwick Chronicles, Pan's Labyrinth, or The Dresden Files.
Author's Notes: This chapter might as well be titled "Words Words Words." Probably my least favorite. Fortunately, the shortest. Also, the one where I stuck in all the stupid jokes that wouldn't fit anywhere else.
Chapter One ; Chapter Two
---
Santana drifted into consciousness slowly and reluctantly. Her whole body ached, with an especially sharp throb stabbing into her head. For a second, she remembered this really bizarre dream she had had, where she was walking around in this maze, looking for Brittany, who had been captured by the Goblin King. With a soft chuckle at the strangeness of dreams, she opened her eyes.
She was lying in a room that was not her own, in an unfamiliar bed. It wouldn't be the first time she had awoken thus, but it was the first time that she had ever seen a room that was lit with little balls of light floating near the ceiling.
With a grunt of effort, she sat up. Taking a deep breath to quell the nausea that movement had provoked, she examined her surroundings further.
Her shorts and tank top were neatly folded at the foot of the bed, and she could see her bag, with the crowbar still sticking out of it, leaning against the opposite wall. There was a small table next to the bed, with a pitcher of water and an ornate glass on a small platter. The only other decoration in the room was a poster of a unicorn on the wall to her right, which, when she peered more closely, seemed to be made of cloth. Opposite the poster was a dark wooden door.
Touching her head, she could feel that her hair had been let down from its ponytail, and heavy cloth bandages were wound like a headband around her forehead. When she lifted the plain white sheet, she saw that she had been left in her sports bra and underwear, and her various scrapes and bruises and spider bites had been either bandaged or coated in a sticky, sickly-sweet scented salve.
Sighing heavily, she let herself flop back onto the soft, comfy pillow. So it hadn't been a dream. She really had gone into the sewers, and seen a dragon, and been accosted by a giant spider, and followed some freaky little Gollum creature, and hit her head really hard while trying to-
She sat up again abruptly. Brittany. The whole reason she was down in that maze in the first place. Her goofy, happy-go-lucky, super-hot best friend, who was currently being forced to dance with a chain around her neck for some freak.
Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she was about to stand up when the door opened.
A man stood there, dressed in dully shining leathers, with the hilt of a sword poking out from his hip. It was probably wrong to think of a man as 'beautiful,' but that was the only adjective she could think of to describe him. His face was delicate and flawless, his silvery hair falling in a shining sheet down to his shoulders, broken only by the tips of pointed ears.
"Ah, you have awoken," he said. His voice was soft and high-pitched, reminding her irresistibly of a certain Glee Club member. "Then I shall escort you to see our Queen."
There was a long pause. "Can I put on some pants first?" Santana finally asked.
---
After she had re-dressed herself, in her freshly laundered clothes that now smelled suspiciously like flowers, the man led her out of the room. She examined his back as she followed him, trying to think of all the reasons why it would make a lot of sense for a Star Trek cosplayer to be living underground, because that was easier than thinking about elves.
Her train of thought was broken when he came to a halt in front of an ornate wooden door, gilt with threads of gold and silver and carved in patterns of leaves and flowers.
"You must relinquish all iron before standing in the presence of the Elven Queen," he stated, then held out his hand.
Okay, whatever. Santana handed him her bag with a sigh. He held the straps delicately, as far away from his body as possible, like he thought it was really gross or something. She started to walk towards the door, but he held out his free arm to block her progress. She turned to him with a huff of annoyance.
"All iron," he said, pointedly staring at her arm.
"What, this?" Santana said, holding up her wrist. Her friendship bracelet gleamed dully in the light. The man nodded. "This isn't iron!"
The man raised an eyebrow at her, not moving out of her way.
With an irritated noise, Santana unclasped the bracelet. "Those assholes told me it was silver," she muttered, more to herself than to her guard. "I paid thirty dollars for this."
Without a word, the guard held out her bag. She opened it, dropped the bracelet in, then yanked it shut. "There, you happy now?" she asked snidely. He simply nodded, turning away from her to knock on the door.
Struck by a sudden thought, Santana shoved her hands in her pockets. She was satisfied to discover that Brittany's bracelet was still there, but quickly pulled them out before the guard turned around again. She didn't want to give that to him, not even if it meant that his stupid Queen would be mad at her. She wasn't going to give that to anyone but Brittany.
The guard pulled the door open and graciously held it for her, indicating that she should go in with a sweep of his hand. She strutted in, ready for anything this time.
Actually, she wasn't ready for this. Inside of the room was a long table, laden with food, and around it were scattered several delicate couches and chairs, set low to the ground. Lounging in these seats were 10 of the most gorgeous people she had ever seen.
Santana gulped, suddenly aware of her personal flaws in a way that she hadn't been since before puberty. She was hot and she knew it, but these people were unbelievably beautiful, each of them perfect in their own way, and all of them together was almost overwhelming. Their faces, their bodies, even their clothes were all delicate and wonderful, their eyes were all striking and bright, and all of them had sleek, shining, perfect hair that only served to emphasize their high cheekbones and long, pointed ears. Blondes, redheads, brunettes, and one with hair that was a pure and perfect white, they were so flawless, it was almost...unearthly.
She couldn't stand to look at them for too long, and she glanced at the table again, realizing with a start that there were two other people in the room. She had missed them in her first glance, caught up in the beauty of the other occupants. They were both men and, seated on opposite sides of the long table, they provided a lesson in contrasts.
One had spread himself out over an entire couch, wearing only a pair of skintight shorts. When she managed to drag her eyes away from his bulging package, she saw that he was pretty handsome, in a grungy, rock star sort of way. His hair, a deep dark forest green, was dripping onto the carpet, and his eyes were almost completely black. When he saw her looking, he grinned languidly, and she felt a chill run up her spine.
The other man was sitting up ramrod-straight, probably because he was wearing a full suit of metal armor. His hair was a bright, fire-engine red that looked unnatural above his hard, craggy face. It probably said a lot about her life right now that the oddest thing about his appearance was that he was smoking a cigarette. He turned to look at her, and her breath caught. She recognized those bright gold eyes, with the cat's pupil. He winked slowly, blowing a puff of smoke in her direction, and it took her a second to notice that his cigarette wasn't lit.
"Welcome," said the white-haired woman at the head of the table, and her voice was like wind chimes on a hot summer's day. "Come, sit with us." She patted the seat next to her.
Holding her head high, Santana made her way to the head of the table. She felt like a kid being invited to sit with the grown-ups, and she hated that feeling, hated the way these people were making her feel short and chunky and childish.
She sat down, and the woman patted her knee patronizingly. "I am the Elven Queen," she said. Santana wasn't sure what the protocol in this situation was. Should she have curtseyed? But she wasn't wearing a skirt.
"I'm Santana," she said. The rest of the elves murmured her name to themselves, in a way that was completely and utterly creepy.
"Santana," said the queen, with a dazzling smile. "Would you like something to eat?" She waved a hand at the food in front of them.
Santana looked at the table. On the one hand, it all looked delicious. Small white cakes, little fresh apples, platters of sizzling meats. On the other hand, it would all probably go straight to her thighs. And she didn't really have time to stop and have a picnic.
"No, I'm good. Thanks," she said. For a second, it looked like the queen frowned, but then she smiled again, and Santana forgot what she had been thinking about.
"Then I must ask you, Santana, what exactly you are doing here?"
Helpless against the queen's piercing green eyes, Santana found herself spilling the whole story. "My friend...I thought she was lost in the sewers, but then I followed her through this door. I got lost in a maze, and almost eaten by a spider, but then I found out she had been kidnapped by the Goblin King, so I went after him, but the goblins attacked me and I hit my head, and then I woke up here." She winced at the lame ending, realizing how childish the whole thing sounded, but the queen was nodding seriously.
"Yes, the Goblin King has been known to steal humans away, when they strike his fancy. It was very brave of you to try and rescue your friend."
Santana caught herself beaming at the compliment, and tried to force her face into a more serious expression. When she looked up, the queen was staring right into her eyes, not blinking, and Santana couldn't tear her gaze away.
"But that is all over now," the queen murmured. Santana nodded, not breaking the eye contact, not even daring to blink. She felt like she was falling into those swirling pools of green. "Rest here a while, and soothe your wounds. Soon, you will no longer have to worry about your friend." The queen's voice was echoing inside of her head, and she couldn't help but nod again. "Stay here, and soon you will not have to worry about anything, ever again."
For a second, Santana could picture it. Staying here, surrounded by all of this beauty, doing whatever she wanted to her heart's content. She would never have to think about missing a practice, or making her parents mad, or failing a class ever again. Everything would be perfect, and everything would be wonderful, forever.
There was only one thing, nagging at the back of her mind, insistently telling her that there was something missing.
Of course. If she stayed here, the only thing that wouldn't be perfect would be...not being here with Brittany.
In a flash, she saw the offer for what it really was. The elves didn't want to keep her here for her amazing conversational skills. She would be here as a pet to them, and they in all their perfect, stupid beauty would keep her like one. Like the way the Goblin King was keeping Brittany. Except Brittany had been taken against her will, and Santana would be saying 'yes' because of her own selfish desires.
Breaking away from the queen's gaze with a shake of her head, Santana said, "No, thanks."
The queen looked disappointed. "Are you sure?"
Her confidence wavered. No, she wasn't sure. It was a really tempting offer. She could live with being talked down to, treated like a pet, if it meant living in heaven, forever. Dreamily, she slipped her hands into her pockets, already opening her mouth to say 'yes, take me away.'
Brittany's bracelet was startlingly cold against her fingertips.
Jolted out of the daydream, Santana clutched at the bracelet, feeling the links dig into her palm. "I'm sure. I need to save my friend."
For some strange reason, Santana found herself thinking about the Glee Club, about the way they had all held hands while waiting for the judges' results at Regionals. As much as she would deny it outside of a confessional or federal investigation, she would miss those dweebs, with their crazy enthusiasm for show choir and the ridiculous way they tried not to judge people, because they had been judged too often themselves. And they would probably miss her, too. Maybe they would even cry. And they were all ugly criers, every last one of them. Nobody deserved to see all of those stupid faces crying all at the same time. She owed it to the world to get herself and Brittany out of here alive, so no one would have to see the Glee Club crying. Yeah, that made sense.
Okay, so maybe it didn't really make sense, but it was better to think of her mission as her duty to the world, rather than her desire to get back to the friends that she missed.
The Elven Queen seemed to realize that Santana's mind was made up. "Very well then. We shall arm you and send you on your way."
"Thanks," said Santana, because it was polite, even if the lady had just tried to seduce her into mindless servitude.
The queen waved her hand, and other elves seemed to suddenly materialize behind her. One by one, they held out what was in their hands to Santana, who cautiously accepted them. She felt like that part in The Lord of the Rings when Gilgamesh gave Frodo and his friends all those presents or whatever. Yeah, she had seen those movies. Orlando Bloom was hot, okay?
A rock. "This stone shall give you light in the darkness of the tunnels," the queen said.
A piece of paper. "A map, to show you the way to the end of your quest."
A little gold medallion, dangling from a delicately wrought chain. "This token shall grant you the strength of ten men."
And finally, a big-ass sword. "A mighty weapon, for a mighty task."
Man, this lady sure could talk. Actually, that made her think of something. "You said that the Goblin King sometimes steals people, when he thinks they're interesting," she said.
"Yes," the queen said.
"Did you ever do that?" Santana asked bluntly.
The queen looked away from her a little guiltily. "We used to," she said softly. "No longer, though."
"Well, the last time you did it, do you think you left anybody behind?" Santana asked.
"No, I don't believe so," the queen said. She sounded confused.
"Really short, brown hair, big nose, goes by the name of Rachel?" Santana prompted.
"No. No, I do not know such a person," the queen said.
"You sure?" Santana asked. The queen nodded. "Do you think you could take her anyway?"
The queen frowned. "No, we don't do that any more."
Damn. Oh well, it was worth a shot. "Alright, fine. If you're sure." The queen nodded again. "Then I guess I should head out."
"Robin," The queen waved a hand at another elf, a man with light red hair and steely grey eyes. "My right hand man," she explained. "He shall lead you out of our territory, to better aid you in your quest."
Robin stood, bowing his head to the queen, then Santana. She stood too, shuffling the gifts around until she could get a hand free. "Thanks," she said, extending it. With a puzzled look, the queen gently rested her hand in Santana's, her confusion only seeming to grow when Santana clasped and shook firmly. "Have a nice day, I guess," she said.
"You too..." the queen said faintly.
---
Robin hovered silently behind her as she got her bag back from the guard and settled all of her new swag. Finally, when she looked at him expectantly, he turned on one heel and paced away down the hall, clearly expecting her to follow.
"Not much of a talker, are you?" she asked when she had caught up.
"No," he said, and that was the end of their conversation.
He only led her for a short distance, finally stopping at another ornate door, set into the wall. When he opened it, she peered out into an unfamiliar stretch of dark hallway. She hadn't really realized how comforting the lights in the elf-world were until they were gone.
"Is this the way I went before?" she asked, turning to look at Robin.
"No," he said. "That entrance will be guarded now that you have stumbled upon it. This will lead you down a different path."
"Thanks," she said, and stepped out into the hall. He looked at her for a second.
"Turn the stone over three times, and it will bring you light," he said. "Clasp the medallion tightly in your hand and think of the strongest animal you can, and it will bring you strength. Use it with caution."
"Cool," she said. He shut the door, leaving her in the pitch-black once again.
Muttering to herself about evil gingers, she fumbled around in her bag until she found the stupid rock. To her surprise, Robin's advice really worked. After flipping it around a few times, it began to emit a soft golden glow, enough to read her new map by.
Still a little annoyed at elves in general, and Robin in particular, she set off into the dark.
---
The journey through the winding corridors seemed shorter this time, maybe because she had an actual destination this time. It was almost surprising, how quickly she reached yet another stupid door. This one was made of stone, heavily marred by chips from hammers, and what looked like claw marks.
Santana thought about using the door for maybe like two seconds before busting through the wall like the Kool-Aid man occurred to her. Grabbing the amulet around her neck, she thought about some strong-ass animals. Bears. Sharks. Tigers. Elephants. Dinosaurs.
At first, it didn't really seem to be working. Then, starting slowly in her toes and then suddenly searing through her veins, a buzzing, vibrant energy filled her. She was sure that if she looked at her arms and legs right now, she'd be glowing, and not like after-sex glowing, but like for-real, white shirt under a blacklight glowing! Yes! This must be what it felt like to be on PCP! She could lift a car right now if she wanted to! Hell, she could pick up a train right now like it ain't no thang! YEAH! THIS WAS AWESOME!
Eyeing the wall in front of her, Santana knew that it would be a breeze to break through. She was awesome! She backed up a couple of steps, drew her fancy new sword, and threw herself at the wall.
It crumbled at her touch like it was made out of graham crackers. Standing in the rubble, with rock dust drifting down all around her, she saw dozens of goblins staring, mouths agape, at the intruder. She couldn't help herself.
"OH YEAH!" she bellowed. She knew she must look like an idiot, but she didn't care. If anyone wanted to take her on, she would fuck. them. up.
She had busted through the wall about two-thirds of the way down the throne room, she realized. The Goblin King was only like twenty feet away, and standing in front of him...
Brittany's eyes still had that vacant, glazed look, more so than usual. Her whole body was shaking from exhaustion, and she was literally dripping with sweat, her chest heaving as she fought for air. The stone under her bare feet was dark and slick with her blood, oozing from her soles.
Santana had thought that she couldn't get any crazier right now, but it turned out? She could.
"What up, motherfucker!" she yelled, pointing the sword at the Goblin King. "Let her go! I'm so serious right now!"
The Goblin King, still gaping at her in shock, started to move, but before he could do anything, a figure stepped in front of her.
"Robin?" she asked, confused. What was he, backup? She had this situation under control.
Without answering, Robin fluttered his hand in a weird, fey wave.
In a rush, all of the energy inside of Santana vanished, like someone had just pulled the plug. Her muscles seemed to turn to rubber, and the shoulder that she had used to break the wall ached and burned. The sword, which had been feather-light just seconds ago, suddenly made itself known as extremely heavy. The tip wavered and, try as she might to hold it up, began to sink towards the ground.
With a lazy movement, Robin drew his own sword. Santana tried to bring her blade up to defend herself, but she could barely lift it, and with a flick of his wrist, Robin sent her sword clattering across the room. He brought the tip of his blade right up under her chin, digging it in enough to hurt, but not enough to draw blood.
"Hands behind your back," he said, and she had no choice but to obey. "Tie her up."
A goblin crept behind her and fumbled at her wrists, winding them with rope and pulling far too tightly, making her hiss with pain. A little pinprick at her neck warned her not to protest.
When the goblin stepped away, Robin removed his sword, stepping close and grabbing the back of her neck in a vice-like grip. Without another word, he forced her to walk with him, across the room as all the goblins watched, and through a cave entrance on the other side.
Through it all, Brittany stared blankly at the wall.
---
Chapter Four: The Fight.
Pairing: Brittany/Santana
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: For Audition (2x01)
Summary: For this prompt on the glee_fluff_meme
Disclaimer: Don't own Glee, Shakespeare, The Spiderwick Chronicles, Pan's Labyrinth, or The Dresden Files.
Author's Notes: This chapter might as well be titled "Words Words Words." Probably my least favorite. Fortunately, the shortest. Also, the one where I stuck in all the stupid jokes that wouldn't fit anywhere else.
Chapter One ; Chapter Two
---
Santana drifted into consciousness slowly and reluctantly. Her whole body ached, with an especially sharp throb stabbing into her head. For a second, she remembered this really bizarre dream she had had, where she was walking around in this maze, looking for Brittany, who had been captured by the Goblin King. With a soft chuckle at the strangeness of dreams, she opened her eyes.
She was lying in a room that was not her own, in an unfamiliar bed. It wouldn't be the first time she had awoken thus, but it was the first time that she had ever seen a room that was lit with little balls of light floating near the ceiling.
With a grunt of effort, she sat up. Taking a deep breath to quell the nausea that movement had provoked, she examined her surroundings further.
Her shorts and tank top were neatly folded at the foot of the bed, and she could see her bag, with the crowbar still sticking out of it, leaning against the opposite wall. There was a small table next to the bed, with a pitcher of water and an ornate glass on a small platter. The only other decoration in the room was a poster of a unicorn on the wall to her right, which, when she peered more closely, seemed to be made of cloth. Opposite the poster was a dark wooden door.
Touching her head, she could feel that her hair had been let down from its ponytail, and heavy cloth bandages were wound like a headband around her forehead. When she lifted the plain white sheet, she saw that she had been left in her sports bra and underwear, and her various scrapes and bruises and spider bites had been either bandaged or coated in a sticky, sickly-sweet scented salve.
Sighing heavily, she let herself flop back onto the soft, comfy pillow. So it hadn't been a dream. She really had gone into the sewers, and seen a dragon, and been accosted by a giant spider, and followed some freaky little Gollum creature, and hit her head really hard while trying to-
She sat up again abruptly. Brittany. The whole reason she was down in that maze in the first place. Her goofy, happy-go-lucky, super-hot best friend, who was currently being forced to dance with a chain around her neck for some freak.
Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she was about to stand up when the door opened.
A man stood there, dressed in dully shining leathers, with the hilt of a sword poking out from his hip. It was probably wrong to think of a man as 'beautiful,' but that was the only adjective she could think of to describe him. His face was delicate and flawless, his silvery hair falling in a shining sheet down to his shoulders, broken only by the tips of pointed ears.
"Ah, you have awoken," he said. His voice was soft and high-pitched, reminding her irresistibly of a certain Glee Club member. "Then I shall escort you to see our Queen."
There was a long pause. "Can I put on some pants first?" Santana finally asked.
---
After she had re-dressed herself, in her freshly laundered clothes that now smelled suspiciously like flowers, the man led her out of the room. She examined his back as she followed him, trying to think of all the reasons why it would make a lot of sense for a Star Trek cosplayer to be living underground, because that was easier than thinking about elves.
Her train of thought was broken when he came to a halt in front of an ornate wooden door, gilt with threads of gold and silver and carved in patterns of leaves and flowers.
"You must relinquish all iron before standing in the presence of the Elven Queen," he stated, then held out his hand.
Okay, whatever. Santana handed him her bag with a sigh. He held the straps delicately, as far away from his body as possible, like he thought it was really gross or something. She started to walk towards the door, but he held out his free arm to block her progress. She turned to him with a huff of annoyance.
"All iron," he said, pointedly staring at her arm.
"What, this?" Santana said, holding up her wrist. Her friendship bracelet gleamed dully in the light. The man nodded. "This isn't iron!"
The man raised an eyebrow at her, not moving out of her way.
With an irritated noise, Santana unclasped the bracelet. "Those assholes told me it was silver," she muttered, more to herself than to her guard. "I paid thirty dollars for this."
Without a word, the guard held out her bag. She opened it, dropped the bracelet in, then yanked it shut. "There, you happy now?" she asked snidely. He simply nodded, turning away from her to knock on the door.
Struck by a sudden thought, Santana shoved her hands in her pockets. She was satisfied to discover that Brittany's bracelet was still there, but quickly pulled them out before the guard turned around again. She didn't want to give that to him, not even if it meant that his stupid Queen would be mad at her. She wasn't going to give that to anyone but Brittany.
The guard pulled the door open and graciously held it for her, indicating that she should go in with a sweep of his hand. She strutted in, ready for anything this time.
Actually, she wasn't ready for this. Inside of the room was a long table, laden with food, and around it were scattered several delicate couches and chairs, set low to the ground. Lounging in these seats were 10 of the most gorgeous people she had ever seen.
Santana gulped, suddenly aware of her personal flaws in a way that she hadn't been since before puberty. She was hot and she knew it, but these people were unbelievably beautiful, each of them perfect in their own way, and all of them together was almost overwhelming. Their faces, their bodies, even their clothes were all delicate and wonderful, their eyes were all striking and bright, and all of them had sleek, shining, perfect hair that only served to emphasize their high cheekbones and long, pointed ears. Blondes, redheads, brunettes, and one with hair that was a pure and perfect white, they were so flawless, it was almost...unearthly.
She couldn't stand to look at them for too long, and she glanced at the table again, realizing with a start that there were two other people in the room. She had missed them in her first glance, caught up in the beauty of the other occupants. They were both men and, seated on opposite sides of the long table, they provided a lesson in contrasts.
One had spread himself out over an entire couch, wearing only a pair of skintight shorts. When she managed to drag her eyes away from his bulging package, she saw that he was pretty handsome, in a grungy, rock star sort of way. His hair, a deep dark forest green, was dripping onto the carpet, and his eyes were almost completely black. When he saw her looking, he grinned languidly, and she felt a chill run up her spine.
The other man was sitting up ramrod-straight, probably because he was wearing a full suit of metal armor. His hair was a bright, fire-engine red that looked unnatural above his hard, craggy face. It probably said a lot about her life right now that the oddest thing about his appearance was that he was smoking a cigarette. He turned to look at her, and her breath caught. She recognized those bright gold eyes, with the cat's pupil. He winked slowly, blowing a puff of smoke in her direction, and it took her a second to notice that his cigarette wasn't lit.
"Welcome," said the white-haired woman at the head of the table, and her voice was like wind chimes on a hot summer's day. "Come, sit with us." She patted the seat next to her.
Holding her head high, Santana made her way to the head of the table. She felt like a kid being invited to sit with the grown-ups, and she hated that feeling, hated the way these people were making her feel short and chunky and childish.
She sat down, and the woman patted her knee patronizingly. "I am the Elven Queen," she said. Santana wasn't sure what the protocol in this situation was. Should she have curtseyed? But she wasn't wearing a skirt.
"I'm Santana," she said. The rest of the elves murmured her name to themselves, in a way that was completely and utterly creepy.
"Santana," said the queen, with a dazzling smile. "Would you like something to eat?" She waved a hand at the food in front of them.
Santana looked at the table. On the one hand, it all looked delicious. Small white cakes, little fresh apples, platters of sizzling meats. On the other hand, it would all probably go straight to her thighs. And she didn't really have time to stop and have a picnic.
"No, I'm good. Thanks," she said. For a second, it looked like the queen frowned, but then she smiled again, and Santana forgot what she had been thinking about.
"Then I must ask you, Santana, what exactly you are doing here?"
Helpless against the queen's piercing green eyes, Santana found herself spilling the whole story. "My friend...I thought she was lost in the sewers, but then I followed her through this door. I got lost in a maze, and almost eaten by a spider, but then I found out she had been kidnapped by the Goblin King, so I went after him, but the goblins attacked me and I hit my head, and then I woke up here." She winced at the lame ending, realizing how childish the whole thing sounded, but the queen was nodding seriously.
"Yes, the Goblin King has been known to steal humans away, when they strike his fancy. It was very brave of you to try and rescue your friend."
Santana caught herself beaming at the compliment, and tried to force her face into a more serious expression. When she looked up, the queen was staring right into her eyes, not blinking, and Santana couldn't tear her gaze away.
"But that is all over now," the queen murmured. Santana nodded, not breaking the eye contact, not even daring to blink. She felt like she was falling into those swirling pools of green. "Rest here a while, and soothe your wounds. Soon, you will no longer have to worry about your friend." The queen's voice was echoing inside of her head, and she couldn't help but nod again. "Stay here, and soon you will not have to worry about anything, ever again."
For a second, Santana could picture it. Staying here, surrounded by all of this beauty, doing whatever she wanted to her heart's content. She would never have to think about missing a practice, or making her parents mad, or failing a class ever again. Everything would be perfect, and everything would be wonderful, forever.
There was only one thing, nagging at the back of her mind, insistently telling her that there was something missing.
Of course. If she stayed here, the only thing that wouldn't be perfect would be...not being here with Brittany.
In a flash, she saw the offer for what it really was. The elves didn't want to keep her here for her amazing conversational skills. She would be here as a pet to them, and they in all their perfect, stupid beauty would keep her like one. Like the way the Goblin King was keeping Brittany. Except Brittany had been taken against her will, and Santana would be saying 'yes' because of her own selfish desires.
Breaking away from the queen's gaze with a shake of her head, Santana said, "No, thanks."
The queen looked disappointed. "Are you sure?"
Her confidence wavered. No, she wasn't sure. It was a really tempting offer. She could live with being talked down to, treated like a pet, if it meant living in heaven, forever. Dreamily, she slipped her hands into her pockets, already opening her mouth to say 'yes, take me away.'
Brittany's bracelet was startlingly cold against her fingertips.
Jolted out of the daydream, Santana clutched at the bracelet, feeling the links dig into her palm. "I'm sure. I need to save my friend."
For some strange reason, Santana found herself thinking about the Glee Club, about the way they had all held hands while waiting for the judges' results at Regionals. As much as she would deny it outside of a confessional or federal investigation, she would miss those dweebs, with their crazy enthusiasm for show choir and the ridiculous way they tried not to judge people, because they had been judged too often themselves. And they would probably miss her, too. Maybe they would even cry. And they were all ugly criers, every last one of them. Nobody deserved to see all of those stupid faces crying all at the same time. She owed it to the world to get herself and Brittany out of here alive, so no one would have to see the Glee Club crying. Yeah, that made sense.
Okay, so maybe it didn't really make sense, but it was better to think of her mission as her duty to the world, rather than her desire to get back to the friends that she missed.
The Elven Queen seemed to realize that Santana's mind was made up. "Very well then. We shall arm you and send you on your way."
"Thanks," said Santana, because it was polite, even if the lady had just tried to seduce her into mindless servitude.
The queen waved her hand, and other elves seemed to suddenly materialize behind her. One by one, they held out what was in their hands to Santana, who cautiously accepted them. She felt like that part in The Lord of the Rings when Gilgamesh gave Frodo and his friends all those presents or whatever. Yeah, she had seen those movies. Orlando Bloom was hot, okay?
A rock. "This stone shall give you light in the darkness of the tunnels," the queen said.
A piece of paper. "A map, to show you the way to the end of your quest."
A little gold medallion, dangling from a delicately wrought chain. "This token shall grant you the strength of ten men."
And finally, a big-ass sword. "A mighty weapon, for a mighty task."
Man, this lady sure could talk. Actually, that made her think of something. "You said that the Goblin King sometimes steals people, when he thinks they're interesting," she said.
"Yes," the queen said.
"Did you ever do that?" Santana asked bluntly.
The queen looked away from her a little guiltily. "We used to," she said softly. "No longer, though."
"Well, the last time you did it, do you think you left anybody behind?" Santana asked.
"No, I don't believe so," the queen said. She sounded confused.
"Really short, brown hair, big nose, goes by the name of Rachel?" Santana prompted.
"No. No, I do not know such a person," the queen said.
"You sure?" Santana asked. The queen nodded. "Do you think you could take her anyway?"
The queen frowned. "No, we don't do that any more."
Damn. Oh well, it was worth a shot. "Alright, fine. If you're sure." The queen nodded again. "Then I guess I should head out."
"Robin," The queen waved a hand at another elf, a man with light red hair and steely grey eyes. "My right hand man," she explained. "He shall lead you out of our territory, to better aid you in your quest."
Robin stood, bowing his head to the queen, then Santana. She stood too, shuffling the gifts around until she could get a hand free. "Thanks," she said, extending it. With a puzzled look, the queen gently rested her hand in Santana's, her confusion only seeming to grow when Santana clasped and shook firmly. "Have a nice day, I guess," she said.
"You too..." the queen said faintly.
---
Robin hovered silently behind her as she got her bag back from the guard and settled all of her new swag. Finally, when she looked at him expectantly, he turned on one heel and paced away down the hall, clearly expecting her to follow.
"Not much of a talker, are you?" she asked when she had caught up.
"No," he said, and that was the end of their conversation.
He only led her for a short distance, finally stopping at another ornate door, set into the wall. When he opened it, she peered out into an unfamiliar stretch of dark hallway. She hadn't really realized how comforting the lights in the elf-world were until they were gone.
"Is this the way I went before?" she asked, turning to look at Robin.
"No," he said. "That entrance will be guarded now that you have stumbled upon it. This will lead you down a different path."
"Thanks," she said, and stepped out into the hall. He looked at her for a second.
"Turn the stone over three times, and it will bring you light," he said. "Clasp the medallion tightly in your hand and think of the strongest animal you can, and it will bring you strength. Use it with caution."
"Cool," she said. He shut the door, leaving her in the pitch-black once again.
Muttering to herself about evil gingers, she fumbled around in her bag until she found the stupid rock. To her surprise, Robin's advice really worked. After flipping it around a few times, it began to emit a soft golden glow, enough to read her new map by.
Still a little annoyed at elves in general, and Robin in particular, she set off into the dark.
---
The journey through the winding corridors seemed shorter this time, maybe because she had an actual destination this time. It was almost surprising, how quickly she reached yet another stupid door. This one was made of stone, heavily marred by chips from hammers, and what looked like claw marks.
Santana thought about using the door for maybe like two seconds before busting through the wall like the Kool-Aid man occurred to her. Grabbing the amulet around her neck, she thought about some strong-ass animals. Bears. Sharks. Tigers. Elephants. Dinosaurs.
At first, it didn't really seem to be working. Then, starting slowly in her toes and then suddenly searing through her veins, a buzzing, vibrant energy filled her. She was sure that if she looked at her arms and legs right now, she'd be glowing, and not like after-sex glowing, but like for-real, white shirt under a blacklight glowing! Yes! This must be what it felt like to be on PCP! She could lift a car right now if she wanted to! Hell, she could pick up a train right now like it ain't no thang! YEAH! THIS WAS AWESOME!
Eyeing the wall in front of her, Santana knew that it would be a breeze to break through. She was awesome! She backed up a couple of steps, drew her fancy new sword, and threw herself at the wall.
It crumbled at her touch like it was made out of graham crackers. Standing in the rubble, with rock dust drifting down all around her, she saw dozens of goblins staring, mouths agape, at the intruder. She couldn't help herself.
"OH YEAH!" she bellowed. She knew she must look like an idiot, but she didn't care. If anyone wanted to take her on, she would fuck. them. up.
She had busted through the wall about two-thirds of the way down the throne room, she realized. The Goblin King was only like twenty feet away, and standing in front of him...
Brittany's eyes still had that vacant, glazed look, more so than usual. Her whole body was shaking from exhaustion, and she was literally dripping with sweat, her chest heaving as she fought for air. The stone under her bare feet was dark and slick with her blood, oozing from her soles.
Santana had thought that she couldn't get any crazier right now, but it turned out? She could.
"What up, motherfucker!" she yelled, pointing the sword at the Goblin King. "Let her go! I'm so serious right now!"
The Goblin King, still gaping at her in shock, started to move, but before he could do anything, a figure stepped in front of her.
"Robin?" she asked, confused. What was he, backup? She had this situation under control.
Without answering, Robin fluttered his hand in a weird, fey wave.
In a rush, all of the energy inside of Santana vanished, like someone had just pulled the plug. Her muscles seemed to turn to rubber, and the shoulder that she had used to break the wall ached and burned. The sword, which had been feather-light just seconds ago, suddenly made itself known as extremely heavy. The tip wavered and, try as she might to hold it up, began to sink towards the ground.
With a lazy movement, Robin drew his own sword. Santana tried to bring her blade up to defend herself, but she could barely lift it, and with a flick of his wrist, Robin sent her sword clattering across the room. He brought the tip of his blade right up under her chin, digging it in enough to hurt, but not enough to draw blood.
"Hands behind your back," he said, and she had no choice but to obey. "Tie her up."
A goblin crept behind her and fumbled at her wrists, winding them with rope and pulling far too tightly, making her hiss with pain. A little pinprick at her neck warned her not to protest.
When the goblin stepped away, Robin removed his sword, stepping close and grabbing the back of her neck in a vice-like grip. Without another word, he forced her to walk with him, across the room as all the goblins watched, and through a cave entrance on the other side.
Through it all, Brittany stared blankly at the wall.
---
Chapter Four: The Fight.