Thinks That Make You Go Hmmmm...
Something that popped into my head today (as most things that I post here do..) and really got me thinking. Why is it if you are a married person, particularily a woman, your fertility and/or child-bearing status suddenly public forum? What got me thinking about this was me talking with my friend Gina today on MSN. I was telling her about my in-laws visit last week, when they came over to bring us presents ($70 blazer for hubby, paperback book I've never heard of for me) from their trip downstate. We were discussing my sis-in-law, her pregnancy and her baby-gear status. She mentioned the fact that SIL needed to buy a crib, because we had the one they'd used for neice (my FIL's crib) and the other crib they had they'd lent to a family friend and never gotten it back (and they'd rather bitch about it than ask for it back). Knowing my MIL and knowing she was fishing to get FIL's old crib back (even though hubby is SUPPOSED to have it as per MIL's instructions), I mentioned that we'd probably use it when we had baby #2 and we were thinking about having one in the relative near future. My "darling" MIL looks at me and says "Oh, we didn't think you guys would bother having anymore. There'd be SUCH a big gap between the two and you don't want to go back to changing diapers" I looked at her like she had grown a second head and said "Well, there's going to be almost TEN years between neice and this one, so 5 years doesn't seem like much." Then she says "I suppose" I thought it rather ballsy of her to assume such a thing, to think that because SIL get pregnant 10 years after her first that's OK, but if we haven't procreated again within 2 year, there's something wrong and we should OBVIOUSLY not have anymore?
That is only one facet of the "My childbearing status has to be everyone's business" thing. I've encountered this from the day hubby and I got married. First, it was "When are you gonna have kids?" Not a day after our daughter was born it was "When are you gonna have another one?" After our daughter got to be in the age range of 3, people stopped asking when and started asking Why. Why didn't we have another one? What are we waiting for? Why such the gap? Why make her an only? Then it moved to the "statements of opinion" where people told me that they would NEVER subject their child to the horrors of onlyness. Never put them through the trials of giving them a sibling who is 4, 5 or even 6 years younger than them. They won't be close, they'll say. The older will resent the younger, they'll insist. It goes on and on and on. I had one friend who was particularily adament that her children would be close together. Now, her son is almost 3, they've been trying 2 years nearly with no baby in sight. And now, the age gap isn't looking so big, the consequences don't look so horrible from the other side of the ball
What I'd like to know, why is it anyone elses business? I mean, really, think about it. I mean, people don't ask about my sex life, and technically that ties into the whole baby making process. If I started to wax poetic about my hubby's bed manners, people wouldn't find that so nice would they (Ok, some kinky people would, but aside from them..) Why is mine and my husbands PERSONAL decision to have or NOT have another baby, or any baby anyone's business but ours? This doesn't include friendly, casual questions from close friends and polite family members (my inlaws are not included in this category), but those accusitory, nosy, rude questions. I just don't get it, I really don't.
That is only one facet of the "My childbearing status has to be everyone's business" thing. I've encountered this from the day hubby and I got married. First, it was "When are you gonna have kids?" Not a day after our daughter was born it was "When are you gonna have another one?" After our daughter got to be in the age range of 3, people stopped asking when and started asking Why. Why didn't we have another one? What are we waiting for? Why such the gap? Why make her an only? Then it moved to the "statements of opinion" where people told me that they would NEVER subject their child to the horrors of onlyness. Never put them through the trials of giving them a sibling who is 4, 5 or even 6 years younger than them. They won't be close, they'll say. The older will resent the younger, they'll insist. It goes on and on and on. I had one friend who was particularily adament that her children would be close together. Now, her son is almost 3, they've been trying 2 years nearly with no baby in sight. And now, the age gap isn't looking so big, the consequences don't look so horrible from the other side of the ball
What I'd like to know, why is it anyone elses business? I mean, really, think about it. I mean, people don't ask about my sex life, and technically that ties into the whole baby making process. If I started to wax poetic about my hubby's bed manners, people wouldn't find that so nice would they (Ok, some kinky people would, but aside from them..) Why is mine and my husbands PERSONAL decision to have or NOT have another baby, or any baby anyone's business but ours? This doesn't include friendly, casual questions from close friends and polite family members (my inlaws are not included in this category), but those accusitory, nosy, rude questions. I just don't get it, I really don't.