Tim Horton's Rules of Engagement
My friend crimson_moon79 found this on an MSN message board. More than likely only the Canadians will find the true humor in this, though you could replace Tim Horton's with any of your favorite coffee or fast food place (other than the Roll Up The Rim part, that's a Canadian institution). Buying coffee is serious business!!
The following is the OFFICIAL RULES OF ENGAGEMENT for Tim Hortons.
Please feel free to pass them along so that we can make the world a
better place to live.
#1. When you enter a Tim Hortons and see a line to one side of the
restaurant that DOES NOT mean that you can start another line on the
other side.
PENALTY: TOO MANY LINES. People guilty of this infraction must buy
coffee for everyone in the original line.
#2. If you cannot see the donut you want available in the display you
CANNOT ask for it since the server will then go into the back and
eventually return to tell you that - guess what - they don't have it!
PENALTY: DELAY OF GAME. People guilty of this infraction must return
to the end of the line.
#3. The Drive-Thru is for ordering coffee and donuts ONLY. If you need
to order a sandwich or soup get out of your car and go inside you lazy
slob!
It takes too long and they'll probably get your order wrong anyway, so
save some greenhouse emissions and remember - NO ORDERING FOOD IN THE DRIVE-THRU!
PENALTY - OVER ORDERING. People guilty of this infraction will have
their tires deflated on the spot.
#4. Cleaning the Hot Chocolate and Flavoured Coffee machines is FORBIDDEN
during times of the days where there are actually customers in the
store.
What kind of business takes a product off-line in the middle of the
day!?
PENALTY - UNNECESSARY CLEANLINESS. Staff guilty of this infraction
will be forced to eat hot, spicy food, then placed in restraints just out of
reach of a nice cool glass of water for an hour.
#5. Placing the lids on the "to-go" cups so that the drink opening
lines up with the crease in the cup is a crime against humanity since it has
the same effect as gag dribble cups. Plus, exactly how hard is it to miss
that crease when placing the lid on anyway? Yet it seems to happen
more than 50% of the time. (omg...I hate that! lol)
PENALTY: ILLEGAL LID ON THE CREASE. Staff guilty of this must floss
with barbed wire for a week.
#6. Franchise owners who open up a store with a Drive-Thru that can't
handle at least 10 cars in line are a traffic menace. Caffeine
addiction is a scary thing that will cause people to stop dead on busy streets just
to keep a position in line at the Drive-Thru.
PENALTY: INTERFERENCE. Owners guilty of this infraction will be forced
to order their meals via the empty Wendy's Drive-Thru next door for a
month.
#7. Going on a coffee run to Tim's for five or more people is a
no-no. First, you'll never remember what everyone ordered
correctly. Second, you don't have a hope in hell of carrying that
stuff back to your car. Last, it will take too long!!! That nice person
behind you in line was under the impression that you were just going to order
coffee and go. BUT NO, you have to take 5-10 minutes of our lives
while you botch the order and then juggle the cups back to your vehicle. Get
some backbone - force others to come with you. No more than two orders per
person thank you!
PENALTY - OVER TWO MINUTE WARNING. People guilty of this infraction
will be forced to drink ALL the coffee they have ordered and eat ALL the food.
Doing this same infraction through the Drive-Thru = public flogging.
#8. During Roll-Up-The-Rim-To-Win time all cups left unattended and
unrolled for more than one minute are free game to anyone else. Since
we know all the really good prizes are meant for people in Ontario we've
only got a limited shot at anything decent so watch your cups!
>PENALTY:INELIGIBLE ROLLER. People guilty of this infraction must
forfeit any prizes won past or present to the new roller.
#9. Staff who fail to recognize that you are a creature of habit and
order the same thing everyday for a yearat the same Tim Hortons and still
meet you with blank stares and an indifferent "What can I get you?" are
inflicting an inhumane mental torture. Isn't that what the commercials
are all about? Where are the smiles and a hearty "The usual, Bob?"
PENALTY:INCOMPLETE RECOGNITION. Staff guilty of this infraction must
be subjected to proof of identity and a strip search every time they try
to pick up their paycheck.
....and the final rule of engagement.
#10. Showing up at your son/daughter's hockey game with a coffee from
another outlet other than Tim Hortons is FORBIDDEN! What are you -
some kind of trouble maker? Don't you know the way we do things around here?
PENALTY:ILLEGAL COFFEE. People guilty of this infraction must clean
the ice with their tongues between periods.
The following is the OFFICIAL RULES OF ENGAGEMENT for Tim Hortons.
Please feel free to pass them along so that we can make the world a
better place to live.
#1. When you enter a Tim Hortons and see a line to one side of the
restaurant that DOES NOT mean that you can start another line on the
other side.
PENALTY: TOO MANY LINES. People guilty of this infraction must buy
coffee for everyone in the original line.
#2. If you cannot see the donut you want available in the display you
CANNOT ask for it since the server will then go into the back and
eventually return to tell you that - guess what - they don't have it!
PENALTY: DELAY OF GAME. People guilty of this infraction must return
to the end of the line.
#3. The Drive-Thru is for ordering coffee and donuts ONLY. If you need
to order a sandwich or soup get out of your car and go inside you lazy
slob!
It takes too long and they'll probably get your order wrong anyway, so
save some greenhouse emissions and remember - NO ORDERING FOOD IN THE DRIVE-THRU!
PENALTY - OVER ORDERING. People guilty of this infraction will have
their tires deflated on the spot.
#4. Cleaning the Hot Chocolate and Flavoured Coffee machines is FORBIDDEN
during times of the days where there are actually customers in the
store.
What kind of business takes a product off-line in the middle of the
day!?
PENALTY - UNNECESSARY CLEANLINESS. Staff guilty of this infraction
will be forced to eat hot, spicy food, then placed in restraints just out of
reach of a nice cool glass of water for an hour.
#5. Placing the lids on the "to-go" cups so that the drink opening
lines up with the crease in the cup is a crime against humanity since it has
the same effect as gag dribble cups. Plus, exactly how hard is it to miss
that crease when placing the lid on anyway? Yet it seems to happen
more than 50% of the time. (omg...I hate that! lol)
PENALTY: ILLEGAL LID ON THE CREASE. Staff guilty of this must floss
with barbed wire for a week.
#6. Franchise owners who open up a store with a Drive-Thru that can't
handle at least 10 cars in line are a traffic menace. Caffeine
addiction is a scary thing that will cause people to stop dead on busy streets just
to keep a position in line at the Drive-Thru.
PENALTY: INTERFERENCE. Owners guilty of this infraction will be forced
to order their meals via the empty Wendy's Drive-Thru next door for a
month.
#7. Going on a coffee run to Tim's for five or more people is a
no-no. First, you'll never remember what everyone ordered
correctly. Second, you don't have a hope in hell of carrying that
stuff back to your car. Last, it will take too long!!! That nice person
behind you in line was under the impression that you were just going to order
coffee and go. BUT NO, you have to take 5-10 minutes of our lives
while you botch the order and then juggle the cups back to your vehicle. Get
some backbone - force others to come with you. No more than two orders per
person thank you!
PENALTY - OVER TWO MINUTE WARNING. People guilty of this infraction
will be forced to drink ALL the coffee they have ordered and eat ALL the food.
Doing this same infraction through the Drive-Thru = public flogging.
#8. During Roll-Up-The-Rim-To-Win time all cups left unattended and
unrolled for more than one minute are free game to anyone else. Since
we know all the really good prizes are meant for people in Ontario we've
only got a limited shot at anything decent so watch your cups!
>PENALTY:INELIGIBLE ROLLER. People guilty of this infraction must
forfeit any prizes won past or present to the new roller.
#9. Staff who fail to recognize that you are a creature of habit and
order the same thing everyday for a yearat the same Tim Hortons and still
meet you with blank stares and an indifferent "What can I get you?" are
inflicting an inhumane mental torture. Isn't that what the commercials
are all about? Where are the smiles and a hearty "The usual, Bob?"
PENALTY:INCOMPLETE RECOGNITION. Staff guilty of this infraction must
be subjected to proof of identity and a strip search every time they try
to pick up their paycheck.
....and the final rule of engagement.
#10. Showing up at your son/daughter's hockey game with a coffee from
another outlet other than Tim Hortons is FORBIDDEN! What are you -
some kind of trouble maker? Don't you know the way we do things around here?
PENALTY:ILLEGAL COFFEE. People guilty of this infraction must clean
the ice with their tongues between periods.