Happiness.
I am happier than I have been in a
"Happiness is the greatest paradox in nature. It can grow in any soil, live under any conditions. It defies environment. It comes from within; it is the relevation of the depths of the inner life as light and heat proclaim the sum from which they radiate. Happiness consists not of having, but of enjoying. A martyr at the stake may have happiness that a king on his throne might envy. Man is the center of his own happiness; it is the aroma of a life lived in harmony with high ideals. For what a man has, he may be dependant upon others; what he is, rests with him alone. Happiness is the souls joy in the possession of the intangible. It is the warm glow of a heart at peace with itself."- cheesy poster in Humanities
That's how I feel right now: at peace with myself. I'm tired, I have a disgustingly large list of things to do, I spent money I didn't have, I put off the gym and the diet another day, I once again chose not to do math homework, I felt survivors guilt, I put myself before others. And yet...I feel good. Relieved. Okay.
I like where I am right now and the direction I am heading in. Finally. Like...I'm finally on sound ground. Of course, this is me, it could disappear in an hour... but I've felt like this for a week now (except for Monday). Which is a good sign. Not everything has been perfect, of course. But I can handle that...I am in a position to tell life that I don't want its fucking lemons (cough brian molko cough).
Yay. (I really have nothing else to say. Or...rather I don't feel like saying what I have to say. Ever notice that? You always have more to say when things are going badly, and little to say when things are going well. Or, you need to say it less. But now I'm just babbling, so I'm going to sleep)
Oh, and I got Without You I'm Nothing. Yay! Thanks K. (And, just for the record, everyone should notice and acknowledge her adorable and spiffy Brian icon).