Fic: Bros Before Women of Questionable Repute
Title: Bros Before Women of Questionable Repute
Characters: America, Canada, England, New Zealand, and an unnamed OC.
Rating: K+
Key Words: None.
Summary: Human!verse. Alfred, Matthew, Arthur, and William try to have a movie night slumber party from four different spots in the world. Alfred's roommate is less than pleased.
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Bros Before Women of Questionable Repute
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“So, I was thinking…” Alfred flicked through the list of movies he kept stored on his laptop, his eyes scanning through the titles. The four of them needed something good, something that would scare the pants off Matthew and Arthur. The Grudge? No, too tame. Maybe he could look up a few of those Korean horror films he downloaded a few weeks back. Wasn’t there one with some crazy psycho chick?
He flicked through the list some more trying to find where he had thrown all the foreign horror titles at, as he listened to Arthur bustle in his kitchen with his tea and Will make preparations for his dinner. Matthew, like him, had already bunkered down for the night. He could see the other boy curled up with a pillow and wearing pajamas that were rather plain and average and didn’t have maples on them like they should have, really Mattie what kind of Canadian are you?
“Not every Canadian is obsessed with maple leaves, Al.”
Alfred wondered since when Matthew developed mindreading powers. He shot the small square with the Canadian’s video feed a suspicious glare, not at all relieved when Matthew let out a somewhat exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes. Maybe the Communists had-
“You said it out loud,” Matthew pointed out helpfully, his expression deadpan.
Alfred shot him a sheepish look, ignoring Will’s snort of amusement as the kiwi fruit-kiwi bird? Mango? Whatever New Zealanders were called-conquered the potatoes with his knife.
“Right. Well… Okay then.” Smooth, Jones, real smooth. “So, I figured first we can watch-”
“What are you doing?”
Oh, hey, when did the door open? And when did his roommate get here and when had he started staring at Alfred as though he was secretly plotting his demise and was going to murder him in his sleep and-oh, shit. Alfred flashed his roommate a winning smile and tried his best to ignore the pillow fort around him. Maybe if he didn’t point it out, his roommate wouldn’t either.
“Hey, Roomie!”
He could feel Arthur’s baffled stare even if he didn’t glance at his computer screen. “We are watching ‘Hey Roomie’?”
“No, I think his roommate came back and saw the mess he made.”
Alfred shot Matthew a disgruntled look. “Hey, it was not a mess-”
“Jones, what is this mess?”
“-okay so maybe it was a bit of a mess,” Alfred admitted. Time for Jones’ Secret Weapon No. 22: the puppy dog eyes. His roommate looked less than impressed. “But I’ll clean it up, I swear.”
“Yes, you will.” And, before Alfred could even get his hopes up, his roommate pinned him down with stern look. “Right now, Jones. I can’t even get to my bed.”
Alfred glanced at the bed in question. Covered in the blankets he had commandeered from next door and the canopy design forming an awesome cave that Alfred fully planned on exploiting later, it otherwise looked no different than it had before his roommate left for his girlfriend’s house earlier. There was only one difference…
“Well, even if you could it wouldn’t do you any good. I sorta took your mattress.”
“You… what?”
“I took your mattress?” Alfred blinked before, at his roommate’s flat stare, added in a defensive tone, “I needed it for my pillow fort!”
“Pillow fort. You mean to say you turned our entire dorm room into a massive pillow fort?”
Alfred stared at his roommate. He had thought the answer to that was kind of obvious. After all, why else would there be blankets everywhere including overhead and pillows propped against the wall and the mattresses from their beds forming a doorway of sorts that his roommate was standing in? It wasn’t like Alfred woke up that morning and decided he would start a mattress and sleeping accessory store.
No, he just woke up and decided it would be pretty neat if he could build a massive pillow fort.
Arthur made a small, disapproving sound in his ear. “You turned your room into a pillow fort, Alfred?”
“I didn’t know you could turn a room into a pillow fort,” Matthew mused.
Despite himself, Alfred grinned. Way to go, Mattie! He wanted to tell the Canadian that, yes, it was very possible to turn your entire room into a pillow fort and, really, he should try it sometime. Not only did it look cool, but it was a throwback to his childhood and, well, just plain fun.
“Don’t encourage him, Matthew,” Arthur scolded, and Alfred cursed having his webcam on him so the Brit could see his face.
“S-sorry!”
When Alfred glanced down at the screen, he saw Matthew send his own web cam a contrite look. Yet, if Alfred looked close enough, he could see him shoot a contemplative look at the pillow beside him. Yeah, that’s right, Matt! Give into temptation!
“To be fair to Matt, he did do this on his own without any encouragement.”
Well, there went his smile. Alfred shot Will a scolding look for daring to bring reason into this argument-him and Arthur both, honestly! The nerve!-and opened his mouth to retort something smart back.
“Alfred, pay attention.”
“Huh?” Alfred glanced up to see his roommate staring at him with a great deal of annoyance, if his red cheeks and angry scowl and crossed arms were any indication. He offered him a sheepish grin. “Oh, right, sorry. What was it you were yelling about?”
A muscle in his roommate’s face twitched.
“The fact you have made our room look like a padded cell. Why in the hell would you turn the entire place into a pillow fort anyway?”
Wasn’t that obvious? Alfred felt a wave of disappointment because, for all that the other guy acted stuffy and uptight and had no sense of fun, he thought even he would understand such a simple concept. Evidently Alfred had overestimated the collective common knowledge of society… or something like that.
“Because we’re having a slumber party, duh.”
“A slumber party.”
Alfred grinned. “Yeah! You see, me and the guys-you know, the guys I talk to-decided that since it was Saturday-slash-Sunday because Will lives in the future and sometimes can tell me how the weather is going to be which, really bro, your predictions can be way off sometimes. Where’s the fun in living in the future if you can’t even prepare me for a bit of rain?”
“We live in different hemispheres, Al. My predictions aren’t going to be one hundred percent accurate.”
“Alfred, focus!” Arthur hissed.
“Oh, right. Anyway, we thought it’d be fun if we had a sort of movie night but, well, since Mattie’s up North playing with the polar bears-”
Matthew sighed into his ear. “I haven’t played with Kumachika since I was five, Al.”
“-and Artie is over in Britain producing weapons of mass destruction-”
“They were scones, Alfred, as you very well know,” Arthur corrected with an offended sniff. Poor, delicate British sensibilities.
“-and Will is over in New Sealand-”
“New Zealand.” Will sounded only somewhat annoyed at the correction.
“-New Zealand playing with tourists, this was the only way we could do it.”
His roommate stared at him, and stared at him… and stared at him some more. Alfred opened his mouth to ask if he had something on his face or if his roommate had finally realized how devastatingly handsome he was when the other boy shook his head.
“Just when I think your stupidity has reached its limit, you go and do something so stupid that your past stupidity looks smart by comparison.”
In that instant, Alfred perked up. He didn’t even care if he had just been called stupid-okay, well, he did, but he could get his roommate back later. What was important was that his roommate hadn’t told him to take his pillow fort down again, which meant that he was going to say yes and Alfred could have his slumber party with his friends. Though, just to be sure…
“Does this mean you’ll let me have my slumber party?” Alfred tried, and failed, not to let his voice sound too hopeful.
His roommate sighed and reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Give me my clothes.”
“Sweetness!”
“Ow, Alfred, you git. That was my ear you just shouted your ridiculous American slang into.”
Alfred stuck his tongue out at the webcam.
“Al…”
Alfred ignored the scolding one of his friends gave him-he couldn’t tell if it was Will or Mattie, because all voices of reason sounded alike and he sometimes tuned them both out anyway-as he ran over to his roommate’s dresser. He pulled out a set of clothes, paying no mind to whether they matched or not, and balled them up before tossing them to his roommate.
“Oh, yes, let’s wrinkle my clothes up further.”
“Hey, at least I tossed you a pair of underwear.”
Another muscle in his roommate’s face twitched. “I expect my bed back in proper order when I return tomorrow.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Alfred waved his words off, grinning. “I’ll fold the sheets all nice and neat and even put one of those mints on your pillow.”
“And if you break anything, Jones, keep in mind that my father owns an expansive plot of land out in the country. I can make it so they don’t find your body for weeks.”
Oh, was that a challenge? Alfred’s grin brightened to the point of being obnoxious, as some people were happy to point out, and he couldn’t help the mischievous gleam in his eyes.
“If you were really good, they wouldn’t find my body ever.”
His roommate slammed the door behind him.
Characters: America, Canada, England, New Zealand, and an unnamed OC.
Rating: K+
Key Words: None.
Summary: Human!verse. Alfred, Matthew, Arthur, and William try to have a movie night slumber party from four different spots in the world. Alfred's roommate is less than pleased.
* * * * *
Bros Before Women of Questionable Repute
* * * * *
“So, I was thinking…” Alfred flicked through the list of movies he kept stored on his laptop, his eyes scanning through the titles. The four of them needed something good, something that would scare the pants off Matthew and Arthur. The Grudge? No, too tame. Maybe he could look up a few of those Korean horror films he downloaded a few weeks back. Wasn’t there one with some crazy psycho chick?
He flicked through the list some more trying to find where he had thrown all the foreign horror titles at, as he listened to Arthur bustle in his kitchen with his tea and Will make preparations for his dinner. Matthew, like him, had already bunkered down for the night. He could see the other boy curled up with a pillow and wearing pajamas that were rather plain and average and didn’t have maples on them like they should have, really Mattie what kind of Canadian are you?
“Not every Canadian is obsessed with maple leaves, Al.”
Alfred wondered since when Matthew developed mindreading powers. He shot the small square with the Canadian’s video feed a suspicious glare, not at all relieved when Matthew let out a somewhat exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes. Maybe the Communists had-
“You said it out loud,” Matthew pointed out helpfully, his expression deadpan.
Alfred shot him a sheepish look, ignoring Will’s snort of amusement as the kiwi fruit-kiwi bird? Mango? Whatever New Zealanders were called-conquered the potatoes with his knife.
“Right. Well… Okay then.” Smooth, Jones, real smooth. “So, I figured first we can watch-”
“What are you doing?”
Oh, hey, when did the door open? And when did his roommate get here and when had he started staring at Alfred as though he was secretly plotting his demise and was going to murder him in his sleep and-oh, shit. Alfred flashed his roommate a winning smile and tried his best to ignore the pillow fort around him. Maybe if he didn’t point it out, his roommate wouldn’t either.
“Hey, Roomie!”
He could feel Arthur’s baffled stare even if he didn’t glance at his computer screen. “We are watching ‘Hey Roomie’?”
“No, I think his roommate came back and saw the mess he made.”
Alfred shot Matthew a disgruntled look. “Hey, it was not a mess-”
“Jones, what is this mess?”
“-okay so maybe it was a bit of a mess,” Alfred admitted. Time for Jones’ Secret Weapon No. 22: the puppy dog eyes. His roommate looked less than impressed. “But I’ll clean it up, I swear.”
“Yes, you will.” And, before Alfred could even get his hopes up, his roommate pinned him down with stern look. “Right now, Jones. I can’t even get to my bed.”
Alfred glanced at the bed in question. Covered in the blankets he had commandeered from next door and the canopy design forming an awesome cave that Alfred fully planned on exploiting later, it otherwise looked no different than it had before his roommate left for his girlfriend’s house earlier. There was only one difference…
“Well, even if you could it wouldn’t do you any good. I sorta took your mattress.”
“You… what?”
“I took your mattress?” Alfred blinked before, at his roommate’s flat stare, added in a defensive tone, “I needed it for my pillow fort!”
“Pillow fort. You mean to say you turned our entire dorm room into a massive pillow fort?”
Alfred stared at his roommate. He had thought the answer to that was kind of obvious. After all, why else would there be blankets everywhere including overhead and pillows propped against the wall and the mattresses from their beds forming a doorway of sorts that his roommate was standing in? It wasn’t like Alfred woke up that morning and decided he would start a mattress and sleeping accessory store.
No, he just woke up and decided it would be pretty neat if he could build a massive pillow fort.
Arthur made a small, disapproving sound in his ear. “You turned your room into a pillow fort, Alfred?”
“I didn’t know you could turn a room into a pillow fort,” Matthew mused.
Despite himself, Alfred grinned. Way to go, Mattie! He wanted to tell the Canadian that, yes, it was very possible to turn your entire room into a pillow fort and, really, he should try it sometime. Not only did it look cool, but it was a throwback to his childhood and, well, just plain fun.
“Don’t encourage him, Matthew,” Arthur scolded, and Alfred cursed having his webcam on him so the Brit could see his face.
“S-sorry!”
When Alfred glanced down at the screen, he saw Matthew send his own web cam a contrite look. Yet, if Alfred looked close enough, he could see him shoot a contemplative look at the pillow beside him. Yeah, that’s right, Matt! Give into temptation!
“To be fair to Matt, he did do this on his own without any encouragement.”
Well, there went his smile. Alfred shot Will a scolding look for daring to bring reason into this argument-him and Arthur both, honestly! The nerve!-and opened his mouth to retort something smart back.
“Alfred, pay attention.”
“Huh?” Alfred glanced up to see his roommate staring at him with a great deal of annoyance, if his red cheeks and angry scowl and crossed arms were any indication. He offered him a sheepish grin. “Oh, right, sorry. What was it you were yelling about?”
A muscle in his roommate’s face twitched.
“The fact you have made our room look like a padded cell. Why in the hell would you turn the entire place into a pillow fort anyway?”
Wasn’t that obvious? Alfred felt a wave of disappointment because, for all that the other guy acted stuffy and uptight and had no sense of fun, he thought even he would understand such a simple concept. Evidently Alfred had overestimated the collective common knowledge of society… or something like that.
“Because we’re having a slumber party, duh.”
“A slumber party.”
Alfred grinned. “Yeah! You see, me and the guys-you know, the guys I talk to-decided that since it was Saturday-slash-Sunday because Will lives in the future and sometimes can tell me how the weather is going to be which, really bro, your predictions can be way off sometimes. Where’s the fun in living in the future if you can’t even prepare me for a bit of rain?”
“We live in different hemispheres, Al. My predictions aren’t going to be one hundred percent accurate.”
“Alfred, focus!” Arthur hissed.
“Oh, right. Anyway, we thought it’d be fun if we had a sort of movie night but, well, since Mattie’s up North playing with the polar bears-”
Matthew sighed into his ear. “I haven’t played with Kumachika since I was five, Al.”
“-and Artie is over in Britain producing weapons of mass destruction-”
“They were scones, Alfred, as you very well know,” Arthur corrected with an offended sniff. Poor, delicate British sensibilities.
“-and Will is over in New Sealand-”
“New Zealand.” Will sounded only somewhat annoyed at the correction.
“-New Zealand playing with tourists, this was the only way we could do it.”
His roommate stared at him, and stared at him… and stared at him some more. Alfred opened his mouth to ask if he had something on his face or if his roommate had finally realized how devastatingly handsome he was when the other boy shook his head.
“Just when I think your stupidity has reached its limit, you go and do something so stupid that your past stupidity looks smart by comparison.”
In that instant, Alfred perked up. He didn’t even care if he had just been called stupid-okay, well, he did, but he could get his roommate back later. What was important was that his roommate hadn’t told him to take his pillow fort down again, which meant that he was going to say yes and Alfred could have his slumber party with his friends. Though, just to be sure…
“Does this mean you’ll let me have my slumber party?” Alfred tried, and failed, not to let his voice sound too hopeful.
His roommate sighed and reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Give me my clothes.”
“Sweetness!”
“Ow, Alfred, you git. That was my ear you just shouted your ridiculous American slang into.”
Alfred stuck his tongue out at the webcam.
“Al…”
Alfred ignored the scolding one of his friends gave him-he couldn’t tell if it was Will or Mattie, because all voices of reason sounded alike and he sometimes tuned them both out anyway-as he ran over to his roommate’s dresser. He pulled out a set of clothes, paying no mind to whether they matched or not, and balled them up before tossing them to his roommate.
“Oh, yes, let’s wrinkle my clothes up further.”
“Hey, at least I tossed you a pair of underwear.”
Another muscle in his roommate’s face twitched. “I expect my bed back in proper order when I return tomorrow.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Alfred waved his words off, grinning. “I’ll fold the sheets all nice and neat and even put one of those mints on your pillow.”
“And if you break anything, Jones, keep in mind that my father owns an expansive plot of land out in the country. I can make it so they don’t find your body for weeks.”
Oh, was that a challenge? Alfred’s grin brightened to the point of being obnoxious, as some people were happy to point out, and he couldn’t help the mischievous gleam in his eyes.
“If you were really good, they wouldn’t find my body ever.”
His roommate slammed the door behind him.