[Fic] This is Where the World Drops Off
Muse: The Devil
Word count: 721 words
Prompt: I am not like you, and you are not like me. for savich_inc
And then he--with a llama? Hahahahaha! Ahahahahaha! Oh that's... that's funny. That's really funny. I'm going to have to write that one down and use it later, at a party or something.
...Can I be honest with you, Ted? I mean like really, totally and perfectly honest? I mean like really and totally and completely, one hundred percent, no holds, throw all the chips in you can't trust my poker face honest? I mean like totally shit-faced drunk, truth or dare, pinky finger, cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye honest? Can I, Ted? Do you trust me?
Well you shouldn't. You shouldn't trust me, Ted. First of all, I have no idea what your name is. I don't think it's Ted, but Ted's easiest to remember. I don't want to know your real name, Ted, it doesn't help me do what comes next. Do you trust me still, Ted? Do you?
No, Ted! That's not the point. For Christ's sake, Ted, after all of that you still trust me? What the hell are you, Ted, six?
But Bill nothing, Ted. First of all, my name isn't Bill. I don't have a name--Bill's just easy to remember, easy to trust. Yeah. I know why you trust me, Ted--I know why. It's because I manipulated you, Ted. I went into your tiny little head and pushed all the right buttons until you got that dopey, adorable look on your face and then I knew you would buy me all the drinks I ever wanted. I mindfucked you, Ted, and you liked it because I'm amazing and I said so.
No, Ted! Wrong question! I just said I don't have a name, Ted. I don't have one! I have a job title and that's it. Why does it matter? Names don't mean anything in the long run any way, why are you so obsessed with the fact that I don't have a name and yet you're not at all bothered by the fact that I went into your head--I INVADED YOUR THOUGHTS, TED. WHY ARE YOU NOT PISSED ABOUT THIS?
Oh my god I will never understand the human brain. YES, HUMAN. Your brains make no fucking sense, you're constantly focusing on the WRONG THINGS! This isn't even like big picture stuff, Ted--THIS IS THE PICTURE! My job title isn't important right now. I'm--
Yes, Ted. I'm not human. That's what I've been trying to tell you. I'm beyond you, Ted. No, I'm not an alien--that word is obsolete when you're me. No one's alien to me. I'm--well. I guess this is the hard part.
I should be scaring you, Ted. You really ought to be terrified, except I've got my finger pressed on your 'calm' button so that when you finally hear this, you don't go out of your tiny head.
Okay. Here we go. I'm not like you, Ted. I don't have a name. I'm not human. I'm not mortal. There are people who would say I don't have morals, but that's not true and also, it hurts when they say that.
I'm the Devil, Ted.
Yeah, the Devil. Yeah, like in hell. Yeah, with the torturing of the souls. I know, Ted. I know this is hard to comprehend. You actually won't ever get it until you see me, Ted--I mean really see me, not just looking at me in my flesh suit.
Well that's the funny thing, Ted. There is kind of a funny similarity between the Devil and the IRS, and it's not just that we both look damn fine in a suit. We come to collect, Ted, and we don't stop until we get what we're owed.
I hate to break it to you, Ted, but you're owed to me. I'm here to collect. You gotta die sometime--actually, you gotta die now. I'm sorry, Ted. This was really nice. You're a great guy, or lady or squid or whatever the hell. And I really hate to do this, but we've all got our times to go and your time is now. Don't be afraid! It probably won't hurt. You should probably be afraid when we meet again, though--it just looks good if we have observers or whatever. I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks, Ted. You're a great guy. It's a bummer it's got to end this way. You ready? Yeah, well, none of us really are. Here we go. Three, two, one...
Word count: 721 words
Prompt: I am not like you, and you are not like me. for savich_inc
And then he--with a llama? Hahahahaha! Ahahahahaha! Oh that's... that's funny. That's really funny. I'm going to have to write that one down and use it later, at a party or something.
...Can I be honest with you, Ted? I mean like really, totally and perfectly honest? I mean like really and totally and completely, one hundred percent, no holds, throw all the chips in you can't trust my poker face honest? I mean like totally shit-faced drunk, truth or dare, pinky finger, cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye honest? Can I, Ted? Do you trust me?
Well you shouldn't. You shouldn't trust me, Ted. First of all, I have no idea what your name is. I don't think it's Ted, but Ted's easiest to remember. I don't want to know your real name, Ted, it doesn't help me do what comes next. Do you trust me still, Ted? Do you?
No, Ted! That's not the point. For Christ's sake, Ted, after all of that you still trust me? What the hell are you, Ted, six?
But Bill nothing, Ted. First of all, my name isn't Bill. I don't have a name--Bill's just easy to remember, easy to trust. Yeah. I know why you trust me, Ted--I know why. It's because I manipulated you, Ted. I went into your tiny little head and pushed all the right buttons until you got that dopey, adorable look on your face and then I knew you would buy me all the drinks I ever wanted. I mindfucked you, Ted, and you liked it because I'm amazing and I said so.
No, Ted! Wrong question! I just said I don't have a name, Ted. I don't have one! I have a job title and that's it. Why does it matter? Names don't mean anything in the long run any way, why are you so obsessed with the fact that I don't have a name and yet you're not at all bothered by the fact that I went into your head--I INVADED YOUR THOUGHTS, TED. WHY ARE YOU NOT PISSED ABOUT THIS?
Oh my god I will never understand the human brain. YES, HUMAN. Your brains make no fucking sense, you're constantly focusing on the WRONG THINGS! This isn't even like big picture stuff, Ted--THIS IS THE PICTURE! My job title isn't important right now. I'm--
Yes, Ted. I'm not human. That's what I've been trying to tell you. I'm beyond you, Ted. No, I'm not an alien--that word is obsolete when you're me. No one's alien to me. I'm--well. I guess this is the hard part.
I should be scaring you, Ted. You really ought to be terrified, except I've got my finger pressed on your 'calm' button so that when you finally hear this, you don't go out of your tiny head.
Okay. Here we go. I'm not like you, Ted. I don't have a name. I'm not human. I'm not mortal. There are people who would say I don't have morals, but that's not true and also, it hurts when they say that.
I'm the Devil, Ted.
Yeah, the Devil. Yeah, like in hell. Yeah, with the torturing of the souls. I know, Ted. I know this is hard to comprehend. You actually won't ever get it until you see me, Ted--I mean really see me, not just looking at me in my flesh suit.
Well that's the funny thing, Ted. There is kind of a funny similarity between the Devil and the IRS, and it's not just that we both look damn fine in a suit. We come to collect, Ted, and we don't stop until we get what we're owed.
I hate to break it to you, Ted, but you're owed to me. I'm here to collect. You gotta die sometime--actually, you gotta die now. I'm sorry, Ted. This was really nice. You're a great guy, or lady or squid or whatever the hell. And I really hate to do this, but we've all got our times to go and your time is now. Don't be afraid! It probably won't hurt. You should probably be afraid when we meet again, though--it just looks good if we have observers or whatever. I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks, Ted. You're a great guy. It's a bummer it's got to end this way. You ready? Yeah, well, none of us really are. Here we go. Three, two, one...