RIP Alex
I sit here, with a broken heart, a wet face, and an empty bottle of wine. This night was so surreal.
My Alex, my poor sweet baby, is gone. Went over the Rainbow Bride about 2 hours ago. He'd been sick since Christmas. He was a little under the weather Christmas day, but okay. Monday he was very lethargic and not interested in food or water. Finally he exploded out both ends in the den. But afterward, he seemed a bit better. My sister Faith was visiting, and we were heading to Lansing because our other sister Tanya was in town. When we got back that night, he met us at the door. Not as enthusiastically as normal, but still up and about, tail wagging. Faith and I decided that sometimes, you just need a good puke to put things right. Tuesday morning he was laying in his usual spot at the head of my bed, but he wouldn't get up. And that was the first real clue that something was terribly wrong. Alex followed my every step. He walked me to the door when I left, he met me at the door when I came home, he followed me to the bathroom and slept at my feet wherever I was. But Tuesday, and every day since, he just laid there. No eating, no drinking, wouldn't even get up to potty. He would just lay there and wet himself.
Thursday night we took him to a 24 hour emergency animal hospital. Normally we use the Humane Society but they were closed when Josh and I got out of work. The vet wanted to charge us $700 just to diagnose him. There wasn't even an estimate on treatment, obviously. We had $200, total. He wouldn't even work with us. So we decided to bring him home and take him to the Humane Society in the morning. Unfortunately, we both worked. Ben had promised to take him, but was nowhere to be found and has no phone so we couldn't make an appointment, then call to let him know. And it's a holiday weekend, no clinic hours. As much as I didn't like waiting, I decided to go on Monday because I have the day off.
I went to bed around 12:30. Josh had a couple friends over playing Warhammer. About 3:30 Josh flips on the light, and is standing there, sobbing. "I think he's dead!" So I got up, hurried into the den, and dropped to my knees. Josh said he couldn't feel a heartbeat. We both tried to feel one, both tried to feel breath. His eyes were glassy. I was shaking him and yelling, "No! Alex, come on wake up boy!" I lifted up his paw, it dropped. I lifted up his head, it wobbled like a stuffed animal. He looked fake. Not even like tired, sick Alex. Just like a fake, lifesized dog. I ran into the bathroom and threw up. I came back and Josh was still on the floor, crying and shaking Alex. He kept repeating, "What do I do now?" He finally called the same vet we'd taken him to, because it's the only 24 hour one around. They said to keep him cold until burial. Josh doesn't want him cremated because it's a group cremation and you don't get the ashes back. So he finally woke Ben up to carry Alex to the garage, but he kept hesitating, stopping to shake him. "What if he's not dead? Are we sure he's dead?"
Finally they took him out. I found him out there a few minutes later, staring at Alex. "Are we sure he's dead? Because if he's not dead, he could get sicker out here. Should I get him a blanket in case he's not dead?"
It broke my heart. I don't know which broke my heard more, Alex's death or Josh's reaction. I've never seen him cry before. Even at his grandfather's funeral. He said Alex screamed before he died. He said it sounded like a person screaming in our yard. He's had Alex since puppyhood and now he's going to have that death scream burned in his memory. I'm at a loss. I want to reach out and hold him, and he wants nothing to do with me right now. Wouldn't even come to bed, he's sleeping on the couch. So here I sit, crying, having finished off my wine because I have nothing stronger. My poor Siliga is now sleeping, but earlier she was alternately pacing around the house meowing pitifully and snuggling against my shoulder, purring and licking the tears off my face. I'm sure she knows her friend is gone. And it's a little comforting to have her, but Josh just stared at her with this blank look. Alex and I adopted each other when Josh and I got together, but no such luck with Josh and Siliga. They hate each other. So now I have my kitty, and my tortoise, but Josh's beloved pet is gone. Having Siliga snuggle me felt like I was rubbing it in, and I felt so guilty I put her down. Now I wait, go to work, try and make it through the day.
My last picture of him, ever. He was just snuggling so sweetly, staring at me as I stroked his head. I took this picture, he gave a happy little huff and gave me a little kiss on my hand. He wasn't really a licker, which was good. But he would sometimes give me a tiny kiss on my hand when he was very content. And every night at bedtime. He would dig at the carpet, do his little circle, pause to kiss my hand, and flump down on the floor in an ungraceful heap. :-)
He spoke so cutely, he was always so excited for treats!
He was never too good at fetch. He'd get too excited, then run after the ball,. pick it up, drop it, and come back to me with no ball! hehe
I'm sorry this was so long. But this has helped me get through the night. I feel a little more at peace now, and might even be able to manage a short nap before work.
My Alex, my poor sweet baby, is gone. Went over the Rainbow Bride about 2 hours ago. He'd been sick since Christmas. He was a little under the weather Christmas day, but okay. Monday he was very lethargic and not interested in food or water. Finally he exploded out both ends in the den. But afterward, he seemed a bit better. My sister Faith was visiting, and we were heading to Lansing because our other sister Tanya was in town. When we got back that night, he met us at the door. Not as enthusiastically as normal, but still up and about, tail wagging. Faith and I decided that sometimes, you just need a good puke to put things right. Tuesday morning he was laying in his usual spot at the head of my bed, but he wouldn't get up. And that was the first real clue that something was terribly wrong. Alex followed my every step. He walked me to the door when I left, he met me at the door when I came home, he followed me to the bathroom and slept at my feet wherever I was. But Tuesday, and every day since, he just laid there. No eating, no drinking, wouldn't even get up to potty. He would just lay there and wet himself.
Thursday night we took him to a 24 hour emergency animal hospital. Normally we use the Humane Society but they were closed when Josh and I got out of work. The vet wanted to charge us $700 just to diagnose him. There wasn't even an estimate on treatment, obviously. We had $200, total. He wouldn't even work with us. So we decided to bring him home and take him to the Humane Society in the morning. Unfortunately, we both worked. Ben had promised to take him, but was nowhere to be found and has no phone so we couldn't make an appointment, then call to let him know. And it's a holiday weekend, no clinic hours. As much as I didn't like waiting, I decided to go on Monday because I have the day off.
I went to bed around 12:30. Josh had a couple friends over playing Warhammer. About 3:30 Josh flips on the light, and is standing there, sobbing. "I think he's dead!" So I got up, hurried into the den, and dropped to my knees. Josh said he couldn't feel a heartbeat. We both tried to feel one, both tried to feel breath. His eyes were glassy. I was shaking him and yelling, "No! Alex, come on wake up boy!" I lifted up his paw, it dropped. I lifted up his head, it wobbled like a stuffed animal. He looked fake. Not even like tired, sick Alex. Just like a fake, lifesized dog. I ran into the bathroom and threw up. I came back and Josh was still on the floor, crying and shaking Alex. He kept repeating, "What do I do now?" He finally called the same vet we'd taken him to, because it's the only 24 hour one around. They said to keep him cold until burial. Josh doesn't want him cremated because it's a group cremation and you don't get the ashes back. So he finally woke Ben up to carry Alex to the garage, but he kept hesitating, stopping to shake him. "What if he's not dead? Are we sure he's dead?"
Finally they took him out. I found him out there a few minutes later, staring at Alex. "Are we sure he's dead? Because if he's not dead, he could get sicker out here. Should I get him a blanket in case he's not dead?"
It broke my heart. I don't know which broke my heard more, Alex's death or Josh's reaction. I've never seen him cry before. Even at his grandfather's funeral. He said Alex screamed before he died. He said it sounded like a person screaming in our yard. He's had Alex since puppyhood and now he's going to have that death scream burned in his memory. I'm at a loss. I want to reach out and hold him, and he wants nothing to do with me right now. Wouldn't even come to bed, he's sleeping on the couch. So here I sit, crying, having finished off my wine because I have nothing stronger. My poor Siliga is now sleeping, but earlier she was alternately pacing around the house meowing pitifully and snuggling against my shoulder, purring and licking the tears off my face. I'm sure she knows her friend is gone. And it's a little comforting to have her, but Josh just stared at her with this blank look. Alex and I adopted each other when Josh and I got together, but no such luck with Josh and Siliga. They hate each other. So now I have my kitty, and my tortoise, but Josh's beloved pet is gone. Having Siliga snuggle me felt like I was rubbing it in, and I felt so guilty I put her down. Now I wait, go to work, try and make it through the day.
My last picture of him, ever. He was just snuggling so sweetly, staring at me as I stroked his head. I took this picture, he gave a happy little huff and gave me a little kiss on my hand. He wasn't really a licker, which was good. But he would sometimes give me a tiny kiss on my hand when he was very content. And every night at bedtime. He would dig at the carpet, do his little circle, pause to kiss my hand, and flump down on the floor in an ungraceful heap. :-)
He spoke so cutely, he was always so excited for treats!
He was never too good at fetch. He'd get too excited, then run after the ball,. pick it up, drop it, and come back to me with no ball! hehe
I'm sorry this was so long. But this has helped me get through the night. I feel a little more at peace now, and might even be able to manage a short nap before work.