fall out of my heart&let my blood flow
fall out of my heart&let my blood flow.
broken!yunho/jaejoong. bff!jaejoong/yoochun. OT5.
PG-13.
angst.
a/n: inspired by why did i fall in love with you? by tohoshinki.
fall out of my heart & let my blood flow
Yoochun thinks Jaejoong's smile can break hearts now. Yunho remains oblivious.
"Hi! Jaejoong-ah!" Yunho runs to Jaejoong's back, encircles him into his arms, breathes in his scent. He's not sure why, but he feels the most comfortable when he does this. Yunho thinks of Jaejoong as a portable Gwangju. So he takes advantage of it as much as he can. Until he's in the arms of his family and friends back at home.
Jaejoong smiles. (Yoochun fills his eyes with the browns of his coffee.) Pats Yunho's hand. (Junsu babbles and sings to an unresponsive Changmin.) And uses his other hand to stir his steaming stew. (Changmin stares at his hyungs. Wants to solve the obvious problem that's been going on. For months. Wants to scream at Yoochun and Junsu for not doing anything. Wants to cry (crycry) for Jaejoong because he obviously has no tears in him left to shed. But he's the youngest, and feels he shouldn't(has no right) to intefere in their complcated web of a relationship.(He doesn't want to get caught in the stickiness of their shy glances or coldcold arguments. Like he's found himself doing soso many times.) He heads towards the bathroom. Door locked. Yoochun counts down the inevitable. 1. 2. 3-) The sounds of broken glass and ceramic feels like the scratching of a blackboard. He winces. But does nothing and continues drinking his coffee.
He doesn't think Changmin needs someone who feels the same way(or worse) than he does to comfort him. So he doesn't attempt to. Yoochun places his mug down and watches. Watches his hyung have his little bit of happiness that he knows is breaking him into pieces.
Junsu had stopped talking and singing awhile ago, when his distraction had left, so, he lets himself dream. Something he hasn't done in awhile. Seeing as his dreams seem to come true everyday. (He still hasn't found the perfect girl for him, but he doesn't think he's ready for a girlfriend yet.) He dreams of when his hyungs, him, and Changmin had all gotten along. Not that they don't now. It's just. He finds it hard for him to look at Jaejoong and Yunho in the eye, especially hard to look at Jaejoong nowadays. (He can see right through his hyung's masks. Has been able to ever since he's met the random&goofy side of Kim Jaejoong.) He dreams of when they were giddy and proud that they were going to debut. Dreams of when all they could do at the time was dream under shared roofs, twinkling stars, with hot and cheap noodle cups at hand. He smiles. He imagines his dreams being portrayed on a wall. The wall furthest away from Yunho and Jaejoong.
Jaejoong giggles when Yunho kisses up his jaw until he stops at his ear, and playfully blows into it. Jaejoong laughs and tells him to stop and that he'll ruin their dinner if he doesn't. Yoochun finds himself agreeing.
Yunho is greeted with a pretty face, small hands, and perfect teeth when he goes back home. Before he's able to ask who she was his mother walks into the entry way and her face beams at the sight of her son.
"Yunho-yah!" She circles her arms aorund his neck and pats his head.
"Hi mom. It's nice to finally see you and well, everyone else." Yunho lets go and smiles. His mother smiles back.
"You finally get a break! I thought you would never stop working! Well come,come and put your stuff down. I'll ask your father to put it in your room later. Dinner is still being made so you're going to have to wait a bit if that's alright honey. And oh, your little sister is in her room you should go greet her-" Yunho shifts his attention back to the girl.
"Mother, who is..." Yunho doesn't want to strike as rude, so he let's his obvious question hang in the air. His mother's smile broadens tenfold.
"Oh! I met this pretty young lady through one of your father's friends. She's so pretty and smart. I think you two would be perfect for each other!" Yunho feels his heart sink. Even though literally he knows his heart hasn't moved at all. He catches the girl blush at his mother's comment, smiles lightly and extends her hand.
"Hello oppa. It's nice to meet you."
Yunho stares at his her hand. Finds himself comparing hers to strong hands with long pale, slender fingers. It doesn't quench the ache he felt when he first saw the girl. So he continues to contrastcontrastcontrast. Her face isn't pale enough. Her laugh is too soft. She's too refined. She's too much like him. He concludes she doesn't come close in comparison. His eyes furrows. The problem was, he's not so sure with who though.
He accepts her hand. They're proclaimed as boyfriend and girlfriend when Yunho is called back to work.
Yunho feels he should keep the news of his girlfriend short and sweet. After dinner, he asks his members to gather in the living room. He clears his throat. Thinks it'll make him less nervous. It doesn't. "I have a girlfriend. My mother introduced us at Gwangju." He knows the boys heard nothing once he proclaimed his news because as he did Yoochun's eyes look to their window, Changmin fiddles with his hands, his head lowered and Junsu's face pales, his eyes wide as saucers. The only one who seems to comprehend what he said was Jaejoong, and he replies with a smile. "Congratulations Yunho. I'm happy for you."
Yunho feels disappointment filling his soul. A feeling he dreads the most. A feeling that makes himself hate his entire existence. (He feels it when his voice cracks. Feels it when he misses a beat during a dance, even though he's the proclaimed dancer of the group.) But he doesn't understand what he's done wrong and it hurts. Oh so much.
Yoochun and Jaejoong spend one of their rare early ended schedule days composing musical masterpieces. (Musical disasters. Jaejoong says to correct Junsu's and Changmin's and Yunho's praises.) Jaejoong is covered in scores, black ink, and half-written notes while Yoochun swivels in his chair, covered in nervousness.
"Jaejoong?" Jaejoong types away at his keyboard.
"Yeah?"
"Do you think you could, do me a favor?" This catches Jaejoong's attention and he prys his eyes away from his monitor to Yoochun's face.
"Yeah of course. What is it?" Yoochun looks away. He doesn't think he can take Jaejoong's reaction.
"Can you fall out of love from Yunho?" Jaejoong laughs loudly and Yoochun looks at him with wide eyes.
"Jaejoong...?" Jaejoong calms down and smiles.
"You don't think I've been trying to do that?" Yoochun looks at him sadly.
"..I'm sorry Jae...I-" Jaejoong shakes his head.
"It's okay. I know you care about me. But Yoochun. I knew the consequences of falling in love with Jung Yunho. I carefully thought about each one before making the decision to finally admit that yeah, I've fallen pretty hard for Yunho." Yoochun frowns.
"Yunho won't admit it." Jaejoong shrugs.
"It's his decision Yoochun."
"But it's not his decision. Deep down, he knows he likes you too Jaejoong-ah. His mind won't accept that love isn't just black and white. Boy and girl. Him and his stupid ideals and-" Jaejoong smiles. Yoochun feels his heart breaking.
"If it's that serious, I'm not going to force it out of him." Jaejoong turns back to his monitor, ends the conversation. He's made his point clear and Yoochun sighs.
"Hey Jae. I thought up a melody, wanna hear it?" Jaejoong turns swiftly to face him again and his hopeful smile might just be the tape to stick his heart together. To how it was like before.
It's a week before Jaejoong's birhday and Yunho's not sure what to get the man. He feels it should be special. Since he hasn't been home much to be with his girlfriend. He finds Jaejoong at the kitchen table, cutting up pieces of colorful paper and pictures. Yunho sits besides him.
"What are you doing Jaejoong-ah?" Jaejoong stops but doesn't turn towards him.
"Making a collage for Junsu, told me he wanted one....Does this look okay?" Jaejoong shows his masterpiece. Yunho nods.
"A work of art Jae." Jaejoong winks.
"Of course." Yunho laughs and Jaejoong gets back to work.
"Hey Boo?" Jaejoong holds a picture with his teeth.
"Hm?"
"If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?" Jaejoong's about to supply a ridiculous and Jaejoong-esque answer, until he sees Yunho's eyes. He reaches for a piece of red construction paper, draws a heart and writes 'YJ' in the middle and shows it to Yunho. Yunho is confused, is about to ask about it when Jaejoong tears the heart in half and pushes the piece with the letter Y on it to him. Jaejoong smiles weakly.
"That's what I want Yunho-yah." Yunho has to strain his ears to hear him, his voice barely coming out as a whisper.
"I. I don't understand Jaejoong-ah. What-" Jaejoong nods.
"It's okay Yunho, you don't have to. You already gave it to me." Jaejoong walks out of the kitchen, leaving a confused Yunho with a broken paper heart.
Yunho retires to his room thirty minutes later, deciding to decipher Jaejoong's wish later(taking the halves with him). Unaware Jaejoong was clutched to Yoochun's body, staining Yoochun's shirt with his tears. Letting go of all his memories of him and Yunho. Tear by tear. He was determined to do so. Until all remnants of Jung Yunho had fallen out of his heart.
At the age of 28, Dong Bang Shin Ki continued to be Asia's top artist. At the age of 28, Yunho has dated his girlfriend for two years, and proposes. At the age of 29, he gets married at a beautiful white church surrounded by friends and family. At the age of 29, SM decides to disband Dong Bang Shin Ki.
None of the boys are sure how to react to the news. Junsu breaks first.
They decide to get some fresh air(from their suffocating apartment) and walk to the park, when Junsu suddenly screams at the top of his lungs. This startles the others and they rush to his side. "What's wrong Junsu?" "Hyung?" "Su. Su What's wrong?" Tears start to stream down his face as he continues to scream.
Junsu chokes on his tears and abruptly stops his screams. Jaejoong scrambles to pat his back and tells Junsu to breathbreath ("Junsu. Junsu! Breathe. Breath dammit!") Junsu's breathing stables and the boys sigh in relief.
Jaejoong wraps his arms around Junsu's shoulders.
"Junsu-yah. What's wrong?"
"I-It's too early to stop singing! I want to keep singing hyung!" Yunho looks away in guilt. He smoothes his fingers over his wedding ring for comfort. He finds none.
Yoochun goes to hug Junsu and Changmin stands beside them.
"Hyung, you're not ever going to stop singing. Well, probably not for a long time anyway." Junsu rubs his tears away.
"I want to sing. But I don't want to sing without you guys. I-I don't think I could take on the whole world by myself."
Thry fall silent and stood stock still when Jaejoong wraps his arms around his waist, lays his head on the back of his shoulders.
"It's okay Junsu. When you go solo, which you better accept by the way, we're gonna be with you all the way. We're going to continue tackling the world together, just not beside you. But remember that we'll always be there. And, umma's not ready to let go of your hand, so you're not going to be alone for a long time. Kay Junko?"
Junsu laughs weak eu kyang kyangs, the last of his tears fading. Yoochun and Changmin pout.
"What about us Umma?" Jaejoong frowns and hugs Junsu tighter.
"I only have one son."
"What is this blashphemy?! I'm a way better son than Junsu! I'm a big boy who doesn't cry!" Yoochun proclaims proudly. Changmin snickers to himself as he deviously begins to plot his plan consisting of level 500 one-touches to level 1000 one-touches.
Junsu rolls his eyes.
"Pfft. You have enough tears to become a water plant for Seoul."
"Yah!" Yoochun jumps on Junsu and starts tickling him. With Junsu out of the way, Changmin sneaks his way to Jaejoong and starts one-touching like there's no tomorrow. Jaejoong screams in pain and attempts to retaliate. His efforts prove to be futile so he hides behind Yunho.
"Appa! I choose you!" Jaejoong pushes Yunho to Changmin and gets mercilessly one-touched in his stead.
"Yah! Jaejoong! I'm not your Pokemon!" Jaejoong's laugh radiates through the air and Yunho feels relieved that things had gone back to normal. But he misses Jaejoong's shy giggles when he was around Yunho. But takes advantage of Jaejoong's laugh and breathes it in into his soul.
Yunho and his newly wed wife decide to get their own home in Seoul. So, Yunho moves out a year later after the disbandment of Dong Bang Shin Ki. Their apartment is too far away from Junsu's new company studio so he moves to a closer apartment. Changmin goes back to college full-time and lives in the school's dorms. Jaejoong and Yoochun stay awhile longer, standing on the balcony, sharing a cigarette, sharing memories, sharing tears.
"Hyung, what, what are going to do now?" Jaejoong blows out smoke into the air and watches it dissipate.
"Hm. What are you going to do Chunnie?" Yoochun rolls his eyes and leans his head on the railing.
"Maybe be a full time composer. SM asked me to join their composing team actually. They said maybe I could compose for Junsu. They asked me to ask you too Jae. Wanna be partners in crime?" Jaejoong laughs loudly and freely, like it'll be the last laugh he'll ever experience.
"Partners in music?" Yoochun nods as Jaejoong smiles.
"Sounds nice." Yoochun was about to exclaim in happiness when he sees Jaejoong's eyes, sees dreams mirrored in them. Yoochun sighs.
"There's, there's something you want to do, right Jaejoong?" Jaejoong smiles weakly.
"You caught my Chunnie."
"You can do, or go, wherever you want go but, come back Jaejoong? Please?" Jaejoong smiles and hugs him.
"Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way."
They sleep together that night, thinking their warmth can somehow equal that to five people.
Yoochun finds out what Jaejoong had wanted to do the next morning when he wakes to a cold bed and a letter, written on a score.
Yoochun's eyes already blur, but he knows he should read it, even if he already knows what it says.
Gone to France. Will come back in a year. Maybe two.
I'm already beginning our world conquest. See Junko? You're not alone.
Study hard Min. Get good grades. Though I'm sure you will. Will miss your one-touches and you eating my food!
Yoochunnie, when I come back we'll be partners in music like I promised. And we'll create the most amazing compositions that they'll have to let us produce for Su. Don't worry soulmate.
Good luck with your wifey Yunnie. Maybe I'll get to see mini Yunho's running around when I get back? Just, don't kill your wife. Please.
Love you guys.
mwah, kisses. jae.♥
Yoochun thinks Jaejoong does fit to be Umma, because an hour later, Junsu, Yunho, and Changmin come for a surprise visit. They read the letter together huddled in their living room and cry their hearts out. Though they're sure Jaejoong's taken them with him.
Yunho doesn't think he's cried as much as he did now and wisheswisheswishes Jaejoong will come back soon. Because he's realized by now he needs Jaejoong in his life and cries for not realizing it sooner, and cries at the realization that deep down, he never wanted to admit that yes, he has been in love with Kim Jaejoong, and has been in love with Jaejoong for as long as he can remember. The domestic feeling with Jaejoong. The ache he felt when he first met his wife. The saddened looks from his other bandmates. Jaejoong's shy smiles and chuckles. The way Jaejoong smiled brighter when Yunho was with him. How his heart seem to soar when hearing Jaejoong's unrestrained laughs. Jaejoong's broken paper heart. These all fit into a puzzle called his heart. But he knows it's incomplete. For Jaejoong is not with him.
Fortunately, Jaejoong sends letters from time to time whenever he moves to a different part of France. But for the most part he stays in Paris, it's his favorite city of France.
His messages were short, but they were the rest of the (ex) members only indicators that Jaejoong was living.
Yunho becomes the spokesman for the replies of Jaejoong's letters. Being the member with the most time. He decided to become a full time author, being inspired by Tablo-hyung's written works. He's written mostly short fiction pieces though, trying to get the feel of the writing process. (As a job.) But he enjoys this slow pace nonetheless.
Unlike Jaejoong's letters, Yunho writes long, lengthy and detailed essays, describing how their 'kids' are doing, what's been happening in Korea, how he's doing.
Jaejoong's birthday was arriving and this time for his reply. Yunho draws a heart with it saying: "You'll always have it."
A week later, a letter from Jaejoong arrives and Yunho's hand shakes as he grips the piece of parchment. He opens it while sitting in his bed.
:) Thanks for letting my blood flow Yunho-yah. I appreciate it. Are you having a good married life? How're the kids doing?
jae.♥
Yunho isn't naive and ignorant as he was before and so he understands that Jaejoong's moved on without him and is finally living life without him bringing Jaejoong down. (He knows Jaejoong did all he could to hide his feelings from him to not change their friendship.) Yunho reaches for the two pieces of the heart Jaejoong made long ago, but the weight of his wedding ring bears too much tears, regret, and unrequited love that it becomes too heavy to find hope in piecing their hearts together.
a/n: didn't think i could write angst. D; but the song oozes out angst so it's kinda hard not to. 8D so uh. i know no korean and i don't think 'hyungs' is a word. :/ i've seen 'hyungdeul' before. is that the plural form for hyung?
broken!yunho/jaejoong. bff!jaejoong/yoochun. OT5.
PG-13.
angst.
a/n: inspired by why did i fall in love with you? by tohoshinki.
fall out of my heart & let my blood flow
Yoochun thinks Jaejoong's smile can break hearts now. Yunho remains oblivious.
"Hi! Jaejoong-ah!" Yunho runs to Jaejoong's back, encircles him into his arms, breathes in his scent. He's not sure why, but he feels the most comfortable when he does this. Yunho thinks of Jaejoong as a portable Gwangju. So he takes advantage of it as much as he can. Until he's in the arms of his family and friends back at home.
Jaejoong smiles. (Yoochun fills his eyes with the browns of his coffee.) Pats Yunho's hand. (Junsu babbles and sings to an unresponsive Changmin.) And uses his other hand to stir his steaming stew. (Changmin stares at his hyungs. Wants to solve the obvious problem that's been going on. For months. Wants to scream at Yoochun and Junsu for not doing anything. Wants to cry (crycry) for Jaejoong because he obviously has no tears in him left to shed. But he's the youngest, and feels he shouldn't(has no right) to intefere in their complcated web of a relationship.(He doesn't want to get caught in the stickiness of their shy glances or coldcold arguments. Like he's found himself doing soso many times.) He heads towards the bathroom. Door locked. Yoochun counts down the inevitable. 1. 2. 3-) The sounds of broken glass and ceramic feels like the scratching of a blackboard. He winces. But does nothing and continues drinking his coffee.
He doesn't think Changmin needs someone who feels the same way(or worse) than he does to comfort him. So he doesn't attempt to. Yoochun places his mug down and watches. Watches his hyung have his little bit of happiness that he knows is breaking him into pieces.
Junsu had stopped talking and singing awhile ago, when his distraction had left, so, he lets himself dream. Something he hasn't done in awhile. Seeing as his dreams seem to come true everyday. (He still hasn't found the perfect girl for him, but he doesn't think he's ready for a girlfriend yet.) He dreams of when his hyungs, him, and Changmin had all gotten along. Not that they don't now. It's just. He finds it hard for him to look at Jaejoong and Yunho in the eye, especially hard to look at Jaejoong nowadays. (He can see right through his hyung's masks. Has been able to ever since he's met the random&goofy side of Kim Jaejoong.) He dreams of when they were giddy and proud that they were going to debut. Dreams of when all they could do at the time was dream under shared roofs, twinkling stars, with hot and cheap noodle cups at hand. He smiles. He imagines his dreams being portrayed on a wall. The wall furthest away from Yunho and Jaejoong.
Jaejoong giggles when Yunho kisses up his jaw until he stops at his ear, and playfully blows into it. Jaejoong laughs and tells him to stop and that he'll ruin their dinner if he doesn't. Yoochun finds himself agreeing.
Yunho is greeted with a pretty face, small hands, and perfect teeth when he goes back home. Before he's able to ask who she was his mother walks into the entry way and her face beams at the sight of her son.
"Yunho-yah!" She circles her arms aorund his neck and pats his head.
"Hi mom. It's nice to finally see you and well, everyone else." Yunho lets go and smiles. His mother smiles back.
"You finally get a break! I thought you would never stop working! Well come,come and put your stuff down. I'll ask your father to put it in your room later. Dinner is still being made so you're going to have to wait a bit if that's alright honey. And oh, your little sister is in her room you should go greet her-" Yunho shifts his attention back to the girl.
"Mother, who is..." Yunho doesn't want to strike as rude, so he let's his obvious question hang in the air. His mother's smile broadens tenfold.
"Oh! I met this pretty young lady through one of your father's friends. She's so pretty and smart. I think you two would be perfect for each other!" Yunho feels his heart sink. Even though literally he knows his heart hasn't moved at all. He catches the girl blush at his mother's comment, smiles lightly and extends her hand.
"Hello oppa. It's nice to meet you."
Yunho stares at his her hand. Finds himself comparing hers to strong hands with long pale, slender fingers. It doesn't quench the ache he felt when he first saw the girl. So he continues to contrastcontrastcontrast. Her face isn't pale enough. Her laugh is too soft. She's too refined. She's too much like him. He concludes she doesn't come close in comparison. His eyes furrows. The problem was, he's not so sure with who though.
He accepts her hand. They're proclaimed as boyfriend and girlfriend when Yunho is called back to work.
Yunho feels he should keep the news of his girlfriend short and sweet. After dinner, he asks his members to gather in the living room. He clears his throat. Thinks it'll make him less nervous. It doesn't. "I have a girlfriend. My mother introduced us at Gwangju." He knows the boys heard nothing once he proclaimed his news because as he did Yoochun's eyes look to their window, Changmin fiddles with his hands, his head lowered and Junsu's face pales, his eyes wide as saucers. The only one who seems to comprehend what he said was Jaejoong, and he replies with a smile. "Congratulations Yunho. I'm happy for you."
Yunho feels disappointment filling his soul. A feeling he dreads the most. A feeling that makes himself hate his entire existence. (He feels it when his voice cracks. Feels it when he misses a beat during a dance, even though he's the proclaimed dancer of the group.) But he doesn't understand what he's done wrong and it hurts. Oh so much.
Yoochun and Jaejoong spend one of their rare early ended schedule days composing musical masterpieces. (Musical disasters. Jaejoong says to correct Junsu's and Changmin's and Yunho's praises.) Jaejoong is covered in scores, black ink, and half-written notes while Yoochun swivels in his chair, covered in nervousness.
"Jaejoong?" Jaejoong types away at his keyboard.
"Yeah?"
"Do you think you could, do me a favor?" This catches Jaejoong's attention and he prys his eyes away from his monitor to Yoochun's face.
"Yeah of course. What is it?" Yoochun looks away. He doesn't think he can take Jaejoong's reaction.
"Can you fall out of love from Yunho?" Jaejoong laughs loudly and Yoochun looks at him with wide eyes.
"Jaejoong...?" Jaejoong calms down and smiles.
"You don't think I've been trying to do that?" Yoochun looks at him sadly.
"..I'm sorry Jae...I-" Jaejoong shakes his head.
"It's okay. I know you care about me. But Yoochun. I knew the consequences of falling in love with Jung Yunho. I carefully thought about each one before making the decision to finally admit that yeah, I've fallen pretty hard for Yunho." Yoochun frowns.
"Yunho won't admit it." Jaejoong shrugs.
"It's his decision Yoochun."
"But it's not his decision. Deep down, he knows he likes you too Jaejoong-ah. His mind won't accept that love isn't just black and white. Boy and girl. Him and his stupid ideals and-" Jaejoong smiles. Yoochun feels his heart breaking.
"If it's that serious, I'm not going to force it out of him." Jaejoong turns back to his monitor, ends the conversation. He's made his point clear and Yoochun sighs.
"Hey Jae. I thought up a melody, wanna hear it?" Jaejoong turns swiftly to face him again and his hopeful smile might just be the tape to stick his heart together. To how it was like before.
It's a week before Jaejoong's birhday and Yunho's not sure what to get the man. He feels it should be special. Since he hasn't been home much to be with his girlfriend. He finds Jaejoong at the kitchen table, cutting up pieces of colorful paper and pictures. Yunho sits besides him.
"What are you doing Jaejoong-ah?" Jaejoong stops but doesn't turn towards him.
"Making a collage for Junsu, told me he wanted one....Does this look okay?" Jaejoong shows his masterpiece. Yunho nods.
"A work of art Jae." Jaejoong winks.
"Of course." Yunho laughs and Jaejoong gets back to work.
"Hey Boo?" Jaejoong holds a picture with his teeth.
"Hm?"
"If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?" Jaejoong's about to supply a ridiculous and Jaejoong-esque answer, until he sees Yunho's eyes. He reaches for a piece of red construction paper, draws a heart and writes 'YJ' in the middle and shows it to Yunho. Yunho is confused, is about to ask about it when Jaejoong tears the heart in half and pushes the piece with the letter Y on it to him. Jaejoong smiles weakly.
"That's what I want Yunho-yah." Yunho has to strain his ears to hear him, his voice barely coming out as a whisper.
"I. I don't understand Jaejoong-ah. What-" Jaejoong nods.
"It's okay Yunho, you don't have to. You already gave it to me." Jaejoong walks out of the kitchen, leaving a confused Yunho with a broken paper heart.
Yunho retires to his room thirty minutes later, deciding to decipher Jaejoong's wish later(taking the halves with him). Unaware Jaejoong was clutched to Yoochun's body, staining Yoochun's shirt with his tears. Letting go of all his memories of him and Yunho. Tear by tear. He was determined to do so. Until all remnants of Jung Yunho had fallen out of his heart.
At the age of 28, Dong Bang Shin Ki continued to be Asia's top artist. At the age of 28, Yunho has dated his girlfriend for two years, and proposes. At the age of 29, he gets married at a beautiful white church surrounded by friends and family. At the age of 29, SM decides to disband Dong Bang Shin Ki.
None of the boys are sure how to react to the news. Junsu breaks first.
They decide to get some fresh air(from their suffocating apartment) and walk to the park, when Junsu suddenly screams at the top of his lungs. This startles the others and they rush to his side. "What's wrong Junsu?" "Hyung?" "Su. Su What's wrong?" Tears start to stream down his face as he continues to scream.
Junsu chokes on his tears and abruptly stops his screams. Jaejoong scrambles to pat his back and tells Junsu to breathbreath ("Junsu. Junsu! Breathe. Breath dammit!") Junsu's breathing stables and the boys sigh in relief.
Jaejoong wraps his arms around Junsu's shoulders.
"Junsu-yah. What's wrong?"
"I-It's too early to stop singing! I want to keep singing hyung!" Yunho looks away in guilt. He smoothes his fingers over his wedding ring for comfort. He finds none.
Yoochun goes to hug Junsu and Changmin stands beside them.
"Hyung, you're not ever going to stop singing. Well, probably not for a long time anyway." Junsu rubs his tears away.
"I want to sing. But I don't want to sing without you guys. I-I don't think I could take on the whole world by myself."
Thry fall silent and stood stock still when Jaejoong wraps his arms around his waist, lays his head on the back of his shoulders.
"It's okay Junsu. When you go solo, which you better accept by the way, we're gonna be with you all the way. We're going to continue tackling the world together, just not beside you. But remember that we'll always be there. And, umma's not ready to let go of your hand, so you're not going to be alone for a long time. Kay Junko?"
Junsu laughs weak eu kyang kyangs, the last of his tears fading. Yoochun and Changmin pout.
"What about us Umma?" Jaejoong frowns and hugs Junsu tighter.
"I only have one son."
"What is this blashphemy?! I'm a way better son than Junsu! I'm a big boy who doesn't cry!" Yoochun proclaims proudly. Changmin snickers to himself as he deviously begins to plot his plan consisting of level 500 one-touches to level 1000 one-touches.
Junsu rolls his eyes.
"Pfft. You have enough tears to become a water plant for Seoul."
"Yah!" Yoochun jumps on Junsu and starts tickling him. With Junsu out of the way, Changmin sneaks his way to Jaejoong and starts one-touching like there's no tomorrow. Jaejoong screams in pain and attempts to retaliate. His efforts prove to be futile so he hides behind Yunho.
"Appa! I choose you!" Jaejoong pushes Yunho to Changmin and gets mercilessly one-touched in his stead.
"Yah! Jaejoong! I'm not your Pokemon!" Jaejoong's laugh radiates through the air and Yunho feels relieved that things had gone back to normal. But he misses Jaejoong's shy giggles when he was around Yunho. But takes advantage of Jaejoong's laugh and breathes it in into his soul.
Yunho and his newly wed wife decide to get their own home in Seoul. So, Yunho moves out a year later after the disbandment of Dong Bang Shin Ki. Their apartment is too far away from Junsu's new company studio so he moves to a closer apartment. Changmin goes back to college full-time and lives in the school's dorms. Jaejoong and Yoochun stay awhile longer, standing on the balcony, sharing a cigarette, sharing memories, sharing tears.
"Hyung, what, what are going to do now?" Jaejoong blows out smoke into the air and watches it dissipate.
"Hm. What are you going to do Chunnie?" Yoochun rolls his eyes and leans his head on the railing.
"Maybe be a full time composer. SM asked me to join their composing team actually. They said maybe I could compose for Junsu. They asked me to ask you too Jae. Wanna be partners in crime?" Jaejoong laughs loudly and freely, like it'll be the last laugh he'll ever experience.
"Partners in music?" Yoochun nods as Jaejoong smiles.
"Sounds nice." Yoochun was about to exclaim in happiness when he sees Jaejoong's eyes, sees dreams mirrored in them. Yoochun sighs.
"There's, there's something you want to do, right Jaejoong?" Jaejoong smiles weakly.
"You caught my Chunnie."
"You can do, or go, wherever you want go but, come back Jaejoong? Please?" Jaejoong smiles and hugs him.
"Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way."
They sleep together that night, thinking their warmth can somehow equal that to five people.
Yoochun finds out what Jaejoong had wanted to do the next morning when he wakes to a cold bed and a letter, written on a score.
Yoochun's eyes already blur, but he knows he should read it, even if he already knows what it says.
Gone to France. Will come back in a year. Maybe two.
I'm already beginning our world conquest. See Junko? You're not alone.
Study hard Min. Get good grades. Though I'm sure you will. Will miss your one-touches and you eating my food!
Yoochunnie, when I come back we'll be partners in music like I promised. And we'll create the most amazing compositions that they'll have to let us produce for Su. Don't worry soulmate.
Good luck with your wifey Yunnie. Maybe I'll get to see mini Yunho's running around when I get back? Just, don't kill your wife. Please.
Love you guys.
mwah, kisses. jae.♥
Yoochun thinks Jaejoong does fit to be Umma, because an hour later, Junsu, Yunho, and Changmin come for a surprise visit. They read the letter together huddled in their living room and cry their hearts out. Though they're sure Jaejoong's taken them with him.
Yunho doesn't think he's cried as much as he did now and wisheswisheswishes Jaejoong will come back soon. Because he's realized by now he needs Jaejoong in his life and cries for not realizing it sooner, and cries at the realization that deep down, he never wanted to admit that yes, he has been in love with Kim Jaejoong, and has been in love with Jaejoong for as long as he can remember. The domestic feeling with Jaejoong. The ache he felt when he first met his wife. The saddened looks from his other bandmates. Jaejoong's shy smiles and chuckles. The way Jaejoong smiled brighter when Yunho was with him. How his heart seem to soar when hearing Jaejoong's unrestrained laughs. Jaejoong's broken paper heart. These all fit into a puzzle called his heart. But he knows it's incomplete. For Jaejoong is not with him.
Fortunately, Jaejoong sends letters from time to time whenever he moves to a different part of France. But for the most part he stays in Paris, it's his favorite city of France.
His messages were short, but they were the rest of the (ex) members only indicators that Jaejoong was living.
Yunho becomes the spokesman for the replies of Jaejoong's letters. Being the member with the most time. He decided to become a full time author, being inspired by Tablo-hyung's written works. He's written mostly short fiction pieces though, trying to get the feel of the writing process. (As a job.) But he enjoys this slow pace nonetheless.
Unlike Jaejoong's letters, Yunho writes long, lengthy and detailed essays, describing how their 'kids' are doing, what's been happening in Korea, how he's doing.
Jaejoong's birthday was arriving and this time for his reply. Yunho draws a heart with it saying: "You'll always have it."
A week later, a letter from Jaejoong arrives and Yunho's hand shakes as he grips the piece of parchment. He opens it while sitting in his bed.
:) Thanks for letting my blood flow Yunho-yah. I appreciate it. Are you having a good married life? How're the kids doing?
jae.♥
Yunho isn't naive and ignorant as he was before and so he understands that Jaejoong's moved on without him and is finally living life without him bringing Jaejoong down. (He knows Jaejoong did all he could to hide his feelings from him to not change their friendship.) Yunho reaches for the two pieces of the heart Jaejoong made long ago, but the weight of his wedding ring bears too much tears, regret, and unrequited love that it becomes too heavy to find hope in piecing their hearts together.
a/n: didn't think i could write angst. D; but the song oozes out angst so it's kinda hard not to. 8D so uh. i know no korean and i don't think 'hyungs' is a word. :/ i've seen 'hyungdeul' before. is that the plural form for hyung?