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Here's a parody on Twas the Night Before Christmas. Though it's not near Christmas, I couldnt help but post my find of this poem in one of my serial killer books... :) enjoy.
"A visit from Old Ed"
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the shed,
all creatures were stirring, even Old Ed.
The bodies were hung from the rafters above,
White Eddie was searching for another new love.
He went to Wautoma for a Plainfield deal,
Looking for love and also a meal.
When what to his hungry eyes should appear,
But old Mary Hogan in her new red brassiere.
Her cheeks were like roses when kissed by the sun,
And she let out a scream at the sight of Ed's gun.
Old Ed pulled the trigger and Mary fell dead,
He took his old axe and cut off her head.
He then took his hacksaw and cut her in two,
one half for hamburger, the other for stew.
And laying a hand aside of her heel,
Up to the rafters went his next meal.
he sprang into his truck, to the graveyard he flew,
The hours were short and much work must he do.
He looked for the grave where the fattest one laid,
And started in digging with shovel and spade.
He shoveled and shoveled and shoveled some more,
Till finally he reached the old coffin door.
He took out a crowbar and pried open the box,
He not only was clever, but as sly as a fox.
As he picked up the body and cut off her head,
He could tell by the smell that the old girl was dead.
He filled in the grave by the moonlight above,
And once more Old Ed had found a new love.
by George Arndt
"A visit from Old Ed"
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the shed,
all creatures were stirring, even Old Ed.
The bodies were hung from the rafters above,
White Eddie was searching for another new love.
He went to Wautoma for a Plainfield deal,
Looking for love and also a meal.
When what to his hungry eyes should appear,
But old Mary Hogan in her new red brassiere.
Her cheeks were like roses when kissed by the sun,
And she let out a scream at the sight of Ed's gun.
Old Ed pulled the trigger and Mary fell dead,
He took his old axe and cut off her head.
He then took his hacksaw and cut her in two,
one half for hamburger, the other for stew.
And laying a hand aside of her heel,
Up to the rafters went his next meal.
he sprang into his truck, to the graveyard he flew,
The hours were short and much work must he do.
He looked for the grave where the fattest one laid,
And started in digging with shovel and spade.
He shoveled and shoveled and shoveled some more,
Till finally he reached the old coffin door.
He took out a crowbar and pried open the box,
He not only was clever, but as sly as a fox.
As he picked up the body and cut off her head,
He could tell by the smell that the old girl was dead.
He filled in the grave by the moonlight above,
And once more Old Ed had found a new love.
by George Arndt