[exo] a trip down memory lane
Title: a trip down memory lane
Fandom: exo
Pairing: suchen/jundae
Rating: r
Word count: 4,100
Summary: It takes a visitor at 1am in the morning to go straight to heaven.
a trip down memory lane
The doorbell rings, loud and reverberating through the dead of the night, echoing through each room. Jongdae groans and reaches out towards his lamp. The light that illuminates the room soon after is bright, so bright that it temporarily blinds him. He squints at his clock before glaring at the traitorous numbers that appear before him.
Who the hell pays a trip to an innocent soul at 1am in the morning? Jongdae thinks darkly, rolling off his bed before tugging on a sweater that he finds crumpled on the ground. He is halfway through putting on his pants when the doorbell rings again. It’s not even half a second later when the bell goes off once more, seemingly louder than before. Jongdae winces.
“I AM COMING, HOLD YOUR HORSES. PATIENCE IS A VERY GOOD VIRTUE THAT ALL OF MANKIND SHOULD POSSESS.” Jongdae all but shrieks, clambering down the stairs haphazardly before stumbling towards the door. The doorbell resounds again and Jongdae mentally moans. The neighbours are going to have his head for this.
“If this is that 24/7 express pizza delivery, I am sorry but I am just not interested in your special deals at 1am in the freaking night, morning whatever you call it-” Jongdae snaps with as much venom as he can muster when he opens the door, but the rest of his rant soon disappears off the tip of his tongue and he is left gaping when he takes in the appearance of his unexpected visitor.
The interrupter of Kim Jongdae’s beauty sleep merely raises an eyebrow at him, smirk gracing upon features. A sudden whirlwind of thoughts take over Jongdae’s mind and he is thrown back in time, back to days where days were endless with soft touches and, nights were spent kissing languidly under the stars.
“Joonmyun…?” Jongdae manages to choke out finally, staring shell-shocked at the person that is currently situated on his porch. His emotions are cluttered, thrown into absolute jeopardy and panic, because holy crap his first love and only love is standing less than a foot away.
“I don’t know how much Korea has changed since the last time I visited,” Joonmyun drawls, and the rich, velvety voice that Jongdae has grown to love sends shudders down his spine, “but I thought it was common courtesy to welcome guests into the house, especially if it is a winter night. Mind you, I didn't come visit you to get frostbite.”
“You should have visited me when it was actually morning.” Jongdae grumbles with no real bite. Joonmyun remains standing there, watching him with hooded eyes and an expectant tilt of his head. Jongdae sighs before opening the door wider.
“Come inside.”
=/=
Although we haven’t seen each other in years, this is just plain awkward, Jongdae thinks drily, watching the other from the corner of his eye. Joonmyun waltzes through the kitchen, humming contently while ruffling through the cupboards, searching for instant coffee no doubt. It’s funny, Jongdae thinks as the other shuffles through drawers for cups, it seems old high school habits don’t die off. Especially coffee addictions.
“Who gave you the right to suddenly infiltrate my kitchen like it is yours?” Jongdae mutters under his breath, glaring daggers at Joonmyun as the latter fiddles with the coffee machine. The soft whirl soon fills the room, and the familiar sound slowly seeps the tension out of Jongdae, muscles becoming slack, eyelids drooping ever so slightly. He jolts when a mug of coffee is pushed into his hand, the warmness instantly seeping in.
“You look exhausted.” Joonmyun comments as he sits opposite Jongdae, across the kitchen table, his own steaming mug of coffee in his hand, “Maybe you should get some rest?”
Jongdae scowls before taking a sip, wincing as the still hot coffee burns his tongue, “Well, unfortunately, I have someone here that is keeping me away from my beauty sleep.” Jongdae doesn’t miss the look that flashes across Joonmyun’s face. It’s that expression that makes him turn away, trying to hide his burning face.
Joonmyun suddenly leans forward across the table, and before Jongdae can even register what is going on, he finds the elder close. So close that Jongdae can see the fine lines that now crease the other’s face, the dark bags that seem more pronounced under the dim lighting, and the sweet, musky scent that is undoubtedly Joonmyun, the perfect angel that he has fallen for. The close proximity between them evokes some kind of nostalgia to sweep over Jongdae, and it leaves him feeling dizzy.
“We need to talk about the past.” Joonmyun says in a hushed voice, gaze determinedly capturing Jongdae’s, daring him to look away. Jongdae knows what’s coming, and he lets out an involuntary whimper because the last thing he wants to do is talk about what happened all those years ago.
The feeling of love, his friend once told him, is inexpressible with words. Back then, he realised the truth in that short statement, the feeling of being head over heels in love totally different to what he had originally thought was easy business. The young Jongdae thought that love was simple, was as straight forward as counting from one to ten, but the first fleeting contact with it had left him speechless and inexplicably intoxicated.
He remembers those days of hiding behind dusty book shelves in the school library, hoping to catch a certain music senior in the quiet lunchtimes. There were days where he just watched on with longing, at Joonmyun who was situated at the study desks, brows furrowed and pen forever in mouth. The confession from Jongdae comes not long after, with him stuttering and head bowed, cheeks flaming with embarrassment. Back then, Joonmyun was a stark contrast to Jongdae, calm and composed and high up in the social ladder, while the latter was a stumbling fool who lacked social etiquette. It was a wonder that Joonmyun had actually agreed, signature grin tugging at his lips.
=/=
“Why did you agree with going out with me?” Jongdae mumbles, eyes hidden under bangs, prodding at a tomato in his garden salad. Joonmyun looks up in surprise, obviously not expecting the forthcoming question. He pops a fry in his mouth and chews thoughtfully.
“Well, you’re cute,” Joonmyun starts off, gaze on Jongdae, “and I knew you had some sort of crush on me.” Jongdae lets out an involuntary garble and tries not to regurgitate his lunch right there and then because the mere prospect of Joonmyun knowing about his crush long before he confessed is enough to make him sick.
“You knew?” He splutters, eyes wide in horror. “Who told you? Was it Baekhyun? If it was, I am going to kill that boy-”
Laughter breaks out from the other and Jongdae stops to listen to it. It’s a nice sound; mellow and warm and sweet. It reminds Jongdae of summer days, with that slight hint of comfort the sun always brings.
“Or, it could be because I, as a very intellectual being, found out that a certain junior was watching me at lunchtime. Every single day.” Joonmyun’s eyes twinkle with amusement.
Jongdae, on the other hand, is far from amused. “Are you saying that you knew I was stalking you every day at the library?” he
deadpans.
The other shrugs and takes a sip of his coffee, “Kinda hard not to notice you. You aren’t exactly the most subtle spy.”
Jongdae lets out a groan before hiding his face behind his hands. He wonders if he should just run out of the cafeteria, because the embarrassment of this entire conversation is getting to him.
A hand gently tugs at Jongdae’s hand, and the younger feels fingers entangle with his. He dares a peek from his fingers and stares at Joonmyun questioningly. The latter chuckles.
“Well, being in love with me is hard, I know.”
Jongdae shrieks and bats the hand away, but the warmness that overtakes him leaves him reeling. Joonmyun grins before leaning across the table until their foreheads meet.
“Falling in love is always the hardest.”
=/=
But, no one told Jongdae that the fall that comes from heartbreak is harder. It’s unexpected and comes without notice, yet when it hits, it hits hard. Jongdae recalls pain, remembers weeping in his room for hours on end before emerging with red-rimmed eyes and a twisted heart. The loneliness that covers Jongdae like a cape is obvious for weeks, and the mere sight of Joonmyun in photographs is enough to have him breaking down in tears. He promises, later, to never fall in love again in the hopes of avoiding such feelings, feelings that feel like his heart is going to be ripped into pieces. It’s better for everyone, he concludes bitterly, especially for me.
However, Jongdae realises, as he is backed up to the wall, eager fingers skimming down his side, that it is happening all over again, that dreaded yet anticipated feeling that he is going to fall, harder, in love. With each passing moment, the fluttering feeling in his chest expands until Jongdae can’t even breathe, can’t even produce rational thoughts. All he can think about is Joonmyun, Joonmyun, Joonmyun.
“Can I?” Joonmyun’s lips ghost over Jongdae’s, so near yet so far, and the younger has to try his best to contain the embarrassing gasps that are falling from his lips. They are so close that Jongdae can feel Joonmyun’s body heat, so close that he is able to see himself reflected in Joonmyun’s eyes.
Jongdae nods before squeezing his eyes shut. His brain is on overdrive and inwardly, he is scolding himself, disappointed with his lack of restraint, disappointed that he is unable to resist the temptation of Joonmyun. But, here he is, pushed against the wall with the elder softly kissing the side of his neck, and his inner desires crowing at him to just go with the flow.
“I missed you.” Joonmyun whispers, lips trailing down Jongdae’s neck, voice low and husky with some unknown emotion that he is afraid to find out. Jongdae tries to give a response, any kind of response, but his attempt at producing something coherent dies out when Joonmyun gently nips at his neck. A spike of pleasure stirs deep down inside, and Jongdae bites back a whine at the all too familiar feeling, one that he has not felt in a long time. He wants this, that’s undeniable.
However, there is that little voice of sensibility at the back of his mind that urges him to stop, to stop repeating the same mistakes he had made years ago. It is these thoughts that force Jongdae to push Joonmyun off him before stumbling away, breathing heavy and hair mused. Joonmyun steps forwards, expression confused, but Jongdae holds his hand up, trembling while doing so.
“Jongdae, I-“Joonmyun starts hesitantly, but Jongdae cuts him off, hurt evident in his eyes and tone sharp.
“You left me,” Jongdae hates how his voice cracks and how the tears start to flow uncontrollably when he starts to speak. “You told me there was something between us, something genuine. Then you left. I thought--” he breaks off suddenly, tears blurring his vision. Jongdae wipes his eyes aggressively with the back of his hand, avoiding the embodiment of perfection that stands before him.
“I thought we had something special,” he continues. “When you agreed to go out with me, I was ecstatic. But I guess somewhere in the back of mind, I thought this was going to be some short fling, nothing serious. Why would you, a perfect music major with great aspirations, take a scruffy junior’s flimsy crush seriously?”
“But what we did in the summer, after you graduated, made me think otherwise. You said you loved me; you acted like you loved me. I thought you loved me,” Jongdae takes a shuddering breath before closing his eyes. “When summer ended, you were gone.”
“Jongdae, I can explain.” Joonmyun murmurs, face pained. Jongdae shakes his head, backing away ever so slowly, lips pursed and breathing haggard.
“You left no warnings, no messages, not even a little note,” Jongdae can feel his voice slowly breaking into hysteria with each passing second, but he cannot bring himself to care, “It was almost like you were never there. What was I meant to think? I couldn’t think. You broke me. After all these years, I was healing. And now you fucking appear before me again, like it’s no big deal that I haven’t seen you for years. What the hell am I meant to do?”
Warm hands cup Jongdae’s cheeks and they gently turn his face. He squeezes his eyes shut and whimpers, because he knows that if he looks, if he even dares a peek, all that self-restraint that is has built up will crumble and fall.
“Hey, look at me.” Joonmyun’s voice is soft. There is something in the elder’s voice that forces him to look up and Jongdae finds himself staring directly into Joonmyun’s eyes. The other’s gaze is affectionately soft and it takes all of Jongdae’s self-restraint to not lean forward, to not kiss the lips that he had longed for in his dearest dreams.
“I’m sorry.” The emotions that flitter across Joonmyun are ones that Jongdae is all too familiar with - pain, grief, guiltiness and longing. With that look, Jongdae’s resolve crumbles, the wall of protection that he has built for himself cracking, breaking down into tiny pieces, falling from its majestic reign.
“They offered me my dream job in New York, as a lyricist for a famous label,” Joonmyun carries on, and it stuns Jongdae to hear how broken the elder’s voice sounds, the vulnerability that lies within the cracks and crevices, “My whole family was ecstatic, thrilled that their second son was soaring up the ladder of society, had been able to achieve something that my brother did not. It was a once in a life time opportunity, and it was something that I have been longing to do for years.”
“But when you came into my life, everything changed. When you made an appearance in my life, a seed of doubt was planted within me. For the first time in my life, I was wondering if being a song writer was truly my dream, or if being with you for eternity was. You confused me so, left me in a bubble of doubt and wariness. So, I left - left before these feelings ate me up and destroyed me.” Joonmyun runs a hand through his hair, and the tiredness suddenly appears in his eyes, bright and obvious.
“But I-”
“What I meant to say,” Joonmyun interrupts, gaze pained, “is that I made a mistake. I should have never tried to run away from my troubles, from you. I should have faced you, should have been honest with you. But I was too weak. I couldn’t even leave you with an ‘I Love You’. It’s no wonder you feel like this.”
“I don’t understand.” Jongdae whispers brokenly. The urge to just go up to the other and cling helplessly to him is overwhelming and it takes all of his strength to quench it down. Joonmyun takes a deep breath before staring deep into the younger’s eyes.
“I-I think what I am trying to say is I love you, and that I never stopped loving you.”
Jongdae doesn’t realise he is crying until he feels Joonmyun’s warm, calloused hands gently wipe away the tears. The emotions within him have exploded, twisting and weaving themselves until the young male does not know what to think anymore. However, it is now, as Joonmyun presses a soft kiss upon his lips, that Jongdae realises that thoughts are irrelevant at the current point of time, that all he has to do is follow his feelings and just let go.
So Jongdae does exactly that, looping his arms around Joonmyun’s neck and bringing their mouths closer together, and god, it feels so right. Jongdae can’t help but notice how they seem to meld perfectly together, two jigsaw pieces that fit easily, as if they were made to be together. Jongdae bites Joonmyun’s bottom lip gently, hesitantly, and he revels in the beautiful moans that fall from the other’s lips. Joonmyun’s hands slowly make their way down his body, and Jongdae whimpers. The former’s touch leaves a trail of sparks behind in their wake, the burning sensation lingering long after the dancing fingertips are gone.
The kiss soon morphs into something frantic, something almost animalistic, and Jongdae moans, all feelings of modesty gone and out the window. He’s burning, burning all over, the desire so strong that it fills his senses, and all Jongdae wants is for Joonmyun to relieve him.
“Bedroom.” Joonmyun whispers into his ear before nipping at the lobe, eliciting another moan from Jongdae. Jongdae nods before trying to clear his mind and work out a sense of direction. It’s a wonder how they even manage to get to the bedroom, limbs tangled and mouths pressed hotly together, stumbling and tripping for majority of the trip. Jongdae is pretty sure he collided harshly with a couple of door frames on the way there, but it doesn’t really matter, because within the next second he finds himself sprawled on the bed with Joonmyun hovering over him. The springs creak in protest, but they don’t take any heed.
The moonlight shines through open curtains, casting a halo around Joonmyun’s head, and though the situation does not really warrant it, Jongdae can’t help but rake his eyes hungrily over the perfection that appears before him, the flawlessness that shines ever so brightly.
“What are you staring at?” There is a teasing lilt to Joonmyun’s voice as the elder leans down to brush his lips over the younger’s lips. The whimper that leaves Jongdae is almost pleading and he bucks upwards into Joonmyun’s form, a desperate attempt to get some sort of relief. The other male smirks before pinning his hips down, eliciting a groan from the younger.
“If I said you, would you hurry up?” Jongdae snaps back, but the retort is half-hearted as he stares at the other in despair. The lack of friction that he is receiving is almost unbearable and Jongdae wonders hazily if one can potentially die from horniness.
Joonmyun smiles an innocent smile before slipping a knee between Jongdae’s legs. The younger lets out a gasp when it presses against his crotch, the gesture almost teasing, and it ignites a fire within Jongdae’s gut.
“Please.” Jongdae whines, scrabbling at the other, gaze desperate and eyes pleading. That’s all it takes for Joonmyun to give in, shrugging out of his shirt with ease. He leans back down to level himself so that he is face to face next to the younger
“I’m sorry but you are going to have to stay up a bit later I do have to say.” Joonmyun’s voice is soft, but the dark promise that is interlaced into his words reprimands him that there are all more sleepless nights to come. So, Jongdae closes his eyes and allows himself to be swept away, into the night.
=/=
For the first time in years, Jongdae relives the nights that leave him tingling to the bone, the nights that he hopes will never end. The pleasure that envelopes him is strong, taking over his entire being until all he can do is hold on and hold tight. Joonmyun’s name becomes a mantra, a prayer that falls from his lips with every pant and groan. Jongdae’s drunk, drunk on love and feeling and Joonmyun. When he comes, he comes hard, whimpered whispers of ‘I love you’ spilling from his lips.
Later, when they are tucked into bed, sheets soiled and the early morning air cool, Jongdae can’t help but sleepily trace patterns onto Joonmyun’s shoulder. He’s real, he thinks, this is not a dream that I am going to wake up from. The other shifts, throwing an arm around the younger’s waist before pulling him closer.
“G’night.” Jongdae mumbles, eyelids heavy and drooping. It is only now that he realises how tired he is and just how comfy the pillows are right now. Joonmyun chuckles and presses an affectionate kiss upon the younger’s head.
“Sleep tight.” He whispers back, but Jongdae’s already asleep, breathing soft in the now quiet room.
The sun starts to rise in the distance and Joonmyun stares at it as golden hues start to paint the sky. It’s the new beginning of a new day, and the start of a new story. Joonmyun wraps his arms tighter around Jongdae before pressing a tender kiss upon the other.
“I love you.”
=/=
Sunlight streams through the window, dousing everything in morning light. Jongdae opens his eyes blearily, blinking at the sudden brightness that obstructs his vision. He groans as he tries to move, lower back aching with dull pain. He shifts a bit, turning around to try and avoid the glare from the window. He ends up finding himself face to face with a very naked Joonmyun.
“Good morning princess,” Joonmyun grins teasingly, reaching out to ruffle Jongdae’s hair. “Hope you slept well after last night.”
Jongdae lets out a surprised noise, sitting up so quickly that pain shoots up his backside again. He groans before shooting a glare at the other. Joonmyun simply chuckles before sitting up as well so that he is face to face with Jongdae. He leans forward and presses a kiss on the younger’s forehead, taking pleasure in the way red dusts Jongdae’s cheeks.
“What? Are you really that tired? Or is this just some silent response saying that you are already sick of my face?” Joonmyun teases when he receives no answer from the other. Jongdae merely swats at him, like he is an irritating bug of some sort, before settling back down, gaze still lowered.
“Honestly,” Jongdae murmurs, so quietly that Joonmyun has to strain to hear him, “That was the best sleep that I have ever had in a long time. And I like waking up to your face.” The alarm goes off, ringing loudly and clearly, but no one takes any notice. Jongdae peeks upwards, trying to catch the reaction of the elder, and the look that Joonmyun gives him is enough to make his mouth go dry.
“Have you not been sleeping well lately?” Joonmyun’s voice is quiet yet probing. Jongdae can feel himself burn up, but he gives a tentative nod as a reply. If he tries to provide a spoken reply, the end result might end up as incoherent garbling. Joonmyun’s look is still inquiring, so Jongdae tries one regardless.
“Well, yeah. College has been a pain in the ass lately, with all the assignments and stuff. But I feel better than I have been in weeks.”
Something changes in Joonmyun’s gaze, and he leans forward to quickly capture Jongdae’s lips in a chaste kiss. It is slow and sweet, nothing like the desperate kiss that they shared earlier. Joonmyun breaks it soon after however, and Jongdae whines at the loss of contact.
“That’s really odd though,” Joonmyun muses, massaging Jongdae’s lower back with one hand. It is an embarrassment how much of a turn on the motion is, and Jongdae tries to conceal any sign that lewd thoughts are running overtime in his mind, “Usually a person is dead after a round of sex, not rejuvenated like you are. Maybe you have some hidden kinkiness that I never found out about?”
Jongdae chokes on air.
It takes a few minutes for Jongdae to regain breath [and sanity], and his cheeks turn every shade of rouge when he notices Joonmyun trying to conceal a laugh behind his hand. It’s a pretty poor attempt, Jongdae thinks, scowling as he notices Joonmyun’s lip tugging upwards.
“Well, Jongdae,” Joonmyun whispers, leaning forward so that their foreheads are touching, and Jongdae has to remind himself how to breathe again. “Since I have this very strange ability to make you feel more ‘revitalized’, I think you are going to have to be stuck with me for a little longer. How do you feel?” The Cheshire-cat grin appears once again, gracing Joonmyun’s features.
“I am going to regret this aren’t I?” Jongdae replies sullenly, but he loops his arms around Joonmyun’s neck nonetheless and brings them, if possible, closer to each other.
“Maybe.” Joonmyun’s response is short, but the promise that is hidden within the words is clear. Jongdae grins, head tucked into the crook of the elder’s neck.
“Well, at least I am in heaven.”
=/=
- hello exo fanfic fandom wow look at this what a great way to introduce myself with this cringe worthy piece of work
- this is what happens when suchen feels get out of control
- lf you made it up to here, it’s been a hard journey for you, and I applaud you. sorry for this, and I quote, ‘sorry excuse of a suchen’ ;;;;;;;;;;; I think I just ruined this pairing.
- PLOTLESS CRAP IS PLOTLESS THERE IS LEGITIMATELY NO PLOT TO THIS STORY OH EM GEE. HOW DID IT EVEN GET TO 4000 WORDS ME NO UNDERSTAND.
- sorry to all the peeps that had to go through and beta this lousy oneshot: chii, chibi, aegi, vipoo and motato. though the amount of betaing some people did is questionable e u e;;;;;
- i am gonna dedicate this to the person who made me board the suchen titanic, sardothien, or whatthekeyq u q