Inhibition
Title: Inhibition
Pairing: Key/Jonghyun
Rating: NC-17
A/N: Mmmm shit hit the fan for me irl. Not gonna go into details but it produced this. I don’t feel like it’s the best thing I’ve written - the beginning is a bunch of metaphors and came out exactly how I wanted but the ending seems wrong and I need to post this before I decide it’s shit.
This is a KeyHyun. I’ve been meaning to write one for a while and this just seemed to be a good opportunity. IT'S ALSO LONG AS FUCK SO BE PREPARED.
I wanna dedicate this personally to goyangi who cheered me up. I wanna dedicate this to strongbabypanda cuz you’re not around as much as you used to be but you’re still on my mind. I wanna dedicate this to all my stalkers, I wanna dedicate this to all my lurkers that insist on reading and not commenting because I appreciate you guys, too. I wanna dedicate this to my friends. I wanna dedicate this to myself.
Posted without being read through for typos or grammatical errors, bear with me.
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It was a quiet sort of affair; the kind that when the public found out about it they would say “huh, that makes sense” followed by “wow they kept it secret so well”. It was the quiet sort of affair that no one could even suspect anything behind closed doors, but that was how Key had wanted it, a private affair that was simple on the surface and complicated at heart.
Anyone that did know protested against it but of course love was blind, and Key had the thickest, blackest blindfold over his eyes every time he went out with his lover. Key couldn’t see anything even when his lover down-talked him, he couldn’t see anything when he was even physically hit, and he especially couldn’t see anything when scandals were picked up and spread all over the news and the internet, right there in plain sight.
So one day Key came home and dropped his keys on the table like usual, shrugged out of his jacket and hung it over a kitchen chair like usual, and started to fix himself a cup of coffee like usual.
But what was unusual, Jonghyun noticed, was how one cheek was a brighter red than the other, and how the tears seemed to be falling down Kibum’s cheeks endlessly, the clear liquid catching on the light and leaving sad streaks behind them, staining the flushed skin. What was unusual was Kibum’s gait, his shoulders hunched and a slight limp in his left leg. What was unusual, Jonghyun noticed, was the complete… silence that filled the dorm even with Key inside of it.
Even if Kibum and his lover had gotten in a fight, even if Key had a horrible day with his schedule or his coordi nunas, there was almost always and endless stream of stories, which all to Jonghyun sounded like complaints, anyway. Kibum was always talking and all of a sudden the absence of his voice was deafening on Jonghyun’s ears.
Jonghyun stood up from the couch where he had been relaxing and reading a book, enjoying having the dorm to himself for once. Jinki was at his musical, Taemin was at school and Minho was at the gym doing some extra training for Dream Team, and Jonghyun was for once completely alright with the fact that he didn’t have anything special going on for himself.
What he wasn’t alright with, was the fact that a cloud was hovering over Kibum, raining down on him, raining down his cheeks visibly for the whole world to see, weighing him down and nearly dragging his knuckles on the floor.
“Hey, Kibummie,” Jonghyun greeted as he moved into the kitchen, his voice soft as his eyes took in Key’s appearance. He could see the cracks forming, splitting Kibum into dozens of pieces on the surface, and Jonghyun vaguely wondered if Kibum was going to shatter and if he did, would that mean Jonghyun would have seven years of bad luck? “Here, let me do that.”
Kibum’s hands were shaking too hard, fingers trembling as he tried to pull the coffee filters apart. His nails were catching the individual pieces but they were failing to get a good grip, the flimsy paper just falling back against each other, and Jonghyun gently took the filters out of Kibum’s hand and pulled out a single one, putting it inside of the coffee maker and pouring the grounds in it, shutting everything and turning it on. Key merely mumbled his thanks and went to turn around, probably to sit at the table, but Jonghyun’s hand grasped Kibum’s wrist to stop him from turning.
Jonghyun wished he hadn’t.
Kibum’s wrists had always been dainty, his hands delicate, but in Jonghyun’s hand, wrapped tightly in his fingers, Key felt breakable, like he could be destroyed with even the loosest grip. Jonghyun released Kibum’s wrist and knew that wasn’t true. He had seen the bruises that sometimes littered Key’s arms and knew that Key would always stand straight, never broken, always be full of resolve and even though he was being suffocated, even though his hands and wrists and even his ankles were bound, he wasn’t going to break.
Why did he look like he was about to crumble, then?
Key’s eyes rose to Jonghyun’s and they finally made eye contact for the first time, and Jonghyun felt his breath hitch in his throat. Those feline eyes that were usually full of such power and charisma, those eyes that pierced through anyone with a simple glance, those eyes that made Jonghyun melt… Those eyes were full of hurt, of shame, of guilt, of everything that the Almighty Key should never feel because to Jonghyun he was anything but guilty, anything but shameful.
“Kibum…” Jonghyun whispered.
The tears that had been silently streaming down Kibum’s cheeks suddenly amplified and it wasn’t small rivers making their way down flushed skin, it was white water rapids and Jonghyun felt like he was going to drown if he didn’t find a raft to get onto, a branch to hold on to. Kibum shook his head and they fell from his cheeks to his jaw and down onto his chest, his neck, and Jonghyun didn’t think twice before he wrapped Kibum up in an embrace.
Instantly Kibum’s hands clutched onto Jonghyun’s loose shirt like he was a life force, like it was Kibum that was drowning in his own tears and Jonghyun was a sturdy branch to grab on to, a branch that would help pull him to shore. Key’s breath hitched and he choked on the sobs that he was trying to keep back, and Jonghyun ran his fingers through Kibum’s slightly mussed hair and pressed a kiss to the side of his head.
That was all it took for Key to break down, the cracks in his flawless appearance ripping through him so forcefully that Jonghyun felt the breath be knocked out of his lungs, he felt his own knees grow weak and soon he and Kibum were on the floor, Jonghyun on his butt with his legs spread, Kibum curled up between his legs, now clutching on to the front of the older boy’s shirt as he cried, he bawled, he sobbed, tears and snot mingling onto the material he was clinging on to.
Jonghyun closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Kibum securely. This time it must have been for real. This time Kibum’s lover must have decided he had had enough, that he didn’t need Key anymore. While Jonghyun was relieved that Kibum was finally out of that horrid man’s grasp, he was still feeling a deep sense of hatred towards that faceless, nameless man that didn’t even bother to meet Kibum’s friends, his family, his bandmates. The man that treated Key like a prize instead of a boyfriend. The man that took advantage of Kibum’s good heart that was hidden beneath the feisty exterior. The man that broke Key down little by little, the man that bound and gagged Kibum’s free will. The man that spoke nothing of lies towards this beautiful, broken person in Jonghyun’s arms.
This beautiful, broken person that Jonghyun wanted to badly to pick up and piece back together, this beautiful, broken person that had so much to offer. This beautiful, broken person that had his bitchy moments, this beautiful, broken person that did nothing but put others before himself. This beautiful, broken person that worked his ass off to get whatever he damn well pleased.
This beautiful, broken person that Jonghyun had fallen irrevocably in love with.
Rocking Kibum slightly, Jonghyun hummed softly, and he did so for the next ten minutes, his ass getting numb along the way but his iron will keeping him in that spot for Kibum, whose sniffles and whimpers gradually lessened until Jonghyun almost thought that Key had fallen asleep. Almost, if it weren’t for the fact that Key’s fingers still had a death grip on his shirt, and his breathing still stuttered occasionally.
Helping the younger to his feet, Jonghyun tilted Kibum’s chin up, taking in the tear-stained face, those eyes that were deep black pools of emptiness and broken promises. Tsking his tongue, Jonghyun pressed a kiss to Key’s forehead and then slid his hand down Kibum’s arm to lace his fingers with the rappers’, tugging him towards the bedroom.
“C’mon, you need some rest,” Jonghyun said, and after that long while of not speaking at all, his voice cracked a bit. He cleared it and waited for Kibum to make fun of him for it, but the rebuke didn’t come, and Jonghyun moved over to Key and Minho’s shared bunk, standing on Minho’s mattress in order to reach up and pull the covers down and beckon Kibum to climb up and get in.
The younger did so, still mute as he crawled up onto his mattress, lazy, numb fingers trying to work his shirt off of his body. Clucking his tongue again, Jonghyun heaved himself up onto the bunk and sat on the edge, reaching out and pulling Kibum’s shirt up and over his head, tossing it down on to the floor. Key didn’t comment on the fact that Jonghyun should have aimed for the hamper, and Jonghyun licked his lips with worry as his fingers moved down to undo the buckle of Kibum’s belt.
But Key gasped, his hands shooting down to Jonghyun’s to catch him by the wrists, halting his movements as Kibum wriggled, legs flailing out as his slender body slammed into the wall, trying to get as far from Jonghyun as possible. Instantly Jonghyun lifted his hands away and raised them into the air, not sure why Kibum was freaking out the way he was, his hands frozen as he watched Key curl in on himself.
“I can do it myself.”
Brow furrowing, Jonghyun that no, Kibum couldn’t undress himself, and he most likely wouldn’t, either. But as he reached forward to touch Kibum’s hand, the younger merely shook his head and whimpered, and suddenly realization hit Jonghyun like a flash flood. But the shock of realization soon left Jonghyun and suddenly incomprehensible rage filled his veins, seeping out of his pores and crackling in the air as he swung his legs over the edge of the bunk and dropped down to the floor.
Key didn’t even look up when Jonghyun left, but as Jonghyun slammed the door behind him, Kibum whimpered and drew the blankets up over himself, closing his mind and body off from the world around him.
Hours later, Jonghyun slipped back into bed with Kibum, being careful to not wake the slumbering beauty. He wrapped his arms around Key and Key just sort of melted into him, and it reminded Jonghyun of how a mother embraces her child to comfort them after a trying time. When he inhaled Kibum’s shampoo he was reminded of crisp summer mornings, seven a.m. when the sun had been up for a few hours but still hadn’t warmed the Earth completely. Seven a.m. when kids were still sleeping in because they had no school, mornings when the neighbors were mowing their lawns in order to beat the heat wave that was sure to happen.
Jonghyun closed his eyes and pulled Kibum as close to his chest as he could without suffocating the boy, trailing his hand down the bare back. His fingers skimmed along Key’s pants only to discover that Kibum had managed to get out of his own clothes and into a pair of pj pants, and Jonghyun was grateful. Key would have just complained in the morning about his belt digging into his stomach anyways.
Kibum shifted and purred lightly in his sleep, his lips brushing against Jonghyun’s throat. Heat flared up Jonghyun’s face and he was sure he was red now, and he was cursing his body for reacting this way. But Key nuzzled closer and Jonghyun tilted his head back a bit, feeling Kibum’s breath ghosting over his skin as his thin arms wrapped around Jonghyun’s body. Heart rate picking up, Jonghyun closed his eyes and thought about how hurt Kibum was, how broken he was, and how he was going to piece him back together.
A leg draped over his own and their bodies aligned differently, now, and Jonghyun sucked in a breath as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm himself down. He was here to help Kibum, to try and erase any marks that the bastard had left, his job to make them all better - the visible and the invisible scars.
“I’m awake, Jjong.”
Kibum’s voice shot through the darkness and nearly gave Jonghyun a heart attack, as he relaxed his hold on the younger and pulled back. It was the first thing Kibum had said virtually all day to him, and he was surprised when it came out collected, controlled, and even… playful.
“You were squishing me,” Kibum mumbled as he rubbed his eyes and yawned, and Jonghyun blushed in the darkness.
“Sorry,” the older mumbled, but when he moved to pull away from Key, he was surprised when the other’s hold on him tightened.
“Thank you.” Kibum’s words were muffled by Jonghyun’s chest, the heat from his breath seeping through the thin tank top that the older was wearing. “Thank you…”
“Don’t thank me,” Jonghyun said, running his fingers through Key’s hair, bringing forth that wonderful scent once again. “I just wanted to show you what it was like.”
He felt Kibum’s brow furrow against his chest, and he met Key’s eyes as he pulled back to look at the older male. “Show me what?”
“What love is.”
Kibum’s features softened and a gentle blush dusted his high cheek bones, Jonghyun’s knuckles reaching up to gently brush against the heated skin. He nuzzled into the touch like a content kitten and Jonghyun wondered how anyone could abuse such a beautiful person, such a kind person, such an open and giving person.
When Key leaned in and pressed his lips against Jonghyun’s, the older had to wonder if he was dreaming. Lips like velvet, hair like satin, fingers like fire and a voice like honey. Even if it was a dream Jonghyun wasn’t going to deny the younger boy anything, ever, and as Kibum moved over him and started to kiss down his jaw, he realized that this was how he could repair the broken beauty above him.
Not with words, not with cheap gifts and most certainly not with any form of guileless persuasion.
With love.
With hope.
With tenderness, with awe, with a worship that was worthy to bestow upon Kim Kibum, the most amazing person in Jonghyun’s world.
Their lips melted together and Jonghyun wanted to get lost in the taste, lost in the sensation of the heavy but comforting weight that was above him. Kibum’s fingers pulled Jonghyun’s shirt over his head and everything was moving slowly and smoothly, almost as if the moment would be shattered should one of them make a sudden movement. Their chests brushed together and the heat intensified, Jonghyun gasping softly as Key’s lips trailed down his jaw to his neck, nibbling and leaving small love bites in his wake.
A brief thought about coordi nunas and make-up and questions went through his head but it was gone just as quickly as it had entered, Kibum’s tongue trailing a slow, languid circle around his nipple and suckling on the bud gently, teeth ever so lightly grazing over it. Jonghyun gasped and arched his back into the touch, closing his eyes only for a second before he decided he wanted to watch every movement that Kibum made.
Fingers tangling in that smooth, lustrous hair, Jonghyun cursed that it was dark in the room, cursed that he was so comfortable beneath Kibum as he let the other take control of the situation. He wanted to get a better view of Key, even though his eyes were adjusted to the darkness. Reaching out with his free hand he managed to find the string to the blinds on the window, pulling them open and flooding the room with the iridescent moonlight, the light of which flooded over Kibum’s features and lit up his pale skin to a dreamy glow.
Jonghyun ran his hands down Kibum’s bare arms and back up to his shoulders, Key shuddering slightly at the contact. The older kept reminding himself that this was for Kibum, he was doing this for the rapper because he needed to be in control for once, he needed to do what he wanted to do without feeling pressured or like he had to do anything. It was no secret that what’s his face kept Key on a tight leash; Jonghyun cut that leash, threw away the collar, and was ready to let Kibum roam free, his own body being the playground for Kibum to discover.
Perhaps it was like entering a new world, a completely different universe, because Kibum’s eyes lit up in a way that Jonghyun had never seen them do so. They were as bright as the stars outside yet still as dark as the inky sky that held them. Kibum’s hands slid down Jonghyun’s body, undiscovered territory until now, and Kibum’s eyes locked on Jonghyun’s, as if searching for the key to the map.
But surely…
Kibum should have known that he was the key to Jonghyun’s map, knowing what each symbol represented, knowing every piece of terrain - every tree bowed in the wind, every river winding in all directions, every mountain that rose high and proud.
But Key didn’t know that, and Jonghyun was going to show him. Grasping onto Kibum’s delicate wrists carefully, those wrists that only seemed fragile but Jonghyun knew had a terrible whiplash to them, he pushed them down to his pants and Key’s fingers caught on the denim, before Kibum broke eye contact and focused on the trousers.
The sound of the button unsnapping was deafening.
The sound of the zipper being pulled down was exhilarating.
And the feel of them being shifted off of Jonghyun’s hips was sending the elder’s mind on a trip, as he bit his lip and lifted his hips off of the bed, allowing Kibum to pull them off completely and toss them to the floor. His boxers soon followed and though he was naked and Key wasn’t, which was slightly unnerving, he allowed it because this was Kibum’s time, this was his chance to do things how he wanted.
But thankfully Kibum untied his drawstring and shimmied out of his pants, Jonghyun’s eyes hungrily devouring the flesh that was exposed. Jonghyun thought that Key looked good with the sunlight washing over his features, all pale skin and pink lips, but the incandescent glow of the moon on his hair and his skin was making Kibum look like a fallen angel, a sexy, beautiful, desirable fallen angel that Jonghyun felt his resolve crumbling for.
Reaching out, Jonghyun’s fingers splayed on Kibum’s sharp hips and the shudder that ran through Key’s frame was something that Jonghyun could taste on his tongue and oh, he would savor it and imprint it onto his taste buds. His hands slid up that slender waist and then up to Kibum’s shoulders, drawing him close for a kiss, their lips melting together, tastes mingling as their bare bodies met, Key’s growing erection meeting with Jonghyun’s, the added electrocution eliciting a groan from the back of the vocalists’ throat.
Jonghyun spread his legs so Key could rest comfortably between them, their cocks still sliding together slowly as Kibum rocked gracefully against him, his movements precise and full of calculation, drawing out the start to the finish before his hips moved back and started all over again. Jonghyun had never done anything like this before but damn Kibum was a seasoned pro, and while it hurt to think that Kibum had been virtually trained to be a pet for pleasure, Jonghyun’s body was thrumming with excitement as Key’s hands and lips managed to find all of his erogenous zones and use them to his advantage.
Pleasure was shooting through Jonghyun’s veins and he let out a slight whimper, and Kibum chuckled in such a manner that the vocalist wasn’t sure he could handle hearing, his cock tightened and he was sure he was going to cum just at the sound. At first this was about showing Kibum what love making was, how different it could be from fucking, but Jonghyun’s inexperience was slowly starting to seep through to the surface and he wasn’t sure how much longer his ‘make love’ thoughts were going to last.
Not with the way Kibum was staring at his cock as if it were the most delicious looking morsel on the planet.
Jonghyun cried out and tangled his fingers in his hair as wet heat developed his cock, the sounds of Kibum slurping along his erection echoing in his ears and the elder was thankful that the dorm was still quiet, that they were still the only ones home because damn, there was no way he could cover up what he and Key were doing, there was no excuse that could get him out of this situation.
He didn’t want to think of an excuse anyway; if one of the other members entered at this time he would have thrown the nearest object and told them to kindly get the fuck out.
Grunting, face scrunching up with pleasure, he dropped his head back and panted as Key’s lips left his erection but spit dribbled down the side, an obscene amount and Jonghyun should have been disgusted by he imagined the spit dribbling from Kibum’s lips and chin and connecting him to the head of his dick - he opened his eyes and glanced down and sure enough the real thing was way better than his imagination, the glint of the moonlight reflecting off of the saliva that strung from Kibum’s chin to his dick.
Kibum lowered himself and lifted up Jonghyun’s legs, spreading them further as his mouth continued to produce insane amounts of saliva, his fingers starting to collect it and move towards Jonghyun’s entrance. The elder knew what was coming, there was no denying it; Kibum gently pressed the first finger in, wriggling it around, and Jonghyun squirmed along with it, gritting his teeth and trying not to think about how it felt like a backwards bowel movement.
Steadying his breath and thinking about much more pleasant thoughts, like Key’s teeth and lips nipping at the insides of his thighs, Jonghyun relaxed the best he could. Kibum was moving slow and carefully, even as he added a second finger. The stretching sensation started to burn a bit but Key’s lips encircled his cock once again, lapping at the tip and sucking on it like he couldn’t get enough of the taste and that alone was enough to send another pleasure lightning rod to the top of Jonghyun’s scalp, reaching all the way down to his toes, making them curl into the sheets.
Soon three fingers were inside of Jonghyun and by now the wriggling inside of him was lessening in pain, but Kibum flicked his wrist and crooked his digits and all of a sudden blinding, white-hot pleasure caused a tremor to rock Jonghyun’s body and oh it felt so amazing, it felt like fireworks were exploding in his head and his chest and his groin and he let out a howl, voice cracking in the middle of it and going hoarse.
Kibum chuckled and pressed a kiss to Jonghyun’s mouth, which was slack with the aftershocks of the intense pleasure, his eyes slightly fuzzy as Key’s smiling face entered his vision. It took Jonghyun a moment to reciprocate but he returned the kiss and wrapped his arms around Key and wrapped his legs around that slender waist, pulling Kibum closer and causing the youngers’ dick to bump against his stretched entrance. An involuntary shudder ran through Jonghyun’s limbs and he pressed Key all the closer, a small whimper leaving his throat.
“Please, Kibum.”
Sealing their lips together, Kibum carefully pressed into Jonghyun’s body and really Jonghyun felt like his body spontaneously combusted and that he was being ripped inside. Key wasn’t particularly big but he wasn’t the smallest either and at this point Jonghyun would have gladly gone back to the fingers for a while longer. Nothing could have prepared him for this sensation that was gut-wrenching and seam-splitting, but all the same it was…
Amazing.
It was like Jonghyun could literally see the cracks mending in Kibum’s glossy surface as he seated himself within the slightly smaller man’s body. It was like Jonghyun’s body had mended all that was broken with Key, it was like the love that Jonghyun poured out of his eyes, his fingertips, out of every fiber of his being was the glue that was putting Key back together, and Jonghyun couldn’t help it. Tears gathered in his eyes both from pleasure, pain, and utter relief that he felt like he might have the old Kibum back, that he had the man he had fallen in love with years ago.
Kibum rocked forward and the feeling intensified, and Key kissed the tears off of Jonghyun’s cheeks and yeah, Jonghyun felt a bit like a girl but Kibum was taking care of him. Kibum was showing a side that he had only shown one other person - a vulnerable, easily broken side and he was putting his trust in Jonghyun and that felt almost just as good as the cock that was moving deep inside of him.
Jonghyun had never fucked in his life. He had never made love, either. But being here with Kibum was like a happy medium, a perfect blend of the carnal pleasure mixed with the underlying current of affections that was swimming through their veins.
His body was on fire and every thrust that Kibum pushed forward was dampening him, but every time Key pulled back he was igniting the flames again, and Jonghyun was sure that his body temperature shouldn’t be that high or else he might need a trip to the hospital but everything was too good to pass up. He couldn’t pass up this beautiful moment, and he wouldn’t for anything in the world.
Not a million dollars, not for a time share in Tahiti, not for a lifetime record label doing solo activity, not for the sun or the moon or the entire universe.
Jonghyun wouldn’t exchange this feeling for anything.
“Jonghyun…” Kibum’s voice was low in his ear as their bodies rocked in tandem and Jongyhun’s arms wound around the rapper’s body, bringing him closer to feel every inch of skin, to feel their sweat slide together, the perspiration collecting and dropping onto his skin and mingling with his own, soaking the bed sheets.
“Fuck, Kibum…” Jonghyun panted in response after a pregnant pause, his words now hanging in the air before getting sucked into the depths of moans and grunts and pants and skin slapping on skin.
It didn’t take long for inexperience of Jonghyun’s body to kick in, his body tensing as Kibum shifted and hit his g-spot, his toes curling and his hands dropping to the bed to grip at the sheets, twisting in them as his back arched and his eyes opened to stare blindly at the ceiling, white dotting his vision as he rocked his hips and begged for Kibum to give him more of that wonderful sensation. Key delivered, and their lips joined just as Jonghyun was sent over the edge, crying out into Kibum’s mouth, and soon Kibum stilled as well, lips still latched to Jonghyun’s, chapped and roughing up Jonghyun’s in return, tongues sliding lazily against each other as Kibum pulled out and collapsed onto the bed next to Jonghyun.
Jonghyun winced slightly at the feel of Kibum’s cum dripping out of him, and he cleaned himself off with the corner of the duvet before throwing it onto the floor and pulling the top sheet over them, his skin still overheated and by the way Key’s skin was flushed a light pink even in the moonlight, he knew that the rapper didn’t want a heavy blanket, either. Turning to face Kibum, Jonghyun was a bit surprised to see Key looking back at him, a serene smile stretched on his angelic features, and Jonghyun was even more surprised when the beautiful man wrapped him up in his arms and kissed his forehead.
“Thank you, Jonghyun.”
Jonghyun stayed silent.
“Thank you… for showing me what love is. You did a really good job.” Key chuckled, and Jonghyun smiled as he wrapped his arms around Key’s body, fitting their torsos, legs and arms together perfectly, just like they have fit in the same way for the past few years.
After a few moments of silence, Jonghyun spoke into the darkness, “Kibum?”
Key made a noise to show he was paying attention.
“This time, don’t go back to that asshole. Just stay with me, alright?”
“Stay with you?” Jonghyun could hear the arched brow and the smirk in Key’s reiteration. “Right here? In this bed?”
Jonghyun grit his teeth and nudged Kibum’s arm, “Not in this bed, come morning you’ll be bitching about the sheets needing washed and how I threw the clothes on the floor.”
He could feel the pause in the air, and when Key spoke Jonghyun wished he hadn’t said anything.
“You mean you just threw the clothes on the floor!? You couldn’t aim for the hamper!?”
Kim Kibum was the most beautiful thing in Jonghyun’s world. And while Jonghyun was pretty high up on Kibum’s list, laundry would always be at the top, and damn, it was hard to beat a pair of dirty jeans.
Pairing: Key/Jonghyun
Rating: NC-17
A/N: Mmmm shit hit the fan for me irl. Not gonna go into details but it produced this. I don’t feel like it’s the best thing I’ve written - the beginning is a bunch of metaphors and came out exactly how I wanted but the ending seems wrong and I need to post this before I decide it’s shit.
This is a KeyHyun. I’ve been meaning to write one for a while and this just seemed to be a good opportunity. IT'S ALSO LONG AS FUCK SO BE PREPARED.
I wanna dedicate this personally to goyangi who cheered me up. I wanna dedicate this to strongbabypanda cuz you’re not around as much as you used to be but you’re still on my mind. I wanna dedicate this to all my stalkers, I wanna dedicate this to all my lurkers that insist on reading and not commenting because I appreciate you guys, too. I wanna dedicate this to my friends. I wanna dedicate this to myself.
Posted without being read through for typos or grammatical errors, bear with me.
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It was a quiet sort of affair; the kind that when the public found out about it they would say “huh, that makes sense” followed by “wow they kept it secret so well”. It was the quiet sort of affair that no one could even suspect anything behind closed doors, but that was how Key had wanted it, a private affair that was simple on the surface and complicated at heart.
Anyone that did know protested against it but of course love was blind, and Key had the thickest, blackest blindfold over his eyes every time he went out with his lover. Key couldn’t see anything even when his lover down-talked him, he couldn’t see anything when he was even physically hit, and he especially couldn’t see anything when scandals were picked up and spread all over the news and the internet, right there in plain sight.
So one day Key came home and dropped his keys on the table like usual, shrugged out of his jacket and hung it over a kitchen chair like usual, and started to fix himself a cup of coffee like usual.
But what was unusual, Jonghyun noticed, was how one cheek was a brighter red than the other, and how the tears seemed to be falling down Kibum’s cheeks endlessly, the clear liquid catching on the light and leaving sad streaks behind them, staining the flushed skin. What was unusual was Kibum’s gait, his shoulders hunched and a slight limp in his left leg. What was unusual, Jonghyun noticed, was the complete… silence that filled the dorm even with Key inside of it.
Even if Kibum and his lover had gotten in a fight, even if Key had a horrible day with his schedule or his coordi nunas, there was almost always and endless stream of stories, which all to Jonghyun sounded like complaints, anyway. Kibum was always talking and all of a sudden the absence of his voice was deafening on Jonghyun’s ears.
Jonghyun stood up from the couch where he had been relaxing and reading a book, enjoying having the dorm to himself for once. Jinki was at his musical, Taemin was at school and Minho was at the gym doing some extra training for Dream Team, and Jonghyun was for once completely alright with the fact that he didn’t have anything special going on for himself.
What he wasn’t alright with, was the fact that a cloud was hovering over Kibum, raining down on him, raining down his cheeks visibly for the whole world to see, weighing him down and nearly dragging his knuckles on the floor.
“Hey, Kibummie,” Jonghyun greeted as he moved into the kitchen, his voice soft as his eyes took in Key’s appearance. He could see the cracks forming, splitting Kibum into dozens of pieces on the surface, and Jonghyun vaguely wondered if Kibum was going to shatter and if he did, would that mean Jonghyun would have seven years of bad luck? “Here, let me do that.”
Kibum’s hands were shaking too hard, fingers trembling as he tried to pull the coffee filters apart. His nails were catching the individual pieces but they were failing to get a good grip, the flimsy paper just falling back against each other, and Jonghyun gently took the filters out of Kibum’s hand and pulled out a single one, putting it inside of the coffee maker and pouring the grounds in it, shutting everything and turning it on. Key merely mumbled his thanks and went to turn around, probably to sit at the table, but Jonghyun’s hand grasped Kibum’s wrist to stop him from turning.
Jonghyun wished he hadn’t.
Kibum’s wrists had always been dainty, his hands delicate, but in Jonghyun’s hand, wrapped tightly in his fingers, Key felt breakable, like he could be destroyed with even the loosest grip. Jonghyun released Kibum’s wrist and knew that wasn’t true. He had seen the bruises that sometimes littered Key’s arms and knew that Key would always stand straight, never broken, always be full of resolve and even though he was being suffocated, even though his hands and wrists and even his ankles were bound, he wasn’t going to break.
Why did he look like he was about to crumble, then?
Key’s eyes rose to Jonghyun’s and they finally made eye contact for the first time, and Jonghyun felt his breath hitch in his throat. Those feline eyes that were usually full of such power and charisma, those eyes that pierced through anyone with a simple glance, those eyes that made Jonghyun melt… Those eyes were full of hurt, of shame, of guilt, of everything that the Almighty Key should never feel because to Jonghyun he was anything but guilty, anything but shameful.
“Kibum…” Jonghyun whispered.
The tears that had been silently streaming down Kibum’s cheeks suddenly amplified and it wasn’t small rivers making their way down flushed skin, it was white water rapids and Jonghyun felt like he was going to drown if he didn’t find a raft to get onto, a branch to hold on to. Kibum shook his head and they fell from his cheeks to his jaw and down onto his chest, his neck, and Jonghyun didn’t think twice before he wrapped Kibum up in an embrace.
Instantly Kibum’s hands clutched onto Jonghyun’s loose shirt like he was a life force, like it was Kibum that was drowning in his own tears and Jonghyun was a sturdy branch to grab on to, a branch that would help pull him to shore. Key’s breath hitched and he choked on the sobs that he was trying to keep back, and Jonghyun ran his fingers through Kibum’s slightly mussed hair and pressed a kiss to the side of his head.
That was all it took for Key to break down, the cracks in his flawless appearance ripping through him so forcefully that Jonghyun felt the breath be knocked out of his lungs, he felt his own knees grow weak and soon he and Kibum were on the floor, Jonghyun on his butt with his legs spread, Kibum curled up between his legs, now clutching on to the front of the older boy’s shirt as he cried, he bawled, he sobbed, tears and snot mingling onto the material he was clinging on to.
Jonghyun closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Kibum securely. This time it must have been for real. This time Kibum’s lover must have decided he had had enough, that he didn’t need Key anymore. While Jonghyun was relieved that Kibum was finally out of that horrid man’s grasp, he was still feeling a deep sense of hatred towards that faceless, nameless man that didn’t even bother to meet Kibum’s friends, his family, his bandmates. The man that treated Key like a prize instead of a boyfriend. The man that took advantage of Kibum’s good heart that was hidden beneath the feisty exterior. The man that broke Key down little by little, the man that bound and gagged Kibum’s free will. The man that spoke nothing of lies towards this beautiful, broken person in Jonghyun’s arms.
This beautiful, broken person that Jonghyun wanted to badly to pick up and piece back together, this beautiful, broken person that had so much to offer. This beautiful, broken person that had his bitchy moments, this beautiful, broken person that did nothing but put others before himself. This beautiful, broken person that worked his ass off to get whatever he damn well pleased.
This beautiful, broken person that Jonghyun had fallen irrevocably in love with.
Rocking Kibum slightly, Jonghyun hummed softly, and he did so for the next ten minutes, his ass getting numb along the way but his iron will keeping him in that spot for Kibum, whose sniffles and whimpers gradually lessened until Jonghyun almost thought that Key had fallen asleep. Almost, if it weren’t for the fact that Key’s fingers still had a death grip on his shirt, and his breathing still stuttered occasionally.
Helping the younger to his feet, Jonghyun tilted Kibum’s chin up, taking in the tear-stained face, those eyes that were deep black pools of emptiness and broken promises. Tsking his tongue, Jonghyun pressed a kiss to Key’s forehead and then slid his hand down Kibum’s arm to lace his fingers with the rappers’, tugging him towards the bedroom.
“C’mon, you need some rest,” Jonghyun said, and after that long while of not speaking at all, his voice cracked a bit. He cleared it and waited for Kibum to make fun of him for it, but the rebuke didn’t come, and Jonghyun moved over to Key and Minho’s shared bunk, standing on Minho’s mattress in order to reach up and pull the covers down and beckon Kibum to climb up and get in.
The younger did so, still mute as he crawled up onto his mattress, lazy, numb fingers trying to work his shirt off of his body. Clucking his tongue again, Jonghyun heaved himself up onto the bunk and sat on the edge, reaching out and pulling Kibum’s shirt up and over his head, tossing it down on to the floor. Key didn’t comment on the fact that Jonghyun should have aimed for the hamper, and Jonghyun licked his lips with worry as his fingers moved down to undo the buckle of Kibum’s belt.
But Key gasped, his hands shooting down to Jonghyun’s to catch him by the wrists, halting his movements as Kibum wriggled, legs flailing out as his slender body slammed into the wall, trying to get as far from Jonghyun as possible. Instantly Jonghyun lifted his hands away and raised them into the air, not sure why Kibum was freaking out the way he was, his hands frozen as he watched Key curl in on himself.
“I can do it myself.”
Brow furrowing, Jonghyun that no, Kibum couldn’t undress himself, and he most likely wouldn’t, either. But as he reached forward to touch Kibum’s hand, the younger merely shook his head and whimpered, and suddenly realization hit Jonghyun like a flash flood. But the shock of realization soon left Jonghyun and suddenly incomprehensible rage filled his veins, seeping out of his pores and crackling in the air as he swung his legs over the edge of the bunk and dropped down to the floor.
Key didn’t even look up when Jonghyun left, but as Jonghyun slammed the door behind him, Kibum whimpered and drew the blankets up over himself, closing his mind and body off from the world around him.
Hours later, Jonghyun slipped back into bed with Kibum, being careful to not wake the slumbering beauty. He wrapped his arms around Key and Key just sort of melted into him, and it reminded Jonghyun of how a mother embraces her child to comfort them after a trying time. When he inhaled Kibum’s shampoo he was reminded of crisp summer mornings, seven a.m. when the sun had been up for a few hours but still hadn’t warmed the Earth completely. Seven a.m. when kids were still sleeping in because they had no school, mornings when the neighbors were mowing their lawns in order to beat the heat wave that was sure to happen.
Jonghyun closed his eyes and pulled Kibum as close to his chest as he could without suffocating the boy, trailing his hand down the bare back. His fingers skimmed along Key’s pants only to discover that Kibum had managed to get out of his own clothes and into a pair of pj pants, and Jonghyun was grateful. Key would have just complained in the morning about his belt digging into his stomach anyways.
Kibum shifted and purred lightly in his sleep, his lips brushing against Jonghyun’s throat. Heat flared up Jonghyun’s face and he was sure he was red now, and he was cursing his body for reacting this way. But Key nuzzled closer and Jonghyun tilted his head back a bit, feeling Kibum’s breath ghosting over his skin as his thin arms wrapped around Jonghyun’s body. Heart rate picking up, Jonghyun closed his eyes and thought about how hurt Kibum was, how broken he was, and how he was going to piece him back together.
A leg draped over his own and their bodies aligned differently, now, and Jonghyun sucked in a breath as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm himself down. He was here to help Kibum, to try and erase any marks that the bastard had left, his job to make them all better - the visible and the invisible scars.
“I’m awake, Jjong.”
Kibum’s voice shot through the darkness and nearly gave Jonghyun a heart attack, as he relaxed his hold on the younger and pulled back. It was the first thing Kibum had said virtually all day to him, and he was surprised when it came out collected, controlled, and even… playful.
“You were squishing me,” Kibum mumbled as he rubbed his eyes and yawned, and Jonghyun blushed in the darkness.
“Sorry,” the older mumbled, but when he moved to pull away from Key, he was surprised when the other’s hold on him tightened.
“Thank you.” Kibum’s words were muffled by Jonghyun’s chest, the heat from his breath seeping through the thin tank top that the older was wearing. “Thank you…”
“Don’t thank me,” Jonghyun said, running his fingers through Key’s hair, bringing forth that wonderful scent once again. “I just wanted to show you what it was like.”
He felt Kibum’s brow furrow against his chest, and he met Key’s eyes as he pulled back to look at the older male. “Show me what?”
“What love is.”
Kibum’s features softened and a gentle blush dusted his high cheek bones, Jonghyun’s knuckles reaching up to gently brush against the heated skin. He nuzzled into the touch like a content kitten and Jonghyun wondered how anyone could abuse such a beautiful person, such a kind person, such an open and giving person.
When Key leaned in and pressed his lips against Jonghyun’s, the older had to wonder if he was dreaming. Lips like velvet, hair like satin, fingers like fire and a voice like honey. Even if it was a dream Jonghyun wasn’t going to deny the younger boy anything, ever, and as Kibum moved over him and started to kiss down his jaw, he realized that this was how he could repair the broken beauty above him.
Not with words, not with cheap gifts and most certainly not with any form of guileless persuasion.
With love.
With hope.
With tenderness, with awe, with a worship that was worthy to bestow upon Kim Kibum, the most amazing person in Jonghyun’s world.
Their lips melted together and Jonghyun wanted to get lost in the taste, lost in the sensation of the heavy but comforting weight that was above him. Kibum’s fingers pulled Jonghyun’s shirt over his head and everything was moving slowly and smoothly, almost as if the moment would be shattered should one of them make a sudden movement. Their chests brushed together and the heat intensified, Jonghyun gasping softly as Key’s lips trailed down his jaw to his neck, nibbling and leaving small love bites in his wake.
A brief thought about coordi nunas and make-up and questions went through his head but it was gone just as quickly as it had entered, Kibum’s tongue trailing a slow, languid circle around his nipple and suckling on the bud gently, teeth ever so lightly grazing over it. Jonghyun gasped and arched his back into the touch, closing his eyes only for a second before he decided he wanted to watch every movement that Kibum made.
Fingers tangling in that smooth, lustrous hair, Jonghyun cursed that it was dark in the room, cursed that he was so comfortable beneath Kibum as he let the other take control of the situation. He wanted to get a better view of Key, even though his eyes were adjusted to the darkness. Reaching out with his free hand he managed to find the string to the blinds on the window, pulling them open and flooding the room with the iridescent moonlight, the light of which flooded over Kibum’s features and lit up his pale skin to a dreamy glow.
Jonghyun ran his hands down Kibum’s bare arms and back up to his shoulders, Key shuddering slightly at the contact. The older kept reminding himself that this was for Kibum, he was doing this for the rapper because he needed to be in control for once, he needed to do what he wanted to do without feeling pressured or like he had to do anything. It was no secret that what’s his face kept Key on a tight leash; Jonghyun cut that leash, threw away the collar, and was ready to let Kibum roam free, his own body being the playground for Kibum to discover.
Perhaps it was like entering a new world, a completely different universe, because Kibum’s eyes lit up in a way that Jonghyun had never seen them do so. They were as bright as the stars outside yet still as dark as the inky sky that held them. Kibum’s hands slid down Jonghyun’s body, undiscovered territory until now, and Kibum’s eyes locked on Jonghyun’s, as if searching for the key to the map.
But surely…
Kibum should have known that he was the key to Jonghyun’s map, knowing what each symbol represented, knowing every piece of terrain - every tree bowed in the wind, every river winding in all directions, every mountain that rose high and proud.
But Key didn’t know that, and Jonghyun was going to show him. Grasping onto Kibum’s delicate wrists carefully, those wrists that only seemed fragile but Jonghyun knew had a terrible whiplash to them, he pushed them down to his pants and Key’s fingers caught on the denim, before Kibum broke eye contact and focused on the trousers.
The sound of the button unsnapping was deafening.
The sound of the zipper being pulled down was exhilarating.
And the feel of them being shifted off of Jonghyun’s hips was sending the elder’s mind on a trip, as he bit his lip and lifted his hips off of the bed, allowing Kibum to pull them off completely and toss them to the floor. His boxers soon followed and though he was naked and Key wasn’t, which was slightly unnerving, he allowed it because this was Kibum’s time, this was his chance to do things how he wanted.
But thankfully Kibum untied his drawstring and shimmied out of his pants, Jonghyun’s eyes hungrily devouring the flesh that was exposed. Jonghyun thought that Key looked good with the sunlight washing over his features, all pale skin and pink lips, but the incandescent glow of the moon on his hair and his skin was making Kibum look like a fallen angel, a sexy, beautiful, desirable fallen angel that Jonghyun felt his resolve crumbling for.
Reaching out, Jonghyun’s fingers splayed on Kibum’s sharp hips and the shudder that ran through Key’s frame was something that Jonghyun could taste on his tongue and oh, he would savor it and imprint it onto his taste buds. His hands slid up that slender waist and then up to Kibum’s shoulders, drawing him close for a kiss, their lips melting together, tastes mingling as their bare bodies met, Key’s growing erection meeting with Jonghyun’s, the added electrocution eliciting a groan from the back of the vocalists’ throat.
Jonghyun spread his legs so Key could rest comfortably between them, their cocks still sliding together slowly as Kibum rocked gracefully against him, his movements precise and full of calculation, drawing out the start to the finish before his hips moved back and started all over again. Jonghyun had never done anything like this before but damn Kibum was a seasoned pro, and while it hurt to think that Kibum had been virtually trained to be a pet for pleasure, Jonghyun’s body was thrumming with excitement as Key’s hands and lips managed to find all of his erogenous zones and use them to his advantage.
Pleasure was shooting through Jonghyun’s veins and he let out a slight whimper, and Kibum chuckled in such a manner that the vocalist wasn’t sure he could handle hearing, his cock tightened and he was sure he was going to cum just at the sound. At first this was about showing Kibum what love making was, how different it could be from fucking, but Jonghyun’s inexperience was slowly starting to seep through to the surface and he wasn’t sure how much longer his ‘make love’ thoughts were going to last.
Not with the way Kibum was staring at his cock as if it were the most delicious looking morsel on the planet.
Jonghyun cried out and tangled his fingers in his hair as wet heat developed his cock, the sounds of Kibum slurping along his erection echoing in his ears and the elder was thankful that the dorm was still quiet, that they were still the only ones home because damn, there was no way he could cover up what he and Key were doing, there was no excuse that could get him out of this situation.
He didn’t want to think of an excuse anyway; if one of the other members entered at this time he would have thrown the nearest object and told them to kindly get the fuck out.
Grunting, face scrunching up with pleasure, he dropped his head back and panted as Key’s lips left his erection but spit dribbled down the side, an obscene amount and Jonghyun should have been disgusted by he imagined the spit dribbling from Kibum’s lips and chin and connecting him to the head of his dick - he opened his eyes and glanced down and sure enough the real thing was way better than his imagination, the glint of the moonlight reflecting off of the saliva that strung from Kibum’s chin to his dick.
Kibum lowered himself and lifted up Jonghyun’s legs, spreading them further as his mouth continued to produce insane amounts of saliva, his fingers starting to collect it and move towards Jonghyun’s entrance. The elder knew what was coming, there was no denying it; Kibum gently pressed the first finger in, wriggling it around, and Jonghyun squirmed along with it, gritting his teeth and trying not to think about how it felt like a backwards bowel movement.
Steadying his breath and thinking about much more pleasant thoughts, like Key’s teeth and lips nipping at the insides of his thighs, Jonghyun relaxed the best he could. Kibum was moving slow and carefully, even as he added a second finger. The stretching sensation started to burn a bit but Key’s lips encircled his cock once again, lapping at the tip and sucking on it like he couldn’t get enough of the taste and that alone was enough to send another pleasure lightning rod to the top of Jonghyun’s scalp, reaching all the way down to his toes, making them curl into the sheets.
Soon three fingers were inside of Jonghyun and by now the wriggling inside of him was lessening in pain, but Kibum flicked his wrist and crooked his digits and all of a sudden blinding, white-hot pleasure caused a tremor to rock Jonghyun’s body and oh it felt so amazing, it felt like fireworks were exploding in his head and his chest and his groin and he let out a howl, voice cracking in the middle of it and going hoarse.
Kibum chuckled and pressed a kiss to Jonghyun’s mouth, which was slack with the aftershocks of the intense pleasure, his eyes slightly fuzzy as Key’s smiling face entered his vision. It took Jonghyun a moment to reciprocate but he returned the kiss and wrapped his arms around Key and wrapped his legs around that slender waist, pulling Kibum closer and causing the youngers’ dick to bump against his stretched entrance. An involuntary shudder ran through Jonghyun’s limbs and he pressed Key all the closer, a small whimper leaving his throat.
“Please, Kibum.”
Sealing their lips together, Kibum carefully pressed into Jonghyun’s body and really Jonghyun felt like his body spontaneously combusted and that he was being ripped inside. Key wasn’t particularly big but he wasn’t the smallest either and at this point Jonghyun would have gladly gone back to the fingers for a while longer. Nothing could have prepared him for this sensation that was gut-wrenching and seam-splitting, but all the same it was…
Amazing.
It was like Jonghyun could literally see the cracks mending in Kibum’s glossy surface as he seated himself within the slightly smaller man’s body. It was like Jonghyun’s body had mended all that was broken with Key, it was like the love that Jonghyun poured out of his eyes, his fingertips, out of every fiber of his being was the glue that was putting Key back together, and Jonghyun couldn’t help it. Tears gathered in his eyes both from pleasure, pain, and utter relief that he felt like he might have the old Kibum back, that he had the man he had fallen in love with years ago.
Kibum rocked forward and the feeling intensified, and Key kissed the tears off of Jonghyun’s cheeks and yeah, Jonghyun felt a bit like a girl but Kibum was taking care of him. Kibum was showing a side that he had only shown one other person - a vulnerable, easily broken side and he was putting his trust in Jonghyun and that felt almost just as good as the cock that was moving deep inside of him.
Jonghyun had never fucked in his life. He had never made love, either. But being here with Kibum was like a happy medium, a perfect blend of the carnal pleasure mixed with the underlying current of affections that was swimming through their veins.
His body was on fire and every thrust that Kibum pushed forward was dampening him, but every time Key pulled back he was igniting the flames again, and Jonghyun was sure that his body temperature shouldn’t be that high or else he might need a trip to the hospital but everything was too good to pass up. He couldn’t pass up this beautiful moment, and he wouldn’t for anything in the world.
Not a million dollars, not for a time share in Tahiti, not for a lifetime record label doing solo activity, not for the sun or the moon or the entire universe.
Jonghyun wouldn’t exchange this feeling for anything.
“Jonghyun…” Kibum’s voice was low in his ear as their bodies rocked in tandem and Jongyhun’s arms wound around the rapper’s body, bringing him closer to feel every inch of skin, to feel their sweat slide together, the perspiration collecting and dropping onto his skin and mingling with his own, soaking the bed sheets.
“Fuck, Kibum…” Jonghyun panted in response after a pregnant pause, his words now hanging in the air before getting sucked into the depths of moans and grunts and pants and skin slapping on skin.
It didn’t take long for inexperience of Jonghyun’s body to kick in, his body tensing as Kibum shifted and hit his g-spot, his toes curling and his hands dropping to the bed to grip at the sheets, twisting in them as his back arched and his eyes opened to stare blindly at the ceiling, white dotting his vision as he rocked his hips and begged for Kibum to give him more of that wonderful sensation. Key delivered, and their lips joined just as Jonghyun was sent over the edge, crying out into Kibum’s mouth, and soon Kibum stilled as well, lips still latched to Jonghyun’s, chapped and roughing up Jonghyun’s in return, tongues sliding lazily against each other as Kibum pulled out and collapsed onto the bed next to Jonghyun.
Jonghyun winced slightly at the feel of Kibum’s cum dripping out of him, and he cleaned himself off with the corner of the duvet before throwing it onto the floor and pulling the top sheet over them, his skin still overheated and by the way Key’s skin was flushed a light pink even in the moonlight, he knew that the rapper didn’t want a heavy blanket, either. Turning to face Kibum, Jonghyun was a bit surprised to see Key looking back at him, a serene smile stretched on his angelic features, and Jonghyun was even more surprised when the beautiful man wrapped him up in his arms and kissed his forehead.
“Thank you, Jonghyun.”
Jonghyun stayed silent.
“Thank you… for showing me what love is. You did a really good job.” Key chuckled, and Jonghyun smiled as he wrapped his arms around Key’s body, fitting their torsos, legs and arms together perfectly, just like they have fit in the same way for the past few years.
After a few moments of silence, Jonghyun spoke into the darkness, “Kibum?”
Key made a noise to show he was paying attention.
“This time, don’t go back to that asshole. Just stay with me, alright?”
“Stay with you?” Jonghyun could hear the arched brow and the smirk in Key’s reiteration. “Right here? In this bed?”
Jonghyun grit his teeth and nudged Kibum’s arm, “Not in this bed, come morning you’ll be bitching about the sheets needing washed and how I threw the clothes on the floor.”
He could feel the pause in the air, and when Key spoke Jonghyun wished he hadn’t said anything.
“You mean you just threw the clothes on the floor!? You couldn’t aim for the hamper!?”
Kim Kibum was the most beautiful thing in Jonghyun’s world. And while Jonghyun was pretty high up on Kibum’s list, laundry would always be at the top, and damn, it was hard to beat a pair of dirty jeans.