fic - Johnny's & Associates - UCSD!AU - Too Late
Title: Too Late
Author: virdant
Length: 1748 words; oneshot
Rating: PG-13
Genre: General.
Pairing: None, interpret as you will.
Summary: Maybe he'll change his major, drop the pre-med, drop the minor, graduate in five years, let his GPA plummet and watch med-school slip out of his grasp.
Warning: Suicide. UCSD!AU. Character death.
Notes: UCSD!AU.... AU! An AU set within UCSD!AU regarding suicide, college life, and stress. This is not part of UCSD!AU.
Too Late
Jin will throw himself off of Tioga when Kame and Yamapi are in Jin and Yamapi's double room arguing over whether or not to take honors organic chemistry next quarter.
Jin won't really know why he decides to do it. It's Tioga, and he's got fond memories of Tioga hall. Maybe that's why. Maybe it'll be because he remembers when Kamenashi visited him and Yamapi because he was visiting Jin and not Yamapi. Maybe it'll be because he can't stand to hear Kame's voice protesting that he wants to go to med school, so he doesn't want to take honors o-chem and risk his grade when the rest of them-even Taguchi, who's a bio major-swore to take it together.
“It's your choice, eventually,” Yamapi says, not knowing that his roommate and best friend is standing on top of Tioga Hall thinking about whether or not to jump at that instant. “But you know that honors is always better than regular.”
Kamenashi stares at his laptop, trying to see how the classes fit together. “I need good grades to get into med school.” He clicks on a genetics class, studying the professors and the times.
“Jin's taking it, isn't he?” Yamapi watches as Kamenashi fit the pieces of his schedule together; Kame always plans his schedules weeks in advance, not like Jin, who throws classes together the day his scheduled day for class registration comes and hopes that he'll get into all his classes. Yamapi's a bit more careful, studying the classes and their times thoughtfully and double-checking his chemical engineering schedule. “And Ryo-chan told me that Tegoshi and Masuda are taking it.”
“I think everybody else is taking it,” Kame says, not looking away from his laptop. He frowns. “I think I need a GE to boost my GPA for next quarter.”
“Don't change the subject, Kame-chan,” Yamapi says, eyes knowing. “It's not about the grade, is it? Are you avoiding the others?”
KAT-TUN was Yamashita's idea. Kame and Jin had been studying together in Geisel-that crazy library that he's sure would fall if an earthquake hit-with some of their classmates; when Jin talked about Taguchi and Tanaka and Ueda and Nakamaru, Yamapi had commented that when their initials fit together, it sounded catchy. “That sounds like something a lit major would think of,” Kame had muttered. Jin had laughed and said, “A lit major would make it a real word instead of just a catchy mess of syllables.” Yamapi had frowned and said, “It's hard to make a real word with only two vowels.”
Yamapi sometimes regrets coming up with KAT-TUN. It feels like ever since he mentioned it, Kame and Jin spend more time with the others studying chem; Yamapi's been in their class since fall quarter freshman year, but somehow he ends up studying with engineers. Tegoshi and Massu-Nakamaru's roommates from sixth-crash the study room he managed to finagle from the CLICS staff fall quarter, dragging along Uchi from Warren and Koyama from Marshall. Ryo-chan lets himself in, saying that non-Revelle students shouldn't keep stealing the CLICS study rooms since CLICS is in Revelle for a reason. Yamapi's not entirely sure how Shige and Kusano got involved, since they're mechanical engeineers but everybody's apparently got to take chem for at least one quarter and somehow they're not satisfied with being automatically screwed by being engineers and thus graduating in five years if they're lucky, they have to go take honors for kicks and giggles too.
“What are you thinking about?” Kame asks, eyes thoughtful as he turns away from his laptop to study Yamapi. He smiles a little, a bit amused and a bit tired and a bit stressed, but he's trying to be happy here with Yamapi, and that's what matters.
“Ryo-chan,” Yamapi says honestly. “And studying chem together.”
Kame frowns. They never really studied chemistry together; Kame always ended up with the other chem majors (and Taguchi, Yamapi thinks with a wince, because almost one and a half years with Jin has gotten the inherent dislike chem majors have for bio majors ingrained in him) whenever exams came around. “Oh,” he says distantly. “Do you still study with Ryo-chan?”
“Sometimes,” Yamapi says. He studies with all of his engineering friends; they take math and physics and occasionally an engineering class, but all of them are all over the place, because they split up in classes earlier than chemists, who stay together for two whole years doing gen-chem and o-chem before they get into the weird physical chemistry stuff and get divided into bio/pharm chemists and those other guys. “We have physics lab together. He's my lab partner.”
“Aren't all of you in the same physics lab class?” Kame asks.
“You're in our lecture too,” Yamapi points out.
“Yeah,” Kame says. He goes to all the lectures though, and Yamapi and the others don't. He tries to take notes, he really does, but in the end he just crashes because physics lab lecture is at seven in the evening after he has chem lab, and he doesn't sleep enough as is.
Yamapi pauses. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Kame says. “Yeah. I'm just tired, I think. I still have a lab report to write, and...”
Yamapi doesn't say anything, and Kame just trails off, eyes distant. They sit there like that, Kame sitting at Yamapi's desk on Yamapi's laptop, fingers still hovering over the keys; Yamapi sprawled comfortably on his bed, watching Kame work at his desk on his computer.
Finally, Yamapi says, “You can take a nap on my bed if you want.”
“Thanks,” Kame says. “But it's okay. Can I write my lab report on your computer? I have the files on a USB. And my lab notebook's here because I had lab today.”
“Where's your computer?” Yamapi asks, not saying no but not saying yes either. Kame's already plugging his USB stick into Yamapi's computer, opening up excel files and word files and typing.
“In my apartment,” Kame says. “Ryo-chan's probably downloading porn on it or something.” Yamapi doesn't say anything, just watches as Kame works and works and works. Kame continues, “I like your computer.”
Yamapi says, “I do too.”
Kame's fingers clack comfortably on the keys. “Sometimes, I wish you were a chem major too,” he says. “Or that you had to take the same classes as me.”
“I can take o-chem,” Yamapi says. “Maybe I'll take honors with you.”
“I thought you hate o-chem,” Kame says, surprised.
“It's not my first choice,” Yamapi says. He took one quarter because it's highly recommended, but he wants to do the inorganic chemical engineering even though all the money's in biotech so organic would probably be better. But he likes inorganic.
Kame frowns. “Then don't take it.” He pauses. “Jin doesn't want to take honors. Says he doesn't want to go for extra work and wants to study abroad so he doesn't want to take hard classes.”
“Is this about Jin? You not taking honors o-chem?”
“No!” Kame protests immediately, but Yamapi isn't deceived. “I don't want to screw up my GPA.”
Yamapi laughs. “Kame, you have a 3.6 GPA.”
Kame frowns.
“It's not a 4.0, Kame, but you're a biochem major. 3.6 is practically amazing.” And his HUM TA hated him last year, which explains why the only reason his grade is a 3.6 is a massive C in HUM quarter two that screwed up his former 3.9 GPA. Kame really doesn't need to worry about his grades. It's not like Yamapi, who's got a 3.5 but can just see his grade getting ready to drop because he's about to start taking engineering classes.
“I need to get into med school,” Kame says, voice tight. He's lying, of course. It's not about getting into med school, even that's a large part of it. Med school is a bonus. What matters is trying not to drop out of college, of making the most of a public school because he always makes the best of what he has.
Yamapi reaches over and closes his laptop. He hears his computer slowly wind down; Kame doesn't protest, and just stares at the glossy plastic lid with apathy. “Kame,” Yamapi begins, before he shakes his head. “Kazuya,” he says instead, carefully, as if Kame would break apart if he touched him-and maybe he would. He works so hard, all the time, and maybe he won't be able to make four years of classes-major, minor, and general requirements on top of the pre-med ones he has-and extracurriculars and volunteering and research. Maybe he'll change his major, drop the pre-med, drop the minor, graduate in five years, let his GPA plummet and watch med-school slip out of his grasp.
Yamapi can hear sirens in the distance. Kame turns his head towards the slit of a window that Muir dorm rooms have, staring out it into the darkness. They're high up, and on good days, they can see the ocean meting the sky, a strip of blue against blue.
“Hey,” Yamapi begins, but there's a pounding on the door and the RA's calling for everybody to gather in the lounge area.
“I guess I should leave,” Kame says, gathering his bag. “Tell Jin hi, I guess.”
But Kame doesn't leave. The RA stops him by the elevator. “Sorry, you'll have to wait. Somebody just jumped off of Tioga Hall. Campus police are going crazy.”
Yamapi closes his door behind him to watch Kame's face pale, to watch Kame shoulder his bag and go sit in the lounge on one of the chairs, face stiff with annoyance and stress.
“Don't worry,” he begins to say. “It'll be-”
“Jin,” Kame interrupts him. “Jin said: come over at five today.”
Yamapi waited.
“But I had to go to a professor's office hours. I got here at six.”
Yamapi nodded.
“It's Akanishi Jin that jumped off, right?” Kame says suddenly to the RA. “Did you call the campus helpline?”
The RA looks at Kame, stunned.
“I was late,” he says quietly to Yamapi as if it explains everything. “I had to go talk to a professor.”
Yamapi swallows his protest.
“I was late.”
end.
I don't usually write end-notes, but I feel like I should say something here.
One, if you feel like committing suicide, you should go talk to somebody. There are call lines you can call where somebody will talk to you and listen to you explain yourself.
Two, if you know somebody who's considering suicide, don't leave them alone.
Three, life is hard, but that doesn't mean we have to end it.
Masterlist of fandoms here
Masterlist of Jpop fanfiction here
More UCSD!AU fanfiction here at the UCSD!AU tag
Author: virdant
Length: 1748 words; oneshot
Rating: PG-13
Genre: General.
Pairing: None, interpret as you will.
Summary: Maybe he'll change his major, drop the pre-med, drop the minor, graduate in five years, let his GPA plummet and watch med-school slip out of his grasp.
Warning: Suicide. UCSD!AU. Character death.
Notes: UCSD!AU.... AU! An AU set within UCSD!AU regarding suicide, college life, and stress. This is not part of UCSD!AU.
Too Late
Jin will throw himself off of Tioga when Kame and Yamapi are in Jin and Yamapi's double room arguing over whether or not to take honors organic chemistry next quarter.
Jin won't really know why he decides to do it. It's Tioga, and he's got fond memories of Tioga hall. Maybe that's why. Maybe it'll be because he remembers when Kamenashi visited him and Yamapi because he was visiting Jin and not Yamapi. Maybe it'll be because he can't stand to hear Kame's voice protesting that he wants to go to med school, so he doesn't want to take honors o-chem and risk his grade when the rest of them-even Taguchi, who's a bio major-swore to take it together.
“It's your choice, eventually,” Yamapi says, not knowing that his roommate and best friend is standing on top of Tioga Hall thinking about whether or not to jump at that instant. “But you know that honors is always better than regular.”
Kamenashi stares at his laptop, trying to see how the classes fit together. “I need good grades to get into med school.” He clicks on a genetics class, studying the professors and the times.
“Jin's taking it, isn't he?” Yamapi watches as Kamenashi fit the pieces of his schedule together; Kame always plans his schedules weeks in advance, not like Jin, who throws classes together the day his scheduled day for class registration comes and hopes that he'll get into all his classes. Yamapi's a bit more careful, studying the classes and their times thoughtfully and double-checking his chemical engineering schedule. “And Ryo-chan told me that Tegoshi and Masuda are taking it.”
“I think everybody else is taking it,” Kame says, not looking away from his laptop. He frowns. “I think I need a GE to boost my GPA for next quarter.”
“Don't change the subject, Kame-chan,” Yamapi says, eyes knowing. “It's not about the grade, is it? Are you avoiding the others?”
KAT-TUN was Yamashita's idea. Kame and Jin had been studying together in Geisel-that crazy library that he's sure would fall if an earthquake hit-with some of their classmates; when Jin talked about Taguchi and Tanaka and Ueda and Nakamaru, Yamapi had commented that when their initials fit together, it sounded catchy. “That sounds like something a lit major would think of,” Kame had muttered. Jin had laughed and said, “A lit major would make it a real word instead of just a catchy mess of syllables.” Yamapi had frowned and said, “It's hard to make a real word with only two vowels.”
Yamapi sometimes regrets coming up with KAT-TUN. It feels like ever since he mentioned it, Kame and Jin spend more time with the others studying chem; Yamapi's been in their class since fall quarter freshman year, but somehow he ends up studying with engineers. Tegoshi and Massu-Nakamaru's roommates from sixth-crash the study room he managed to finagle from the CLICS staff fall quarter, dragging along Uchi from Warren and Koyama from Marshall. Ryo-chan lets himself in, saying that non-Revelle students shouldn't keep stealing the CLICS study rooms since CLICS is in Revelle for a reason. Yamapi's not entirely sure how Shige and Kusano got involved, since they're mechanical engeineers but everybody's apparently got to take chem for at least one quarter and somehow they're not satisfied with being automatically screwed by being engineers and thus graduating in five years if they're lucky, they have to go take honors for kicks and giggles too.
“What are you thinking about?” Kame asks, eyes thoughtful as he turns away from his laptop to study Yamapi. He smiles a little, a bit amused and a bit tired and a bit stressed, but he's trying to be happy here with Yamapi, and that's what matters.
“Ryo-chan,” Yamapi says honestly. “And studying chem together.”
Kame frowns. They never really studied chemistry together; Kame always ended up with the other chem majors (and Taguchi, Yamapi thinks with a wince, because almost one and a half years with Jin has gotten the inherent dislike chem majors have for bio majors ingrained in him) whenever exams came around. “Oh,” he says distantly. “Do you still study with Ryo-chan?”
“Sometimes,” Yamapi says. He studies with all of his engineering friends; they take math and physics and occasionally an engineering class, but all of them are all over the place, because they split up in classes earlier than chemists, who stay together for two whole years doing gen-chem and o-chem before they get into the weird physical chemistry stuff and get divided into bio/pharm chemists and those other guys. “We have physics lab together. He's my lab partner.”
“Aren't all of you in the same physics lab class?” Kame asks.
“You're in our lecture too,” Yamapi points out.
“Yeah,” Kame says. He goes to all the lectures though, and Yamapi and the others don't. He tries to take notes, he really does, but in the end he just crashes because physics lab lecture is at seven in the evening after he has chem lab, and he doesn't sleep enough as is.
Yamapi pauses. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Kame says. “Yeah. I'm just tired, I think. I still have a lab report to write, and...”
Yamapi doesn't say anything, and Kame just trails off, eyes distant. They sit there like that, Kame sitting at Yamapi's desk on Yamapi's laptop, fingers still hovering over the keys; Yamapi sprawled comfortably on his bed, watching Kame work at his desk on his computer.
Finally, Yamapi says, “You can take a nap on my bed if you want.”
“Thanks,” Kame says. “But it's okay. Can I write my lab report on your computer? I have the files on a USB. And my lab notebook's here because I had lab today.”
“Where's your computer?” Yamapi asks, not saying no but not saying yes either. Kame's already plugging his USB stick into Yamapi's computer, opening up excel files and word files and typing.
“In my apartment,” Kame says. “Ryo-chan's probably downloading porn on it or something.” Yamapi doesn't say anything, just watches as Kame works and works and works. Kame continues, “I like your computer.”
Yamapi says, “I do too.”
Kame's fingers clack comfortably on the keys. “Sometimes, I wish you were a chem major too,” he says. “Or that you had to take the same classes as me.”
“I can take o-chem,” Yamapi says. “Maybe I'll take honors with you.”
“I thought you hate o-chem,” Kame says, surprised.
“It's not my first choice,” Yamapi says. He took one quarter because it's highly recommended, but he wants to do the inorganic chemical engineering even though all the money's in biotech so organic would probably be better. But he likes inorganic.
Kame frowns. “Then don't take it.” He pauses. “Jin doesn't want to take honors. Says he doesn't want to go for extra work and wants to study abroad so he doesn't want to take hard classes.”
“Is this about Jin? You not taking honors o-chem?”
“No!” Kame protests immediately, but Yamapi isn't deceived. “I don't want to screw up my GPA.”
Yamapi laughs. “Kame, you have a 3.6 GPA.”
Kame frowns.
“It's not a 4.0, Kame, but you're a biochem major. 3.6 is practically amazing.” And his HUM TA hated him last year, which explains why the only reason his grade is a 3.6 is a massive C in HUM quarter two that screwed up his former 3.9 GPA. Kame really doesn't need to worry about his grades. It's not like Yamapi, who's got a 3.5 but can just see his grade getting ready to drop because he's about to start taking engineering classes.
“I need to get into med school,” Kame says, voice tight. He's lying, of course. It's not about getting into med school, even that's a large part of it. Med school is a bonus. What matters is trying not to drop out of college, of making the most of a public school because he always makes the best of what he has.
Yamapi reaches over and closes his laptop. He hears his computer slowly wind down; Kame doesn't protest, and just stares at the glossy plastic lid with apathy. “Kame,” Yamapi begins, before he shakes his head. “Kazuya,” he says instead, carefully, as if Kame would break apart if he touched him-and maybe he would. He works so hard, all the time, and maybe he won't be able to make four years of classes-major, minor, and general requirements on top of the pre-med ones he has-and extracurriculars and volunteering and research. Maybe he'll change his major, drop the pre-med, drop the minor, graduate in five years, let his GPA plummet and watch med-school slip out of his grasp.
Yamapi can hear sirens in the distance. Kame turns his head towards the slit of a window that Muir dorm rooms have, staring out it into the darkness. They're high up, and on good days, they can see the ocean meting the sky, a strip of blue against blue.
“Hey,” Yamapi begins, but there's a pounding on the door and the RA's calling for everybody to gather in the lounge area.
“I guess I should leave,” Kame says, gathering his bag. “Tell Jin hi, I guess.”
But Kame doesn't leave. The RA stops him by the elevator. “Sorry, you'll have to wait. Somebody just jumped off of Tioga Hall. Campus police are going crazy.”
Yamapi closes his door behind him to watch Kame's face pale, to watch Kame shoulder his bag and go sit in the lounge on one of the chairs, face stiff with annoyance and stress.
“Don't worry,” he begins to say. “It'll be-”
“Jin,” Kame interrupts him. “Jin said: come over at five today.”
Yamapi waited.
“But I had to go to a professor's office hours. I got here at six.”
Yamapi nodded.
“It's Akanishi Jin that jumped off, right?” Kame says suddenly to the RA. “Did you call the campus helpline?”
The RA looks at Kame, stunned.
“I was late,” he says quietly to Yamapi as if it explains everything. “I had to go talk to a professor.”
Yamapi swallows his protest.
“I was late.”
end.
I don't usually write end-notes, but I feel like I should say something here.
One, if you feel like committing suicide, you should go talk to somebody. There are call lines you can call where somebody will talk to you and listen to you explain yourself.
Two, if you know somebody who's considering suicide, don't leave them alone.
Three, life is hard, but that doesn't mean we have to end it.
Masterlist of fandoms here
Masterlist of Jpop fanfiction here
More UCSD!AU fanfiction here at the UCSD!AU tag