fic - Johnny's & Associates - Road Not Taken AU - To Walk the Higher Road
Title: To Walk the Higher Road
Author: virdant
Length: ~3,000 words; one-shot
Rating: PG
Genre: AU, gen, angst
Pairing: Implications of Taguchi/Kamenashi
Summary: Part One of: Road Not Taken AU. Taguchi says, “I promised you 200%, Kazuya.” Sometimes, decisions have long-standing repercussions.
Warning: nothing, really.
Notes: I should just create a default note. It'd go something like: "Trell is the best editor ever, this is for Rei, thanks to Rei for all her help." Unfortunately, this story requires a bit more notes, so there's a post-writing commentary (link at bottom), and this story is probably best read when you understand the basic premise: Taguchi is one of the frontman of KAT-TUN.
To Walk the Higher Road
Taguchi says, “I promised you 200%, Kazuya.”
I
“Who died and made you king?” Kamenashi screams.
Taguchi says, “Akanishi Jin,” and doesn’t back down.
II
Nakamaru hasn’t hosted Shounen Club for a year or so already, but every now and then he meets up with Koyama. He seriously considers rescheduling this meeting; he’s been up for sixteen hours already, from when Kame called him at four in the morning to scream.
“Ugh,” Nakamaru manages, slumping down beside Koyama in the discrete café.
“Nakamaru-kun seems so tired,” Koyama murmurs into his mug. “We can re-schedule, if you’d like.”
“It’s nothing,” Nakamaru reassures him. “I just didn’t get much sleep last night.”
Nakamaru hadn’t gotten home until after midnight-Taguchi had an idea for his solo for their next con, wanted to talk to Nakamaru about some of the harmonization he was thinking about for their next single, and ask some opinions on choreography. Nakamaru wasn’t sure why Taguchi wanted his opinion-Ueda harmonized well with Taguchi, and Koki had been talking about his latest dance lesson a week ago-but Taguchi smiled and Nakamaru found himself agreeing.
“Practicing hard?” Koyama asks.
Nakamaru thinks about waking up at four in the morning and Kame shrieking, “I thought you were on my side, Yucchi!”
“Mediating,” Nakamaru says.
“Ah, KAT-TUN still fights?”
Nakamaru laughs. “I wouldn’t call it fighting.”
*
Taguchi says, “We get along well with each other.”
The talk show host laughs and says, “Taguchi-kun is so kind and cheerful, he must make the atmosphere very happy!”
Kamenashi smiles tightly, his nails digging into his palm.
“Ah, it’s really Kame-chan who keeps us moving forward,” Taguchi says, laughing, and Kamenashi feels his fingers slowly uncoil.
And because the host is young and new and nervous, she says, “KAT-TUN doesn’t fight anymore, right?”
*
Ueda doesn’t actually remember the “whipped cream on the ground” fight.
He remembers that there was whipped cream, and that when all was said and done, Taguchi had a bruise on his shoulder and Kame was clutching an ice-pack to his cheek. He remembers, very clearly, that Jin as involved.
Taguchi says, “Ah, it was so long ago,” and laughs. But one day Ohkura gets Taguchi drunk, coaxes out his secrets, and Taguchi admits that he remembers it was Ueda’s fist that hit Kame’s cheek, Koki’s knee pressed against Nakamaru’s stomach. “Jin was angry,” Taguchi says, softly. “Very angry. Dragged me out of the bathroom to tell me to clean up his mess. Tat-chan too.”
When the reporters ask how KAT-TUN’s doing now, Ueda says something about how one time, all of KAT-TUN got into a fight.
“Akanishi spilled cream on the ground,” he says, and can’t help but laugh, bitterly about it. “He said I did it, and when I tried to correct him, we got into a fight. Then he tried to blame Taguchi.”
The reporter gasps. “Taguchi-kun!”
Taguchi laughs, says, “Ah, it was so long ago.” He brushes his fringe out of his eyes-it’s a soft brown again-and says, “When you look back, it’s really quite funny, don’t you think?”
Ueda remembers a purple bruise and Taguchi’s knee buckling under Jin’s kick, slapping Jin’s hand away, Nakamaru screaming, “Don’t fight, don’t fight!” and Kame’s sanctimonious voice shouting, “I’ll tell Koichi, I’ll tell, I’ll tell!”
*
The reporters ask, “When was the last time you all fought?” and Koki says something about whipped cream on tatami, all of them getting involved, isn’t it silly, how young and immature they were, ten years ago?
But he remembers five years ago-voting no, saying, “We don’t want him back,” shouting, “Nakamaru, back me up here,” and the strangest look of relief that passed over Kamenashi’s face when they decided not to take Akanishi back.
*
Kame says, “You aren’t Johnny, you don’t get to make decisions for the rest of us!”
Taguchi says, “You aren’t Johnny either.”
III
The month after Jin leaves KAT-TUN, everything changes.
For six months, Jin hadn’t been gone. They had functioned without him, with a grudging sort of admiration at him for thumbing his nose at the system and resentment that he had left them just as they were making it world-wide. But now, Taguchi thinks, Jin is gone. Not just on hiatus, but gone. They cut his name out of KAT-TUN-Koki actually with a pair of scissors one day, vicious.
Taguchi smiles and doesn’t say much. He plays on his phone, sometimes. He attends dance practice like the rest of them, and works on building back his knee. It’ll never be the same after his accident, but he can make it the best he can. He’ll need to-it’s up to him to dance for the rest of them now.
When they offer him the drama role, he accepts it. The choreographers script in a dance-break into their upcoming single, and he smiles and promises to work hard.
He sings the second verse in a duet with Ueda. Kame sings the first verse, as usual.
Taguchi pretends not to hear when Kame’s voice cracks at the high notes. He says, “Kazuya, ganbatte!”
He pretends KAT-TUN had never been a six-member group-that it had always been Kamenashi Kazuya taking up two letters, the rest of them falling aside.
He pretends-
When the others are gone, Taguchi sits and stares at the empty studio. He says, “I promised you 200%, Kazuya,” and goes to talk to his manager.
*
His manager signs him up for extra singing lessons. He’s given extra dance lessons for his dance-break. His days are booked with practice, and at night he collapses in bed, exhausted.
After the first drama, there’s another one. They choreograph another dance break-and this time Taguchi says, “I have an idea,” and “What if we did this for a 4-count.”
The choreographer listens to him, thinks about his words, and they spend three hours-three hours that were meant for memorizing his lines and developing his character and practicing their newest single-incorporating Taguchi’s idea into the choreography.
Three hours later, he’s tired and sweaty and his brain aches pleasantly. There’s a part of him that’s made for this, the choreographer declares, pleased with the result. If you ever get tired of sparkling, the choreographer says, wry and amused, I’ll take you any day.
Taguchi bows, says, “Thank you very much,” and “Please take care of me,” and “Thank you for your hard work.”
He doesn’t say, “I promised 200%.”
*
There’s a model named Komine Rena, but Taguchi Junnosuke is too busy filling in the gaps that Jin left behind to think about dating.
*
“You can’t take this from me, Taguchi. I’ll fight you for it if I have to.”
“I don’t go back on my promises.”
IV
Koki tries to get lunch with Juri at least once a week. This week it’s a Wednesday, and the two of them are sitting in the company cafeteria. The rice is clammy, and he can feel his throat clamping down with each bite, but it doesn’t much matter because he’s not recording or practicing today.
“Nii-san,” Juri says, slowly, “What do you think of Taguchi-kun?”
Koki manages an inelegant “Buh?” through his mouthful of rice.
Juri says, “Everybody’s always talking about him.” He stares at the uneaten bowl of rice sitting before him. “They say-”
*
“Ah, well, Junno-kun is really kind,” Kawai says. “I think that Junno-kun from KAT-TUN is my favorite senpai.”
Nakamaru coughs uncertainly; beside him, Koyama says, brightly, “Ah, why is that?”
“Well, there was the time that-”
Nakamaru flinches.
“And Junno-kun stayed behind during his break to help us work on this dance-step.” Kawai demonstrates. “Even though he’s so talented, he’s always willing to help us improve. He’s a very genuine person.” A pause, and Kawai glances over at KIS-MY-FT2 beside him. “Ah, Kamenashi-kun is also very helpful,” he adds. “And friendly.”
Koyama says, “Ah, Kame-chan is really friendly, isn’t he? The other day we saw each other, and he noticed my new haircut!”
Nakamaru grimaces. The day after this airs, he thinks, Kame’s going to get into another fight with Taguchi, and the two of them won’t talk for another week-Taguchi used to try, used to ask to make-up after the fights were done and happened, but Kame would smile and say, “Why do you have to keep bringing this up, Junno, I don’t like talking about it,” before taking Taguchi’s water bottle and emptying it out the window.
Fujigaya says, coldly, “Kame is the kindest senpai I’ve ever met.”
Miyata says, so softly the microphones don’t catch it, “To you.”
*
Sometimes, when Kame isn’t listening, Taguchi will say, “I promised you 200%, Kazuya.”
When Taguchi isn’t there, Kame will say, “You didn’t have to take this from me too, Junnosuke.”
When Kame is listening, is practicing or singing or going over schedules or just being Kame, Taguchi says, “Kame” or “Kamenashi.” Kame says, “Taguchi, you’re in the wrong spot. You’re singing sharp. You’re wrong, wrong, wrong.”
Taguchi says, “Oh?” smiles, and, “I’ll do my best, Kame.”
*
“Junno-kun really is the Prince of Johnny’s,” Goseki says to three other members of A.B.C-Z, when they’re taking a break. Hashimoto isn’t there-it’s just the older members.
They’re standing by a vending machine, contemplating water and juice and energy drinks, and Ueda can hear them even though he’s got headphones in his ears. Normally he’d walk away, so he wouldn’t need to feign ignorance, but Nakamaru’s been looking desperate.
“Don’t let Hasshi hear that,” Tsukada says. “Hasshi loves Kamenashi-kun.”
“We should just switch Hasshi with Miyata,” Totsuka says. He laughs. “Then we’ll be Junno-kun’s group, and they can be Kamenashi-kun’s group.”
Ueda ambles to the vending machine. He nods to them, and they dip their heads and murmur greetings back as they back away. He pretends he can’t hear them while he contemplates water or fruit tea.
“I don’t mind back-dancing for Junno-kun,” Kawai says, softly, absently tapping his feet into a complex portion of one of Taguchi’s latest dance routines. Ueda recognizes it because Taguchi spent an entire day with the choreographers going over it, making changes. “But I don’t know if I could handle having Kamenashi-kun tackle me to the floor and grope my ass on a daily basis.”
Ueda walks away.
*
The dance studio is full of mirrors-Taguchi blinks at the reflection of the door opening and Kame slipping in. Kame says, brightly, “Practicing, Junno?”
“Hi, Kame,” Taguchi replies. He smiles a little back, before beginning another pirouette.
Kame says, softly, “You must be thirsty.”
“A little,” Taguchi admits. His balance is off-he sweeps his arms out to begin another.
Kame stands next to where Taguchi dropped his bag. He bends down and picks up Taguchi’s water bottle. “Right.”
Taguchi closes his eyes and laughs a little. “There aren’t any windows here.”
His hand clenches around the bottle. “What are you implying, Taguchi?”
Taguchi turns, faces Kame squarely instead of staring at the reflection of his tired eyes. “Kame, does this make you happy?”
The plastic crackles. “What are you implying, Taguchi?” Kame’s smile looks painted on-it’s the same one he gives to reporters at press conferences, the one that looks like Kimura Takuya’s.
“There is only one Kamenashi Kazuya in KAT-TUN,” Taguchi says. “The Kamenashi Kazuya who carried the weight of Akanishi Jin when he left for LA. The Kamenashi Kazuya who wants the best for KAT-TUN.”
Kame’s hand twitches-the sound of plastic crumbling echoes in the room.
“The Kamenashi Kazuya who doesn’t share,” Taguchi murmurs, and steps forward to untangle his water bottle from Kame’s fingers.
Taguchi doesn’t look at him, just stares at the place where their fingers meet, “I’ll always love the Kamenashi Kazuya who doesn’t give up best.”
V
Five years before, KAT-TUN holds a meeting.
“Should we really be deciding this without Jin?” Taguchi asks, as the five of them sit around a narrow table, scowling. “It’s not-”
“He wants to come back,” Kame says. “We get to decide if we want him back.”
“What’s there to decide?” Taguchi says, bewildered. “Why wouldn’t we?”
Kame stares at him. “You want him back?”
Taguchi shrugs. “He’s a part of us, isn’t he?”
“Like hell!” Koki snarls. “Did you not forget how he left us? He didn’t even tell us, just disappeared and his manager had to let us know that he’s now in LA studying English!” He lurches to his feet-the chair tips over with a bang.
“Koki,” Nakamaru begins.
Taguchi says, slowly, “I didn’t realize we were still mad at him. It’s been six months.”
There’s a long pause.
“You’re not?” Ueda asks, looking a little surprised.
Taguchi shrugs. “Well, he wants to come back now, right?” It’s hard for Taguchi to put it into words. “And we…”
Kame stares back at him, eyes wide. Nakamaru doesn’t look at him, staring down at his hands. Ueda’s face doesn’t show anything. Taguchi suddenly wonders when he became a spokesperson.
“Say it,” Koki hisses. He slams a palm on the table. “Say it, Taguchi!”
Taguchi stares back. “Say what?”
“Yes, Koki,” Ueda drawls. “Say what?”
*
Kame’s voice has been changing for years. He sings through the way it cracks-just minutely, he’s hoping it won’t change too much, that in five years he’ll still be able to sing the notes, not like how Nakamaru’s voice dropped like a stone and he’s still trying to catch up.
Taguchi thinks he’s lucky-his voice changed, shifted lower the way everybody’s did, and then settled, comfortably. He’s not like Nakamaru, whose voice plummeted and left him struggling to fit notes to a song again. He’s not like Koki, or Ueda, whose voices slid lower and lower before they settled.
He’s not like Kame, whose voice is still crawling lower and lower. After every concert, Kame chugs water and Taguchi stirs in honey and lemon.
Taguchi thinks: if we don’t take Jin back, Kame’s voice will break. “Where will we be then?”
The others turn and stare. Koki slams his palm on the table again. Ueda lets out a short, disbelieving laugh. Nakamaru says something about how Taguchi can never read the atmosphere.
Taguchi responds the way he always does. He smiles, and says, “We need Jin’s voice.”
*
Koki tries to punch him, but there’s a table in the way, and Taguchi stumbles back-trips over his chair, bangs his knee as he rolls to the ground. Ueda’s in-between him and Koki, holding Koki back as he shouts, “We don’t want him back, you bastard, we don’t need him, we don’t need that fucker; he ran off and ditched us and-”
“Stop it!” Nakamaru shouted back, wringing his hands. “Don’t fight, Koki!”
Taguchi’s knee flares with remembered pain-he remembers a fight where Jin kicked out his knee, years before he tore it in a performance. He remembers their producer saying, “Akanishi is one of the frontmen for this group, and Ueda is the leader.” The producer glared at them. “None of you, none of you, remember how it starts. It was a stupid fight initiated by immature kids, and none of you are to suggest otherwise.”
Koki snarled, then, and snapped, “So whose fault is it?”
The producer said, “Keep that up, Tanaka Koki, and we’ll say it’s your fault.”
“I’ll tell Koichi,” Taguchi murmurs.
The rest of them turn. Koki subsides. Kame says, slowly, “What?”
Taguchi repeats, slowly and wonderingly, “I’ll tell Koichi.” He turns to Kame. “Why did you say that?”
“I didn’t say anything,” Kame snaps. “What are you on about?”
Nakamaru says, “Are you alright, Junno?”
Taguchi thinks of Kame shattering like glass and asks, “Will we be alright, without Jin?”
*
“Would you like to be a star?”
Taguchi stares back at his manager. “I thought that was what being in Johnnys was about.”
His manager looks at him-there’s a bruise on his shoulder from another fight as KAT-TUN; this is more than Koki cutting apart their name-tag and snide remarks from Jin. He says, “It doesn’t take much to be a Johnnys.” He looks Taguchi up and down, critically. Taguchi’s in the middle of his growth spurt-his voice is dropping, his limbs are stretching, and he doesn’t feel like he belongs in his body anymore. “But you… we could use you.”
Taguchi echoes, “Use…me?”
His manager says, “You have a good grasp of pitch, and with a bit of training, we can bring your vocals to acceptable. And I don’t need to tell you that your dancing is above par.” He extends a hand. “It’s not easy, but if you put in 200% effort, we can make you shine brighter than all the other stars.”
Taguchi doesn’t take it. “What about Kame? And Jin?”
His manager pulls his hand back. “You’re a loyal kid, aren’t you?” He smiles. “Let me know whenever you’re ready.”
*
“KAT-TUN will continue as a 5-membered group,” Kame says to the crowd of reporters. His eyes are bright and his voice firm. He isn’t smiling. “Please keep supporting us.”
*
An hour after the press conference ends, Taguchi finds Kame slumped in a corner, legs pulled up against his chest. “Kazuya,” he says, kneeling before him. “You’re getting your trousers dirty.”
Kame doesn’t look up, just makes a quiet, affirming noise from where he’s buried his face in his arms.
“Kazuya,” Taguchi tries again.
“What do you want?” he mutters.
Taguchi rests his hand on Kame’s shoulder. “Are you mad at me?”
He snorts and looks up, Kimura Takuya’s smile plastered all over his face. “Why would I be mad at you? You aren’t going to abandon us for LA like Akanishi, are you?”
Taguchi flinches. “Kazuya…”
Kimura Takuya’s smile stares back at him.
Taguchi says, “I’ll do everything to make KAT-TUN the very best.” He leans forward until their foreheads are touching-Kame’s bangs are rough and straw-like against his skin. “I promise to give you 200%, Kazuya.”
VI
Kamenashi looks at their fingers, clenched around the water bottle. He laughs, shortly. “Have you ever wondered what would have happened if we took Jin back, five years ago?”
Taguchi takes a step back. “Some things aren’t worth thinking about, Kamenashi.”
end.
Post-writing commentary
Masterlist of all Road Not Taken AU stories
Chemorphesis
Masterlist of J&A fanfiction here
Masterlist of fandoms here
Author: virdant
Length: ~3,000 words; one-shot
Rating: PG
Genre: AU, gen, angst
Pairing: Implications of Taguchi/Kamenashi
Summary: Part One of: Road Not Taken AU. Taguchi says, “I promised you 200%, Kazuya.” Sometimes, decisions have long-standing repercussions.
Warning: nothing, really.
Notes: I should just create a default note. It'd go something like: "Trell is the best editor ever, this is for Rei, thanks to Rei for all her help." Unfortunately, this story requires a bit more notes, so there's a post-writing commentary (link at bottom), and this story is probably best read when you understand the basic premise: Taguchi is one of the frontman of KAT-TUN.
To Walk the Higher Road
Taguchi says, “I promised you 200%, Kazuya.”
I
“Who died and made you king?” Kamenashi screams.
Taguchi says, “Akanishi Jin,” and doesn’t back down.
II
Nakamaru hasn’t hosted Shounen Club for a year or so already, but every now and then he meets up with Koyama. He seriously considers rescheduling this meeting; he’s been up for sixteen hours already, from when Kame called him at four in the morning to scream.
“Ugh,” Nakamaru manages, slumping down beside Koyama in the discrete café.
“Nakamaru-kun seems so tired,” Koyama murmurs into his mug. “We can re-schedule, if you’d like.”
“It’s nothing,” Nakamaru reassures him. “I just didn’t get much sleep last night.”
Nakamaru hadn’t gotten home until after midnight-Taguchi had an idea for his solo for their next con, wanted to talk to Nakamaru about some of the harmonization he was thinking about for their next single, and ask some opinions on choreography. Nakamaru wasn’t sure why Taguchi wanted his opinion-Ueda harmonized well with Taguchi, and Koki had been talking about his latest dance lesson a week ago-but Taguchi smiled and Nakamaru found himself agreeing.
“Practicing hard?” Koyama asks.
Nakamaru thinks about waking up at four in the morning and Kame shrieking, “I thought you were on my side, Yucchi!”
“Mediating,” Nakamaru says.
“Ah, KAT-TUN still fights?”
Nakamaru laughs. “I wouldn’t call it fighting.”
*
Taguchi says, “We get along well with each other.”
The talk show host laughs and says, “Taguchi-kun is so kind and cheerful, he must make the atmosphere very happy!”
Kamenashi smiles tightly, his nails digging into his palm.
“Ah, it’s really Kame-chan who keeps us moving forward,” Taguchi says, laughing, and Kamenashi feels his fingers slowly uncoil.
And because the host is young and new and nervous, she says, “KAT-TUN doesn’t fight anymore, right?”
*
Ueda doesn’t actually remember the “whipped cream on the ground” fight.
He remembers that there was whipped cream, and that when all was said and done, Taguchi had a bruise on his shoulder and Kame was clutching an ice-pack to his cheek. He remembers, very clearly, that Jin as involved.
Taguchi says, “Ah, it was so long ago,” and laughs. But one day Ohkura gets Taguchi drunk, coaxes out his secrets, and Taguchi admits that he remembers it was Ueda’s fist that hit Kame’s cheek, Koki’s knee pressed against Nakamaru’s stomach. “Jin was angry,” Taguchi says, softly. “Very angry. Dragged me out of the bathroom to tell me to clean up his mess. Tat-chan too.”
When the reporters ask how KAT-TUN’s doing now, Ueda says something about how one time, all of KAT-TUN got into a fight.
“Akanishi spilled cream on the ground,” he says, and can’t help but laugh, bitterly about it. “He said I did it, and when I tried to correct him, we got into a fight. Then he tried to blame Taguchi.”
The reporter gasps. “Taguchi-kun!”
Taguchi laughs, says, “Ah, it was so long ago.” He brushes his fringe out of his eyes-it’s a soft brown again-and says, “When you look back, it’s really quite funny, don’t you think?”
Ueda remembers a purple bruise and Taguchi’s knee buckling under Jin’s kick, slapping Jin’s hand away, Nakamaru screaming, “Don’t fight, don’t fight!” and Kame’s sanctimonious voice shouting, “I’ll tell Koichi, I’ll tell, I’ll tell!”
*
The reporters ask, “When was the last time you all fought?” and Koki says something about whipped cream on tatami, all of them getting involved, isn’t it silly, how young and immature they were, ten years ago?
But he remembers five years ago-voting no, saying, “We don’t want him back,” shouting, “Nakamaru, back me up here,” and the strangest look of relief that passed over Kamenashi’s face when they decided not to take Akanishi back.
*
Kame says, “You aren’t Johnny, you don’t get to make decisions for the rest of us!”
Taguchi says, “You aren’t Johnny either.”
III
The month after Jin leaves KAT-TUN, everything changes.
For six months, Jin hadn’t been gone. They had functioned without him, with a grudging sort of admiration at him for thumbing his nose at the system and resentment that he had left them just as they were making it world-wide. But now, Taguchi thinks, Jin is gone. Not just on hiatus, but gone. They cut his name out of KAT-TUN-Koki actually with a pair of scissors one day, vicious.
Taguchi smiles and doesn’t say much. He plays on his phone, sometimes. He attends dance practice like the rest of them, and works on building back his knee. It’ll never be the same after his accident, but he can make it the best he can. He’ll need to-it’s up to him to dance for the rest of them now.
When they offer him the drama role, he accepts it. The choreographers script in a dance-break into their upcoming single, and he smiles and promises to work hard.
He sings the second verse in a duet with Ueda. Kame sings the first verse, as usual.
Taguchi pretends not to hear when Kame’s voice cracks at the high notes. He says, “Kazuya, ganbatte!”
He pretends KAT-TUN had never been a six-member group-that it had always been Kamenashi Kazuya taking up two letters, the rest of them falling aside.
He pretends-
When the others are gone, Taguchi sits and stares at the empty studio. He says, “I promised you 200%, Kazuya,” and goes to talk to his manager.
*
His manager signs him up for extra singing lessons. He’s given extra dance lessons for his dance-break. His days are booked with practice, and at night he collapses in bed, exhausted.
After the first drama, there’s another one. They choreograph another dance break-and this time Taguchi says, “I have an idea,” and “What if we did this for a 4-count.”
The choreographer listens to him, thinks about his words, and they spend three hours-three hours that were meant for memorizing his lines and developing his character and practicing their newest single-incorporating Taguchi’s idea into the choreography.
Three hours later, he’s tired and sweaty and his brain aches pleasantly. There’s a part of him that’s made for this, the choreographer declares, pleased with the result. If you ever get tired of sparkling, the choreographer says, wry and amused, I’ll take you any day.
Taguchi bows, says, “Thank you very much,” and “Please take care of me,” and “Thank you for your hard work.”
He doesn’t say, “I promised 200%.”
*
There’s a model named Komine Rena, but Taguchi Junnosuke is too busy filling in the gaps that Jin left behind to think about dating.
*
“You can’t take this from me, Taguchi. I’ll fight you for it if I have to.”
“I don’t go back on my promises.”
IV
Koki tries to get lunch with Juri at least once a week. This week it’s a Wednesday, and the two of them are sitting in the company cafeteria. The rice is clammy, and he can feel his throat clamping down with each bite, but it doesn’t much matter because he’s not recording or practicing today.
“Nii-san,” Juri says, slowly, “What do you think of Taguchi-kun?”
Koki manages an inelegant “Buh?” through his mouthful of rice.
Juri says, “Everybody’s always talking about him.” He stares at the uneaten bowl of rice sitting before him. “They say-”
*
“Ah, well, Junno-kun is really kind,” Kawai says. “I think that Junno-kun from KAT-TUN is my favorite senpai.”
Nakamaru coughs uncertainly; beside him, Koyama says, brightly, “Ah, why is that?”
“Well, there was the time that-”
Nakamaru flinches.
“And Junno-kun stayed behind during his break to help us work on this dance-step.” Kawai demonstrates. “Even though he’s so talented, he’s always willing to help us improve. He’s a very genuine person.” A pause, and Kawai glances over at KIS-MY-FT2 beside him. “Ah, Kamenashi-kun is also very helpful,” he adds. “And friendly.”
Koyama says, “Ah, Kame-chan is really friendly, isn’t he? The other day we saw each other, and he noticed my new haircut!”
Nakamaru grimaces. The day after this airs, he thinks, Kame’s going to get into another fight with Taguchi, and the two of them won’t talk for another week-Taguchi used to try, used to ask to make-up after the fights were done and happened, but Kame would smile and say, “Why do you have to keep bringing this up, Junno, I don’t like talking about it,” before taking Taguchi’s water bottle and emptying it out the window.
Fujigaya says, coldly, “Kame is the kindest senpai I’ve ever met.”
Miyata says, so softly the microphones don’t catch it, “To you.”
*
Sometimes, when Kame isn’t listening, Taguchi will say, “I promised you 200%, Kazuya.”
When Taguchi isn’t there, Kame will say, “You didn’t have to take this from me too, Junnosuke.”
When Kame is listening, is practicing or singing or going over schedules or just being Kame, Taguchi says, “Kame” or “Kamenashi.” Kame says, “Taguchi, you’re in the wrong spot. You’re singing sharp. You’re wrong, wrong, wrong.”
Taguchi says, “Oh?” smiles, and, “I’ll do my best, Kame.”
*
“Junno-kun really is the Prince of Johnny’s,” Goseki says to three other members of A.B.C-Z, when they’re taking a break. Hashimoto isn’t there-it’s just the older members.
They’re standing by a vending machine, contemplating water and juice and energy drinks, and Ueda can hear them even though he’s got headphones in his ears. Normally he’d walk away, so he wouldn’t need to feign ignorance, but Nakamaru’s been looking desperate.
“Don’t let Hasshi hear that,” Tsukada says. “Hasshi loves Kamenashi-kun.”
“We should just switch Hasshi with Miyata,” Totsuka says. He laughs. “Then we’ll be Junno-kun’s group, and they can be Kamenashi-kun’s group.”
Ueda ambles to the vending machine. He nods to them, and they dip their heads and murmur greetings back as they back away. He pretends he can’t hear them while he contemplates water or fruit tea.
“I don’t mind back-dancing for Junno-kun,” Kawai says, softly, absently tapping his feet into a complex portion of one of Taguchi’s latest dance routines. Ueda recognizes it because Taguchi spent an entire day with the choreographers going over it, making changes. “But I don’t know if I could handle having Kamenashi-kun tackle me to the floor and grope my ass on a daily basis.”
Ueda walks away.
*
The dance studio is full of mirrors-Taguchi blinks at the reflection of the door opening and Kame slipping in. Kame says, brightly, “Practicing, Junno?”
“Hi, Kame,” Taguchi replies. He smiles a little back, before beginning another pirouette.
Kame says, softly, “You must be thirsty.”
“A little,” Taguchi admits. His balance is off-he sweeps his arms out to begin another.
Kame stands next to where Taguchi dropped his bag. He bends down and picks up Taguchi’s water bottle. “Right.”
Taguchi closes his eyes and laughs a little. “There aren’t any windows here.”
His hand clenches around the bottle. “What are you implying, Taguchi?”
Taguchi turns, faces Kame squarely instead of staring at the reflection of his tired eyes. “Kame, does this make you happy?”
The plastic crackles. “What are you implying, Taguchi?” Kame’s smile looks painted on-it’s the same one he gives to reporters at press conferences, the one that looks like Kimura Takuya’s.
“There is only one Kamenashi Kazuya in KAT-TUN,” Taguchi says. “The Kamenashi Kazuya who carried the weight of Akanishi Jin when he left for LA. The Kamenashi Kazuya who wants the best for KAT-TUN.”
Kame’s hand twitches-the sound of plastic crumbling echoes in the room.
“The Kamenashi Kazuya who doesn’t share,” Taguchi murmurs, and steps forward to untangle his water bottle from Kame’s fingers.
Taguchi doesn’t look at him, just stares at the place where their fingers meet, “I’ll always love the Kamenashi Kazuya who doesn’t give up best.”
V
Five years before, KAT-TUN holds a meeting.
“Should we really be deciding this without Jin?” Taguchi asks, as the five of them sit around a narrow table, scowling. “It’s not-”
“He wants to come back,” Kame says. “We get to decide if we want him back.”
“What’s there to decide?” Taguchi says, bewildered. “Why wouldn’t we?”
Kame stares at him. “You want him back?”
Taguchi shrugs. “He’s a part of us, isn’t he?”
“Like hell!” Koki snarls. “Did you not forget how he left us? He didn’t even tell us, just disappeared and his manager had to let us know that he’s now in LA studying English!” He lurches to his feet-the chair tips over with a bang.
“Koki,” Nakamaru begins.
Taguchi says, slowly, “I didn’t realize we were still mad at him. It’s been six months.”
There’s a long pause.
“You’re not?” Ueda asks, looking a little surprised.
Taguchi shrugs. “Well, he wants to come back now, right?” It’s hard for Taguchi to put it into words. “And we…”
Kame stares back at him, eyes wide. Nakamaru doesn’t look at him, staring down at his hands. Ueda’s face doesn’t show anything. Taguchi suddenly wonders when he became a spokesperson.
“Say it,” Koki hisses. He slams a palm on the table. “Say it, Taguchi!”
Taguchi stares back. “Say what?”
“Yes, Koki,” Ueda drawls. “Say what?”
*
Kame’s voice has been changing for years. He sings through the way it cracks-just minutely, he’s hoping it won’t change too much, that in five years he’ll still be able to sing the notes, not like how Nakamaru’s voice dropped like a stone and he’s still trying to catch up.
Taguchi thinks he’s lucky-his voice changed, shifted lower the way everybody’s did, and then settled, comfortably. He’s not like Nakamaru, whose voice plummeted and left him struggling to fit notes to a song again. He’s not like Koki, or Ueda, whose voices slid lower and lower before they settled.
He’s not like Kame, whose voice is still crawling lower and lower. After every concert, Kame chugs water and Taguchi stirs in honey and lemon.
Taguchi thinks: if we don’t take Jin back, Kame’s voice will break. “Where will we be then?”
The others turn and stare. Koki slams his palm on the table again. Ueda lets out a short, disbelieving laugh. Nakamaru says something about how Taguchi can never read the atmosphere.
Taguchi responds the way he always does. He smiles, and says, “We need Jin’s voice.”
*
Koki tries to punch him, but there’s a table in the way, and Taguchi stumbles back-trips over his chair, bangs his knee as he rolls to the ground. Ueda’s in-between him and Koki, holding Koki back as he shouts, “We don’t want him back, you bastard, we don’t need him, we don’t need that fucker; he ran off and ditched us and-”
“Stop it!” Nakamaru shouted back, wringing his hands. “Don’t fight, Koki!”
Taguchi’s knee flares with remembered pain-he remembers a fight where Jin kicked out his knee, years before he tore it in a performance. He remembers their producer saying, “Akanishi is one of the frontmen for this group, and Ueda is the leader.” The producer glared at them. “None of you, none of you, remember how it starts. It was a stupid fight initiated by immature kids, and none of you are to suggest otherwise.”
Koki snarled, then, and snapped, “So whose fault is it?”
The producer said, “Keep that up, Tanaka Koki, and we’ll say it’s your fault.”
“I’ll tell Koichi,” Taguchi murmurs.
The rest of them turn. Koki subsides. Kame says, slowly, “What?”
Taguchi repeats, slowly and wonderingly, “I’ll tell Koichi.” He turns to Kame. “Why did you say that?”
“I didn’t say anything,” Kame snaps. “What are you on about?”
Nakamaru says, “Are you alright, Junno?”
Taguchi thinks of Kame shattering like glass and asks, “Will we be alright, without Jin?”
*
“Would you like to be a star?”
Taguchi stares back at his manager. “I thought that was what being in Johnnys was about.”
His manager looks at him-there’s a bruise on his shoulder from another fight as KAT-TUN; this is more than Koki cutting apart their name-tag and snide remarks from Jin. He says, “It doesn’t take much to be a Johnnys.” He looks Taguchi up and down, critically. Taguchi’s in the middle of his growth spurt-his voice is dropping, his limbs are stretching, and he doesn’t feel like he belongs in his body anymore. “But you… we could use you.”
Taguchi echoes, “Use…me?”
His manager says, “You have a good grasp of pitch, and with a bit of training, we can bring your vocals to acceptable. And I don’t need to tell you that your dancing is above par.” He extends a hand. “It’s not easy, but if you put in 200% effort, we can make you shine brighter than all the other stars.”
Taguchi doesn’t take it. “What about Kame? And Jin?”
His manager pulls his hand back. “You’re a loyal kid, aren’t you?” He smiles. “Let me know whenever you’re ready.”
*
“KAT-TUN will continue as a 5-membered group,” Kame says to the crowd of reporters. His eyes are bright and his voice firm. He isn’t smiling. “Please keep supporting us.”
*
An hour after the press conference ends, Taguchi finds Kame slumped in a corner, legs pulled up against his chest. “Kazuya,” he says, kneeling before him. “You’re getting your trousers dirty.”
Kame doesn’t look up, just makes a quiet, affirming noise from where he’s buried his face in his arms.
“Kazuya,” Taguchi tries again.
“What do you want?” he mutters.
Taguchi rests his hand on Kame’s shoulder. “Are you mad at me?”
He snorts and looks up, Kimura Takuya’s smile plastered all over his face. “Why would I be mad at you? You aren’t going to abandon us for LA like Akanishi, are you?”
Taguchi flinches. “Kazuya…”
Kimura Takuya’s smile stares back at him.
Taguchi says, “I’ll do everything to make KAT-TUN the very best.” He leans forward until their foreheads are touching-Kame’s bangs are rough and straw-like against his skin. “I promise to give you 200%, Kazuya.”
VI
Kamenashi looks at their fingers, clenched around the water bottle. He laughs, shortly. “Have you ever wondered what would have happened if we took Jin back, five years ago?”
Taguchi takes a step back. “Some things aren’t worth thinking about, Kamenashi.”
end.
Post-writing commentary
Masterlist of all Road Not Taken AU stories
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