You know you're from ___ when...
You Know You're From New York City When...
You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle
to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can’t find
Wisconsin on a map.
Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
The subway makes sense.
You believe that being able to swear at people in their own
language makes you multi-lingual.
You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple".
The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.
You consider Westchester "upstate".
You think Central Park is "nature."
You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer's speaking.
You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet
and you think it’s a "steal."
You've been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.
You pay more each month to park your car than most people in
the U.S. pay in rent.
You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since
you went away to camp as a kid.
You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans
are heading to bed.
Your closet is filled with black clothes.
You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s,
and when you did, it terrified you.
You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.
You take fashion seriously.
Being truly alone makes you nervous.
You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip."
America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.
You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form.
You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing
on your toes.
$50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.
You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.
You don't notice sirens anymore.
You live in a building with a larger population than most
American towns.
Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is Israeli,
your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite
bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your
corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy
is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.
You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skills.
You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price.
Your door has more than three locks.
Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it.
You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
You run when you see a flashing "Do Not Walk" sign at the intersection.
You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.
You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.
You're willing to take in strange people as roommates simply to help pay the rent.
There is no North and South. It's uptown or downtown.
When you're away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels.
You know the differences between all the different Ray's Pizzas.
You're not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve.
Your internal clock is permanently set to know when Alternate Side of the Street parking
regulations are in effect.
You know what a bodega is.
You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically, so that you can read
it on the subway or bus without knocking off other passenger's hats.
Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.....
You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas
Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from NYC.
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Now For Some Explaining:
You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
It really is true though. Who doesn't know "the city" is Manhattan? Ha. I also hate when I say I'm from NY and people automatically think it's New York City.
You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
I honestly never have. Is it not sad that people never go to attractions that are close to home?
You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
Lmao. Seriously. I want to learn other languages for the sole purpose of being able to curse a perosn out if they're talking shit in their language (and they don't think I understand).
You consider Westchester "upstate".
Anything higher then where I live is upstate. Haha, fuck that.
You think Central Park is "nature."
There's lots of trees and grass and everywhere is green. Can you frikkin blame a person. 0_o
You've been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.
Oh god. I don't even want to talk about it. NJ is such a fucking maze!
Your closet is filled with black clothes.
In NY. This is FAR from goth.
You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s, and when you did, it terrified you.
Seriously. If it's really silent. Someone is after you.
You take fashion seriously.
I agree. But I'm gay so this might be biased in my case.
You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
Haha, fuck yeah. Dad, Mom, Chinese, Grandma, Granny, Jamal, Daycare, Pizza Shop, and on and on...
Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip."
It IS though. Some of my family lives there. Do I go there often...No.
You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form.
An art form of doing in right in FRONT of a police cruiser and I didn't even notice.
Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.
I really can't argue to much with that.
Your door has more than three locks.
3 locks on the front door. Two locks on the screen door. A lock on MY bedroom door haha.
You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
Not really. But who does it?
You run when you see a flashing "Do Not Walk" sign at the intersection.
Almost like speeding when you see a yellow light huh?
You're willing to take in strange people as roommates simply to help pay the rent.
Well my parents do.
When you're away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels.
So true.
You're not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve.
A DUH! That's why we have T.V.
You know what a bodega is.
I do. I do.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from NYC.
What the hell am I doing now. I'm going to show my mom this later.