003; Private
So this is it? I'm supposed to just lie down and take it and accept that it's just the way things are? No powers, no weapons...No nothing. It's not even the booze I'm really worried about, not as a creature comfort. That's the only thing that keeps...Well. I guess it don't matter for that whole long month I'm going to be stuck here like this, does it? No monster in the chest clawing its way out for a while. You think I'd be HAPPY about that, but now that it's gone, I'm not sure I wanted it to be.
Can they really drag Vergil here, too? I mean, really? If this is supposed to be a punishment for sins or whatever (and God only knows I've gotten mixed fucking messages on that one), doesn't he have a hell of a lot more to atone for than me? I mean, I've been trying to do the right thing. Didn't I become a demon hunter? Didn't I leave merc work behind to do that? And doesn't it do some good in the world? I'd like to think so. I'm probably WRONG on that account...For all I know, God's a lie to begin with.
It's funny. Here I am, a supernatural and religion THING myself, and I have no idea if God exists. At least...God in the traditional sense. That's pretty fucking hilarious. Except not. I don't think the things that pull the strings here are gods, either. Too dark for gods. Hell, for all I know, I could be wrong. What do I know, really? I mean. It's not like I'm a book nerd with this shit. I just know what I see.
Which is another goddamn thing. I can't see half as well as I used to, my reflexes are shot to hell, everything...I mean, yeah. I knew that. But it's different when you actually TRY it and REALIZE it, and realize you ain't gonna see what you've always had for a while. I'm glad I can't see my face. I'm probably squinting like a motherfucker.
For once...I kinda wish Verg were here. He'd know what to do to get us out of this mess. He's smart and resourceful like that. But on the other hand, I'm glad he's not. I don't like how that thing was talking about him. If there's anybody with a stronger will than me, it's Verg. He wouldn't bend. He wouldn't break. He's too tough for that. I should know, he packs a mean right hook.
All in all, this sucks. I don't know. Hopefully I can get this job, start scraping some cash together and see about setting my shop up here. Somehow, I think this place needs it more than back home. At least while I'm here.
I don't like the head games. They're fucking with me. I KNOW they're fucking with me. And I also know my stupid ass can't stop myself from rising to the bait. This is bullshit.
I don't know. I need to think some more. This is just...It's too fucking much.