i looked at myself naked in the mirror this morning, and i was shocked by how revolting my body looks, not because of my distorted perception. i saw my body as other people see it- curvy and sexy and wonderful and beautiful. what shocked me, was what i've done to it. there are scabs and scars all over my thighs, my stomach, my arms, even my neck. i said to myself, you've finally destroyed something beautiful. congratufuckinglations.
I am more ashamed of myself than I'll admit. For the past four years, I haven't been able to show my arms or legs in public.. even in the middle of the summer, I wear big jackets and long pants and high socks and boots.. I can't show my neck. I wear gloves or I pull my sleeves over my hands. It's only a matter of time till showing my face becomes an issue as well..
I've blackedout from overheating so many times. I can't go outside in the summer. And it's not reached the point where I can't even wear "normal" clothes when I'm by myself.. because I am just so ashamed of me.
I fight with my parents about it so much. And they keep telling me that I embarrass them because of it. But I can't help it.. I don't want people to see me. I don't want people to look at any part of me. So I hide myself.
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I've blackedout from overheating so many times. I can't go outside in the summer. And it's not reached the point where I can't even wear "normal" clothes when I'm by myself.. because I am just so ashamed of me.
I fight with my parents about it so much. And they keep telling me that I embarrass them because of it. But I can't help it.. I don't want people to see me. I don't want people to look at any part of me. So I hide myself.
(fuckses. i did the same thing you did.. *dies*)
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