Plants and Habits
People are interesting. We all have many sides, many aspects to our personalities. We have a concept of self which we seek to further define, so that we might tell the world who we are. Or rather, who we think we are.
I’ve taken those ‘who are you..’ quizzes, and I’ve answered with the truth as I see it, but I am not the same person with my supervisor at work as who I am with clients, or friends, or family. Indeed, I am not the same person for different members of my family. I’m an obedient daughter to my father, sarcastic with my mother, and friendly with my brother. Living with my mother leaves me feeling waspish and moody because that is who I am with her.
All these modes are me. Parts of me which need airing. Aspects which need venting because if I don’t express parts of all these me’s they have a tendency to force themselves out. It requires a certain amount of selfishness to take care of oneself first before others; A certain amount which I consider to be sensible. I’ve never managed to be completely selfless. The closest I’ve come was when I was working too much to do more than the minimum for myself. I treated my friends to food and entertainment, gave them money when they needed, but, as time passed, I also became the most self-centered and confrontational that I have ever been.
That experience taught me a valuable lesson. One which I’m still learning the details of, and which I don’t always apply much to my determent. I think it’s teaching me to balance myself. It’s somewhat akin to keeping a houseplant. If you never rotate the pot then the sun only touches the one side, and as that side flourishes the other withers. Eventually, you have a plant unable to stay upright which keeps falling, spilling dirt everywhere and breaking leaves and stems.
The trick is not just learning when to turn the pot, but getting your butt up and doing it.
I walk the dog in the local park because being outside in the quiet with her and my own thoughts and exerting myself…soothes something in me. I’m less inclined to spend the day hiding in a story, but I don’t want to stop reading. Reading opens my mind to different ideas and ways of thinking. Is it strange that I learn about other people through fiction? I’ve realized that for myself I need to put an effort into socializing to keep from feeling heartsick and lonely. High school was the reverse; I needed to get away, but seeing a few hundred people everyday will cause that. For me at any rate.
I’m constantly learning things about myself. For instance, I’m at my moodiest and most apathetic while I’m waiting to move. It’s inconvenient for others, and no more pleasant on my end as I try to not deal with the situation. I escape into reading, but I’m left feeling restless.
I’ve taken those ‘who are you..’ quizzes, and I’ve answered with the truth as I see it, but I am not the same person with my supervisor at work as who I am with clients, or friends, or family. Indeed, I am not the same person for different members of my family. I’m an obedient daughter to my father, sarcastic with my mother, and friendly with my brother. Living with my mother leaves me feeling waspish and moody because that is who I am with her.
All these modes are me. Parts of me which need airing. Aspects which need venting because if I don’t express parts of all these me’s they have a tendency to force themselves out. It requires a certain amount of selfishness to take care of oneself first before others; A certain amount which I consider to be sensible. I’ve never managed to be completely selfless. The closest I’ve come was when I was working too much to do more than the minimum for myself. I treated my friends to food and entertainment, gave them money when they needed, but, as time passed, I also became the most self-centered and confrontational that I have ever been.
That experience taught me a valuable lesson. One which I’m still learning the details of, and which I don’t always apply much to my determent. I think it’s teaching me to balance myself. It’s somewhat akin to keeping a houseplant. If you never rotate the pot then the sun only touches the one side, and as that side flourishes the other withers. Eventually, you have a plant unable to stay upright which keeps falling, spilling dirt everywhere and breaking leaves and stems.
The trick is not just learning when to turn the pot, but getting your butt up and doing it.
I walk the dog in the local park because being outside in the quiet with her and my own thoughts and exerting myself…soothes something in me. I’m less inclined to spend the day hiding in a story, but I don’t want to stop reading. Reading opens my mind to different ideas and ways of thinking. Is it strange that I learn about other people through fiction? I’ve realized that for myself I need to put an effort into socializing to keep from feeling heartsick and lonely. High school was the reverse; I needed to get away, but seeing a few hundred people everyday will cause that. For me at any rate.
I’m constantly learning things about myself. For instance, I’m at my moodiest and most apathetic while I’m waiting to move. It’s inconvenient for others, and no more pleasant on my end as I try to not deal with the situation. I escape into reading, but I’m left feeling restless.