Cause breakin' up is hard to do.....
Blah....
I've been doing a lot of thinking about this. After getting past my initial anger, I've been able to take a look at the problem objectively. And I've come to realize that it all boils down to one thing:
A lack of respect.
When I really think about it, I can only think of three people in our little group who I believe truly respect me.
Maybe you don't think I deserve respect. Fine. I'm not going to spend a lot of time trying to convince you otherwise. But I respect each and every one of you. If you asked me to give a list of all things I respect about each person, I could do so. And frankly, I think I deserve some in return.
But if you don't want to respect me, I'm not going to argue with you. But I don't want to hang out with a group of people who don't respect me. It's taken me a while to realize that.
I read an interesting entry the other day, describing the writer's feeling that they are not necessary to the group, that everyone would be just as happy if that person was not there. That was not the case, at least in my view. But I feel that in my case it is true. And I happen to have proof, considering that I've been away, and had the chance to see how you guys deal with it by reading your livejournals.
I'm not saying you guys should drop everything and stop having fun because I'm not there. But I don't feel that I contribute anything to the group, other than being a chew toy for you guys to have fun with. And I'm not criticizing you guys for that. I'm sure I've done the same in groups that I've been with before. But that doesn't mean I need to hang around and keep taking it.
Perhaps you think I'm blowing this whole incident out of proportion. But it's not about this specific incident. It's a symptom of a larger problem, that being the lack of respect. A runny nose isn't really all that big a deal, but when it's part of a cold, it's time to do something about it.
So I am. I figure that there are two reasons why there has been absolutely no direct contact with me from you guys regarding my last entry, either by replying to it, or talking to me on AIM. 1) You think I'll get over it, or 2) you don't care. Don't get me wrong, I think both of those are reasonable motivations behind not reacting to it. In the past, I would have gotten over it. And if you don't respect me, you have no reason to care. But both of these are also indicative of why I just need to stop hanging with you guys, for the reasons stated above.
This is one of the hardest things I've had to do. I have a lot of good memories with you guys, and I used to think you were the best friends I'd ever had. If any of you want to talk about it, I'm not cutting off all communication. That would be stupid. I'm still going to go to anime club, but I'll probably be hanging with a different group of people (or a single person; you know who you are ^_^). But having the chance to be in a couple of groups of people here in Texas who respect me for my abilities and my personality, I realize what this friendship was missing. And I'm sorry that it was missing that, because you're a really cool group of people, and I would have loved to have a real friendship with you. I've been reviewing our time together, and it almost brings tears to my eyes that I have to end it. But if I continue to be in a group where people don't respect me, I can never truly be able to respect myself.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about this. After getting past my initial anger, I've been able to take a look at the problem objectively. And I've come to realize that it all boils down to one thing:
A lack of respect.
When I really think about it, I can only think of three people in our little group who I believe truly respect me.
Maybe you don't think I deserve respect. Fine. I'm not going to spend a lot of time trying to convince you otherwise. But I respect each and every one of you. If you asked me to give a list of all things I respect about each person, I could do so. And frankly, I think I deserve some in return.
But if you don't want to respect me, I'm not going to argue with you. But I don't want to hang out with a group of people who don't respect me. It's taken me a while to realize that.
I read an interesting entry the other day, describing the writer's feeling that they are not necessary to the group, that everyone would be just as happy if that person was not there. That was not the case, at least in my view. But I feel that in my case it is true. And I happen to have proof, considering that I've been away, and had the chance to see how you guys deal with it by reading your livejournals.
I'm not saying you guys should drop everything and stop having fun because I'm not there. But I don't feel that I contribute anything to the group, other than being a chew toy for you guys to have fun with. And I'm not criticizing you guys for that. I'm sure I've done the same in groups that I've been with before. But that doesn't mean I need to hang around and keep taking it.
Perhaps you think I'm blowing this whole incident out of proportion. But it's not about this specific incident. It's a symptom of a larger problem, that being the lack of respect. A runny nose isn't really all that big a deal, but when it's part of a cold, it's time to do something about it.
So I am. I figure that there are two reasons why there has been absolutely no direct contact with me from you guys regarding my last entry, either by replying to it, or talking to me on AIM. 1) You think I'll get over it, or 2) you don't care. Don't get me wrong, I think both of those are reasonable motivations behind not reacting to it. In the past, I would have gotten over it. And if you don't respect me, you have no reason to care. But both of these are also indicative of why I just need to stop hanging with you guys, for the reasons stated above.
This is one of the hardest things I've had to do. I have a lot of good memories with you guys, and I used to think you were the best friends I'd ever had. If any of you want to talk about it, I'm not cutting off all communication. That would be stupid. I'm still going to go to anime club, but I'll probably be hanging with a different group of people (or a single person; you know who you are ^_^). But having the chance to be in a couple of groups of people here in Texas who respect me for my abilities and my personality, I realize what this friendship was missing. And I'm sorry that it was missing that, because you're a really cool group of people, and I would have loved to have a real friendship with you. I've been reviewing our time together, and it almost brings tears to my eyes that I have to end it. But if I continue to be in a group where people don't respect me, I can never truly be able to respect myself.