Grumpy
So not happy today. I don't have many days where I let the full weight of what's been happening get to me. Today I have.
I had another panic attack last night. They seem to really happen if I'm awoken suddenly. Lets face it with 4 kids this happens a lot. Lainey woke up crying and I was startled. Once I got her back to bed and I laid back down my heart was Racing, I felt sick to my stomach and like my chest was going to explode. I did the breathing exercises the therapist has taught me and what not. I should have taken an Ativan but I'm so anti drugs I keep trying to fight them on my own. It took about two hours until I was finally settled again. This stinks. I have enough to deal with without my body doing odd things if its own. I am a grouch today. The girls have been at my neighbors so Liam and I can run errands. My neighbor is moving in two weeks. I think that's contributing too. She's been my crutch through all of this. Not having her house to decompress in now and having her right here if something would go wrong again makes me scared. She got me through the surgery, the stroke, the vomiting blood and passing out a few weeks ago.
I'm a mess. :(