May 30, 1948 Frying Pan, meet Fire
I was too happy last night. I thought it was all over. It weren't. Shoulda knowed better.
I put on my church clothes. I had breakfast. Christine came in. She had bruises on her face and probly broken ribs. Everyone was being all pushy. I don't know where they come from, but everybody knows it ain't right to hit women, but Christine is in it, and unless she wants to leave, ain't nothing anybody can do. Macie Allen said it best. We don't got so many stairs at my place, but she didn't call.
Angels was pretty upset, I could tell. She's funny about that stuff. I did owe Christine, for being so nice on Saturday that I thought i ought to talk to her.
I sat down with her at the bench with Doe. I was thinking, since Eugene is safe from him, what is keeping her there now. She thought about that one, I knew he'd follow her wherever she went, but he's out of work, and he can't get out of town too well. And none of us would tell him how to find us. So i told her we'd take her. But then Tom showed up. This time he warn't sorry. I don't think he'd apoligized in a long time.
They went off and he was yelling again, but they was near the kitchen so i wandered over. Then they went around the revival tent. I followed. I warn't exactly hiding, not in a bright white dress. They made as if to leave, and Mr O'Connell said we should get OJ. We agreed. He didn't want to help too much, but we just needed ten minutes. I kinda made him do it. But really, i don't think he done nothing. I sure didn't get no ten minutes.
He walked over and Christine ran. She went to Doe. I like Doe. She told me later that she thought Christine wanted to leave with us but needed somebody to tell her it was ok. We had it settled, but I couldn't leave. I had to sing at the church. Angels was going to take her, but then i realized that Christine probably wasn't the best person about the Sherrif. If he could take the boy he thought killed his baby girl to jail without taking him up the mountain to shoot him in the head, then he could help us with Christine. I remembered how he said about my face. He'd help. And he did. I tole him Christine had decided to act and he got up right awaylike and had a plan. They took her to Roanoke to see Eugene and say good by. They prolly took her home to pack some clothes. Then they waited in Roanoke till Angels coudl get Louie and Stanton to the Duck and pick her up.
He's a stand up guy.
I talked to Doe a while, about why it seemed like blood ran higher here in the mountains than back at home. I mostly talked, she mostly listened. It probably don't. They's just less people, more pride, and more at stake. But then, there is always my Grandmother. My Bosses. I guess it's everywhere.
Linney told me that Goad had give 10,000 to Douglas' Campaign. That OJ was gonna get it. We thought Christine prolly needed it more. She said it was Red Chinese money. I know Douglas won't want it. But when i talked to SAra she said we should take it to him and let him decide. I dunno. It's not guaranteed like what a little bit of wire fraud would be. But i guess it's not illegal. Sara thinks it would be illegal for Douglas to accept the money. And if Douglas tells us to give it back, then i guess we'll just give it to her then. One Goad is as good as another, Right? She is his wife, Right? God i hope Douglas doesn't take the money. Oops, It's regular Chinese money. I wonder if they'll let me tell douglas it's Red money. It's not like i don't want the Chinese to beat the Reds, but i still think Christine needs it more than Douglas.
But then Wolf got up. It musta been too hot in the tent. Cuz i'd of still been sleeping if I'd been through what he did. He wasn't moving to good neither. He did some stuff and then sat in the shade in one of the pavilions. Me n Breed was there. Sara and Kendall, Wind and OJ and Linney. That one italian witch was there. She was in Vegas and New Jersey now i think. Was she the one gave Holly the big tip, i can't remember, don't think so. There's something going on with her. Is she one of us, or is she following us around. I don't know. But the italian witches are on the list. I'll tell you more about the list later. So i don't rightly know what to do. I was watching Kendall. I figured if Wind made to do something, she'd know. He was looking daggars. So was Linney. He told me about the old battle with the italian witches. Some. Mostly he didn't have time. The preacher showed up.
I almost thought about getting baptised. But i don't think in a white dress it would of had the afect Rev. Anderson wanted. So i dint do it. Besides. There's the whole sinning no more part. And there's what i do. Which depending on liney's attitude at the time probably breaks four or five commandments at a time. Kendall done it though. So if she died today or tomorrow or something, she'd go to heaven. I'm happier without hope of that i guess.
I thought it was funny Wolf was there for the revival. He didn't like the preacher much last time. I think maybe he wanted to see if what Archie done really worked. It sounded like it did. But like i said. Leopards don't change their spots. Leastways i'll be down there with someone i know.
Linney was making comments to Sara, who was trying to shush her. I just wished she'd get over herself. But i guess that was not to be.
Once he talked to the Rev he left. We done Amazing Grace, i din do it too good, finally gave up and sang the melody line. Then i sat down with her. I wanted to make it right, but i was also mad. And she started on me. She said i could only be her sister when he wasn't around.
I can be half a person, she says. I been half a person for something like 7 years, that's almost ten, but not quite. And if he's in "HER HOUSE"(who's?) she'll shoot him (with what?) and if I'm with him, she'll shoot me. But you know what. I'm goddamn tired of being half a person. Around here, in this fight, i'm useful. Mr Tolliver said so, Archie said so, I done what i done to make it true, to be a tool. I'm going to be the bloodhound, me and Kendall. I don't know what i can do about the end of the world. But i'm gonna find Kuertin and his monster friends and we're gonna demolish them all.
So i can be half a person, or leave. That's real fair, isn't it dear diary? It ain't like i don't got somewhere to go. Tuscon may be practically Mexico, but i guess they got pianos there. Probly even dance halls. So no, that wasn't what hurt. It was having half a sister. Knowing it's up to her insane little mind whether i'm a good guy or a bad guy. I can't stay. I can't be there. She's no smarter than me. Hers may be nicer, but he's more dangerous for being nicer than someone who you know where he stands and what he's gonna do. I guess i was mad about her being a hipocrit. But she hollered at me, and said she'd kill me. And i couldn't take it. I run out. I couldn't find Sara, and she didn't need anymore of this. I know Kendall was with Wind, but she was there and she saw me. I went to kendall and bawled like a baby. Wind left. I can't remember. Doe was there, and Sara showed up.
My sister put me out. She ripped me open and threw what was left out the front door of Lundquist house. I wish Gran had done it in 1938 so i'd never have to be there when my own sister done it. I'd of been a widow in 1941 and not just some poor girl as lost her fellow. But would it of been any different? I'd of heard first, i guess. I'd of had a different ring to wear. But i guess not. I'd probably of been right here to have it done to me by my own sister. Because he DID die in 1941. I got done crying and told Sara to go do the radio song with Linney. I wasn't gonna do it.
But then Avery solved it all and knew where the treasure was. So I changed and went off to go along. The Feds showed up about the treasure though. Avery made a good deal with them, specially since everything was "hot" which means radioactiv. But it means there's nothing in it for us. They should of had like four people, instead of 10. This big radioactiv box was in the stream. Maybe that's why all the Goad babies but eugene was freaks. They was drinkin radioactive water. It's sure more plosible than the whole mountain spirit thing Sid was on about. Oh that's weird. Me thinkin Sid is off his bananas. Well anyway. We got the box. Me N Louie carried it back past the marien still. Kinda sounded like it was gonna blow. But Louie fixed it, so probly it will have super alcohol in it. He sure done a number on Sid's Rifle. We was almost back, going down this kinda steep hill and i slowed down and put my hand up for balance. Damn thing was heavy. Not too bad, but i bet Linney couldnta lifted it. But i guess Wind and Brighteyes was right behind me. Because I heard her say "don't touch her". I tole them it was just for balance, but Wind was looking at her shocked like. I had to think on it a while, while we joked about it. I guess it was cause of Wolf. She'll protect him. Wind that is. I'm not sure I can't protect myself. Soft maybe, Dumb maybe, but not that soft and not that dumb.
Linney apoligised when i got back. She's like a broken faucet. Hot and cold, Cold and Hot. You never know which you'll get. And she's dumber than me, you ask me. He may look good, but what happens next time he dreams that something happens to her. Who dies that time? Archie? Avery? Armstrong? Wolf? Me? Sara? Who is he gonna destroy to save her? Wolf don't get dreams like that. He may get someone after, but he ain't gonna kill Miller unless he done it. So who's dumber?
Sara had to know about the list. I told her i didn't see Hitlers list. But she asked about Wolf's list. I told her about our friends: the lawless and pathless our enemies: the navaho and cherokee, who we fear: streega and italian witches, and who we avoid:wizards and players. I told her about the blood for locks. She thought there was maybe more. But i tried to explain the Grandfather. He don't think in lists. Maybe there's some list of Wolf's somewhere, but i ain't seen it. I don't think Kendall has neither. I give up trying not to tell them anything. It's been 25 years of my life I couldn't keep a secret they asked me a direct question on. I still can't. Same as i couldn't lie to them and say he didn't hit me, he was there, he was in charge, and he did. I give up and told Sara what she wanted to know. Except one. I got no idea what the difference is between a Wizard and a Player. I told her i'd find out. Only he's not here. Just me and Brighteyes now.
I put them on the train. Then i went back to the park. Doe and Kendall found me and put me in the shade. Doe is gonna teach kendall to make pulchises. Kendall is going to stand in the rain looking sad. Archie is gonna yell at her for it. I'm going to apologize to Alice and the Sherrif. I'm going to drive for the Sherrif, maybe. I'm going to listen to music and eat food and listen to normal people do normal things before i have to go back to the pit of vipers that has becom my home.
I wish i knew what to do. Whatever i do, it will be as half a person. She is making me choose blood versis bond. No matter what i choose, it will be the wrong one. I wish i could go back to being half a person. i was kinda happy that way.
I put on my church clothes. I had breakfast. Christine came in. She had bruises on her face and probly broken ribs. Everyone was being all pushy. I don't know where they come from, but everybody knows it ain't right to hit women, but Christine is in it, and unless she wants to leave, ain't nothing anybody can do. Macie Allen said it best. We don't got so many stairs at my place, but she didn't call.
Angels was pretty upset, I could tell. She's funny about that stuff. I did owe Christine, for being so nice on Saturday that I thought i ought to talk to her.
I sat down with her at the bench with Doe. I was thinking, since Eugene is safe from him, what is keeping her there now. She thought about that one, I knew he'd follow her wherever she went, but he's out of work, and he can't get out of town too well. And none of us would tell him how to find us. So i told her we'd take her. But then Tom showed up. This time he warn't sorry. I don't think he'd apoligized in a long time.
They went off and he was yelling again, but they was near the kitchen so i wandered over. Then they went around the revival tent. I followed. I warn't exactly hiding, not in a bright white dress. They made as if to leave, and Mr O'Connell said we should get OJ. We agreed. He didn't want to help too much, but we just needed ten minutes. I kinda made him do it. But really, i don't think he done nothing. I sure didn't get no ten minutes.
He walked over and Christine ran. She went to Doe. I like Doe. She told me later that she thought Christine wanted to leave with us but needed somebody to tell her it was ok. We had it settled, but I couldn't leave. I had to sing at the church. Angels was going to take her, but then i realized that Christine probably wasn't the best person about the Sherrif. If he could take the boy he thought killed his baby girl to jail without taking him up the mountain to shoot him in the head, then he could help us with Christine. I remembered how he said about my face. He'd help. And he did. I tole him Christine had decided to act and he got up right awaylike and had a plan. They took her to Roanoke to see Eugene and say good by. They prolly took her home to pack some clothes. Then they waited in Roanoke till Angels coudl get Louie and Stanton to the Duck and pick her up.
He's a stand up guy.
I talked to Doe a while, about why it seemed like blood ran higher here in the mountains than back at home. I mostly talked, she mostly listened. It probably don't. They's just less people, more pride, and more at stake. But then, there is always my Grandmother. My Bosses. I guess it's everywhere.
Linney told me that Goad had give 10,000 to Douglas' Campaign. That OJ was gonna get it. We thought Christine prolly needed it more. She said it was Red Chinese money. I know Douglas won't want it. But when i talked to SAra she said we should take it to him and let him decide. I dunno. It's not guaranteed like what a little bit of wire fraud would be. But i guess it's not illegal. Sara thinks it would be illegal for Douglas to accept the money. And if Douglas tells us to give it back, then i guess we'll just give it to her then. One Goad is as good as another, Right? She is his wife, Right? God i hope Douglas doesn't take the money. Oops, It's regular Chinese money. I wonder if they'll let me tell douglas it's Red money. It's not like i don't want the Chinese to beat the Reds, but i still think Christine needs it more than Douglas.
But then Wolf got up. It musta been too hot in the tent. Cuz i'd of still been sleeping if I'd been through what he did. He wasn't moving to good neither. He did some stuff and then sat in the shade in one of the pavilions. Me n Breed was there. Sara and Kendall, Wind and OJ and Linney. That one italian witch was there. She was in Vegas and New Jersey now i think. Was she the one gave Holly the big tip, i can't remember, don't think so. There's something going on with her. Is she one of us, or is she following us around. I don't know. But the italian witches are on the list. I'll tell you more about the list later. So i don't rightly know what to do. I was watching Kendall. I figured if Wind made to do something, she'd know. He was looking daggars. So was Linney. He told me about the old battle with the italian witches. Some. Mostly he didn't have time. The preacher showed up.
I almost thought about getting baptised. But i don't think in a white dress it would of had the afect Rev. Anderson wanted. So i dint do it. Besides. There's the whole sinning no more part. And there's what i do. Which depending on liney's attitude at the time probably breaks four or five commandments at a time. Kendall done it though. So if she died today or tomorrow or something, she'd go to heaven. I'm happier without hope of that i guess.
I thought it was funny Wolf was there for the revival. He didn't like the preacher much last time. I think maybe he wanted to see if what Archie done really worked. It sounded like it did. But like i said. Leopards don't change their spots. Leastways i'll be down there with someone i know.
Linney was making comments to Sara, who was trying to shush her. I just wished she'd get over herself. But i guess that was not to be.
Once he talked to the Rev he left. We done Amazing Grace, i din do it too good, finally gave up and sang the melody line. Then i sat down with her. I wanted to make it right, but i was also mad. And she started on me. She said i could only be her sister when he wasn't around.
I can be half a person, she says. I been half a person for something like 7 years, that's almost ten, but not quite. And if he's in "HER HOUSE"(who's?) she'll shoot him (with what?) and if I'm with him, she'll shoot me. But you know what. I'm goddamn tired of being half a person. Around here, in this fight, i'm useful. Mr Tolliver said so, Archie said so, I done what i done to make it true, to be a tool. I'm going to be the bloodhound, me and Kendall. I don't know what i can do about the end of the world. But i'm gonna find Kuertin and his monster friends and we're gonna demolish them all.
So i can be half a person, or leave. That's real fair, isn't it dear diary? It ain't like i don't got somewhere to go. Tuscon may be practically Mexico, but i guess they got pianos there. Probly even dance halls. So no, that wasn't what hurt. It was having half a sister. Knowing it's up to her insane little mind whether i'm a good guy or a bad guy. I can't stay. I can't be there. She's no smarter than me. Hers may be nicer, but he's more dangerous for being nicer than someone who you know where he stands and what he's gonna do. I guess i was mad about her being a hipocrit. But she hollered at me, and said she'd kill me. And i couldn't take it. I run out. I couldn't find Sara, and she didn't need anymore of this. I know Kendall was with Wind, but she was there and she saw me. I went to kendall and bawled like a baby. Wind left. I can't remember. Doe was there, and Sara showed up.
My sister put me out. She ripped me open and threw what was left out the front door of Lundquist house. I wish Gran had done it in 1938 so i'd never have to be there when my own sister done it. I'd of been a widow in 1941 and not just some poor girl as lost her fellow. But would it of been any different? I'd of heard first, i guess. I'd of had a different ring to wear. But i guess not. I'd probably of been right here to have it done to me by my own sister. Because he DID die in 1941. I got done crying and told Sara to go do the radio song with Linney. I wasn't gonna do it.
But then Avery solved it all and knew where the treasure was. So I changed and went off to go along. The Feds showed up about the treasure though. Avery made a good deal with them, specially since everything was "hot" which means radioactiv. But it means there's nothing in it for us. They should of had like four people, instead of 10. This big radioactiv box was in the stream. Maybe that's why all the Goad babies but eugene was freaks. They was drinkin radioactive water. It's sure more plosible than the whole mountain spirit thing Sid was on about. Oh that's weird. Me thinkin Sid is off his bananas. Well anyway. We got the box. Me N Louie carried it back past the marien still. Kinda sounded like it was gonna blow. But Louie fixed it, so probly it will have super alcohol in it. He sure done a number on Sid's Rifle. We was almost back, going down this kinda steep hill and i slowed down and put my hand up for balance. Damn thing was heavy. Not too bad, but i bet Linney couldnta lifted it. But i guess Wind and Brighteyes was right behind me. Because I heard her say "don't touch her". I tole them it was just for balance, but Wind was looking at her shocked like. I had to think on it a while, while we joked about it. I guess it was cause of Wolf. She'll protect him. Wind that is. I'm not sure I can't protect myself. Soft maybe, Dumb maybe, but not that soft and not that dumb.
Linney apoligised when i got back. She's like a broken faucet. Hot and cold, Cold and Hot. You never know which you'll get. And she's dumber than me, you ask me. He may look good, but what happens next time he dreams that something happens to her. Who dies that time? Archie? Avery? Armstrong? Wolf? Me? Sara? Who is he gonna destroy to save her? Wolf don't get dreams like that. He may get someone after, but he ain't gonna kill Miller unless he done it. So who's dumber?
Sara had to know about the list. I told her i didn't see Hitlers list. But she asked about Wolf's list. I told her about our friends: the lawless and pathless our enemies: the navaho and cherokee, who we fear: streega and italian witches, and who we avoid:wizards and players. I told her about the blood for locks. She thought there was maybe more. But i tried to explain the Grandfather. He don't think in lists. Maybe there's some list of Wolf's somewhere, but i ain't seen it. I don't think Kendall has neither. I give up trying not to tell them anything. It's been 25 years of my life I couldn't keep a secret they asked me a direct question on. I still can't. Same as i couldn't lie to them and say he didn't hit me, he was there, he was in charge, and he did. I give up and told Sara what she wanted to know. Except one. I got no idea what the difference is between a Wizard and a Player. I told her i'd find out. Only he's not here. Just me and Brighteyes now.
I put them on the train. Then i went back to the park. Doe and Kendall found me and put me in the shade. Doe is gonna teach kendall to make pulchises. Kendall is going to stand in the rain looking sad. Archie is gonna yell at her for it. I'm going to apologize to Alice and the Sherrif. I'm going to drive for the Sherrif, maybe. I'm going to listen to music and eat food and listen to normal people do normal things before i have to go back to the pit of vipers that has becom my home.
I wish i knew what to do. Whatever i do, it will be as half a person. She is making me choose blood versis bond. No matter what i choose, it will be the wrong one. I wish i could go back to being half a person. i was kinda happy that way.