Home
Title: Home
Pairing: broken!Kihae, little hints of Sibum (Siwon/Kibum)?
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Implied character death
Genre: Angst
Summary: "Even if I go out to happiness for a moment, I know well that I'll always come back home."
A/N: This is a songfic of Tablo's "Home". The lyrics were just too beautiful.
When I step past my door frame, I get dizzy
Because it’s the border to my comfort zone
The useless emotions that dirty my heart is covered with dust
If I get out of here, there’s death
Because I disliked the unfamiliar happiness more than the familiar sadness, I threw away my footsteps
I worry that I’ll become a pair of worn shoes
Because the world, time, people twistedly wear me
He would stay, cooped up in his room, the only place that gave him comfort. It was his only safe bubble, a place where he knew who he was and was not overwhelmed by everything outside his door. Loosing track of time as days passed, he didn’t bother to care anyway, lying motionless on his bed, so many emotions mixed in him he didn’t know what to feel anymore. Sometimes he would forget how to move his fingers, his arms, his feet. He would try thinking of the positive things in life, but later realizing that they felt foreign. His world of sorrow, his solitary world of misery instead felt like home for him, a world that he knew where every corner and every crevice was. His legs gave up the motivation to step out of his comfort zone, the desire to return to the unfamiliar world of joy and hope deteriorating like a small flame in a bitter winter night.
I forget. Like the heaps of newspapers and bills in front of my door,
Don’t leave the thoughts and demands of the world in front of me
This is my home - leave me alone
Just don’t come in here
He would hear, every day, the noises, the sounds of others going on with their usual routines of life, reminding him incessantly of the existence of the world outside. It persistently stayed, not allowing him to lose himself in his own. The ringing calls, the messages that his phone received in soft vibrations, the echoes of the doorbell, he wished they would stop. He wished they would stop, stop trying to make him remember. He wanted to be alone, with nobody, just alone.
Now I cry without tears
Just like breathing, I cry again
The sadness that became a home
Though I try to take a step out, I cry at the doorstep
I cry, without me knowing
He couldn’t remember when was the last time he stopped crying. He soon started to sob without the wetness rolling down his cheeks, even his eyes had given up on him. His erratic chokes became his breaths of life, something that seemed natural to do, something that he lived on. The world inside his room consisted of his pain, his grief, when he tried to leave it, everything would rush into him again and unaware, he would find himself scrunching up his eyes, gasping hard for air again.
Do I deserve to be happy?
Why have I fallen deeply into shallow scars?
Anyone may receive showers of arrows in life
But why is the target on my heart so big for me?
Emotions run from one end to another
But for a slow-paced me, I fall behind and out of breath
I cannot hold my heart and I lose the world
“I’m sorry,” they said, “I’m sorry for your loss.” He would wonder, staring at a picture frame on his bed, dirtied by many remains of tears and fingerprints, why did it have to happen. Why did it have to happen on the boy he was standing with in the picture, whose arm was slung over his shoulder and his smile radiating along with the sun. He would trace the fading marks of words written on the frame with his fingers.
“I will always love you, Kibummie, forever and ever, until the sun stops shining and the fish stop swimming.”
-Hae
Before he would roll his eyes and tease the other about his lame, cheesy confessions, now he could only stare hopelessly at the blue scribbles of writing. Why did it have to happen on him, to cause all the pain, the despair, to make him lose hope, to lose love…? Then he would sink back down into his world of sadness again.
A few steps more is happiness but
I raise each step a little more
Anyone can be afraid of this
But to me, it’s more natural than laughter
He knew, he knew he was making himself miserable. He wanted to lock himself in, in his safe world of desolation. He pushed the care and sympathy of others out, secluding himself. He told himself he didn’t need the concern from Siwon who waited patiently outside his door, talking softly he’s gone, it’s not your fault, accidents happen. He would shout, cry, ignore the man who tried to pull him back into happiness, to leave his world inside his room. It felt right, something that he should do, lost in the haunting memories of the past.
Crying is easy like breathing - the more you hold it in, your more you let out
Let me breathe - sadness is my home
I want to stay here, in this place
Even if I go out to happiness for a moment
I know well that I’ll always come back home
Happiness? He decided that it wasn’t worth it anymore. Striving for it resulted in more dry tears, the world in his room had become the only place for him to be. Although a muddied feeling in his heart stirred by hearing Siwon’s soft snoring outside the door, he kept himself inside his “home”. A home of sadness and isolation.
Inside my sadness that became my home,
Inside my sadness that became my home, can I invite you in?
Pairing: broken!Kihae, little hints of Sibum (Siwon/Kibum)?
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Implied character death
Genre: Angst
Summary: "Even if I go out to happiness for a moment, I know well that I'll always come back home."
A/N: This is a songfic of Tablo's "Home". The lyrics were just too beautiful.
When I step past my door frame, I get dizzy
Because it’s the border to my comfort zone
The useless emotions that dirty my heart is covered with dust
If I get out of here, there’s death
Because I disliked the unfamiliar happiness more than the familiar sadness, I threw away my footsteps
I worry that I’ll become a pair of worn shoes
Because the world, time, people twistedly wear me
He would stay, cooped up in his room, the only place that gave him comfort. It was his only safe bubble, a place where he knew who he was and was not overwhelmed by everything outside his door. Loosing track of time as days passed, he didn’t bother to care anyway, lying motionless on his bed, so many emotions mixed in him he didn’t know what to feel anymore. Sometimes he would forget how to move his fingers, his arms, his feet. He would try thinking of the positive things in life, but later realizing that they felt foreign. His world of sorrow, his solitary world of misery instead felt like home for him, a world that he knew where every corner and every crevice was. His legs gave up the motivation to step out of his comfort zone, the desire to return to the unfamiliar world of joy and hope deteriorating like a small flame in a bitter winter night.
I forget. Like the heaps of newspapers and bills in front of my door,
Don’t leave the thoughts and demands of the world in front of me
This is my home - leave me alone
Just don’t come in here
He would hear, every day, the noises, the sounds of others going on with their usual routines of life, reminding him incessantly of the existence of the world outside. It persistently stayed, not allowing him to lose himself in his own. The ringing calls, the messages that his phone received in soft vibrations, the echoes of the doorbell, he wished they would stop. He wished they would stop, stop trying to make him remember. He wanted to be alone, with nobody, just alone.
Now I cry without tears
Just like breathing, I cry again
The sadness that became a home
Though I try to take a step out, I cry at the doorstep
I cry, without me knowing
He couldn’t remember when was the last time he stopped crying. He soon started to sob without the wetness rolling down his cheeks, even his eyes had given up on him. His erratic chokes became his breaths of life, something that seemed natural to do, something that he lived on. The world inside his room consisted of his pain, his grief, when he tried to leave it, everything would rush into him again and unaware, he would find himself scrunching up his eyes, gasping hard for air again.
Do I deserve to be happy?
Why have I fallen deeply into shallow scars?
Anyone may receive showers of arrows in life
But why is the target on my heart so big for me?
Emotions run from one end to another
But for a slow-paced me, I fall behind and out of breath
I cannot hold my heart and I lose the world
“I’m sorry,” they said, “I’m sorry for your loss.” He would wonder, staring at a picture frame on his bed, dirtied by many remains of tears and fingerprints, why did it have to happen. Why did it have to happen on the boy he was standing with in the picture, whose arm was slung over his shoulder and his smile radiating along with the sun. He would trace the fading marks of words written on the frame with his fingers.
“I will always love you, Kibummie, forever and ever, until the sun stops shining and the fish stop swimming.”
-Hae
Before he would roll his eyes and tease the other about his lame, cheesy confessions, now he could only stare hopelessly at the blue scribbles of writing. Why did it have to happen on him, to cause all the pain, the despair, to make him lose hope, to lose love…? Then he would sink back down into his world of sadness again.
A few steps more is happiness but
I raise each step a little more
Anyone can be afraid of this
But to me, it’s more natural than laughter
He knew, he knew he was making himself miserable. He wanted to lock himself in, in his safe world of desolation. He pushed the care and sympathy of others out, secluding himself. He told himself he didn’t need the concern from Siwon who waited patiently outside his door, talking softly he’s gone, it’s not your fault, accidents happen. He would shout, cry, ignore the man who tried to pull him back into happiness, to leave his world inside his room. It felt right, something that he should do, lost in the haunting memories of the past.
Crying is easy like breathing - the more you hold it in, your more you let out
Let me breathe - sadness is my home
I want to stay here, in this place
Even if I go out to happiness for a moment
I know well that I’ll always come back home
Happiness? He decided that it wasn’t worth it anymore. Striving for it resulted in more dry tears, the world in his room had become the only place for him to be. Although a muddied feeling in his heart stirred by hearing Siwon’s soft snoring outside the door, he kept himself inside his “home”. A home of sadness and isolation.
Inside my sadness that became my home,
Inside my sadness that became my home, can I invite you in?