the last straw...
after reading Lucy's weblog about her play with Barney - 26/08/09
Left too many messages on her mobile and home phone - panicked and called Chez and Beady.
Then I sent her the following text message:
I just want to talk to you. Without guilt or anger or anything like that. I loved that you had such an amazing experience. will you please reply to this message at least and let me know if we can talk?
her reply:
I'm not going to ring you. I told you to let me come to you, I need space and you've ignored my wishes.Every time you contact me you make it less likely we'll ever be friends again. I'm sorry you're upset but it's not my duty anymore to sacrifice my peace of mind in order to comfort you. I know you want to speak to me but I don't want to speak to you, and trying to force me will only make me lose respect for you. Please leave me alone.
I replied finally:
Ok I'm sorry I contacted you. I knew I shouldn't have but I guessed I acted on impulse which is never a good thing. And the last thing I want to do is for you to lose respect for me and the chance of being friends again. You don't owe me anything at all I'm just sorry I held you back all these months. Please let me know if you've listened to the last voicemail on your phone. ignore the bit about talking to me, that doesn't matter anymore now that I know. I just want to know if you will still treasure our plays even though I couldn't offer you what you so desperately needed and they seem so insignificant to that wonderful scene with Barney. Will you forgive me for this outburst please? I feel like such a fool specially since I knew that I would probably feel like this. I suppose I didn't expect you to get over me so soon. Please let me know you'll forgive me and consider our chance at friendship sometime in the future and what we had wasn't as pathetic as it seems in comparison to your post. It was so so amazing to read the second time around. You really are brilliant and I want you to know that. I don't want you to think I am trying to make you feel badly. I just need to know those things that's all. After that I promise I will leave you alone for as long as it takes. And by the fact that I've screwed up so badly right now, could you get the dvd's back to me when you've watched them :)
I look forward to your reply for the last time.
Her final reply:
Ok this is the LAST time I will text you, please don't text me back, if you do I will delete without reading. I could reassure you a hundred times but you'll still carry on believing what you want to believe. And I refuse to go over old ground again by battling to make you understand how much you and our plays meant to me. But for the record: yes I will always treasure our plays, they were hugely important to me. I loved you and that made them special. I am insulted by your suggestion that I made the post to spite you, and I'm not going to dignify that with a reply. We had something amazing and stop disrespecting that by pulling it apart afterwards. No play I have in the future will alter that but it's over. I'm moving forward with my life. I hope you can too. The best thing you can do to make a future friendship between us more likely is to leave me to contact you. And don't read my weblog if it upsets you. I genuinely wish you to be happy.
So there you have it - all done and dusted
I've just had a cleansing of everything in my house that had anything related to Lucy - and it's over in many more ways than it was.
She severed the last piece of tenderness I had - now, there is no Lucy - just as simple as that.