Unfortunately, since Isuzu (Rin) Sohma does not appear in the anime, the whole essay is considered a spoiler. Rin is the year of the horse and one tough lady. She’s two years older than Torhu, making her the same age as Kagura. Personality wise, she has none of Kagura’s little girl sweetness but to the few that really know her she has a very loving heart. The author also described her as “the character in charge of sexiness [1].” She is also the fighter that will sacrifice everything to protect those she loves [2].
[Love Life] Rin is mentioned early in the series as Hatsaharu’s love, the one he can’t get over [3]. It’s understandable given their long history [4]. Rin and Haru are truly a case of opposites attract. The gentle protector and the fighter seem to need each other’s opposing strengths [5]. Rin is hated and abused by her parents, finding her one protector in her cousin [6]. Haru not only stands up for her, he tells her she is beautiful and wanted [7]. Remember the central lie of abuse? “You cannot be loved because of who you are [8].” Well, with Haru’s love, Rin comes to believe she will be worthy of love once the “curse” ends. She is willing to give everything to the person who believes there is something worth having in her [9].
I find it interesting that Haru pushed his girlfriend to be sexually intimate [10]. I didn’t say “sexually active” because any teen can do that. He pushed Rin to become intimate-to commit herself to him as he had to her [11]. There’s a reason why many people from abusive backgrounds become promiscuous-they are seeking that intimacy. The love they’ve had in the past has hurt them and they are looking for acceptance and love that will validate them. Rin was very fortunate, most of us don’t find guys as amazing as Haru so early in our lives.
I know that’s what it was like for me. I spent my whole life with my parents trying to do enough, to be enough. No matter what I did it was always wrong or bad, or if it was good I should be doing something else now. My boyfriend was the only person that made me feel like I was enough. With him I could get away from my parents, and I finally found something I could do right. I felt beautiful and wanted, desirable. After spending a lifetime being told how worthless I was, being desired was something I’d do anything to feel again.
[Living Conditions] Little Rin has it harder than the others. While several members of the zodiac don’t have the most loving parents, Rin’s are the only ones shown to actively beat their child. This accounts for Rin’s fear when Torhu approaches her [12], and for Rin’s desire to be mothered by Torhu [13]. When you look at the characters that understand Rin-Shigure, Yuki, Hatsaharu, none of them are shown to come from loving homes either.
This fear she exhibits is clinically called “hyper vigilance.” As a teacher, these kids were easy for me to spot. Most people go into a room and scan it for threats before seating themselves. Some people don’t scan at all. Those who are vigilant will examine every time their surroundings change-someone moves or changes position. Hyper vigilant people will continue scanning even if nothing changes. They can’t learn math or reading, they can’t listen. They are far too focused on knowing what is going on in their surroundings. Rin trusts no one and re-evaluates them constantly. It’s easy for her to see Shigure as a threat because she doesn’t even trust Yuki [14]. Trust isn’t a luxury she can afford [15]
Rin shows remarkable courage in trying to break the curse. She does it not only for herself, but for Haru and their future together [16]. Abuse in families is often hidden and covered up. It’s so horrific no one else wants to see it. We become like ostriches-burying our heads in the sand thinking that makes the problem go away. While the other family members avoid the curse when they can and endure it when they can’t, Rin decides to change things.
Shigure laments to Hatori that Rin is determined to break the curse on her own [17]. I get that-it’s a control thing. If she’s freed by someone else, then the curse was stronger than her. If she breaks it, then she won. For her the curse is a very personal demon. The other part of it is her relationship with Haru. Hospitalizations aside, the abuse keeps them apart because of the lie. Rin believes that her propensity to have people injure her makes her bad for Haru [18]. She will be worthy of his love once she has found a way not to be a victim [19]. While she is a victim she is worthless and undeserving of the kindness showed her [20]
Often when someone expresses admiration for me my first thought is “if you really knew me there’s no way you’d love me.” There are people that know everything and still love me, and those people confuse me. It feels like my demons have the power to poison every person I let into my life. My life has ugly, toxic things in it, and when people become part of my life, I’m afraid they will become part of that too. Growing up, my friends were mostly victims like myself. I knew they couldn’t be hurt by knowing me, because they were already hurt. This was only true if they were still exhibiting scars, like I was.
I think this is why Rin yells at Yuki to enjoy his carefree life [21]-she’s afraid contact with her will poison the gift he’s been given, because she herself is poisonous. She can tell him the truth because of what he’s suffered, but she can’t take away what he’s found. She’s afraid what will happen to Haru if they stay together. This is because of Akito, but it’s also because of her own poisonous temper. I think every person who has ever been abused in childhood (physically, verbally, mentally, or emotionally) worries what they will do to others [22]. We don’t want to hurt anyone, but if it was all we were taught, how can we do otherwise. Rin is determined that Haru at least will live free, even if it means from her [23].
[Vulnerablilties] What stands out about Rin is her loneliness. In this huge extended family living in each other’s pockets she is alone. She has a boyfriend and she has Hiro [24] who tries to look after her. She even has Kazuma [25], so what’s the problem? The problem is that everyone ultimately faces their pain alone. All those people may support and help her, but they can’t take it away. Torhu and Rin connect when they realize that the other person has to face their demons by themselves [26].
People often say “I know how you feel.” Most of the time it’s not true. Maybe if you’ve suffered what I have you might have an idea, but Kagura and Rin grew up side by side and still don’t understand each other. I am grateful for the people who try to understand me, but they’re not me. The people who really do understand say “I love you.” They don’t tell me it’s gonna be okay, they don’t tell me to smile. They just love me. This scene is a vivid moment of true understanding from one hurting heart to another [27].
Rin struggled the most with the curse breaking [28], which might seem odd considering what she did to make it happen. Really, it makes perfect sense. Why did she break the curse? So she and her family would be happy. When the curse broke, did she automatically become happy? No, she didn’t. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if everyone was less happy after the curse broke, at least for a while. For the first time in their lives, the pain has a chance to sink in [29]. People forget that grieving is hard work [30]. The curse may be gone, but the damage is not undone. Momiji still doesn’t have his family back, Hatori will never get back together with Kana nor will he regain the sight in his left eye, and Rin’s beautiful flowing hair is still short [31].
For me leaving my boyfriend brought a shocking realization-this was never going away. I did leave and I’ve crafted an amazing life for myself, but he will never unhappen [32]. The little girl that fell head over heels for him is dead. In her place I’ve found an accomplished, graceful, happy woman ready to leave her mark on the world (that little girl could never have written this) but I lost some innocence along the way. Rin thought when the curse broke she would be the happy person she used to be, and it just doesn’t work that way.
Instead of the cute little girl Rin, we have the sexy, gorgeous, empathetic, courageous Rin. The one who’s loved, lost, and reclaimed her love. The loss is undeniably tragic, but it isn’t everything. I for one want to be more like Rin.