Today was my first day visiting a Christian community in China and my first Christian faith visit this year. What an experience it was
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Conflicted at times, at peace at other times. It's true I don't know the nature of God or even if God exists. I think the conflict comes is thinking maybe there is that outside influence that is God and if it's there how can I better get in touch with it if it truly is that and not just my mind? I think that's part of where the at times conflict part comes from.
Sometimes I wrestle with it, other times I'm fine in my agnostic leanings. It varies day to day.
I think I'm mostly considering the affect of prayer. I've noticed since praying that I've become much more aware of my flaws and doing good acts (and more common too than when I didn't pray as in it didn't used to pop up since religiously I'm where I am on the last big blog post I did). This could just be already noticing good acts and attributing it to awareness through prayer...or even due to lack of Christian influences here me thinking more about the Jesus stories I grew up with...and it's the conflict between those two interpretations (I'm pretty sure more interpretations exist) as for what I mean by outside influences.
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Sometimes I wrestle with it, other times I'm fine in my agnostic leanings. It varies day to day.
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