Forgiveness, age 30 - A Love Letters story (#40 - Forgive; Theta/Koschei; PG-13)
Title: Forgiveness, age 30
Author: von_gelmini
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters: Theta/Koschei
Rating: PG-13
WordCount: 1237
Warnings: angst, non-traditional relationships
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. I am not writing this for profit.
Even though this isn't a letter, it was written for Love Letters prompt #40 - Forgive
Written for lover100 table C prompt 50 - Relationship; also for doctorwho_100 prompt 23 - Lovers
Sequel to Love Letters to Koschei, age 30
Forgiveness. age 30
“He doesn’t want to see you,” Braxiatel said, standing in the doorway.
“I have to talk to him,” Koschei said. “Please.”
“I’ll tell him you came by.”
“No.” He tried to push past Theta’s brother, but the older man blocked the way.
Brax shook his head. “How could you do this to him, Koschei?”
“I didn’t...” Tears welled in Koschei’s eyes. “I didn’t think. Brax, I have to see him. I have to!”
“You have no idea what you’ve put him through this past year. You have a lot of nerve showing up like this.”
“Please! I have to explain.”
“Explain what?” Brax said angrily. “Explain that you’ve spent the last year fucking around on him? Married to Arkhajz of all people? You broke his fucking hearts, you bastard.”
“I know that now. I have to make it right.”
“Make it right? Exactly how?” Braxiatel lowered his voice. “If he didn’t still love you, I’d kick your arse seven ways from Sunday.”
Brax was usually such a genial fellow, that it frightened Koschei a little to see him like this. “If it would make things better, I’d let you,” Kosch said quietly.
“My brother may be a little unusual, a bit strange, but there is no way he is second-best to that tramp you married.”
“He isn’t second-best. I love him, Brax. I can’t lose him.”
“You should have thought of that before,” Braxiatel said and shut the door.
Brax turned and headed into the foyer. He saw his brother sitting on the steps. His eyes were red and puffy. “Theta. How long were you there?”
“Long enough,” Theta said.
“I’m sorry.” Brax sat next to his brother and put his arm around his shoulders.
Theta leaned on him and started to cry. “I wish Mother were still alive. She’d know what to do.”
“He’s not worth it, Theta. You’re better than that. He’s been using you all his life.”
“I still love him, Brax. He’s all I ever wanted. Don’t talk about him that way.”
Braxiatel sighed. “Then you’re going to have to work it out with him. Either let him go or find some way to come to terms with him. There isn’t a middle ground. You can’t undo what happened.”
“Is he still out there?” Theta asked.
His brother went to the door and looked out the peep hole. He gave a little laugh. “Sitting on the lawn.”
“Okay.” Theta stood and patted his brother on the back. “Leave us alone. It’ll be all right.” Brax nodded and went up the stairs. Taking a deep breath, Theta opened the door.
“Kosch?”
Koschei looked up. “Theete.”
Theta sat cross-legged on the grass next to his lover. They just sat there quietly for a long time.
“I’m sorry,” Koschei said finally.
“I know.”
They fell silent again. Koschei watched Theta the whole time, hoping he’d look up and meet his eyes. Instead Theta just sat there, looking down at his hands until Koschei noticed his chest moving, his breathing ragged. Theta was crying. He reached his hand out to take Theta’s but Theta’s back stiffened and he pulled away.
“I can’t.”
“I don’t love him, Theete. I never did. I don’t even like him, love.”
Theta looked at him, his expression pained. “How could you do this to me? To us?”
“I just wanted us to be together. I wanted to marry you and this was the only way I could think of,” Koschei said sadly. “I didn’t think it would hurt you like this. I thought you’d realize what I was doing. That I was doing it for us.”
Theta nodded. “Part of me does, Kosch. I know why you did it, I really do.”
“I’ll divorce him.”
“You can’t do that. It’ll dishonor your House. Your Father will never be confirmed Chancellor.”
“I don’t care,” Koschei said, desperation in his voice. “I can’t lose you. I don’t know what I’d be without you.”
“That’s all it is, isn’t it? I’m a habit. A fixture in your life. You don’t even really know if you love me, do you? I’ve always been there and you know I always will be. I’ll always forgive you,” Theta said sadly. “I’ll always take you back.”
“That’s not it! I love you, Theete. I know I do and I thought you knew it too.” He couldn’t lose Theta. Not now. Not like this. Koschei started to cry. “Don’t leave me, Theete. I’ll do anything.”
“Your Mother will kill you.”
“I don’t care.”
“Yes you do, Kosch,” Theta said with a wry smile. “That’s what got you in this mess in the first place.”
“Father will understand. He wants the position, but he was shocked that I agreed to it. He tried to tell me, to convince me not to do it, he really did.”
Theta nodded. Koschei’s father was a good man who had himself been trapped in an arranged marriage. But Koschei had always been desperate for his Mother’s approval. “You would do it?” Theta asked. “You would divorce him?”
“Immediately.”
“She really won’t forgive you this time, Kosch.”
“I know,” he said, closing his eyes. “It’s okay. I love you.” He reached his hand out.
Theta took Koschei’s hand and twined their fingers together. “I’ve never asked anything of you before,” he said.
Koschei nodded. “Then will you marry me?”
“First and only?”
“First and only,” Koschei agreed.
“And no one else. No more fucking around.”
“There’s no one I want but you, Theete. I swear. No more fucking around.”
Theta looked at Koschei. “I can’t take this again, Kosch.”
“You won’t have to. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’ve missed you so much.” Koschei scooted closer to Theta and put his arm around him.
Theta settled into the embrace and rested his head on Koschei’s shoulder. “Me too.” He looked up at Koschei. “But I can’t live with you until it’s done with him. I just can’t do it.”
“I understand,” Koschei said. “It won’t take but a few weeks. I’ll get Father to rush it through.”
“And you’ll make sure that everyone knows why?”
“Yes. I’ve always loved you and I’ve always wanted everyone to know that you’re mine.”
Theta smiled. “But this time I want everyone to know that you are mine.”
“I am, Theete. Always.”
Theta looked up and kissed him. “Come upstairs?”
“I thought you didn’t want to until after.”
“I don’t want to live with you. That doesn’t mean I don’t want you to take me to bed. I missed you. Show me that you still love me, Koschei.” He squeezed his hand tightly.
“I never stopped loving you, Theta. Not ever. Not once.” He got to his feet and helped Theta up. “I don’t know if I should go in there though. I think your brother wants to kill me,” he said with a smile.
Theta laughed. “Come on. I’ll protect you,” he said and led Koschei into the house.
There were still doubts. Still questions troubling his mind. Images that would take a long time to erase. But if they were to be together forever Theta knew that he would have to put this behind them. He would have to trust Koschei. Trust in his love. He had promised forever. And forever was a very long time. Long enough for love to win out over doubt. Long enough for Theta to forgive Koschei anything.
Author: von_gelmini
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters: Theta/Koschei
Rating: PG-13
WordCount: 1237
Warnings: angst, non-traditional relationships
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. I am not writing this for profit.
Even though this isn't a letter, it was written for Love Letters prompt #40 - Forgive
Written for lover100 table C prompt 50 - Relationship; also for doctorwho_100 prompt 23 - Lovers
Sequel to Love Letters to Koschei, age 30
Forgiveness. age 30
“He doesn’t want to see you,” Braxiatel said, standing in the doorway.
“I have to talk to him,” Koschei said. “Please.”
“I’ll tell him you came by.”
“No.” He tried to push past Theta’s brother, but the older man blocked the way.
Brax shook his head. “How could you do this to him, Koschei?”
“I didn’t...” Tears welled in Koschei’s eyes. “I didn’t think. Brax, I have to see him. I have to!”
“You have no idea what you’ve put him through this past year. You have a lot of nerve showing up like this.”
“Please! I have to explain.”
“Explain what?” Brax said angrily. “Explain that you’ve spent the last year fucking around on him? Married to Arkhajz of all people? You broke his fucking hearts, you bastard.”
“I know that now. I have to make it right.”
“Make it right? Exactly how?” Braxiatel lowered his voice. “If he didn’t still love you, I’d kick your arse seven ways from Sunday.”
Brax was usually such a genial fellow, that it frightened Koschei a little to see him like this. “If it would make things better, I’d let you,” Kosch said quietly.
“My brother may be a little unusual, a bit strange, but there is no way he is second-best to that tramp you married.”
“He isn’t second-best. I love him, Brax. I can’t lose him.”
“You should have thought of that before,” Braxiatel said and shut the door.
Brax turned and headed into the foyer. He saw his brother sitting on the steps. His eyes were red and puffy. “Theta. How long were you there?”
“Long enough,” Theta said.
“I’m sorry.” Brax sat next to his brother and put his arm around his shoulders.
Theta leaned on him and started to cry. “I wish Mother were still alive. She’d know what to do.”
“He’s not worth it, Theta. You’re better than that. He’s been using you all his life.”
“I still love him, Brax. He’s all I ever wanted. Don’t talk about him that way.”
Braxiatel sighed. “Then you’re going to have to work it out with him. Either let him go or find some way to come to terms with him. There isn’t a middle ground. You can’t undo what happened.”
“Is he still out there?” Theta asked.
His brother went to the door and looked out the peep hole. He gave a little laugh. “Sitting on the lawn.”
“Okay.” Theta stood and patted his brother on the back. “Leave us alone. It’ll be all right.” Brax nodded and went up the stairs. Taking a deep breath, Theta opened the door.
“Kosch?”
Koschei looked up. “Theete.”
Theta sat cross-legged on the grass next to his lover. They just sat there quietly for a long time.
“I’m sorry,” Koschei said finally.
“I know.”
They fell silent again. Koschei watched Theta the whole time, hoping he’d look up and meet his eyes. Instead Theta just sat there, looking down at his hands until Koschei noticed his chest moving, his breathing ragged. Theta was crying. He reached his hand out to take Theta’s but Theta’s back stiffened and he pulled away.
“I can’t.”
“I don’t love him, Theete. I never did. I don’t even like him, love.”
Theta looked at him, his expression pained. “How could you do this to me? To us?”
“I just wanted us to be together. I wanted to marry you and this was the only way I could think of,” Koschei said sadly. “I didn’t think it would hurt you like this. I thought you’d realize what I was doing. That I was doing it for us.”
Theta nodded. “Part of me does, Kosch. I know why you did it, I really do.”
“I’ll divorce him.”
“You can’t do that. It’ll dishonor your House. Your Father will never be confirmed Chancellor.”
“I don’t care,” Koschei said, desperation in his voice. “I can’t lose you. I don’t know what I’d be without you.”
“That’s all it is, isn’t it? I’m a habit. A fixture in your life. You don’t even really know if you love me, do you? I’ve always been there and you know I always will be. I’ll always forgive you,” Theta said sadly. “I’ll always take you back.”
“That’s not it! I love you, Theete. I know I do and I thought you knew it too.” He couldn’t lose Theta. Not now. Not like this. Koschei started to cry. “Don’t leave me, Theete. I’ll do anything.”
“Your Mother will kill you.”
“I don’t care.”
“Yes you do, Kosch,” Theta said with a wry smile. “That’s what got you in this mess in the first place.”
“Father will understand. He wants the position, but he was shocked that I agreed to it. He tried to tell me, to convince me not to do it, he really did.”
Theta nodded. Koschei’s father was a good man who had himself been trapped in an arranged marriage. But Koschei had always been desperate for his Mother’s approval. “You would do it?” Theta asked. “You would divorce him?”
“Immediately.”
“She really won’t forgive you this time, Kosch.”
“I know,” he said, closing his eyes. “It’s okay. I love you.” He reached his hand out.
Theta took Koschei’s hand and twined their fingers together. “I’ve never asked anything of you before,” he said.
Koschei nodded. “Then will you marry me?”
“First and only?”
“First and only,” Koschei agreed.
“And no one else. No more fucking around.”
“There’s no one I want but you, Theete. I swear. No more fucking around.”
Theta looked at Koschei. “I can’t take this again, Kosch.”
“You won’t have to. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’ve missed you so much.” Koschei scooted closer to Theta and put his arm around him.
Theta settled into the embrace and rested his head on Koschei’s shoulder. “Me too.” He looked up at Koschei. “But I can’t live with you until it’s done with him. I just can’t do it.”
“I understand,” Koschei said. “It won’t take but a few weeks. I’ll get Father to rush it through.”
“And you’ll make sure that everyone knows why?”
“Yes. I’ve always loved you and I’ve always wanted everyone to know that you’re mine.”
Theta smiled. “But this time I want everyone to know that you are mine.”
“I am, Theete. Always.”
Theta looked up and kissed him. “Come upstairs?”
“I thought you didn’t want to until after.”
“I don’t want to live with you. That doesn’t mean I don’t want you to take me to bed. I missed you. Show me that you still love me, Koschei.” He squeezed his hand tightly.
“I never stopped loving you, Theta. Not ever. Not once.” He got to his feet and helped Theta up. “I don’t know if I should go in there though. I think your brother wants to kill me,” he said with a smile.
Theta laughed. “Come on. I’ll protect you,” he said and led Koschei into the house.
There were still doubts. Still questions troubling his mind. Images that would take a long time to erase. But if they were to be together forever Theta knew that he would have to put this behind them. He would have to trust Koschei. Trust in his love. He had promised forever. And forever was a very long time. Long enough for love to win out over doubt. Long enough for Theta to forgive Koschei anything.