Having a bit of a wobble
Uni work
I am amazingly behind with my research project.
It's supposed to take us 12 weeks, We're 3 weeks in, I've done about 1 good day's worth of work on it so far. In lots of painfully tiny bits. Trying to go through it and break it into smaller bits is a massive task in itself - and panic attack inducing.
I'm scared of my supervisor, which doens't help, and he's someone I have a great deal of respect for intellectually at the same time, and I dont want to be flakey in front of him.
The overwhelming uni project work has loads of equally overwhelming friends such as
our second online project, to be done at the same time
I still dont have a summer placement
I need to make job applications for summer placements, prolly lots of them, which is hard to do when you have depression.
we need to sort the house out so we can sell it
we need to agree on a house to move to
Everything feels like it's paused and waiting for something before I can get back on with life, and I dont know what.
A lot of people died last year, family of mine, and family of people I think of as family. And I keep finding myself looking at people, and wondering if they'll still be here next year. Like I'm sitting and waiting for them to go too.
having a messed up head takes up a lot of time from your day, nothing is getting done.
I went to the disability advisor at uni for help, and got forwarded to their mental health team. To get an apt with them you have to fill out a massively long online form, so it was a few days before I did that, and suddenly another week has gone by. Done it now though, waiting to hear back.
Dunno what I think they're gonna do about it though
I need to leave the house more, sitting up here on my own all day is really not helping.
If I look out the window and look up I can see it's sunny, with a hazy blue sky
But if I look down all you can see is traffic, tourists, a cyclist shouting at a white van for nearly knocking him over, a teenager shouting at a crying toddler, more tourists, loud sirens, and crowds. I dont really want to go out *there* I'd like to go out somewhere else.
I am amazingly behind with my research project.
It's supposed to take us 12 weeks, We're 3 weeks in, I've done about 1 good day's worth of work on it so far. In lots of painfully tiny bits. Trying to go through it and break it into smaller bits is a massive task in itself - and panic attack inducing.
I'm scared of my supervisor, which doens't help, and he's someone I have a great deal of respect for intellectually at the same time, and I dont want to be flakey in front of him.
The overwhelming uni project work has loads of equally overwhelming friends such as
our second online project, to be done at the same time
I still dont have a summer placement
I need to make job applications for summer placements, prolly lots of them, which is hard to do when you have depression.
we need to sort the house out so we can sell it
we need to agree on a house to move to
Everything feels like it's paused and waiting for something before I can get back on with life, and I dont know what.
A lot of people died last year, family of mine, and family of people I think of as family. And I keep finding myself looking at people, and wondering if they'll still be here next year. Like I'm sitting and waiting for them to go too.
having a messed up head takes up a lot of time from your day, nothing is getting done.
I went to the disability advisor at uni for help, and got forwarded to their mental health team. To get an apt with them you have to fill out a massively long online form, so it was a few days before I did that, and suddenly another week has gone by. Done it now though, waiting to hear back.
Dunno what I think they're gonna do about it though
I need to leave the house more, sitting up here on my own all day is really not helping.
If I look out the window and look up I can see it's sunny, with a hazy blue sky
But if I look down all you can see is traffic, tourists, a cyclist shouting at a white van for nearly knocking him over, a teenager shouting at a crying toddler, more tourists, loud sirens, and crowds. I dont really want to go out *there* I'd like to go out somewhere else.