A proper title.
I don't feel like playing Everquest. I don't feel like watching tv. I don't feel like playing any games at this moment in time, or do anything that brings me joy. I simply believe that at this second I should express my feelings on any given subject that I chose. I feel like I should write an essay, just because I feel like writing an essay. The thesis you ask? Current events in my life have had a severe alteration on the way that I think, act, and respond to individuals solely on the way certain individuals have acted towards me. The golden rule is always in effect, mind you naive people, and others should take that into consideration. The way that my life is right now is not how I wish it to be. There are many things that I wish I could do and many events that I wish never happened. As mentioned before, I said that I would like to express my feelings on any subject matter which crosses my mind and I will explain each and every single thing that has to come off of my chest to relieve the stress that is built up within my heart. It is very heavy as of right now, and I can't stand it being like this. As I begin to write this, it is steadily decreasing in weight and I can feel the pressure being released.
First of many subjects that I would like to take into consideration is my academic life. I would like for all of you to know that it has been a lie. I'm not some smart ass black kid. I use words in which I have absolutely no idea what meaning they have to have an accelerated effect on my speech. Maybe I'm fooling myself, but I don't see myself as someone with higher intelligence than others and I would greatly appreciate it if many of you would stop boasting me in this manner. I am not going to be able to get into college because of the way that I spent my high school life. I may not have done drugs, alchohol, or had any relationship whatsoever, but my academic record is not up to par with any colleges that I may be accepted to. Yes, I am a seventeen-year-old graduate(as of February eighteenth) but that does not mean anything. It never has. I used that as an excuse in my mind to give myself an advantage over my peers so that I was able to procrastinate with great effort. As you see, it did not pay off. Let this be a warning to you all, this is only the beginning of my horrible ranting...
The second subject in which I would like to discuss is the relationship part of my life. Oh weary reader, you probably already know what I've been through if you're reading this because only you would have such an interest in my life to know about the relationship side of it. Two-thousand and four brought only decay and shaved off years of my youth. I don't blame you if you stop reading after this paragraph because this one is filled with all of the anger, sorrow, stress, and any other remorseful emotions that I may contain at this time. There are many things that I did last year that I regret, and there are many things that I didn't do that regret. My biggest problem in which everyone...no. I'm terribly sorry, wrong paragraph to rant on in. I'll hold that until the next. Getting back on track...there are many individuals that I do regret meeting last year, and there are some that I wish I had strucken up a conversation with. The people in which I regret meeting will be listed: all of you. Every single person that I met last year I regret meeting for the sole purpose of that you met me at the wrong time. The people whom I wish I had strucken up a conversation with will also be listed: all of you. I may have met you, and with regrets, but there hasn't been a single moment that I've had the enlightenment of sitting down with any one person and having a talk with them over something serious. During two-thousand and four, I've had three mishaps which brought me eternal damnation for this aspect of my life. Having feelings for three individuals and getting too close to the regretfull people proved to be a stupid note on my doing. First off, I had liked Monica up until we had a talk during the month of April in oh four. My second liking, Yaritza, proved to be a disaster and it was this that brought me much of the chaos that fills me right now. After the first break-up, I retreated towards Jamie because she had broken up with Kris. Many, many , and even many more people love to say anything just to get in a girl's pants. Coming from a guy's perspective, I know this is a very true statement. Let me tell you know: a guy will say anything, and I mean anything, to get with a girl that shows affection towards them. Coming back onto point, I was there to help Jamie because she is in love with Kris(who, by the way along with Josh, said some Very "nice" things towards me) and I wanted to help her feel O.K. until she patched up things with him. Nothing was going to happen between us. It was a sense that I could feel. I'm sorry Jamie, you're right that I can't deny I'm a senior and you're an eight-grader, but you're just demeaning yourself by saying that due to the current age difference. I go my the maturity in a person, and I guess I was wrong about many of the new people that I met. After Jamie had gotten back with Kris, Melissa and Al urged me to talk with Yaritza again because there was still something there, I assume. There was something there, and I asked her out for a second time. At this time, it was during winter break and I was in England and Yaritza had lost her two best friends, Monica and Melissa. I had gotten sick and was violently throwing up and although I was online all the time, I didn't feel like talking to anyone. Yaritza then proceeded to think this was a bad sign and, I never knew this until I got back home, dumped me for Josh. Oh yes, the things Josh and Kris said about me was that I was a "manwhore". Ha..haha...ha..take a moment to breath that one in folks. A "manwhore". Now remember... a guy will say anything to get with a girl who shows affection towards him. I really took this without remorse because they did not have the courage to say it to me, and yet proceeded to act amiable to me. I find that cowardly, and this post will remain public for everyone to read. I could give a rat's ass. Basically, if you're still reading to this point, women are manipulative bitches. If you read the nice guy post, you will know exactly what I mean. If you haven't, you can read my away message. That concluded this paragraph. On another day I'll update the next portion of my relationship life when the next portion happens.
The third portion of this lovely post is dedicated the God's gift of technology and electronical programming, games. Oh how I love a good game. Refurring the the previous paragraph in which I said I would refer to the mishap will be explained now. The biggest problem to which everyone believes that is my favorite activity is my biggest downfall. It is Dance Dance Revolution. DDR has brought me nothing but sorrow ever since the day that I got onto the pad. The countless hours of playing Stepmania, the drama that is known as Boomers, and many other unfortunate events that occured while playing DDR are just over thirty-percent of my sorrow. It isn't easy to quit as some may think. You can't just stop playing if you're truly addicted. It's hard to quit anything one is addicted to. Gaming has been a giant portion of my life, and they will remain to be a giant portion of my life due to my increased affinity for them. I'm not sure what the motif of this paragrap.....yes I remember now. It was to inform you that DDR was my problem. Now that that's over with, we shall be moving on.
I believe that I've discussed enough for now as my head, and my heart, is being cleared of anything that doesn't belong there. The many topics in which I talked about today were just a small portion of the things I wish to get off my chest. Maybe on another day I'll finish up what I think should be know to the world. Much so like the concept that I learned or maybe...just later on. I'm not sure what I'll be doing Friday night(the twenty-first). I might hang out again with Newton, Krane, Chan and the others... I might go to Flippers just for the hell of it. Whatever happens, will happen. Good-bye for now.
-Vernon