HAY GUYS

[vriska]

Lys has a fanfic! :D

Title: Outside the City
Series: Tales of the Abyss
Characters: Young!Jade and Dist
Rating: PG-13 (a bit of graphic stuff)
Summary: Curious little Saphir follows Jade out of Keterburg after dark.
Notes: Quick fanfic. I just wanted to write about how creepy little!Jade was. Of course I have to put Saphir in there too, or else

Comments

[chikky2k5]

I think.. I'mg going to cry or be sick DX

[lily_of_the_sky]

HOMG SO CREEPY YET AWESOME AT THE SAME TIME. 8D;

JADE WAS ONE CREEPY KID. O:

[x_rainydays]

O_O

That was amazing/freaking scary. =] I loved it! Great job!!

[vriska]

Woo, thank you for the crit! Like I said, it was done super quickly, so there's a ton of stuff that I know can be improved.

1. I get what you mean about the inconsistent descriptions, now that I look at it. That's a really interesting idea. I think it would work better to describe things like that from a completely first-person POV, but that way, it would add to the atmosphere a bit more... especially since this fic probably wouldn't work as well in first-person.

2. I think you're right. I do like the way it ended, but it does seem a little bit abrupt compared to how the first part of it feels. I have mixed feelings about it myself.

Thank you~ I probably won't make any changes to this now, unless I do decide to post it elsewhere, but I am planning on writing a longer fic that will probably be very emotional for a lot of the characters (especially Saphir near the beginning), so stuff like this is always really good to think about.

And yes, definitely! They were such special children~

[vriska]

1. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure I understand what you mean. And why it would be hard to describe it. xD

2. That's true too. I'll try fixing up the ending a bit based on what you suggested, just to see if it reads better... I think I'm going to post this up on the Abyss community anyway, so perhaps I'll try to make it just perfect before I do.

The longer fic is going to be a lot of fun. It's mostly AU, since Nebilim ends up living and Jade's disturbed mindset carries on until they're a bit older (since I believe her death played a huge part in helping him reform from his childhood), so Saphir has an even more difficult time dealing with him. I can't say a lot without giving stuff away, but I think (hope?) the people in the "Keterburg crew" section of the fandom will really enjoy it.

But of course~