Holy shit it's been nearly a year
I do so much private writing, paper journal writing and what not that I failed to notice the time difference on public posts. The art of livejournaling is not dead, goddammit, nor is it just for angsty teens...that joke has got to be dead by now, right?
Anyway, shit's been real since my last entry.
First there's my Dad, whose health has been not so good over the months. He got and fought off cancer (bone this time) yet again, after being given a grim diagnosis and deciding he was tired of fighting. Yay for changing minds! Even after all the battles he's fought, facing the news that he's about to fight it again still hurts me beyond measure. I suppose that's a good and natural response, but me relapsing into bad drinking habits again was not. So, my summer was pretty drunk for the most part, but I've since put it down as a "once in a blue moon" type thing, with friends ONLY. Given my genetic predisposition to alcoholism, I think this is best.
And some good did come from his getting cancer again. I am now mobile once again in my swagalicious 1986 Nissan Maxima, formerly owned by my now deceased great aunt Beulah. Dad decided that he wasn't going to have the time or the resources to fix it up, so he just signed it over to me. It was a struggle getting the thing running well again, as it had been sitting for a few years with no maintenance, but a good mechanic and a generous sum of cash fixes all problems, and now it runs like a dream. Not the best on gas, but I don't commute daily. Just the occasional trip to visit family, or to tournaments, and a few trips a week to make certain errands less troublesome. All in all, not a shabby deal. Not to mention that I had forgotten how good it feels to drive again, to have the power and freedom to do so. Mobility goes a long way in making me feel less shitty overall, despite my tendency to be a homebody.
Of course, wherever bureaucracy is involved, frustrating bullshit is sure to follow. Registering my car at the DMV triggered a Virginia tax audit on me, and well...I learned the hard way that just because you don't owe shit the federal government, it does not automatically mean you're good to go with the state. Virginia hit me with a hefty back taxes bill as I was already dumping chunks of my paychecks into getting my car running again. I managed to get fully mobile and legal by December, but by then the debt had gone into lien status. I had a very emotional and bittersweet Christmas with my Dad and his family (more on that in a sec), then came back and had an entire paycheck taken from me by the state, three days before rent was due. Yaaay. Luckily, being consistent with rent over four years looks good to landlords and they didn't charge me a late fee when I explained my situation to them. Shoutouts to Real Property. They may be slum lords, but goddammit they're fair.
Christmas with Dad, who was mostly unaware I was even there, was emotionally turbulent. A little exposition on that...so my Dad's a stubborn man. For the most part this has been a good thing for him, as he's always pushing himself when recovering from another battle. He simply refuses to sit and be weak, and I admire that. However, being strong also means respecting your limits, even if you intend to push them. He doesn't do this, and decided that he was just going to say whatever to his walker and just walk. Unfortunately, his weakened state, various medications, and beer (to what extent we didn't know he was drinking because he kept it a secret) had other plans for him and he fell, hitting his head on a door and causing a subcutaneous hemmorhage, which triggered a bleed into the brain. When Alice found him, he was sprawled on the floor and unable to coherently speak. He was rushed to a hospital and underwent neurosurgery to relieve the buildup. This all happened less than a week before Christmas, so I spent a considerable amount of my time there with him. He was mostly doped up and doesn't remember me being there, but I'm glad I was able to be there. He's slowly recovering and we can talk now, but he still has problems with memory. I'm trying to encourage him to read or not be a technophobe (The internet is pretty cool, Dad. It's got so much sarcasm, you're bound to love it.), and he has also concluded that he doesn't need to drink (thank god), so here's to some progress.
Apart from all the drama of the last nine months or so, things aren't that bad. I still love Marvel, but I've been fooling around with Persona 4 Arena. Marvel doesn't care though because I'm still addicted to her and can't stay away for too long. I'm planning to go to Civil War V in Richmond next month and compete with my new team, Taskmaster/Storm/Dormammu. Still love to compete, even if I catch a beat down, as it just makes me want to strive harder (animaaaaaaay). I'm not as happy with my job as I used to be, and I think that mostly has to do with getting mobile again. It makes me want to exist in the normal world again, rather than struggle with sleep patterns every time I wish to go fight all day or see my family/spend more time with friends. Also I miss having a job where I move around more and need more exercise these days. I want to stay with UVA because having benefits is fucking awesome, but I'm thinking of moving to patient transportation. Less bureaucratic bullshit and data entry, more moving around, interacting and connecting with patients, more versatility in scheduling since I wouldn't be one of two people on my shift. I'm sticking here for a bit longer though because I need to lock down a living situation for the summer first. Yup, moving away from the corner. I can't stand the kids anymore (especially now that I have a car, and random drunken vandalism of cars is a thing around there because uva attracts douchebags) and I want to get into a roommate situation and save more money. It's a risk but I'm confident I'll be fine, I just hope I can keep up the trend of not commuting in my car daily. There's also this girl I like, I just have to build up my guts score, say yolo and go for it. I suspect she might be attracted to me but I am goddamn awful at reading signs, and I tend to overthink things with girls I like until I look up and they're with someone else. On some levels I tend to make excuses in my head to not just go for it, because coming out of a highly abusive relationship left me love shy and confounded with my feels (that sounds awkward, but fuck it I'm keepin it). I at least feel a lot more at peace with my head now than I did four years ago. Rebuilding healthy levels of confidence is more of a bitch than I imagined though, and being a night shifter doesn't help. Well, as Kenpachi Zaraki said in an entirely different context, "You can do it if you try!".
And on that note, I just realized it's nearly time to leave work and I should get caught up with data entry, lul.
Anyway, shit's been real since my last entry.
First there's my Dad, whose health has been not so good over the months. He got and fought off cancer (bone this time) yet again, after being given a grim diagnosis and deciding he was tired of fighting. Yay for changing minds! Even after all the battles he's fought, facing the news that he's about to fight it again still hurts me beyond measure. I suppose that's a good and natural response, but me relapsing into bad drinking habits again was not. So, my summer was pretty drunk for the most part, but I've since put it down as a "once in a blue moon" type thing, with friends ONLY. Given my genetic predisposition to alcoholism, I think this is best.
And some good did come from his getting cancer again. I am now mobile once again in my swagalicious 1986 Nissan Maxima, formerly owned by my now deceased great aunt Beulah. Dad decided that he wasn't going to have the time or the resources to fix it up, so he just signed it over to me. It was a struggle getting the thing running well again, as it had been sitting for a few years with no maintenance, but a good mechanic and a generous sum of cash fixes all problems, and now it runs like a dream. Not the best on gas, but I don't commute daily. Just the occasional trip to visit family, or to tournaments, and a few trips a week to make certain errands less troublesome. All in all, not a shabby deal. Not to mention that I had forgotten how good it feels to drive again, to have the power and freedom to do so. Mobility goes a long way in making me feel less shitty overall, despite my tendency to be a homebody.
Of course, wherever bureaucracy is involved, frustrating bullshit is sure to follow. Registering my car at the DMV triggered a Virginia tax audit on me, and well...I learned the hard way that just because you don't owe shit the federal government, it does not automatically mean you're good to go with the state. Virginia hit me with a hefty back taxes bill as I was already dumping chunks of my paychecks into getting my car running again. I managed to get fully mobile and legal by December, but by then the debt had gone into lien status. I had a very emotional and bittersweet Christmas with my Dad and his family (more on that in a sec), then came back and had an entire paycheck taken from me by the state, three days before rent was due. Yaaay. Luckily, being consistent with rent over four years looks good to landlords and they didn't charge me a late fee when I explained my situation to them. Shoutouts to Real Property. They may be slum lords, but goddammit they're fair.
Christmas with Dad, who was mostly unaware I was even there, was emotionally turbulent. A little exposition on that...so my Dad's a stubborn man. For the most part this has been a good thing for him, as he's always pushing himself when recovering from another battle. He simply refuses to sit and be weak, and I admire that. However, being strong also means respecting your limits, even if you intend to push them. He doesn't do this, and decided that he was just going to say whatever to his walker and just walk. Unfortunately, his weakened state, various medications, and beer (to what extent we didn't know he was drinking because he kept it a secret) had other plans for him and he fell, hitting his head on a door and causing a subcutaneous hemmorhage, which triggered a bleed into the brain. When Alice found him, he was sprawled on the floor and unable to coherently speak. He was rushed to a hospital and underwent neurosurgery to relieve the buildup. This all happened less than a week before Christmas, so I spent a considerable amount of my time there with him. He was mostly doped up and doesn't remember me being there, but I'm glad I was able to be there. He's slowly recovering and we can talk now, but he still has problems with memory. I'm trying to encourage him to read or not be a technophobe (The internet is pretty cool, Dad. It's got so much sarcasm, you're bound to love it.), and he has also concluded that he doesn't need to drink (thank god), so here's to some progress.
Apart from all the drama of the last nine months or so, things aren't that bad. I still love Marvel, but I've been fooling around with Persona 4 Arena. Marvel doesn't care though because I'm still addicted to her and can't stay away for too long. I'm planning to go to Civil War V in Richmond next month and compete with my new team, Taskmaster/Storm/Dormammu. Still love to compete, even if I catch a beat down, as it just makes me want to strive harder (animaaaaaaay). I'm not as happy with my job as I used to be, and I think that mostly has to do with getting mobile again. It makes me want to exist in the normal world again, rather than struggle with sleep patterns every time I wish to go fight all day or see my family/spend more time with friends. Also I miss having a job where I move around more and need more exercise these days. I want to stay with UVA because having benefits is fucking awesome, but I'm thinking of moving to patient transportation. Less bureaucratic bullshit and data entry, more moving around, interacting and connecting with patients, more versatility in scheduling since I wouldn't be one of two people on my shift. I'm sticking here for a bit longer though because I need to lock down a living situation for the summer first. Yup, moving away from the corner. I can't stand the kids anymore (especially now that I have a car, and random drunken vandalism of cars is a thing around there because uva attracts douchebags) and I want to get into a roommate situation and save more money. It's a risk but I'm confident I'll be fine, I just hope I can keep up the trend of not commuting in my car daily. There's also this girl I like, I just have to build up my guts score, say yolo and go for it. I suspect she might be attracted to me but I am goddamn awful at reading signs, and I tend to overthink things with girls I like until I look up and they're with someone else. On some levels I tend to make excuses in my head to not just go for it, because coming out of a highly abusive relationship left me love shy and confounded with my feels (that sounds awkward, but fuck it I'm keepin it). I at least feel a lot more at peace with my head now than I did four years ago. Rebuilding healthy levels of confidence is more of a bitch than I imagined though, and being a night shifter doesn't help. Well, as Kenpachi Zaraki said in an entirely different context, "You can do it if you try!".
And on that note, I just realized it's nearly time to leave work and I should get caught up with data entry, lul.