The Four Hour Flu
Barking, "Float the consciousness like a butterfly! And sting like a bird," the flu commander inspected the ranks.
The flu virus saluted back, "Yes sir! I'll do my best!"
With this extra motivation, the flu virus took to the battlefield. It was vast in scope, lacking any hint of a horizon. Intimidated, but undeterred, the flu virus waited patiently for his orders.
"All troops, AAATTTAAACCCKKK!!" screamed the now-mounted commander.
It began on an ordinary Saturday morning, partly cloudy with a Spring-like chill in the air. Residents of the town were going about their ordinary lives. Some were shopping. Others were preparing food in their homes. All was well in the ordinary town...
A half-hour before lunch in Pinder-ville, the un-ordinary invaders launched their attack. To disorient the home garrison, the flu-vaders sieged the town's surveillance system, scrambling a third of the cameras at the western border. It wasn't long before the attackers were routed from this strike zone. The defenders took solace in their quick response and breathed easier.
The flu-vaders then unleashed the brute force of their artillery. Winning hearts and minds was not one of their objectives. Their purpose was to destroy any semblance of order. If they could scramble the intelligence network, the native troops would have no choice but to surrender their ground. With sheer power, the flu-vaders took their first in a series of landmark victories. Even a counter-attack with the experimental tylenol-X-strength couldn't turn the tide of the 30-minute battle. Without giving up hope, hidden troops would continue to engage in skirmishes throughout the war.
Continuing their Sherman-esque campaign, the flu-vaders turned their attention to the nearby dam. Ordinarily providing hydro-electric energy to the town and sustained life to the river valley, it provided an easy target once the intelligence center was overrun. The attackers planted explosives and flooded the city. Pinder-ville was covered in water, and everyone shivered violently in the chilled breeze. The town was defeated. The defenders laid down their arms, and the civilians were enslaved. The entire town's population was imprisoned, left only the comfort of a cot and their disoriented thoughts.
There was a band of troops that, while they willingly gave the enemy their weapons, would never give up their homeland. They were determined to stroll the riverbanks freely again. Staging a daring breakout from their prison, they fled to the hillside. These freedom fighters gathered whatever weapons they could find, and retook the now-cracked dam using their pure spirit. Some quick patchwork later, the town was ready to dry out. With the battlefield clear of cascading waters, the fighters joined the unconquered bands of the resistance at the intelligence center. Drawing inspiration from Jedi fighters, they returned to reclaim freedom. This was how the hostilities ended... Even though the force of raw power took the town, the spirit of freedom won the war.
I have to say that this was a very scary time. A consistent (though minor) concern of mine is losing part of my vision suddenly, possibly due to the retina thing they test for with the air puff. Thankfully, that left quickly enough and I chalked it up to walking around in the cold. The piercing headache was disturbing, and was the only overarching symptom. It was most pronounced 10 minutes after it began. It got so sharp that I couldn't even rest my head on a pillow. It was that sensitive. About 15-20 minutes after that, it mostly subsided, but was still painful. I presume that was partially because I took a Tylenol aspirin. However, I got really concerned when I got the sweats and couldn't determine if I was actually nauseas or not. Thankfully for the nausea, I hadn't eaten lunch yet - though that was close since I was about to make it! Along with that, my hearing was impaired with ringing and then analog-TV-like hissing. The sweats and hearing issues subsided quickly enough, though then I had to deal with the general loss of equilibrium and coherence. Gotta say that at this point, I was legitimately worried that I had a stroke or brain aneurysm, due to the head-centered nature of the symptoms. I was thinking that I could possibly die if I passed out at this point. Thankfully, I called my parents and my mom had just gone through a near-identical sequence last night and informed me that it was a severe flu.
I had heard the flu strains this year were juiced up... but no one told me that it was the Juggernaut! Seriously - I've had one-day colds and flus that peaked over the course of three days, but this was a mutant!
After a short nap, though, throughout which I had annoying but not terrible chills... it was gone. After four hours of agony and fear, it was cleared from my system like a heavy and sudden tornado-laden thunderstorm followed by bright sunshine. I can even do jumping jacks again!
Timeline of symptoms:
0-5 minutes: Loss of 1/3 leftmost vision in left eye.
10-30 minutes: Searing pain of a headache. Intolerable pain (keeping one immobile) during the middle 10 minutes. Pains remained to some extent throughout.
20-45 minutes: Undetermined (though unfulfilled) nausea.
30-40 minutes: Sweats, loss of equilibrium, and urge to pass out.
35-40 minutes: Hearing impairment.
40 minutes: Chills begin, I passed out shortly after.
4 hours: Woke up, a little groggy but feeling 100% again. :-)
I've heard the flu viruses going around this year are hitting especially hard now, at the end of the season... and I hope this record of my symptoms can be useful to someone out there.
Just remember that no matter how random each of these symptoms seem, Dr. House won't be around to be snarky. He never sees his patients personally. ;-P
- John
The flu virus saluted back, "Yes sir! I'll do my best!"
With this extra motivation, the flu virus took to the battlefield. It was vast in scope, lacking any hint of a horizon. Intimidated, but undeterred, the flu virus waited patiently for his orders.
"All troops, AAATTTAAACCCKKK!!" screamed the now-mounted commander.
It began on an ordinary Saturday morning, partly cloudy with a Spring-like chill in the air. Residents of the town were going about their ordinary lives. Some were shopping. Others were preparing food in their homes. All was well in the ordinary town...
A half-hour before lunch in Pinder-ville, the un-ordinary invaders launched their attack. To disorient the home garrison, the flu-vaders sieged the town's surveillance system, scrambling a third of the cameras at the western border. It wasn't long before the attackers were routed from this strike zone. The defenders took solace in their quick response and breathed easier.
The flu-vaders then unleashed the brute force of their artillery. Winning hearts and minds was not one of their objectives. Their purpose was to destroy any semblance of order. If they could scramble the intelligence network, the native troops would have no choice but to surrender their ground. With sheer power, the flu-vaders took their first in a series of landmark victories. Even a counter-attack with the experimental tylenol-X-strength couldn't turn the tide of the 30-minute battle. Without giving up hope, hidden troops would continue to engage in skirmishes throughout the war.
Continuing their Sherman-esque campaign, the flu-vaders turned their attention to the nearby dam. Ordinarily providing hydro-electric energy to the town and sustained life to the river valley, it provided an easy target once the intelligence center was overrun. The attackers planted explosives and flooded the city. Pinder-ville was covered in water, and everyone shivered violently in the chilled breeze. The town was defeated. The defenders laid down their arms, and the civilians were enslaved. The entire town's population was imprisoned, left only the comfort of a cot and their disoriented thoughts.
There was a band of troops that, while they willingly gave the enemy their weapons, would never give up their homeland. They were determined to stroll the riverbanks freely again. Staging a daring breakout from their prison, they fled to the hillside. These freedom fighters gathered whatever weapons they could find, and retook the now-cracked dam using their pure spirit. Some quick patchwork later, the town was ready to dry out. With the battlefield clear of cascading waters, the fighters joined the unconquered bands of the resistance at the intelligence center. Drawing inspiration from Jedi fighters, they returned to reclaim freedom. This was how the hostilities ended... Even though the force of raw power took the town, the spirit of freedom won the war.
I have to say that this was a very scary time. A consistent (though minor) concern of mine is losing part of my vision suddenly, possibly due to the retina thing they test for with the air puff. Thankfully, that left quickly enough and I chalked it up to walking around in the cold. The piercing headache was disturbing, and was the only overarching symptom. It was most pronounced 10 minutes after it began. It got so sharp that I couldn't even rest my head on a pillow. It was that sensitive. About 15-20 minutes after that, it mostly subsided, but was still painful. I presume that was partially because I took a Tylenol aspirin. However, I got really concerned when I got the sweats and couldn't determine if I was actually nauseas or not. Thankfully for the nausea, I hadn't eaten lunch yet - though that was close since I was about to make it! Along with that, my hearing was impaired with ringing and then analog-TV-like hissing. The sweats and hearing issues subsided quickly enough, though then I had to deal with the general loss of equilibrium and coherence. Gotta say that at this point, I was legitimately worried that I had a stroke or brain aneurysm, due to the head-centered nature of the symptoms. I was thinking that I could possibly die if I passed out at this point. Thankfully, I called my parents and my mom had just gone through a near-identical sequence last night and informed me that it was a severe flu.
I had heard the flu strains this year were juiced up... but no one told me that it was the Juggernaut! Seriously - I've had one-day colds and flus that peaked over the course of three days, but this was a mutant!
After a short nap, though, throughout which I had annoying but not terrible chills... it was gone. After four hours of agony and fear, it was cleared from my system like a heavy and sudden tornado-laden thunderstorm followed by bright sunshine. I can even do jumping jacks again!
Timeline of symptoms:
I've heard the flu viruses going around this year are hitting especially hard now, at the end of the season... and I hope this record of my symptoms can be useful to someone out there.
Just remember that no matter how random each of these symptoms seem, Dr. House won't be around to be snarky. He never sees his patients personally. ;-P
- John