I will never be okay with my life. I've ruined some wonderful people and I really want to just change my name and move to hungary/romania and be done with everyone.
From Hunter
anonymous
February 6 2008, 22:04:01 UTC
Since you no doubt won't check this for months, I think I'm going to start writing here the thoughts that I wish I could tell you. I love you with all my heart. More than I could ever love someone again. I gave my body, heart, and soul to you, and you refused it. You made my life a beautiful thing, and made me happy. I'd never been happy before, but you made it happen. And now, knowing that you're happier with Eric, and don't want me in your life, and that you no longer think those words you used to say.. that you loved me, that you wanted to marry me, that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me... Knowing this kills me. I'll be totally honest. I break down more and more each day. And every day I get closer and closer to killing myself, because I've lost the will to live. I know in my heart of hearts that I can never love someone again so completely as I loved you, and that because of that, I will never be as happy. It's because of this that I've lost my will to live. On Valentine's Day, I'm going to make one
( ... )
Well, I'm doing a little better today... Had a really good day yesterday, we hung out, and everything went fine, even up to the last... As Valentine's Day approaches, I realize that suicide isn't the answer. Unofrtunately, Rachel also told me about how you were just trying to move-on. That makes me really sad, even when we broke up you said you wanted to end-up back together. And now... not even that. I love you, MikoL. I always will. And I wish you could see that everything could be alright in an instant if you would just realize that you still love me. I doubt it'll happen though. I've lost that kind of faith in my life. I'm trying a different tack now. I blocked your number, and I'm not going to call or text you. Hopefully if we don't talk, you'll realize what you're missing. The danger is, you might just forget about me entirely. But seeing as being there and giving ou rides and being nice hasn't worked, I guess I have to do it. I'm even making my facebook statuses and myspace stuff all happy, so you can feel how
( ... )
Over the past few days, I've come to realize that I'm over you. I don't know who you are now, but you're not the person I loved. I still love her, but she isn't you. And my life is worth far more than yours. I tried to be friends with you, I really did, but you just responded by slandering me and telling everyone who would listen that I stalk you. The Mikol I knew was bigger than that, but clearly you aren't. I'm sorry for you, I really am. You've hurt yourself more than you know.
So I had an epiphane a week or so ago... I'm over you. To be honest, I don't even understand what I saw in you. You're deceptively charming, but that's really all you have. You have no direction in life, and you become arrogant about things on a scale that's nothing but pathetic. All you were doing was holding me back. All I can do is smile now, realizing that I'm free of your trap. Yeah, I still love you, but only residually. And that love will fade and die. And I may bear no grudge, but I still won't forgive or forget the fool you made of me. I've just grown. Grown much farther than I ever could with you in tow. I'm going somewhere with my life. You aren't. The best you can hope for is a position in a beauty salon somewhere, or managing a retail store. I've discovered something I'm really good at- oratory. I can speak with the best of them, and I'm going to be either a journalist or a politician. This summer I have an internship at the NPR bureau in San Francisco. And you know what? I'm going to stun them.
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Comments 5
...But I still think the sun shines out your ass. I will love you, always.
And I hope to god you'll call me and tell me you're sorry and that everything will be okay.
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