What'd I do wrong now
AndurilAna: hey
Vykrom: Howdy
AndurilAna: how goes it
Vykrom: Hanging in there
AndurilAna: ?
Vykrom: Life's a little rickety right now
AndurilAna: what's going on?
Vykrom: Moving. Hitting the bachelor scene once again
AndurilAna: do you have a boyfriend?
AndurilAna: sorry
AndurilAna: girlfriend
Vykrom: Nope
AndurilAna: I thought you were dating that one chica
Vykrom: She misunderstood something and won't talk to me anymore
AndurilAna: oh noes
Vykrom: She made it obvious she didn't really know me anyway
AndurilAna: sorry to hear that, yo
Vykrom: Its life
AndurilAna: I've gotta go
AndurilAna: call me sometime
AndurilAna: or I'll call you
AndurilAna: let me see if I still have your number.
Vykrom: I should probably leave the kansas drama behind. No offense or anything, but talking to you would just remind me of Alyssa. Who I'm still very much still in love with. Which is unhealthy
AndurilAna: ...
AndurilAna: I thought all that was over...
Vykrom: When I fall in love I don't fall out. I'm not one of those people that confuses other things for love. I was actually in love. Can't be helped. There's two or three other girls I still love too. Just part of life for me
AndurilAna: you know what? Whatever. Dig a ditch and lay in it. Seriously. You act like you were the only one with feelings involved in that entire situation. Go ahead, be childish, because I do take offense to that sir.
Vykrom: A lack of understanding and blowing up at the drop of a hat is more a sign of maturity than someone knowing their limits and trying to avoid future complications for everyone. Sorry I know myself so well, but I'd rather just avoid the whole thing. I can't control how I feel. But I can control what I do. And what you want would cause problems. So in my vast childish ways, I'll avoid the problem for all of us
AndurilAna: No I'm just angered by the entire situation because you were so blinded by your feelings for alyssa that you didn't see mine for you
AndurilAna: so whatever, have a good one
Vykrom: Same with Jess
Vykrom: I gave her a chance and now she can't forgive me
Vykrom: Again, I'll avoid that whole thing in the future
Vykrom: People just can't accept that I'll always have feelings for certain people. Somehow that seems unfaithful. Despite the fact that I have no control over it. Its not what I feel that matters, but what I do. And people keep judging me by what I feel instead
AndurilAna: Don't say you don't have control over something, because then you won't.
AndurilAna: everyone controls how they feel, how they learn, how the know and love.
AndurilAna: who their friends are, how they interact with people
AndurilAna: It's obvious you don't want to change
AndurilAna: because if you really wanted to change, all you would have to do is do it.
Vykrom: You like guys. You can't change that. You probably like chocolate. You can't change that
AndurilAna: yeah, I can...
AndurilAna: I have
AndurilAna: I'm bi...and there's this uberly hot chick that I want to ask out, but she's totally straight.
AndurilAna: you're being thickp-headed and stubborn. I'm not going to waste my time and wisdom of things I've already learned on someone who doesn't want to learn them
Vykrom: Well then you're in the gray zone, so that doesn't really even count. Still the things you like naturally can't be changed. I can't stop liking Alyssa, so I stopped talking to her. For a very long time. Again, I control what I do since I can't control how I feel
AndurilAna: you can control how you feel
AndurilAna: you're taking a material object such as chocolate and most women like chocolate and comparing them to your love for someone else
AndurilAna: two completely different types of feelins
AndurilAna: feelings*
Vykrom: No, its instinct. Its innate. Its just part of you
AndurilAna: so Alyssa is a part of you
AndurilAna: is this what you're trying to say?
Vykrom: Liking her has become part of me
AndurilAna: Her memory, par say?
AndurilAna: Liking her has nothing to do with you
AndurilAna: she doesn't define you
AndurilAna: and she's long forgotten you
Vykrom: I didn't say she defined me. [...] I'm not still in love for the hopes to get her back. I'm still in love because I can't flip the switch to turn it off
AndurilAna: yes you can. Just switch it
AndurilAna: if you say something's impossible, then it is.
AndurilAna: but if you believe and wish it to be possible, then it is
Vykrom: I can't even imagine that kind of intangible robotic inhuman control over emotion. And even if I could I wouldn't even want it. Alyssa may not define me, but my emotions do. I don't want to control them. I'd do some really stupid shit if I could. Pain helps you learn. You fuck up and get hurt and turn off the pain and go about your business, what have you learned? I don't want that
AndurilAna: wow, so getting over something is inhuman?
AndurilAna: There's a reason for everything, it's the balance of nature
AndurilAna: lessons are to be learned in every conversation, in every step, and in every breath
AndurilAna: don't tell me I don't know how to feel
AndurilAna: don't tell me I don't learn from situations
Vykrom: I moved on, I didn't get over. I did however get over Jessica. Because I wasn't really in love with her. I gave her a chance. Now we'd have to get into more complex issues. But I don't think that's worth it
AndurilAna: no, because I was in a pissed of f mood before talking to you
AndurilAna: and this conversation has further enraged me.
AndurilAna: and if you haven't gotten over something, have you really moved on? That's all I have to say
AndurilAna: have a good life Matthew
AndurilAna: I'm getting off...I won't block you, but I'll always be open to conversation
AndurilAna: I'm still here for you. I don't think you should block out friends just because of one incident.
AndurilAna: g'night
Vykrom: Alright. Goodnight then
AndurilAna signed off at 1:57:52 AM.
What?
She's your friend :{
Funny thing is there was this girl in elementary I had this huge crush on. And throughout school it kept coming back everytime she came around (she kept changing schools and coming back). Eventually I realized it never really went away. I just didn't notice because she wasn't around to arouse it. I'll admit a crush and love are hard to differentiate, especially your first crush, which is so empowering you become very loyal to it in such a way that the difference is negligible. It basically is love. And love for me is never ending. So when it doesn't work out, I have to get away from that person. I still love Leah. That little girl from kindergarten I used to make laugh every day. Grew up into this gorgeous sassy and horribly troubled young lady that I desperately wanted to save. Amy in highschool. And Molly in my first years of adulthood. People my heart just can't let go of. And for better or worse, Alyssa, you poor thing, you've been placed in the upper eschelon of my heart with them. I don't choose this. All I can do is deal with it. But I don't regret any of it. These are some amazing women, and I think they deserve so much love :] Just the way I am. For better or worse. I can't, wouldn't change