Trials: Chapter Twenty-Three
Several days later, April 6, 2003…
"No one's seen or heard from her in over a week" Joey replied quietly.
"Not even Greg?" Justin asked quietly as he paced his room.
"I guess she stayed with him the first week but he hasn't seen or heard from her in days" Joey explained.
"How's JC doing?" Justin asked cautiously, worry clear in his voice.
He was quiet a moment. "Justin" he hesitated a moment. "Thank you for sending Shelby back" his voice nearly a whisper.
"How could I hold her back Joe?" Justin replied quietly.
"He's a little better since she's been here but he's still…he hasn't spoken to Chris or Matt since they fought. If Lance or I try to mention something about either of them he shuts off completely" Joey's voice quiet.
"Damn" Justin breathed out.
"I know, you know how he was about always settling the air before too much time went by…he just lays there…" he hesitated. "Greg says he's backsliding" his voice quieter.
"Damn it Joey you've got to do something" he tugged at his hair frustratedly. "Shelby's calling me practically balling over this. I called Matt the other day to see how she and Hannah were doing, you know with Hannah's check-up and all and she barely gave me one word answers…I can't leave, I've only got a week and a half left" his voice quiet as he paced the floor.
"I know man, we're trying…it's hard when everyone around you shuts off…" he trailed off.
"You okay Joe?" Justin asked as he rubbed his forehead.
"Yeah, I'm hanging. Lance has been trying to spend time with Matt, I've been trying to get Chris and JC talking. Greg's been trying to get Nadia to open her door. Shelby's been…well, you know her, she's trying to do it all" Joey replied quietly.
He was quiet for a moment. "We're supposed to be getting married the end of June Joe" his voice nearly a whisper. "If they screw this up for me, I'll kill 'em all."
"I know man, but we still have awhile to calm everyone down and get this mess straight" Joey tried.
"Matt and Nadia standing together…god what a mess" Justin shook his head.
"You're forgetting about JC and Chris…ugh" Joey sighed heavily. "Don't worry Justin, I'm going to get this worked out before you get home."
"Don't kill yourself over it Joe…I don't want that on my head" Justin tried.
Joey chuckled. "Won't matter if you take out the rest too."
JC's…
"I can't" he shook his head.
"You haven't even tried" Greg eyed him.
"I don't want to" JC muttered.
"You don't want to, or you don't want to try?" Greg eyed him.
"Either, both, what the hell does it matter" JC groaned.
"Nadia would kick your butt…" Greg started.
"She isn't here Greg" JC interjected. He met Greg's eyes his own blue ones cold and stony. "She isn't here, it's a fact I've come to accept so let's just move on alright."
Greg eyed him. "If it were that simple Josh, you wouldn't have had to say what you just did" his voice quiet before he grabbed his jacket. "I quit Josh. You won't try. What am I supposed to do?"
"Fine" JC replied with a nod.
Greg stared at him a moment before shaking his head. "I thought you were different" his voice quiet before he left JC's room.
Shelby ran into his room a moment later. "What are you doing?" her voice a whisper, her eyes filling with tears.
"I'm sorry Shelby but it just isn't going to happen" JC replied emotionlessly.
"JC, you're supposed to…" she started.
"Is that all you're thinking about Shelby? Your wedding? That I can't…" he started.
She grabbed his shirt yanking him into a sitting position. "Yes it is JC because until you start giving a shit about yourself again, I can't either. I can't care enough about you for both of us. So yes, this is about the fact that you are breaking a promise to me" her voice shook.
"What's one more thing I've done wrong…" he started.
"Don't do this JC" her voice a whisper as she gripped him, her arms wrapped around him, fighting back tears.
"Do what? I haven't done anything to you Shelby" he replied blankly.
"Don't give up" she whispered, tears creeping past her lashes.
"I can't fight anymore Shelby" he replied quietly, an absolutely frightening lack of emotion, void, to his voice.
She let him go carefully and wiped at her eyes. "I love you JC, but it isn't enough…and I can't watch you do this anymore…I won't watch you slip back and fade away" she kissed his cheek and turned leaving him.
Chris and Matt's…
He opened the door with Hannah wrapped in a towel leaving it open not even looking as he turned back down the hall.
The door was closed silently.
"I know you like to drive fast Lance, but geez…" he trailed off as he went back to the bathroom.
"Chris?"
His back appeared before his front as he walked backward, turning slowly at the sound of her voice. "Nadia?" his brow furrowed.
"Is Matt here?" she asked quietly.
"She's downstairs developing, I'll call and let her know you're here if you'd like" he replied quietly, his eyes not hiding his shock to see her or his curiosity.
"I actually should talk to you too" she replied quietly.
"Let me just get Hannah dressed, make yourself comfortable" he replied quietly, waving her past the bathroom.
She was at the window looking out into their backyard when he came in the living room. Hannah now donned in pajamas.
"You can sit if you'd like" his voice quiet.
She nodded slightly, remaining still for a moment before she sat gingerly on the chair.
He sat down on the couch that angled out next to the chair she was in. Hannah held protectively in his arms.
"I wanted to apologize for the way I spoke to Matt…and for the trouble I caused you and the others" her voice quiet.
"Nadia, are you alright?" he asked cautiously after watching her a moment.
She nodded slightly. "I know you and…I know you haven't really spoken, or that's the last I heard…I'm sorry Chris. I never meant to come between anyone" her voice quiet.
"I know that Nadia" he replied quietly. "Honey, we have company" he called softly, having heard the door click shut.
"I'll be there in a minute Lance" she called before disappearing.
"I won't take long Chris. You have plans tonight…I just…" she started.
"Nadia?" Matt's voice a breath of a whisper.
She lifted her eyes slowly. "I wanted to apologize…" she started quietly.
"Nadia, you didn't do anything. I never…" Matt started.
"No" she shook her head slightly. "You were right about some of the things you said Matt…and I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did." Her eyes lowered. "I know I caused a lot of trouble for you…" she started.
"Nadia, you were right too" Matt interjected quietly. "I overstepped my bounds. It isn't your fault…" she started.
"Matt shut up, I'm trying to accept responsibility…" Nadia started frustratedly.
"And it isn't all yours to take" Matt interjected quietly.
"I just…" she started.
"I'm sorry too" Matt interjected.
Chris laughed at the two of them balling and trying to out do each other with apologies. They both turned and stared at him a moment before laughing.
*
"So…" Chris' voice cautious.
"I couldn't be involved with Josh now if I wanted to. I can't" Nadia replied quietly.
"But…" Matt tried quietly before biting her tongue.
Nadia sighed quietly. "I can't Matt, not right now…I'm not saying I wouldn't like to or that it will never happen…or that it will…but right now, it's not even a possibility" her voice quiet.
"Have you spoken with him yet?" Chris asked quietly.
She shook her head slightly. "He probably never wants to see me again, not that I could blame him…" she started quietly.
"Joey said he's in pretty bad shape…he said Greg quit today" his voice almost a whisper.
"Are you serious?" Nadia breathed out.
Chris nodded. "Shelby flew back out to be with Justin too. She's been…you know how Shelby is, she loves him so much it hurts her to see him like this…and he won't do anything…" he trailed off.
She hesitated for a moment. "Nadia, when are you going to talk to him?" Matt's voice quiet.
JC's…
She stood on his stoop and drew in a deep breath. Her key slid in the lock and turned silently, letting her in.
She walked cautiously toward his room and peered in to find it empty. Her brow furrowed as she passed by the empty bathroom.
Her jaw hit the floor as she bolted toward him out of reflex. "What the hell are you doing?" she cried.
He glared up at her for a moment before he took another unsteady step.
"Josh…" she started.
He gripped the bars tightly. "Shelby needs me to walk her down the aisle so I'm going to. A better question would be what the hell are you doing in my house?" he eyed her.
"Josh…" she started, her eyes not leaving him.
"I don't need you Nadia, I can do this on my own…" he started.
"If you don't want me then let someone help you Josh" she interjected, her voice a plea.
"Now all of a sudden you care?" he eyed her harshly.
"I never stopped caring Josh…" she started, her eyes still not leaving him, fearing he'd need her strength, which wasn't much after the past week and a half but it was more than he had and she knew that.
"So I noticed" he snapped. "Nice of you to stop by and all but I'm a little busy and…" he started.
Her eyes narrowed on him. "You son of a…" she started.
"Oh ho, look at that…" he started with a smirk.
"You sure are an egotistical…" she started toward him.
"Surely you can do better than that Nadia" he egged her on.
"You bet your ass Josh" she replied before taking him over her shoulder.
"Put me down Nadia" he grunted.
"Nope" she huffed as she walked through his living room.
"Damn it you're gonna fall and kill us both" he groaned.
"Shut up" she snapped throwing the back door open.
"Damn it woman, you put me down…" he started.
"Alright Josh" she grunted before shoving him off into his pool.
He sputtered up and glared at her. "You…" he started.
"Me?" she questioned and glanced around. "I suppose it was me wasn't it."
"Nadia, I…" he started.
"You what Josh? You could've hurt yourself? I could've hurt you?" She leaned over. "What the hell do you think you were doing in there Josh?" she pointed back at the house.
A wicked smile crossed his lips just before he yanked her down. She saw his arm coming and grabbed at the bench behind her but his force was too much and her footing was off and she slid into the pool, but not before hitting her head on the side of the pool.
Panic washed through him as she sank deeper into the water. He grabbed her with his free arm, struggling to get her head above water. "Nadia!" he shouted.
Her body limp and heavy in the water.
"Oh god no…Nadia!" he tried shaking her but that caused them both to go under.
What frightened him most was the absolute silence. No sputtering sounds of water being coughed up.
He managed to scoot himself, and her with him, down far enough so he could foot the bottom of the pool and pushed her up out of the pool. He grabbed the sides of the pool and pushed himself up, adrenaline pumping through is veins. The pain in his knees didn't register as they were skinned on the cement.
He could see she wasn't breathing, but he felt her pulse still steady. "Nadia!" he shouted again before he pushed on her diaphragm trying to clear her airway of the water.
His knees ground against the cement as he crawled up. He murmured so many things no one in particular would ever be remembered. He tilted her head slightly and pinched her nose before breathing into her mouth.
He counted in his head as he murmured, pleading with her to wake up. His air was her air, and at that moment, her life was his.
"Please" he murmured, his mouth closing over hers.
"Nadia…." he started weakly, almost not noticing the twitch. His mouth a breath away from hers when her head twitched again. He pulled back just as she started coughing and he pulled her up so she wouldn't choke.
"Josh" she choked out between coughs.
His arms wrapped around her tightly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Nadia" he murmured to her hair.
"What happened?" she croaked.
"I don't know…you were…and I…but I didn't mean…" he started, his voice barely comprehendible.
"I…I think I'm okay" she pat his hands reassuringly.
He didn't let her go, if anything he held her tighter. His eyes letting go of the stress through tears. "If I'd…oh god…Nadia…I almost…" he murmured.
"Shh" her voice a little raspy from the coughing. "You saved my life too Josh" her voice a whisper.
"If you hadn't woken up…" he shook his head.
"Josh…how…" she pulled out of his hold carefully. "Josh" she gasped. "Damn…" she let out a string of explicatives eyeing his knees, his legs, the way he was sitting.
He merely reached out for her, pulling her back in his arms. He murmured incoherently, his hand stroking her hair.
"I'm okay" she breathed out.
He kissed the top of her head murmuring his thanks to god for her life.
She pulled back gently and met his eyes. "I'm okay" she breathed out.
"I thought…but…" he pulled her to him as she trembled, "I love you" he murmured to her hair.
"I know" she breathed out to his chest, her chin trembling, her body finally registering she was cold.
*
They'd remained outside, huddled together at his poolside for hours, just holding each other.
She hung up the phone and slowly made her way down the hall toward the linen closet, pulling out a thick fluffy blanket and a first aid kit, she turned making her way back outside into the chilly night air.
Both their clothes still damp. She was too weak to carry him and they both knew it. And she would've killed him if he tried to walk back inside period and now with his knees the mess they were.
She spread the blanket around him quietly and knelt down looking at his knees. She swallowed hard, knowing she was the cause of their appearance.
"Don't do that to yourself" he whispered knowingly.
Her eyes lifted as she opened the first aid kit. "If I never…" she started quietly.
"I'm the one that decided to pull you in after me" he interjected quietly.
She shook her head slightly. "It's not your fault Josh" her voice quiet but firm. She dug around finding the antiseptic spray. "I'll have to do this better inside, but this will work for now…" she started.
"Huh?"
"Sorry" she whispered.
"What…ow" he bit his lip and stared at his knees. The bubbling from the spray only made worse by the additional sprays. He met her eyes no longer focusing on the pain. He stared into her as she continued tending to his knees. His lips parted slightly after a moment.
She merely nodded slightly. "We have things to talk about Josh" she replied quietly. "But first I want to get you inside and cleaned up" her voice soothing.
He continued staring in her eyes, unable to do otherwise.
She finished what she was doing as best she could and lifted her eyes to his. He was so lost to the world, her eyes holding him in an alternate state of reality. He didn't notice when Chris and Joey walked through the back door.
Slowly she managed to drag her eyes away, with an almost drunk feeling as she shook her head slightly.
"Woman, what are you doing in the cold still wet?" Chris eyed her like she was nuts.
That caused them both to turn.
"What are you doing here?" JC eyed them both, but Chris more.
"Josh, I had to get help" her voice quiet, drawing his eyes.
He merely nodded. He pushed them away from him. "Go inside Nadia, you're freezing out here" his voice quiet.
"Josh…" she started quietly.
"Go inside" his voice quiet but firm, his eyes showing he would not relent.
"Right behind me?" she asked quietly.
"I'll be right there. Take a nice hot shower upstairs, get some dry clothes on, I'll be right there" his voice quiet but a little authoritative.
She was about to protest but nodded instead. "Don't be long, it's cold out" her voice quiet before she scrambled to her feet.
The three of them watching her make her way to the house.
"Is she alright?" Joey asked cautiously.
"She's just tired" JC replied quietly.
The two of them eyed him knowingly, but he wouldn't budge on the details. Joey carried him inside, Chris gathering everything up a stride behind them.
Joey started a bath and rummaged around for clothes.
She walked downstairs to find the two of them sitting at his kitchen table. Her hair had been blown dry and pulled back in a loose bun, otherwise dressed in a pair of his shorts and tee shirt.
"Nadia…" Chris started before she had a chance to even breathe.
"I came over to talk to him is all" she interjected quietly. "We still have things to talk about…Shelby leaving him really affected him today…and I know my absence, we have things to talk about guys. That's really all I'm going to say" her voice quiet.
"Nadia?" Joey's voice cautious.
"Hmm?"
"Why were you soaking wet in clothes out by the pool?" he asked cautiously.
"Went for a swim Joe" she replied giving him a little smile.
Neither of them believed her but neither of them were stupid enough to question her answer either.
*
She lay with her head resting on his chest, her palm covering his heart. His arms wrapped around her. Her eyes closed gently, though her breathing told him she was not asleep.
He rubbed her back gently causing her to lift her head slightly to meet his eyes. "Sun's coming up" he whispered softly.
She turned her head the other direction as she rested it back on his chest, her eyes toward the window. "Josh, you understand right?" her voice a whisper.
He was quiet a moment. "I'm not saying I like it Nadia" his voice quiet. "But I do understand…you know how I feel and that really isn't going to change" his voice a soft whisper. "But I know how you feel too" his voice a whisper as his hold tightened slightly.
"I could get in trouble Josh" her voice quiet.
"I know" he replied quietly.
Her eyes closed gently. "Thank you Josh" she breathed out.
"I…" he started quietly.
"For my life Josh" she whispered nuzzling his chest slightly.
The next day, April 7, 2003…
"If you still want me to" she replied quietly.
"Nadia…" he started.
"You know I will Josh. I just want you to be sure you want me helping you" her voice quiet.
"Nadia, you're the only one I trust to do this" his voice quiet.
She nodded slightly, in effect nuzzling his chest. She yawned softly and let her eyes close.
He tightened his hold on her slightly, his eyes remained closed gently. "I won't say it again…" his voice a whisper.
"I see it Josh, I don't need to hear the words to know what's in your heart…you can always find the answers in my eyes Josh" her voice a soft whisper.
*
"It's a little complicated" he replied with a little sigh.
"JC, what's complicated. You have feelings for her, she apparently has feelings for you…" Joey started.
"She's my doctor Joe" JC interjected quietly. "She's the only one I trust to do this…and as my doctor, she can't be seeing me too" his voice quiet.
"But she would?" Joey questioned cautiously.
He was quiet a moment. "I know she has a certain hold on me. I know there's more than friendship on her end of it. As far as stating the particulars we haven't, probably won't until it's a time when we could actually do something about it…" he started quietly.
"What?" Joey questioned wide-eyed.
JC's brow furrowed. "What do you mean what Joe?"
Joey stared into JC's eyes. "You're sitting here telling me you didn't tell her you love her?" he questioned in disbelief.
"I didn't say that" he replied quietly.
Joey shook his head slightly. "I don't get you two" he mumbled.
JC smiled for a moment. "Joe, she knows how I feel…and I know her" he replied reassuringly.
He was quiet a moment. "She's still scared, isn't she?" he asked quietly.
"Doesn't matter Joe" JC replied quietly.
"But…" he started quietly.
"Joe, we talked alright. Don't worry about it" JC interjected.
Several days later, April 11, 2003…
She met his eyes. "Please?" he asked quietly.
"I don't know Josh…" she started cautiously.
"I have to do something Nadia, please" his voice nearly a whisper.
She was quiet a moment. "I want to give your knees a few more days Josh" her voice quiet. "The only thing I'm comfortable with you doing is pool exercises."
His eyes opened slightly wider. "I don't…" he started.
"It's alright Josh" she reassured with a nod.
"But…" he started.
"Nothing really strenuous on your legs even in there" her voice quiet but firm, as though he hadn't protested to the idea.
"Nadia, are you sure?" his voice uncertain.
She nodded. "It was an accident Josh. A little bump on the head is all. I promise you, I'm fine Josh" her voice quiet, reassuring.
"I just…Nadia, if something…if it had turned out differently…if I hadn't gotten you out…" he started, his voice quiet, barely audible.
"You did though Josh" she interjected softly.
"Things could be so different" his voice a whisper.
She stepped forward, slipping her arms around him. He was sitting on the edge of his bed.
His head rested on her shoulder as his arms wrapped around her. "You could've…" his voice a breath of a whisper.
"I want you to know something Josh" she interjected softly.
"I think I'd die without you" his voice a whisper.
She shook her head slightly. "No you wouldn't Josh…if something had happened differently, you would've walked for me" her voice a whisper, something strangely telling about her tone.
He sniffled. "Nadia…" he started quietly.
She quieted him, pulling back slightly. Her fingers traced his jaw-line. He held her eyes longingly. "I know what I said before, and it still holds true Josh" her voice quiet.
He nodded slightly.
"But I also just realized something else" her voice a whisper.
"What's that?" he breathed out.
"If something were to have happened, if something does happen…you never would've heard from me…" she started quietly.
He shook his head slightly. "Nothing's going to happen" he interjected quietly, almost defiantly.
She stroked his cheek tenderly. "I don't believe so either Josh. But I still want you to know from my lips, I love you Josh…and even though the thought of being in love scares the hell out of me, I could let go of that fear with you" her voice a soft whisper.
He leaned forward, his forehead resting against hers. "Say it again" he breathed out.
"I love you Josh" her voice a whisper.
His hands cupped her cheeks gently. She pulled back, taking his hands in hers. "I will kiss you Josh, but not while I'm constrained by a title" her voice a whisper.
He nodded slightly, giving her hands a little squeeze. She released his hands and he fell back across his bed with a quiet groan.
She laughed softly. "You had your chance by the pool Josh…" she started playfully.
He shot up straight. "Nadia you were…" he started in shock.
She laughed. "Put your trunks on Josh, we've work to do" she left his room laughing softly.
*
"Yes you can" he tried.
She shook her head slightly. "I'm meeting a few friends, we'll probably be out late…" she started.
"So…" he started.
"You need your rest Josh" she interjected. "Besides, I'll be here tomorrow by noon" she replied.
"Ten" he tried.
"Two" she replied.
"Alright, noon" he sighed.
She laughed softly. "I'm not going anywhere Josh, believe me. Unless a hurricane hits…" she started.
"That's it, you have to stay…" he started.
She smiled and shook her head. "I'll see you tomorrow Josh."
"Goodnight Nadia" he replied with a little sigh.
"Night Josh" she gave him a smile before leaving his room.
He glanced at his watch and wheeled out of his room for the kitchen. "Eight weeks" he mumbled as he opened his icebox. "What do I want?" he mumbled as he scanned the contents.
"Take out" he nodded letting the door swing shut. He wheeled around and grabbed his cordless.
A week later, April 17, 2003…
"Tomorrow it'll be a year" Justin's voice quiet.
He nodded slightly. "I know" his voice quiet.
"One hell of a year huh" Justin leaned back in the chair.
"You could definitely say that" JC replied with a little shake of his head.
"Shelby and I are getting married" Justin breathed out.
JC nodded. "It's a good thing Justin" JC replied quietly.
He was quiet a moment. "Does it sound crazy if I say, I wouldn't mind having a kid right away?" his voice nearly a whisper, his eyes turning toward JC cautiously.
He was quiet a moment, thinking. "It doesn't sound completely out of it Justin. Shelby's older than you are. You two have been serious for a long time…practically married for years anyway. Besides, you've lived a lot in your years" he replied quietly.
Justin nodded slightly. "But then in some ways, I still wanna wait a little while" his voice quiet.
JC smiled. "Justin, you aren't going to screw the kid up" he replied knowingly.
"I just wonder sometimes…" he trailed off.
He nodded slightly. "I know what you mean Justin. But I don't think you need to worry about it. You and Shelby will have kids when the time is right" he reassured.
"I know she's ready" Justin's voice quiet. "The way she is around Hannah…" he trailed off.
JC was quiet for a moment. "Don't have a kid just for Shelby Justin. She'd understand if you talk to her…but don't not have a kid because of what other people might say or think either" his voice quiet.
Justin nodded slightly. "It's gonna be a boy first" his voice quiet.
JC laughed lightly. "So you think" he smiled.
"Just a feeling, but I'd lay money on it" Justin replied with a little nod.
"Chris got a girl" JC grinned.
"I'm not Chris" Justin laughed.
JC laughed heartily. "What's Shelby say about it?" he asked curiously.
"She believes me" Justin smiled.
"You two thought of names you like?" he asked curiously.
"That's jumping the gun a little don't you think?" Justin replied with a curious look.
JC laughed lightly. "You tell me, Mr. It'll be a boy" he grinned.
Justin laughed lightly. "We haven't talked seriously about names" he smiled.
Justin and Shelby's…
"Yeah Jon, we'll be there tomorrow for a week" he replied with a smile. "Uh huh, then back here to make sure everything's on track with the wedding."
He laughed. "I know Jon" he smiled. "I think if Shelby was 15 years younger she'd be after you instead of me" he chuckled.
He laughed. "I know Jon. I'm glad you like her though. It's important to me" his voice a little more serious.
He nodded slightly. "We're going away for a couple weeks and after that you'll be on summer vacation. If dad says okay, you can come visit us for awhile" he smiled.
His eyes widened slightly. "You remember that?" his voice quiet.
"I know, I know. I just didn't know if you did. You were pretty young" Justin explained quietly.
"She was really sad" he nodded slightly.
He laughed. "You wanna be an uncle so hurry up?"
He nodded, a huge grin on his face. "Well, I wouldn't want you outdone by Alisha" he shook his head slightly.
"Whoa, I did not Jon…hi dad" he shook his head slightly.
He laughed nervously. "No sir she is not" his voice quieter.
"Jon was just asking if we were going to have any kids…" he started.
He breathed relief. "Yeah, the flight's supposed to arrive at 5:28" he replied.
The next day, April 18, 2003…
"It's hard to believe" his voice quiet.
"You've come a long way Josh" her voice quiet.
He nodded slightly. "A lot has happened this year Nadia" his voice quiet.
She nodded slightly. "You can say that again" her voice quiet.
His eyes drifted to hers. "Nadia" his voice quiet, a little uncertain.
"Hmm?"
"Stay tonight…please?" his voice a whisper.
"Josh…" she started quietly.
"I don't…" he started quietly.
"Are you okay?" she asked cautiously.
"Please stay" his voice a whisper.
She nodded slightly as she took one of his hands. "What happened Josh?" her voice quiet, gentle.
"Don't let me go" he whispered.
She took his other hand in hers, giving them both a little squeeze. "It's okay Josh…" she started soothingly.
"Don't let me fall Nadia" his voice barely audible.
She drew him close in her arms. "I won't let you get hurt again Josh" her voice a whisper.
*
"A lot of people died this year" his voice a whisper.
She knew he hadn't meant people literally died, but to him they had. "Josh, I can't…I don't excuse people's ignorance, or the pain they cause others…but a lot of them just don't know how to handle it" her voice quiet.
"I didn't either Nadia" his voice nearly a whisper.
She rubbed his back in a soothing motion. "I know Josh…no one wants to be reminded of the…pain. The imperfections and flaws…it isn't right Josh. I don't accept excuses for people…but it's difficult when you see someone change so dramatically" her voice quiet.
He was quiet a moment. "I'm still me though" his voice a whisper.
"I know" she replied quietly. She smiled softly for a moment. "I still remember the first day I actually talked to you. I never intended on being here more than five minutes, let alone the hours…" her voice quiet.
He lifted his head slightly to find her eyes.
"You were so easy to care about Josh" her voice a soft whisper. "Greg and I talked about you before…he said that you had it in you to beat this. Not many people do after an accident like yours" her voice a whisper.
"I don't know exactly when, or how…" he started in a whisper. Her fingers brushed through his hair as he rested his head again. "I just know that now, I need you" his voice a whisper.
She was quiet a moment. "I trusted you fast Josh…fast for me anyway. You and Greg are the only two I've ever talked about my father with, besides you two Dominic is the only other person who knows" her voice quiet.
"Nobody would ever…" he started.
"Sure they would Josh" she interjected quietly. "It's just that most men assume trust issues come from past romantic relationships…and most aren't patient enough to prove wrong the ideas you form in your mind, because as soon as they bail, it's one more who's proven you right…" she started quietly.
"Proven you right?" he questioned cautiously.
She sighed softly. "That maybe you really don't need love anyway. You've gotten along well enough without it…why bother with the complication…" she trailed off.
"You honestly think that?" his voice a whisper.
"I've had people who loved me, that kept me from being that extreme" she replied quietly. "I've just…never really known the distance I was holding it at."
"Is it hard to say the words?" he asked in a whisper.
She was quiet a moment. "I'm sorry I stayed away so long Josh" her voice a whisper.
"Nadia…" he started quietly.
"I had to have the time to think" she continued quietly. "It hurt though, being away from you. I hurt being away from you…pieces of conversations we'd had, my head was spinning thinking about you…" she started.
"I just laid here" his voice nearly a whisper. "I could hardly breathe…"
"I've never felt this way before" her voice a breath of a whisper.
"Does it scare you?" he asked quietly.
"To death" she breathed out. "But I trust you with me."
"I'd never hurt you intentionally Nadia" his voice a whisper.
"I know" she whispered. "Sometimes it's so hard, it hurts to just think them" she replied to his earlier question.
"Why?" his voice a whisper.
She was quiet a long time before she drew in a breath. "When I was a little girl I used to tell him, he'd just stare at me like I was diseased and turn away…perfect life on the outside, falling apart on the inside…" she trailed off.
His hold had become more protective as she'd spoken. "I…" he started.
"I can put on a good front Josh. Most people will never know and would never guess. But the people I love know" her voice a whisper.
He met her eyes. "You don't ever have to say it Nadia" his voice a whisper.
"Yes I do Josh" she replied quietly.
"I don't want you to say it…" he started.
"Unless it's how I feel" she finished softly. "And that's exactly why I have to."
He drew in a breath. "I really want to fire you right now" he breathed out.
Two weeks later, May 2, 2003…
"I look like an old man" he laughed as he pushed the walker a step ahead of him.
"You are an old man" Justin teased.
"Then you're about to marry an old…" JC started.
"Watch it bubba, I'm younger than you" Shelby eyed him from the table.
The two of them laughed as they continued slowly pacing the length of his living room.
"Chris is really good about getting up with her" Matt replied to Paige's comment on her looking well rested.
Shelby smiled at the child curled up in her arms. "She has Chris' eyes" she commented as she lifted her own to Matt.
Matt laughed softly. "If you look at our baby pictures she looks almost exactly like me except for that. Chris said, 'thank god for small favors cause a girl looking like me would be something frightening'" she shook her head slightly with a chuckle.
The three of them laughed softly.
"What's going on over there?" JC eyed them curiously.
"Just judging butts and neither of you have anything on Joey's" Shelby replied with a wicked grin.
The two of them stopped, their lips parted, and stared. The girls laughed as both of them glanced behind to check themselves out.
"So I was thinking maybe we should all go out tonight, if you're up to it" Justin suggested, giving JC a curious look.
"Alright" JC nodded before he started again.
"Where's Nadia?" Matt asked curiously, her voice quiet as she glanced at the other two women.
"He's allowed to walk inside as long as someone else is around" Paige explained with a reassuring nod.
"He's doing so well, has Nadia said anything about him maybe…being able to dance too?" Shelby asked cautiously.
Her voice had been quiet but he'd heard it nonetheless and that statement stopped him in his tracks.
Chapter Twenty-Four