It's interesting with kids, because you're usually not formally introduced to relatives -- obviously there was some point when you met them for the first time, but you probably don't remember that moment. You just sort of grew up knowing them. But in general, yeah -- I address someone however they introduced themselves to me ("Hi, I'm Bob.") or however someone else introduced them ("Joe, this is Mr. Loblaw."). But I think the former outweighs the latter, if both occur. If your parent introduces you to someone by saying, "This is Josh" and the man instructs you, "Please, call me Uncle Josh" -- well, I think it makes sense to go with what Josh wants in that case. Just like if someone introduced me as "Mr. Kessler" and then I protested that I wanted to be called "Joe", I'd be a bit miffed if the person ignored my wishes
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I usually call my aunts and my uncle by their first name only. I agree that calling people by the name they request is most polite. It's reasonable to teach kids to err toward respectful titles, but not everyone is going to agree on what level of formality is necessary.
I think this might be something of a regional difference - for instance, I grew up never, ever calling anyone sir or ma'am, but some people (usually Southerners?) think it's absolutely mandatory for children to use those terms when addressing adults (rather than "Mr./Mrs./Miss So-and-So," which was what I was taught.)
Bottom line - not everyone talks the same, and politeness comes from cultural context, not from the words themselves. It's important to be open-minded about language.
The "it's Doctor" reminds me of a customer at work who consistently signs "Dr. So-and-So" on all of her forms, checks, etc. She's clearly very proud of her Ph.D.! I find this a wee bit tacky, or at least silly, but who am I to judge....
as someone whose name is Nic, NOT NICKY, I MEAN IT I can't remember if I mentioned this at the time, but I remember, like, the day after you explained that to me (possibly the very day after we met) I had a talk with Dr. Rochelle in which he referred to you multiple times as "Nicky." I was like, "Well, actually, as she just told me..."
It still makes me giggle.
FWIW, I was raised to address relatives as Aunt or Uncle whatever, always, but now I find it seems more natural just to call them by their first names, although I'm never sure if I should or if they want me to. It's a little weird. For now, I tend to be more formal in cards or emails but to use just first names in conversation.
Kids are a tough case. There shouldn't be a conflict between what kids call their parents (i.e. whatever their parents want to be called) and what other adults want to be called, but conflict does arise because kids want to grow up. If a kid who was taught respectful titles around adults (Mom, Aunt, ma'am, whatever) meets another kid on the playground who calls adults by their first names, it's not going to be the second kid who goes home asking permission to start using respectful titles. It's going to be the first kid who goes home and wants to know why s/he is treated like a baby while his/her friend gets to speak to adults as equals. The same tension occurs if a kid is allowed to call some adults, but not others, by their first names. So to a person who advocates a more respectful approach, it wouldn't seem out of line to expect that everyone else should accommodate that approach (regardless of everyone else's personal views) because if everyone doesn't play along, the approach is going to fail
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Yeah . . . the thing is that I don't think there's a way to "accommodate that approach" except "everyone takes that approach." I mean, if the issue is, "other people having other methods causes our method to fail," then the solution probably isn't, "therefore, other people can't have other methods." :P (Not that I understood you to be suggesting that it was
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I find it unutterably bizarre to not have small children call their kin by their kinship terms.
Not a value judgment, just my initial gut reaction.
Now that I am grown, I call my family members by their first names *or* kinship term + first name in the third person, and by their kinship term + first name in the second person.
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I think this might be something of a regional difference - for instance, I grew up never, ever calling anyone sir or ma'am, but some people (usually Southerners?) think it's absolutely mandatory for children to use those terms when addressing adults (rather than "Mr./Mrs./Miss So-and-So," which was what I was taught.)
Bottom line - not everyone talks the same, and politeness comes from cultural context, not from the words themselves. It's important to be open-minded about language.
The "it's Doctor" reminds me of a customer at work who consistently signs "Dr. So-and-So" on all of her forms, checks, etc. She's clearly very proud of her Ph.D.! I find this a wee bit tacky, or at least silly, but who am I to judge....
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I can't remember if I mentioned this at the time, but I remember, like, the day after you explained that to me (possibly the very day after we met) I had a talk with Dr. Rochelle in which he referred to you multiple times as "Nicky." I was like, "Well, actually, as she just told me..."
It still makes me giggle.
FWIW, I was raised to address relatives as Aunt or Uncle whatever, always, but now I find it seems more natural just to call them by their first names, although I'm never sure if I should or if they want me to. It's a little weird. For now, I tend to be more formal in cards or emails but to use just first names in conversation.
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Not a value judgment, just my initial gut reaction.
Now that I am grown, I call my family members by their first names *or* kinship term + first name in the third person, and by their kinship term + first name in the second person.
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