(no subject)
This is really so I can keep track of it, I know that none of you bother to read what I post anymore so don't worry about it.
Adara: Just because you are hurt by this world, and constantly dismiss yourself because you aren’t sure of yourself doesn’t mean you can pin your uncertainties on me, you can’t use me to try to undo all the mistakes you made! This is my life, not yours and I am a place for which you can hide your worries and failings.
Najwa: Its not about my failings, I just want you to be happy Adara.
Adara: No, you just think that, but what you attempt to do in your actions and your policing is for to be an example of what you want yourself, and others to see you as. You don’t really want a daughter. You want something to justify your existence, your beliefs, and most importantly your abilities as a mother. But this isn’t about you and your mothering, or your nurturing. This conflict is about more than just you. This is about me, our relationship and what is important and right for me and for you.
Najwa: I never meant for you to justify me.
Adara: But you did, you yourself said that you have always wanted to have children. Growing up I always heard you saying a prayer outside my room wishing that I would never grow and leave you. You never wanted to let go, because as long as you could still nurture me and raise me and be a mother you didn’t have to face the fact that you have been trapped in your life. For then you didn’t have to admit that father has all the power because you never stood up to him, you didn’t have to face the fact that your children have been the entire focus of your life and that they didn’t turn out completely perfect. I know you sometimes felt a failure because we weren’t always happy, or weren’t always perfectly behaved but that isn’t what is going on, its not about you, its about letting us go. We have all grown older, and so have you and just because most of your life has been raising us doesn’t mean you have nothing. For there is more to any of us than just what we spend our time doing, and you need to see that mother, you need to recognize that you are not simply your children, you are not simply Ka’im’s wife.
Adara: Just because you are hurt by this world, and constantly dismiss yourself because you aren’t sure of yourself doesn’t mean you can pin your uncertainties on me, you can’t use me to try to undo all the mistakes you made! This is my life, not yours and I am a place for which you can hide your worries and failings.
Najwa: Its not about my failings, I just want you to be happy Adara.
Adara: No, you just think that, but what you attempt to do in your actions and your policing is for to be an example of what you want yourself, and others to see you as. You don’t really want a daughter. You want something to justify your existence, your beliefs, and most importantly your abilities as a mother. But this isn’t about you and your mothering, or your nurturing. This conflict is about more than just you. This is about me, our relationship and what is important and right for me and for you.
Najwa: I never meant for you to justify me.
Adara: But you did, you yourself said that you have always wanted to have children. Growing up I always heard you saying a prayer outside my room wishing that I would never grow and leave you. You never wanted to let go, because as long as you could still nurture me and raise me and be a mother you didn’t have to face the fact that you have been trapped in your life. For then you didn’t have to admit that father has all the power because you never stood up to him, you didn’t have to face the fact that your children have been the entire focus of your life and that they didn’t turn out completely perfect. I know you sometimes felt a failure because we weren’t always happy, or weren’t always perfectly behaved but that isn’t what is going on, its not about you, its about letting us go. We have all grown older, and so have you and just because most of your life has been raising us doesn’t mean you have nothing. For there is more to any of us than just what we spend our time doing, and you need to see that mother, you need to recognize that you are not simply your children, you are not simply Ka’im’s wife.