Illicit Pastime : F/X
Title: Illicit Pastime
Series: Birthday fics, skarman
Pairing: Faith/Xander
Rating: PG-13 for violence and sexual references
Setting: post-Chosen
Word Count: 2,085 words
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer was created by Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. All characters, places, and events are the property of the aforementioned and Twentieth Century Fox.
Summary: There are much better times to talk about things like this.
“So, about that time we did it-”
“Hey, Faith? See all the bad guys? Another time, maybe.”
She laughed and shook her head before firing a round at the approaching horde. It was hard to tell what they were at this distance, but they probably weren’t altogether different from the army they had fought through just to make it to the jeep. Xander caught up as quickly as he could, turning back only to fire stray shots at the few creatures that had pulled ahead of the surge.
“Suit yourself,” she said. “Just thought we could be adults about it, you know?”
“Adults is what we shouldn’t be about it,” Xander said, switching to the assault rifle and resorting to shouting to allow his voice to be heard over the gunfire. “Being adults about it sounds a whole lot like acting like adults about it!”
“I don’t see the problem, then.”
“Only adults do that thing we did,” he offered, cringing a little at the idea that he couldn’t even use the proper word to describe the very improper act they had performed years ago.
It was one of those things that just wasn’t an issue. Among the group of them, Willow was really the only one that had never had sex with someone she wasn’t in love with, although the fact that she was probably also the one who had more sex than the rest of them didn’t escape anyone’s notice.
Faith had ditched the jacket not long ago. He was having trouble focusing on the nasties ahead of him instead of the nasties next to him.
“You driving, or am I?” she asked.
“I’ll drive,” he said. “I need you on my gun.” She snorted. “Okay, can I say anything without you turning it into a euphemism?”
She hopped on the back of the jeep, taking hold of the gun and swiveling it toward the mass that was much closer and much uglier than it had any right being, before opening up on the nearest of the creatures. They exploded with the hits, although Xander couldn’t say for certain whether that had something to do with their composition or the gun’s power.
“Have you met me?” she asked, and he glanced at her only long enough to catch the leer on her face. He turned back to the subject at hand and groaned, hitting the gas and barreling straight for the oncoming horde.
They weren’t substantial, the monsters. For all the lumps and limbs and parts he would rather have not spent a great deal of time trying to classify, the jeep plowed through them as if they were filled with air. They splattered on the hood, and a quick glance behind them left Xander with the image of broken and ruined monsters struggling to climb back to their feet, to lumber after them in the zombie-like lurch their compatriots used.
Faith stopped firing and hopped back into the passenger seat, drawing her assault rifle once again and chuckling as she settled.
“This ain’t so bad,” she said. “I thought Andrew said this was gonna be hell.”
“It’s up ahead, I think,” Xander said, swerving only to avoid one of the larger creatures that he couldn’t hope to be as insubstantial as the lesser ones. The move slowed them, and one of the many in this thinner part of the horde hurled itself on the hood. Xander shouted in surprise when he found himself face to face with one of the things, but Faith’s laugh only resounded when she unloaded on it, blasting its face apart before whacking it the butt of her gun.
“I forgot how jumpy you were,” she said, and he could see her grinning at him out of the corner of his eye. “Remember when I did that thing with my mouth? The look on your face-”
“Ha, you know, I’m sorry,” he said. “When I said we should talk about that another time, of course I meant that we should talk about it now. I’m glad you picked up on that.”
She bit out a grunt and whacked one of the things so hard with her gun that it exploded as readily as if she had obliterated it with the minigun on the back of the jeep.
“I don’t know why you can’t talk about it,” she said. “Leastwise with me, you know? I don’t treat you any different.”
Xander cut a hard left to keep from slamming into the wall when the tunnel abruptly ended, swiping across a smattering of the monsters as they slowly plodded their way toward them. He raised one hand to point out the switch on the wall, the only thing keeping their way barred.
“Faith, could you-” She fired so quickly that he’d barely started the first letter of the next word, and the switch exploded in a shower of sparks. He held his breath, because he had been leaning a little more in the direction of getting her to hop out and press the button while he covered her, since actually blowing up the switch had a good chance of rendering the door inoperable.
The door opened.
“Right,” he said. “That. Good job.” He could feel her eyes on him as they drove into the empty tunnel, leaving the army of mindless creatures behind to grunt and roar and groan in the darkness of the passage behind them. “And-look, okay, you don’t treat me any different, but what good is talking about it gonna do? It’s already behind us, right? I’m fine with it, you’re fine with it, I can actually talk to you without picturing you naked, and-”
“Why don’t you picture me naked?” she asked, actually sounding close to being insulted. Xander blamed himself, really, thinking he could hold a rational conversation with one of the women in his life, when all the women in his life were anything but rational. Buffy hated logic. Willow was his go-to gal for guy talk.
Faith honestly could not be objectified.
“It’s nothing personal!” he said quickly. “Just-well, I mean, yeah, it is personal, but it’s the good kind of personal! The you’re my friend and I don’t want to reduce you to a sex object kind of personal. That’s a good kind of personal, right?”
“I picture you naked,” Faith said nonchalantly, biting her lip as she kept her view tight on the path ahead of them. A point of light in the distance, probably the end of this particular venture, and Xander was astounded that they had made it this far alive. And he was astounded that she-
“Say that again?”
“I picture you naked,” she repeated, looking at him and giving him a once over, and then a twice over. “And we’re still friends.”
Xander blinked.
“Huh,” he said. “That’s awes-very weird.” She frowned at him. “Weird in a good way, though! Like, hey, you picture me naked. That’s cool.” It was cool.
She just shoved him, nearly hurling him from his seat-given his position as the driver, that probably wouldn’t have gone over very well for her, either.
“So, you know, if you wanna start picturing me naked-”
“You’ll be the first to know,” he said, not looking at her, because he was a little busy trying to figure out if the tone she had used was teasing or hopeful. And, also, the driving thing, but it was mostly the tone. If it was teasing, then he couldn’t say that she was acting any differently than she normally did. If it was hopeful, then it was coming out of left field.
And he couldn’t see left field.
But she was sitting to his right.
“Just saying,” she went on. “I wouldn’t be pissed.”
They broke from the tunnel to the sound of an explosion, and it was only then that Xander saw the massive construct that could only be alien in origin. Which made sense, because those things back in the passageway had been a whole lot more in an alien direction than they had been in a demonic direction. Not that he expected any consistency, to be honest, but still.
The jeep was lifted off the ground-he grunted in surprise-and it flipped several times before flinging them to the dirty ground. In any other situation, it would have turned his bones to dust, but this was far from a typical situation. He waited for his vision to clear, for the blurs to fade, before scrambling to his feet and tugging his gun along with him. Faith was even faster in her recovery, bolting straight for the four-legged machine, firing all the while.
“No!” he shouted at her. “We need to hit it from the side! You see those glowing sections!?”
“Why would the weak spots be glowing!?” Faith demanded, her rounds ineffectually sparking against the robot’s face. It fired a bolt at her, and she was only quick enough in dodging to avoid being completely obliterated by the hit. As it stood, she was flung into the air, her armor breaking apart like plastic, and her gun went free from her hand.
Xander wasn’t quick enough to keep her from tumbling across the dirt, though, and when he reached her, she wasn’t moving.
“Hey, you all right!?”
“Nah,” she replied. She glanced at him and offered him an apologetic grin. “Guess I was too busy picturing you naked?”
“We can still win, though!” he said, glancing toward the machine. It was too busy recharging to attack just then.
“Maybe,” she offered, squinting at it, as if to figure out how far along it was in preparing to fire again. “Won’t be easy.”
“When is it ever?” he asked, offering her a grin. He turned back to the machine, ready to draw its fire, but then he felt her hand on his shirt, and then he felt her lips crushing against his.
And he was suddenly picturing her very naked.
He tried to talk, maybe even tried to pull away for a second, but then he had one hand on her shoulder and the other hand working its way under the hem of her shirt, when he heard the machine fire off another shot. It was hard to care though, because Faith made a noise he had never heard from her before-she’d definitely been the instigator last time and, thus, the one making him make all the noises.
Noises. He could hear the shot approaching.
When it killed him, he couldn’t even care.
“What are you guys doing?” Dawn asked, and Xander, for the life of him, really tried to jump away from Faith in a NO TOUCHING maneuver, but Faith’s hold on him was a little too strong. All his motion managed was to throw the controller from his lap.
“Nothing!” he tried to say, but it sounded a whole lot more like “Nnnggngh!”
Dawn took a position between the couch and the television, narrowing her eyes at them before glancing at the screen.
“How did you guys get from this to that!?” she demanded, swinging her hand between the television and the two of them. Faith wasn’t paying attention, and Xander was paying only partial attention, because he was partially trying to pay attention and partially trying to escape and partially trying to block Dawn out so he could enjoy what Faith was doing with her tongue.
Dawn, to her credit, only waited about a minute for an answer, before huffing and taking off, calling for Willow. Couldn’t accuse her of never being a gossip, maybe, but when she was gone, Faith finally returned to him the use of his mouth.
“Haaaaahhhoohkay,” he whimpered, leaning back a little and shaking more than a little. “That was cool. And weird. But mostly cool.”
“Like you forgot?” Faith asked confidently, and he couldn’t say that he had. There were certain things you couldn’t forget, and mouthy things from Faith were a part of that list.
He laughed. He couldn’t think of anything else to do. Well, there could have been more of the kissing, but the death music to the side was a little distracting. He glanced at the screen.
His character was trapped under hers, the position provocative, which was funny, considering they had gotten there by advent of an explosion.
“Game over,” he said. She laughed and caught his arm, pulling him up and starting to lead him away.
“Not even close, boy toy.”
Why? For funsies. Happy birthday, skarman.
Really, really hope you liked it.
All the best.
No matter how good you get, you're always zapped in the end.
-Anonymous
Series: Birthday fics, skarman
Pairing: Faith/Xander
Rating: PG-13 for violence and sexual references
Setting: post-Chosen
Word Count: 2,085 words
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer was created by Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. All characters, places, and events are the property of the aforementioned and Twentieth Century Fox.
Summary: There are much better times to talk about things like this.
“So, about that time we did it-”
“Hey, Faith? See all the bad guys? Another time, maybe.”
She laughed and shook her head before firing a round at the approaching horde. It was hard to tell what they were at this distance, but they probably weren’t altogether different from the army they had fought through just to make it to the jeep. Xander caught up as quickly as he could, turning back only to fire stray shots at the few creatures that had pulled ahead of the surge.
“Suit yourself,” she said. “Just thought we could be adults about it, you know?”
“Adults is what we shouldn’t be about it,” Xander said, switching to the assault rifle and resorting to shouting to allow his voice to be heard over the gunfire. “Being adults about it sounds a whole lot like acting like adults about it!”
“I don’t see the problem, then.”
“Only adults do that thing we did,” he offered, cringing a little at the idea that he couldn’t even use the proper word to describe the very improper act they had performed years ago.
It was one of those things that just wasn’t an issue. Among the group of them, Willow was really the only one that had never had sex with someone she wasn’t in love with, although the fact that she was probably also the one who had more sex than the rest of them didn’t escape anyone’s notice.
Faith had ditched the jacket not long ago. He was having trouble focusing on the nasties ahead of him instead of the nasties next to him.
“You driving, or am I?” she asked.
“I’ll drive,” he said. “I need you on my gun.” She snorted. “Okay, can I say anything without you turning it into a euphemism?”
She hopped on the back of the jeep, taking hold of the gun and swiveling it toward the mass that was much closer and much uglier than it had any right being, before opening up on the nearest of the creatures. They exploded with the hits, although Xander couldn’t say for certain whether that had something to do with their composition or the gun’s power.
“Have you met me?” she asked, and he glanced at her only long enough to catch the leer on her face. He turned back to the subject at hand and groaned, hitting the gas and barreling straight for the oncoming horde.
They weren’t substantial, the monsters. For all the lumps and limbs and parts he would rather have not spent a great deal of time trying to classify, the jeep plowed through them as if they were filled with air. They splattered on the hood, and a quick glance behind them left Xander with the image of broken and ruined monsters struggling to climb back to their feet, to lumber after them in the zombie-like lurch their compatriots used.
Faith stopped firing and hopped back into the passenger seat, drawing her assault rifle once again and chuckling as she settled.
“This ain’t so bad,” she said. “I thought Andrew said this was gonna be hell.”
“It’s up ahead, I think,” Xander said, swerving only to avoid one of the larger creatures that he couldn’t hope to be as insubstantial as the lesser ones. The move slowed them, and one of the many in this thinner part of the horde hurled itself on the hood. Xander shouted in surprise when he found himself face to face with one of the things, but Faith’s laugh only resounded when she unloaded on it, blasting its face apart before whacking it the butt of her gun.
“I forgot how jumpy you were,” she said, and he could see her grinning at him out of the corner of his eye. “Remember when I did that thing with my mouth? The look on your face-”
“Ha, you know, I’m sorry,” he said. “When I said we should talk about that another time, of course I meant that we should talk about it now. I’m glad you picked up on that.”
She bit out a grunt and whacked one of the things so hard with her gun that it exploded as readily as if she had obliterated it with the minigun on the back of the jeep.
“I don’t know why you can’t talk about it,” she said. “Leastwise with me, you know? I don’t treat you any different.”
Xander cut a hard left to keep from slamming into the wall when the tunnel abruptly ended, swiping across a smattering of the monsters as they slowly plodded their way toward them. He raised one hand to point out the switch on the wall, the only thing keeping their way barred.
“Faith, could you-” She fired so quickly that he’d barely started the first letter of the next word, and the switch exploded in a shower of sparks. He held his breath, because he had been leaning a little more in the direction of getting her to hop out and press the button while he covered her, since actually blowing up the switch had a good chance of rendering the door inoperable.
The door opened.
“Right,” he said. “That. Good job.” He could feel her eyes on him as they drove into the empty tunnel, leaving the army of mindless creatures behind to grunt and roar and groan in the darkness of the passage behind them. “And-look, okay, you don’t treat me any different, but what good is talking about it gonna do? It’s already behind us, right? I’m fine with it, you’re fine with it, I can actually talk to you without picturing you naked, and-”
“Why don’t you picture me naked?” she asked, actually sounding close to being insulted. Xander blamed himself, really, thinking he could hold a rational conversation with one of the women in his life, when all the women in his life were anything but rational. Buffy hated logic. Willow was his go-to gal for guy talk.
Faith honestly could not be objectified.
“It’s nothing personal!” he said quickly. “Just-well, I mean, yeah, it is personal, but it’s the good kind of personal! The you’re my friend and I don’t want to reduce you to a sex object kind of personal. That’s a good kind of personal, right?”
“I picture you naked,” Faith said nonchalantly, biting her lip as she kept her view tight on the path ahead of them. A point of light in the distance, probably the end of this particular venture, and Xander was astounded that they had made it this far alive. And he was astounded that she-
“Say that again?”
“I picture you naked,” she repeated, looking at him and giving him a once over, and then a twice over. “And we’re still friends.”
Xander blinked.
“Huh,” he said. “That’s awes-very weird.” She frowned at him. “Weird in a good way, though! Like, hey, you picture me naked. That’s cool.” It was cool.
She just shoved him, nearly hurling him from his seat-given his position as the driver, that probably wouldn’t have gone over very well for her, either.
“So, you know, if you wanna start picturing me naked-”
“You’ll be the first to know,” he said, not looking at her, because he was a little busy trying to figure out if the tone she had used was teasing or hopeful. And, also, the driving thing, but it was mostly the tone. If it was teasing, then he couldn’t say that she was acting any differently than she normally did. If it was hopeful, then it was coming out of left field.
And he couldn’t see left field.
But she was sitting to his right.
“Just saying,” she went on. “I wouldn’t be pissed.”
They broke from the tunnel to the sound of an explosion, and it was only then that Xander saw the massive construct that could only be alien in origin. Which made sense, because those things back in the passageway had been a whole lot more in an alien direction than they had been in a demonic direction. Not that he expected any consistency, to be honest, but still.
The jeep was lifted off the ground-he grunted in surprise-and it flipped several times before flinging them to the dirty ground. In any other situation, it would have turned his bones to dust, but this was far from a typical situation. He waited for his vision to clear, for the blurs to fade, before scrambling to his feet and tugging his gun along with him. Faith was even faster in her recovery, bolting straight for the four-legged machine, firing all the while.
“No!” he shouted at her. “We need to hit it from the side! You see those glowing sections!?”
“Why would the weak spots be glowing!?” Faith demanded, her rounds ineffectually sparking against the robot’s face. It fired a bolt at her, and she was only quick enough in dodging to avoid being completely obliterated by the hit. As it stood, she was flung into the air, her armor breaking apart like plastic, and her gun went free from her hand.
Xander wasn’t quick enough to keep her from tumbling across the dirt, though, and when he reached her, she wasn’t moving.
“Hey, you all right!?”
“Nah,” she replied. She glanced at him and offered him an apologetic grin. “Guess I was too busy picturing you naked?”
“We can still win, though!” he said, glancing toward the machine. It was too busy recharging to attack just then.
“Maybe,” she offered, squinting at it, as if to figure out how far along it was in preparing to fire again. “Won’t be easy.”
“When is it ever?” he asked, offering her a grin. He turned back to the machine, ready to draw its fire, but then he felt her hand on his shirt, and then he felt her lips crushing against his.
And he was suddenly picturing her very naked.
He tried to talk, maybe even tried to pull away for a second, but then he had one hand on her shoulder and the other hand working its way under the hem of her shirt, when he heard the machine fire off another shot. It was hard to care though, because Faith made a noise he had never heard from her before-she’d definitely been the instigator last time and, thus, the one making him make all the noises.
Noises. He could hear the shot approaching.
When it killed him, he couldn’t even care.
“What are you guys doing?” Dawn asked, and Xander, for the life of him, really tried to jump away from Faith in a NO TOUCHING maneuver, but Faith’s hold on him was a little too strong. All his motion managed was to throw the controller from his lap.
“Nothing!” he tried to say, but it sounded a whole lot more like “Nnnggngh!”
Dawn took a position between the couch and the television, narrowing her eyes at them before glancing at the screen.
“How did you guys get from this to that!?” she demanded, swinging her hand between the television and the two of them. Faith wasn’t paying attention, and Xander was paying only partial attention, because he was partially trying to pay attention and partially trying to escape and partially trying to block Dawn out so he could enjoy what Faith was doing with her tongue.
Dawn, to her credit, only waited about a minute for an answer, before huffing and taking off, calling for Willow. Couldn’t accuse her of never being a gossip, maybe, but when she was gone, Faith finally returned to him the use of his mouth.
“Haaaaahhhoohkay,” he whimpered, leaning back a little and shaking more than a little. “That was cool. And weird. But mostly cool.”
“Like you forgot?” Faith asked confidently, and he couldn’t say that he had. There were certain things you couldn’t forget, and mouthy things from Faith were a part of that list.
He laughed. He couldn’t think of anything else to do. Well, there could have been more of the kissing, but the death music to the side was a little distracting. He glanced at the screen.
His character was trapped under hers, the position provocative, which was funny, considering they had gotten there by advent of an explosion.
“Game over,” he said. She laughed and caught his arm, pulling him up and starting to lead him away.
“Not even close, boy toy.”
Why? For funsies. Happy birthday, skarman.
Really, really hope you liked it.
All the best.
No matter how good you get, you're always zapped in the end.
-Anonymous