SOS SAS Chapter 1
SOS SAS
Alex just sat there, staring at Blunt, hoping that he had gone mad. Blunt had had some pretty bad ideas, but this took the biscuit.
It was a warm Sunday afternoon, and Christmas break was coming up in a month or two. The last thing he needed was to be here, of all places.
"Sorry," he apologised, "but I think I heard you wrong. The SAS. In my school?"
"Yes, Alex," he confirmed, looking dead serious as he always did. Alex had a theory that, after an operation that went wrong, he was unable to show any positive emotions. Or maybe it was just botox.
"Teaching in my school?"
"Yes, Alex."
"Why?"
Blunt sighed, "I'm sure you remember SCORPIA. From some reliable sources we've been told that they are planning to attack your school. We don't know how yet, so the best way to protect the children is with the SAS."
"Why don't you just pull me out?" Alex asked, "Then they'll just focus on me."
"They aren't focused on just you anymore; they want the whole school to suffer whatever it is they're planning."
Alex groaned; he knew he had no say in this. Someone up there seriously hated him.
"Isn't there anyway else to protect them?" He begged.
"No Alex," Blunt replied, glancing at Mrs. Jones who was sucking a peppermint yet again in the corner.
"Well...Jones suggested sending them to the SAS camp," Blunt started, but was cut off harshly by Alex;
"DEAR LORD NO!!" He screamed, clutching the armrests of his chair tightly, before forcing himself relax, trying to stop his urge to scream even more.
"Fine, let the SAS men come to us, just don't send them all there!"
Alex hurried out the room -muttering how the country was doomed and being protected by mad men- needing to warn Tom about this. When the door shut, Blunt smirked (there goes Alex's theory) at Jones,
"I told you he wouldn't like your idea. Do you remember their reaction to just one child? They would kill us if we sent a whole load to them"
She sighed, "Have you never heard that "by giving a man a fish, he can feed for a day, teach him how to fish, you feed him for a lifetime"?"
"Mrs. Jones, by teaching them how to fight properly, we'll have a mini army of teenagers against us. Our reputation is bad enough when that MI6 agent left his laptop in the taxi and top secret files on the train when we told him he's fired. Let's not make it even worse."
Monday morning, 9:05
Alex had warned Tom what was being planned last night. Tom then went on, way too excited about SAS men teaching them, about how school will be a whole load more interesting. He had tried to explain why it wasn't a good idea, but Tom didn't listen, just went on about cool school will be now and how amazing and how great and how fun and how interesting and how great and...well, he said a lot of stuff like that. It made Alex wonder if his friend had read a thesaurus lately. He must have had to come up for so many words.
When the bell went, everyone was ordered into the assembly hall, which swiftly switched on the school gossipers, who quickly sprouted rumours of what was happening. It really was quite amazing with what they could come with in five minutes.
One boy yelled over to him, "Hey Alex! I bet they're going to warn us to stay away from your gang! Or maybe they're going to expel you and you're gang friends! Hey, Alex!"
Alex sighed, bored of this overly-used rumour, replied, "Nah, they're going to tell us to stay away from my place! You know, 'cause I'm so dangerous and stuff!"
Tom, who he was beside, laughed loudly at that, making the boy blush heavily before returning to his friends.
They all filed in, sitting in their respective places, and all gawking at one at the large men lining all four wall of the hall. It didn't help that they were all wearing the full uniform and had guns slung around their back.
"Excuse me," their headmaster said, tapping the microphone and looking extremely nervous with the fact that a least a dozen armed men were behind him, "attention!" he ordered. The hall fell silent except for the sound of texts being written and then sent across the room quickly, they were smart enough to keep their phones on silent though, so various songs didn't start playing randomly Apart from one girl's phone who started blaring out a song along the lines 'It's not stalking if it's Love' (Ask irish-hailsy if you want to know where this song came from, because I don't have clue where she got it). The girl in question blushed, before flinging her phone behind her, hitting some poor first year in the head.
"I'm sure you've all noticed the men from the army are here." He started, "they will be teaching, and thus protecting, you all from an unknown threat for the next month or so. Please, treat them with the same respect as you would give your teachers." Here several of the said men rolled their eyes. They knew that teachers weren't respected, but having a gun certainly did help in the "respect" department.
Alex felt like hitting his head of the wall when everyone started to chat excitedly about this. The sound of texts being written was louder than ever, the gossipers acting like Christmas came early as they hurriedly tried to come up with who the threat was.
Though, thankfully, they all quietened down when one of them walked up to the podium the headmaster just vacated, a glint in his eye that said "talk and you'll regret it for the rest of your life". It didn't help that he was trying to smile in a friendly way at the same time. Actually, it looked like he was constipated.
Even the sound of pressing buttons on phones stopped when he opened his mouth to speak, in this school that was respect.
"We're going to be in control of your school until this threat," he grimaced at the word, sadly banned from saying it was SCORPIAthat was the threat, "is destroyed. You will do whatever we say, or you'll be kept in detention for the rest of your miserable stay here."
The headmaster, practically sweating from nerves, leaned forward and whispered something in his ear.
"Okaaay," he continued, "you'll get detention for as long as we're in charge." He corrected.
"Now, because of some lazy arses," here a couple of the men standing behind him growled warningly, one yelling, "watch it, Lizard!"
"You will all be doing all the classes." He continued, ignoring the interruption, "except for sixth form and higher level GCSE's. The time tables will be posted on a board somewhere in this fine institution of education,' a glint in his eye made it seem as if he were preparing to destroy that fact, 'and we'll shall be teaching starting," here he stopped, and looked at his friend behind him, who whispered something to him, "now." He finished.
Everyone started whispering hurriedly, trying to figure out where the timetables were. The teachers looked extremely happy at this, and all but ran out of the room to go on there all-paid-for, who-knows-how-long, holiday.
"The timetables are posted outside my office," the headmaster said into the microphone, not wanting a treasure hunt to start with 300+ students, "Higher GCSE's and sixth form stay here to be given their tables."
Alex, sighing, hurried out of the assembly, Tom by his side. The headmaster's office was just down the hallway, so it took around half hour for everyone to be given there tables. Then another half hour of people screaming, gasping in shock, and a lot of groaning from those who had classes they had given up for a reason next.
Alex was one of them. His next class was home economics. Something which the teen spy never was destined to do, whilst shooting and running for his life were in his genes, fairy cakes certainly weren't.
They all settled on the stools, facing three SAS men who all looked awkward at the prospect of cooking.
"All right, everyone has a seat?" One of them asked. A chorus of mumbled yeses came back in reply.
Alex, sitting by Tom and at the very back, was trying to not laugh at them, especially the one he recognised.
"I'm Bear, and this is Ox and Eagle." One of them started. Bear was muscled, brown haired, and looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. Cooking.
Ox had a slightly smaller frame than Bear, his blond hair wavy and blue eyes focused on the knife he was messing with in his hands.
Eagle looked, well, the same as always. He also looked like the only one interested in this, and that was only because he wanted to eat cookies, which they would be baking.
"Ermm, in your books there's a recipe for cookies, so get that out and get started," Bear ordered, "try to not ask us anything unless your dieing or something."
A girl with long brown hair raised her arm,
"What?" Bear asked, looking like he was trying to be nice, but failing miserably from lack of practise.
"Sir, some of us don't have books." She stated, twirling a lock of hair between her fingers nervously.
"On the back counter there's a stack of them." He informed.
About half the class reluctantly got up to get a book, all mumbling how stupid this was.
Alex nudged Tom in the ribs, "You see that guy over there, with the light brown hair?"
"Yeah...," Tom replied, staring at Eagle who was trying to read the Home Ec. book, with a pained look of concentration on his face as he tried to unearth the ancient art of reading such rubbish.
"I trained in his unit," Alex said, smirking.
"Wicked," Tom breathed, "do you talk to him?"
Alex snorted, "As if. Anyways, he's not meant to know me here. So don't try and call him over here or anything."
"Yeah yeah," Tom replied, flicking the book open, "now, you get the ingredients, I'll get the utensils."
Alex peered into the book, ignoring the doodles a bored kid drew of cookie monsters.
Five minutes later, and half class were busying around with asking the other half what they had to do next. The SAS men had decided to try and help them after realising that the class may burn the school down, which they did not want.
Alex and Tom were mixing eggs into the flour, the mixture like clay.
"Ewww," Eagle said, staring into it, "that doesn't look right."
"Ya think," Alex muttered, dropping the wooden spoon, "any ideas, Eagle?"
"Add another egg," he ordered, "It definitely needs more eggs."
"Sir, the book said only two." Tom informed, peering into the book to make sure.
"Don't call me sir, whatsyourname. And just add an egg."
Alex cracked another one and poured it on, Tom stirred it. Eagle watched over them, examining the mixture that was turning runny.
"Too much egg," Eagle noted, "can you take it out?"
"No, Eagle," Alex replied, staring at the mixture.
"Erm," Eagle said, wondering how to fix it, "why did you add another egg?" He asked, faking a shocked look as he tried to pass the blame.
"You told us to," Tom said slowly.
"Why'd you listen to me? Do I look like a Home Ec. teacher? Don't answer that, Adam." He warned when Alex smirked and opened his mouth at the "teacher" comment.
"I'm Alex," he corrected, innocence plastered on his face.
"Take the egg out," Eagle finished with, strolling away to ruin another batch.
Alex sighed before adding chocolate chips, blatantly ignoring the required amount and poured the whole bag in.
Tom, smirking, pick up the bag of white chocolate chips beside him, "what about these?"
"Pour them in, they might make up for the amount of egg."
Alex stared at the mixture, with the uncanny resemblance to diarrhoea.
"You know what it needs?" Alex asked, glancing over at Tom.
"What?"
"Colour. Lots of artificial colour." He replied, rummaging through his bag, "and I have just the thing!"
He held up a long tube of smarties, grinning.
"Go on," Tom urged.
Alex tore the top of the tube off, pouring the multi-coloured goodness into the mixture.
The pair stared at the multi-coloured diarrhoea steadily for a minute, before Tom declared he would be back in a second.
Five minutes later, Tom arrived back into the kitchens armed with 5 tubes of smarties.
"Where'd you get them from?" Alex asked, grinning.
"Canteen had some going spare. Still made me pay though," Tom pouted at the last sentence.
"Don't pout Tom. You're almost 6ft. It makes you look like…Eagle," Alex replied, shuddering and pouring the rest of the smarties into the now bright and hyperactivity-inducing dough.
Eagle paused to stare at it,
"You have the same breakfast cereal as me then," he commented before walking away, grinning.
"Was he serious?" Tom laughed, looking at the half-smartie half-cookie mixture.
"I have no idea," Alex said truthfully, picking up the spoon to mix it.
They carried on, the class full of laughter and "helpful" comments from the teachers.
When they finally finished mixing, they went to find the proper baking tray. Sadly, there seemed to be no trays.
"Ox?" Alex asked the passing man, "where's the baking trays?"
Looking floundered, he yelled across the room to Bear, "where are the trays?"
Bear, also looking dumbfounded, yelled to the students, "Where's the trays?"
A boy yelled back, "in a cupboard!"
"Which cupboard?" Ox asked.
"No idea, try looking," he shrugged, before returning to his concoction, which also had more chocolate chips than actual dough.
Ox looked round the room, before assigning the class to certain parts of the room, Bear and Eagle were assigned to check the front of the room.
"I found these!" a girl yelled, holding up cake tins and heart shaped trays.
"They'll do," Bear confirmed; slamming the door of the cupboard he was rummaging through.
Alex rushed up along with everyone else, trying to not get a heart tray.
Sadly, he didn't get there in time and ended up with a heart one. Cursing in foreign words, he went back to Tom, who was picking the mixture off the spoon and eating it.
"Awww," he said when he spotted the tray, "I never knew you felt that way about me!"
Alex whacked him across the head with it, "Dumbass, this was the only one I could get."
Eagle had decided to reappear when they were spooning in the mixture,
"you better save me some," he ordered, snatching the dough/smartie/chocolate covered spoon, "and I'll have this!"
He then went back to walking round the class, licking the mixture of the spoon as he did so.
"That was mine," Tom huffed grabbing another spoon to use.
"You can still have bowl, Tom" Alex assured, getting bored with trying to get the dough into neat, separate circles.
"I was enjoying it," he moaned, watching Alex at work, "why don't you just dump it all in? We'll make them into circles once it's baked."
Shrugging, Alex tipped the bowl over, allowing it to fill the tray, "whatever."
It was half hour later; the whole class watching their cookies slowly bake. The three teachers were sitting on the desk talking about what suspiciously sounded like the difference between war tactics and teaching tactics.
Some kids screamed with delight -and perhaps one or two screamed in shock- when their timer beeped, pulling out their cookies from the oven as fast as they could.
The SAS men sighed and went back to helping them with separating their cookies. But it turned out that would be harder than it sounded.
The ones who had cake tins had made -well- made cakes with cookie dough. The ones who were left to suffer with heart shaped trays had one extra large cookie. In the shape of a heart.
Alex and Tom eased theirs out onto the wire tray, it falling out with metre-long greaseproof paper hanging off it. They cut the paper off before deciding how they would separate it.
After a lengthy discussion, Tom had came up with the idea to hack it up with a knife.
Alex had done so with much enthusiasm, pretending it was Blunt's face, and in a couple of seconds they had odd shaped cookies. Or smarties and chocolate chips stuck together with a little dough, really.
Eagle wondered over to them when he saw they were done
"Well done!" He praised, "I better try them, in case they're poisoned or something."
Grabbing a handful before they could refuse, he walked quickly away, enjoying the taste of artificial flavourings, sugar and chocolate.
Tom groaned again, but didn't say anything as he picked his up and started to eat them, blatantly ignoring the piping hot heat coming from them.
Alex, grinning, went of to wash the trays, cookie in hand. No one else was at the sink, so he was able to quickly wash and dry them while eating at the same time.
When he was done, he scanned the room for wherever the trays came from, before mentally shrugging and heading to the head of room to shove them into the first cupboard he opened. Eagle was sitting on the desk, watching Alex open the cupboard, and then instantly freeze.
Frowning, Eagle got up and looked into the said cupboard, then slowly turned round to the class.
"WHO WAS IN CHARGE OF LOOKING IN THIS AREA?" He roared; pulling the door wide open to reveal stacks and stacks of baking trays.
"YOU WERE!" The class roared back, laughing, high on sugar.
Ox, nearest to Eagle, went up to him and swiftly cuffed him round the head,
"IDIOT!" He roared, looking very annoyed.
The door to the classroom opened to reveal four SAS men with guns looking panicked.
"They here?" One of them asked, slowly walking into the room, looking round for SCORPIA.
"No, false alarm. We have Eagle in here teaching." Bear replied.
The four relaxed as soon as Eagle was mentioned, "ah." Was all that was said before they went back to their classrooms.
"Hey!" Eagle said, annoyed with the reaction to his name. But everyone ignored him, carrying on with the..cooking.
Like? Hate? Do tell :D And yes, I am aware this was previously posted on fanfiction.com. However, as co-author I wanted to move it to an account of my own too.