[CRACK] Self-insert, multiple pairings
☢ THE SELF-INSERT MEME
I did this meme a while back and was so happy to get responses that I immediately prompted people to post their names so I could write them crack and spread the happy. Since these are parodies, crack fic with self-inserts, I figured I would post them here. Also, bonus points if you can guess the fandoms XD
For milena_1980
You're at the beach, but you notice it's strange because there's something that looks like paopu fruits. You pick one, and hold it as you stare out at the horizon. Suddenly, the sky turns grey, clouds race across and there's a horrible black whorl.
Then the waves start to roll, except you see an exceptional dark wave come towards you and you realize with trepidation what's going on.
Sin, you manage to think before the water swallows you and when you blink your eyes open, you find you're still on the beach, except it's different.
You stare, you can only stare, because you think it's Junsu and Changmin, but Changmin looks more like a grown-up version of Sora and Junsu looks like a grown-up version of Roxas. They both look to you and exclaim, "Kairi!"
to which you discover that you're dressed in her pink zip up dress and sporting reddish curls now. (you secretly love pink but nobody needs to know that)
You can't quite protest when they decide to both kiss you on the cheek and then you find the three of you transported to an apartment, except quite naked and in a menage of leg chest boob, and you raise an eyebrow at the all too evident excitement of the both of them, so it's really no surprise when Jaejoong and Yoochun and Yunho find the three of you in questionable positions.
It's a strange world, not quite the same as the one you knew, but it doesn't matter because you're with loved ones.
"Kairi means the way home. And that's where you are now," Changmin whispers in your ear.
"Yup! Forever." Junsu snuggles on the other side.
happily ever after.
For haru_no_keeki
When Haru was staring at something one day, her mouth open, she exclaimed, for her mouth was immediately stuffed with a sausage. She glared at the person, for who stuffs people's mouth with sausage? Except it's Yunho, holy cow, in Germany, in all sparkly glory and he bowed apologetic, multiple times, mumbled what sounded like bekumart or something like that, he's trying to point at someone and Haru almost choked because it's Changmin too.
Sausage blocked Haru's mouth so she can't speak, so she ate it in one go and Changmin raised his eyebrow and Yunho's eyes widened and they looked at each other, and grinned and suddenly Haru found herself in a very very happy state with HoMin in tow, Jaejoong and Yoochun and Junsu not happy at all but that didn't matter because a happy leader and a happy magnae meant less violence and less fighting.
There are many secret trips to Germany until finally, they decide to buy a lovely villa in Rome with all the famous museums and beautiful art and architecture near them and Haru can be fed grapes and fanned and whatever else she wants, have them pose naked for her multiple paintings and sketches and roll around in bed all day with the two of them.
Of course, the inevitable happens.
Haruhominberg, the village, is born.
For rhidana
rhidana is absolutely miserable because the stupid elevator is broken and the stupid elevator phone doesn't work and she was supposed to be going home, on a flight, back to Germany, but she's stuck in Shanghai and as much as she loves China, being stuck in a small space is not her idea of fun.
The phone suddenly crackles and she leaps desperate to the speaker, immediately saying "hello? hello?" People start speaking but they don't seem to hear her and she slumps to the floor, before noticing exactly who the voices are.
It's Heechul, she'd recognize that voice anywhere and he's saying something in Korean and Hangeng laughs, chuckles darkly and says in Chinese,
"you won't get away so easily like last time." and she hears Heechul protest but it's immediately quieted by smacking noises and panting and ohgods, they're doing it and this is awesome and she squees in absolute glee because Hanchul IS real.
time flies and she's almost in a dazed state when the doors finally open and reveal her boyfriend who has come to surprise her and thankfully managed to catch her and they enjoy themselves greatly in the complimentary penthouse suite complete with lover's hottub and extra large, king-size bed with plenty of fluffy pillows.
For theresa_lynne
bass is thumping, throbbing, strobe lights everywhere and the pumping infectious beat of kylie echoes in the club. kylie's sensual voice flows through the air as she dances, sexual, hot and Steph is in perfect view, no one blocking her, dancing to the beat too.
she's at a show, in Japan of all places, but hey it's closer to Australia than most countries and it's shiny with plenty of sparkles and scantily clad men and women dusted with glitter. Boobs. Pecs. Cocks. mmmm. hotness indeed.
hands slide around Steph's waist and she exclaims, turns, stares because THE Changmin is grinning at her, smirks, says "I noticed you. I think we should get to know each other better."
dirty dancing is dirty, so hotel it is and Changmin proclaims that it's time he had a break anyhow, so they go on an uber long vacation and get married in Vegas and go skinny dipping at twilight where Changmin glitters not unlike a certain Edward Cullen and he gets all serious and asks if forever's okay, and of course it is so he turns her and they move to Seattle and hot sexy vampire sex all night long.
For lokitic
When someone had asked jojo about LARP, she hadn't been entirely quite sure about the whole thing and she definitely knows this was not what she had imagined.
Because she's definitely in some armored brown bikini getup with short skirt, markings, and a huge Steel Blade that she somehow manages to wield quite successfully in a world (oh, excuse me, THE World, as it were) that looks completely like out of a game that seems so damn familiar, but she can't seem to remember.
Except the world suddenly changes and she's in the woods and these fucking zombies keep coming at her and her blade is good but slow and she's overwhelmed when shots ring out and Nero!yunho is there, brandishing a smoking shotgun.
"You seem capable enough, but figured you wouldn't mind if I--ow! ow! fuck, Jaejoong, what was that for?" Yunho's image is completely ruined as Dante!Jaejoong is smacking him for all it's worth.
"You almost shot her! and stop being all manly gentlemanly; I was the one who sniped the ones closest to her." Jojo notices, upon closer examination, that Jaejoong is also brandishing a smoking weapon, specifically a M40.
They bicker, arguing about who saved her, but she realizes that more freaking zombies are coming after them and she yells at them and they shoot them full of metal, adrenaline high.
Deep woods bedding is rough, aggressive, just a tad bit uncomfy, but man are skirts handy and then they find themselves warped into some other world but something is horribly horribly wrong.
"I'm a girl?!!!!!!" Apparently, the time space logistics created some unforseen complications and jojo stares at girl!Yunho and girl!Jaejoong. She has somehow managed to escape this issue and is thankful to realize she is still herself. Still with the uncomfortable metal bikini though.
She grins. She has an advantage. and there's a conveniently placed king-sized bed next to them.
Yunjae aren't complaining too much of their transformation afterwards.
For arrowlights
sounds of a violin and piano echo and kerry is not happy. it's after hours and for some reason she's been chosen to make sure to lock up the practice rooms. she opens the door, about to tell the person that they need to leave when floppy hair and a sweet round face with pinchable cheeks comes to view.
"s-sorry," he stutters, but suddenly another figure stands up from the piano, shaggy longish hair with a skinny black tie undone and the white shirt unbuttoned.
"i'm sure she won't mind, if we give her a show? hangeng, you should do that flying kick. it makes you look hot."
kerry whips her head and he's there too and oh gods, hanchulry, they play an instrumental version of utada hikaru's hikari and hangeng dances, elegant and poised and beautiful, henry passionate and intense on his violin, heechul serious and concentrated on the piano.
she's in a daze when suddenly henry shuffles towards her and heechul and hangeng are grinning, nudging him along and he asks, "can i kiss you?" and kerry nods, a soft fluttery gentle kiss on her lips.
heechul offers no such warning and she's suddenly in his embrace, but the kiss is just as gentle, but more confident when hangeng suddenly appears in her view and his kiss is a little more exploratory.
the door closes and suddenly the lights flash and there's no evidence of them at all, was it all just a dream?
No, a voice seems to whisper and she notices on a floor a polaroid of the three of them grinning, signed from all three of them, to kerry.
there's an e-mail address on the back of it too.
For roselit
she's lost gods, this is ridiculous, she's been down this path so many times before when she was here two years ago, how can things have changed so quickly?? she sits on the wall, stares at the Japanese vending machine which has Tohoshinki emblazoned across its lighted exterior and decides she is thirsty.
diane picks her favorite flavor (conveniently endorsed by Jaejoong) when there's a loud screeching and she squeaks and the door of the vending machine opens, and a very shiny, glistening (ohdeargods, very NAKED except for some boxer briefs) Jaejoong appears, with her drink order in his hand.
he offers it and she receives it, jumps when he suddenly grabs her and begs her "please, please drink all of it and then have sex with me otherwise i will forever be trapped in that cold prison some evil anti-fan crazy witch cursed me into and thank gods you're here, i really really couldn't ask the earlier girls, you're pretty and smell really really nice and i can tell you're really sweet and um. you uh, find me attractive enough? i hope?"
diane nods, very gracious of course, but hell, this is KIM JAEJOONG and they snog and roll and bonk lots and lots of times and Jaejoong realizes just how much he really loves diane so of course, the proper thing to do is to bonk some more, in the apartment, on the bed, in the elevator, in the shower.
they eventually manage to marry and find a place for their own and diane works at a big huge company doing something she loves and makes big bucks and wears badass stiletto heels and jaejoong greets her when she comes home, complete with frilly apron (and nothing else) and dinner already prepared.
it's a good life.
For choshinsei
Candi doesn't like this RIDICULOUSLY LONG class of doom (well, it's two classes but taught by the same professor of DOOOM and back to back and well. yeah. it sucks), but thank god for computers and net access. She can see her lovely shinies all on the screen and she completely forgets that her teacher can technically project her screen on the front of the classroom.
Which, after getting the sense that everyone is staring at her and snickering, she realizes is what happened and she's mortified, wanting to dissolve in the floor.
There are loud gasps but she pays them no attention (she's still trying to dissolve into the floor but has only managed to make herself a little smaller) when suddenly a soft, gentle voice catches her attention and it's Donghae, exactly from her screen, and she whips her head back and notices that the screen has a black silhouette now. Except, there were two guys she was looking at, which must mean--
"Hey sexy~" a low husky voice whispers in her ear and she trembles and finds herself between Yoochun and Donghae.
She's glad she remembered those ninja couches tucked in the corners of the computer lab building.
They're out of breath and recovering when someone looms over her and she has to squint.
"Of course you two would be impatient and fail to include me. I think this calls for some punishment." Kyuhyun has his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.
Candi has no objections; this is the best class she's taken yet.
I did this meme a while back and was so happy to get responses that I immediately prompted people to post their names so I could write them crack and spread the happy. Since these are parodies, crack fic with self-inserts, I figured I would post them here. Also, bonus points if you can guess the fandoms XD
For milena_1980
You're at the beach, but you notice it's strange because there's something that looks like paopu fruits. You pick one, and hold it as you stare out at the horizon. Suddenly, the sky turns grey, clouds race across and there's a horrible black whorl.
Then the waves start to roll, except you see an exceptional dark wave come towards you and you realize with trepidation what's going on.
Sin, you manage to think before the water swallows you and when you blink your eyes open, you find you're still on the beach, except it's different.
You stare, you can only stare, because you think it's Junsu and Changmin, but Changmin looks more like a grown-up version of Sora and Junsu looks like a grown-up version of Roxas. They both look to you and exclaim, "Kairi!"
to which you discover that you're dressed in her pink zip up dress and sporting reddish curls now. (you secretly love pink but nobody needs to know that)
You can't quite protest when they decide to both kiss you on the cheek and then you find the three of you transported to an apartment, except quite naked and in a menage of leg chest boob, and you raise an eyebrow at the all too evident excitement of the both of them, so it's really no surprise when Jaejoong and Yoochun and Yunho find the three of you in questionable positions.
It's a strange world, not quite the same as the one you knew, but it doesn't matter because you're with loved ones.
"Kairi means the way home. And that's where you are now," Changmin whispers in your ear.
"Yup! Forever." Junsu snuggles on the other side.
happily ever after.
For haru_no_keeki
When Haru was staring at something one day, her mouth open, she exclaimed, for her mouth was immediately stuffed with a sausage. She glared at the person, for who stuffs people's mouth with sausage? Except it's Yunho, holy cow, in Germany, in all sparkly glory and he bowed apologetic, multiple times, mumbled what sounded like bekumart or something like that, he's trying to point at someone and Haru almost choked because it's Changmin too.
Sausage blocked Haru's mouth so she can't speak, so she ate it in one go and Changmin raised his eyebrow and Yunho's eyes widened and they looked at each other, and grinned and suddenly Haru found herself in a very very happy state with HoMin in tow, Jaejoong and Yoochun and Junsu not happy at all but that didn't matter because a happy leader and a happy magnae meant less violence and less fighting.
There are many secret trips to Germany until finally, they decide to buy a lovely villa in Rome with all the famous museums and beautiful art and architecture near them and Haru can be fed grapes and fanned and whatever else she wants, have them pose naked for her multiple paintings and sketches and roll around in bed all day with the two of them.
Of course, the inevitable happens.
Haruhominberg, the village, is born.
For rhidana
rhidana is absolutely miserable because the stupid elevator is broken and the stupid elevator phone doesn't work and she was supposed to be going home, on a flight, back to Germany, but she's stuck in Shanghai and as much as she loves China, being stuck in a small space is not her idea of fun.
The phone suddenly crackles and she leaps desperate to the speaker, immediately saying "hello? hello?" People start speaking but they don't seem to hear her and she slumps to the floor, before noticing exactly who the voices are.
It's Heechul, she'd recognize that voice anywhere and he's saying something in Korean and Hangeng laughs, chuckles darkly and says in Chinese,
"you won't get away so easily like last time." and she hears Heechul protest but it's immediately quieted by smacking noises and panting and ohgods, they're doing it and this is awesome and she squees in absolute glee because Hanchul IS real.
time flies and she's almost in a dazed state when the doors finally open and reveal her boyfriend who has come to surprise her and thankfully managed to catch her and they enjoy themselves greatly in the complimentary penthouse suite complete with lover's hottub and extra large, king-size bed with plenty of fluffy pillows.
For theresa_lynne
bass is thumping, throbbing, strobe lights everywhere and the pumping infectious beat of kylie echoes in the club. kylie's sensual voice flows through the air as she dances, sexual, hot and Steph is in perfect view, no one blocking her, dancing to the beat too.
she's at a show, in Japan of all places, but hey it's closer to Australia than most countries and it's shiny with plenty of sparkles and scantily clad men and women dusted with glitter. Boobs. Pecs. Cocks. mmmm. hotness indeed.
hands slide around Steph's waist and she exclaims, turns, stares because THE Changmin is grinning at her, smirks, says "I noticed you. I think we should get to know each other better."
dirty dancing is dirty, so hotel it is and Changmin proclaims that it's time he had a break anyhow, so they go on an uber long vacation and get married in Vegas and go skinny dipping at twilight where Changmin glitters not unlike a certain Edward Cullen and he gets all serious and asks if forever's okay, and of course it is so he turns her and they move to Seattle and hot sexy vampire sex all night long.
For lokitic
When someone had asked jojo about LARP, she hadn't been entirely quite sure about the whole thing and she definitely knows this was not what she had imagined.
Because she's definitely in some armored brown bikini getup with short skirt, markings, and a huge Steel Blade that she somehow manages to wield quite successfully in a world (oh, excuse me, THE World, as it were) that looks completely like out of a game that seems so damn familiar, but she can't seem to remember.
Except the world suddenly changes and she's in the woods and these fucking zombies keep coming at her and her blade is good but slow and she's overwhelmed when shots ring out and Nero!yunho is there, brandishing a smoking shotgun.
"You seem capable enough, but figured you wouldn't mind if I--ow! ow! fuck, Jaejoong, what was that for?" Yunho's image is completely ruined as Dante!Jaejoong is smacking him for all it's worth.
"You almost shot her! and stop being all manly gentlemanly; I was the one who sniped the ones closest to her." Jojo notices, upon closer examination, that Jaejoong is also brandishing a smoking weapon, specifically a M40.
They bicker, arguing about who saved her, but she realizes that more freaking zombies are coming after them and she yells at them and they shoot them full of metal, adrenaline high.
Deep woods bedding is rough, aggressive, just a tad bit uncomfy, but man are skirts handy and then they find themselves warped into some other world but something is horribly horribly wrong.
"I'm a girl?!!!!!!" Apparently, the time space logistics created some unforseen complications and jojo stares at girl!Yunho and girl!Jaejoong. She has somehow managed to escape this issue and is thankful to realize she is still herself. Still with the uncomfortable metal bikini though.
She grins. She has an advantage. and there's a conveniently placed king-sized bed next to them.
Yunjae aren't complaining too much of their transformation afterwards.
For arrowlights
sounds of a violin and piano echo and kerry is not happy. it's after hours and for some reason she's been chosen to make sure to lock up the practice rooms. she opens the door, about to tell the person that they need to leave when floppy hair and a sweet round face with pinchable cheeks comes to view.
"s-sorry," he stutters, but suddenly another figure stands up from the piano, shaggy longish hair with a skinny black tie undone and the white shirt unbuttoned.
"i'm sure she won't mind, if we give her a show? hangeng, you should do that flying kick. it makes you look hot."
kerry whips her head and he's there too and oh gods, hanchulry, they play an instrumental version of utada hikaru's hikari and hangeng dances, elegant and poised and beautiful, henry passionate and intense on his violin, heechul serious and concentrated on the piano.
she's in a daze when suddenly henry shuffles towards her and heechul and hangeng are grinning, nudging him along and he asks, "can i kiss you?" and kerry nods, a soft fluttery gentle kiss on her lips.
heechul offers no such warning and she's suddenly in his embrace, but the kiss is just as gentle, but more confident when hangeng suddenly appears in her view and his kiss is a little more exploratory.
the door closes and suddenly the lights flash and there's no evidence of them at all, was it all just a dream?
No, a voice seems to whisper and she notices on a floor a polaroid of the three of them grinning, signed from all three of them, to kerry.
there's an e-mail address on the back of it too.
For roselit
she's lost gods, this is ridiculous, she's been down this path so many times before when she was here two years ago, how can things have changed so quickly?? she sits on the wall, stares at the Japanese vending machine which has Tohoshinki emblazoned across its lighted exterior and decides she is thirsty.
diane picks her favorite flavor (conveniently endorsed by Jaejoong) when there's a loud screeching and she squeaks and the door of the vending machine opens, and a very shiny, glistening (ohdeargods, very NAKED except for some boxer briefs) Jaejoong appears, with her drink order in his hand.
he offers it and she receives it, jumps when he suddenly grabs her and begs her "please, please drink all of it and then have sex with me otherwise i will forever be trapped in that cold prison some evil anti-fan crazy witch cursed me into and thank gods you're here, i really really couldn't ask the earlier girls, you're pretty and smell really really nice and i can tell you're really sweet and um. you uh, find me attractive enough? i hope?"
diane nods, very gracious of course, but hell, this is KIM JAEJOONG and they snog and roll and bonk lots and lots of times and Jaejoong realizes just how much he really loves diane so of course, the proper thing to do is to bonk some more, in the apartment, on the bed, in the elevator, in the shower.
they eventually manage to marry and find a place for their own and diane works at a big huge company doing something she loves and makes big bucks and wears badass stiletto heels and jaejoong greets her when she comes home, complete with frilly apron (and nothing else) and dinner already prepared.
it's a good life.
For choshinsei
Candi doesn't like this RIDICULOUSLY LONG class of doom (well, it's two classes but taught by the same professor of DOOOM and back to back and well. yeah. it sucks), but thank god for computers and net access. She can see her lovely shinies all on the screen and she completely forgets that her teacher can technically project her screen on the front of the classroom.
Which, after getting the sense that everyone is staring at her and snickering, she realizes is what happened and she's mortified, wanting to dissolve in the floor.
There are loud gasps but she pays them no attention (she's still trying to dissolve into the floor but has only managed to make herself a little smaller) when suddenly a soft, gentle voice catches her attention and it's Donghae, exactly from her screen, and she whips her head back and notices that the screen has a black silhouette now. Except, there were two guys she was looking at, which must mean--
"Hey sexy~" a low husky voice whispers in her ear and she trembles and finds herself between Yoochun and Donghae.
She's glad she remembered those ninja couches tucked in the corners of the computer lab building.
They're out of breath and recovering when someone looms over her and she has to squint.
"Of course you two would be impatient and fail to include me. I think this calls for some punishment." Kyuhyun has his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.
Candi has no objections; this is the best class she's taken yet.