Our Devine Defeat
Title: Our Devine Defeat
Author: wake_ofsaturday
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: blink-182
Chapters: One-Shot/7.700
Pairing: Tom/Mark
POV: 3rd
Author's Notes: This is a sequel to my fic I Got No Regret Right Now, but if you're reading this looking for Ryden or Joncer, you can stop it right here.
Warnings: Click Here
Summary: High School! AU, Teacher POV. They started out as friends, of course troubles got in their way: jobs, relationships and drugs. But in the end, falling in love could mean a twisting point for your life. The kids are there to help, and to be helped.
2005
The crack between the curtains seemed to be best friends with the sun light at pure morning for years now. The light craved to get into the room and it crawled inside as the couple on the double bed slept peacefully.
It hit Tom’s eyes angrily and rudely, prying them open with their invisible light hands. Tom whined, moaned, turned and whined some more, he didn’t really feel like getting up yet, even more if it was to close the curtains for the hundredth, eightieth, second… time?
He didn’t know how many times he had to disturb his dreams to close the shades at the morning peak since he had bought that house, but it was something around that. And honestly, he was getting tired of it…
The man untangled himself from the arms wrapped around him and marched towards the window “Fucking shades!” He groaned “We really need to get some; it has been way past time…”
Tom turned around and glanced at the clock on the nightstand, only two minutes until it blasted into an annoying, terrible sound made for them to wake up at any cost.
Why bother having a clock when you didn’t have fucking shades? The result of waking up uncomfortably was the same.
Tom sighed “Come on, baby. Get up” He said while gently pushing the lamp body on the bed
“We’ll get the window shades, Tom” Mark groaned, eyes still closed as he turned around and away from Tom, not wanting to be awaken “Don’t worry”
“It’s 6:30 already, come on” Tom said “Let’s have breakfast”
Mark got up grumping around, walking downstairs with Tom. Mark was always the one to prepare breakfast, so Tom just sat at the table waiting to be served, like a king. Mark was still fighting with his eyelids so they could get into an agreement to stay open.
Mark prepared cereal for both, pushing one of the bowls towards Tom, making the milk spill a bit around the border. Tom just shrugged and carved his spoon between the froopt loops. He watched carefully as Mark put away the milk into the cabinet and the cereal box into the fridge.
Tom noticed the mismatch of places, but he was too tired to complain or to actually do something. He sat back, ate his cereal and went to take a shower upstairs.
A full hour later Tom was sitting at his SUV, changing radio stations whenever they started playing some pop thing kids nowadays called ‘music’. Tom knew what music was, and that wasn’t it. He had two cups of coffee waiting beside him, one was full and had a messily scribbled ‘Mark’ written in black marker on the side, while the other one was half-full and had Tom’s name in it.
They had got those cups last time they had gone to Starbucks, always saving the last purchase’s cup for homemade coffee. It wasn’t the same thing, and it felt like cheating, but Tom knew how to make a really good coffee and it wasn’t like the original shit was cheap enough for them to buy every day.
“I’m so tired!” Mark whined while throwing his head back when Tom was taking the car out of the driveway
Mark was wearing his usual social shirt, badly ironed with a messily tied tie and his black rimmed glasses. His hair spiked up at the front, full of gel. Maybe his haircut wasn’t really appropriated to his age and job, but who gave a fuck?
Tom in the other hand had his hair messed up, as if it hadn’t seen a brush in a few days. He was wearing a black Descendants shirt, black jeans and MacBeths.
“You wouldn’t be if you didn’t stay up until 3am correcting exams” Tom pondered
“Funny, because there are nights I can’t sleep because there’s someone doing guitar riffs on the next room”
“Yeah, but there weren’t any last night” Tom said and Mark showed him his tongue, like a little kid of course. Tom tried to ignore the fact that Mark was all snappy and just kept driving.
They always arrived half an hour before class started. There was always something to do, either correct exams, fix the room, prepare the class or if you’re Mark, sleep on the teacher’s lounge’s couch.
The trigonometry teacher looked pissed that she had to seat on the wooden chair to finish correcting formulas, instead of seating on the couch like she normally did. Mark didn’t care, he just wanted to sleep, but then he felt a poke at his side “What?” He snapped, sitting up, thinking it was only Tom trying to piss him when it was actually Travis. His eyes were wide and scared; he had never seen Mark like that, snapping and all.
“I’m sorry Travis, whattcha want?” Mark said rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand
“I have some stuff to do after class; can you and Tom pick up the kids and drop them at my house, please?”
“Tell me what I won’t do for you, man” Mark sighed, leaning back into the couch to finish the fifteen minutes of sleep he still had.
“Thanks dude, see you around” Travis said and took off to do some of the stuff he had to before class.
***
The last class had finished already, but Tom was still sitting at the piano with his last student, who was frustrated that she couldn’t pick up the guitar’s pace.
“But my dad’s a bass player!” She had argued before they sat the piano, her blonde hair falling backwards and showing her stretched ears “All my uncles know how to play guitar, so does my mom and my sister. Hell, my cousin even has a band! Why can’t I do that too?”
“Well, maybe you’ll be able to do it someday” Tom had said while taking the guitar away from her and putting it aside “But you’re just getting frustrated now, maybe we should start with the piano, what do you think?”
“But I don’t know anyone who plays the piano…”
“Well,” Tom started to drag her to the giant black piano at the back of the room “You’ll be the first” He said while pushing her down into the seat “It’ll be a new start”. Tom sat by her side and started pressing some keys, making a random melody he was improvising “Music isn’t about an instrument” He shrugged, still pressing the keys “It’s about the message inside the melody; it’s the combination between everything around it. For example, a writer doing music may sound absurd” He stops then looks at her, making eye contact and causing the exact impact he wanted to “But makes perfect sense. Your turn”
She sucks at first, but he helps her into the pace, and suddenly, she feels closer to the piano in only a few minutes then to the guitar she had tried to play for months. Tom gets out of class half an hour later, but he doesn’t care.
Actually only then he remembered about Mark, he said goodbye to the girl and as soon as he turns on to the next hallway and he’s sure he’s away from her sight, he started to run towards the parking lot, only to find a furious Mark standing outside his SUV
“I’m so so so sorry, hon” Tom said trying to gather his breathing again, putting his papers on the hood of the car so he could hug Mark. Mark didn’t hug him back, instead he kept his arms crossed “Come on home so I can kiss you, huh?”
“Yeah whatever, good you’re hot” Mark said pushing him away
“Why are you so pissy? Is this because I got late?” Tom frowned
“Sorry, I’m tired” Mark said taking a hand to his forehead
“Okay, how about this: When we get home, I’ll give you the best afternoon sleep of your life, is that okay?”
Mark smirked and raised his eyebrow under his glasses “The best?”
“The best!” Tom nodded
“Okay then, but before we go home Travis asked us to pick up his kids”
“Uh, okay then” Tom frowned but shrugged, walking around the car and picking up his papers, driving away to Travis’s kids’s school.
***
Landon taps his hands to his legs, Alabama looks out the window while she tells the story of when Travis took them to the park last weekend, and how excited she is to go again next weekend
Tom and Mark always replied with ‘Ohh cool”s or ‘Awesome”s. They remind Tom of when he was still married, just waiting to have a kid sometime. His marriage didn’t really survive to that point, but Tom still liked the thought of kids. Even if it meant adoption for him nowadays.
They dropped the kids and headed back home. When they arrived, Tom walked Mark upstairs to the bedroom, closing the door behind him but not turning on the lights. Mark sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for Tom to come over.
Tom turned on the air conditioner, grabbed some clothes and an old quilt from the closet, and then wandered over to stand in front of Mark. Mark placed both hands on Tom’s waist, leaning his head against his stomach, eventually slightly biting at his hipbone while Tom caressed his hair.
“Stop it” Tom laughed “It hurts”
Mark chuckled, Tom could feel his tired tone and went on to undo his tie and unbutton his shirt, pushing it out of Mark’s body until he had only his jeans on.
Tom’s hand sneaked up on Mark’s neck to caress his hairline while he picked one of the shirts he had taken out of the closet, not actually caring who it belonged to. He put the shirt on Mark and did the same for himself; they both took out their pants and crawled together under the quilt with just their boxers and the shirts Tom had got.
Tom hugged Mark from behind, and soon, they were fast asleep.
1992
Tom had his present between his calloused finger tips; he had spent the whole afternoon playing his guitar. With his free hand he reached up to play with the ring on his eyebrow
Anne was the one to answer the door “Tom!” She said happily and hugged him
“Here’s your present, Anne” He said while pulling back and handing her his present “Happy birthday”
“Thanks Tom!” She laughed as she took the present “Well, you arrived kind of late so the party is at its high point right now. Jeff is inside waiting for me so do you bother if I don’t open it right now?”
“No, of course, it’s okay” Tom shrugged “Gotta talk to the dude anyway” he said as he walked inside the party, there were kids drinking and talking at all sides
“Tom, wait” Anne grabbed him by the arm before he walked further into the party “There’s someone you gotta meet first”
Tom frowned, but still followed Anne as she ran upstairs. She directed him to a glass door at the end of the hallway, she slid it open and both walked into a fairly big balcony. There were some kids there too, but they all seemed to be a bit too old to attend some junior girl’s party, they all looked like they went to college or something.
Then before she introduced him to anyone, there was this guy, he had both his elbows resting at the railing, his hands out and holding a cigarette. He was wearing baggy shorts just like Tom’s, a caramel shirt and converses with long white socks, plus the red cap on top of his hair.
He tipped his cigarette to drop its ashes and brought it up again to his lips, taking a drag and peacefully letting the smoke out through his nose. The image paralyzed Tom; he had never seen such… Beauty? He couldn’t even explain it, but he knew that was everything he wasn’t and he needed it, he needed to get close to that kid so bad, learn everything from him.
“Mark?” Anne asked and the guy looked at her
“How’s the party going, did mom or dad call?” This guy, Mark, asked and Anne shook her head
“Do you only think I go around looking for you when I’m in trouble? I gotta introduce you to someone…” She said and looked at Tom, gesturing for him to come over.
Mark took his elbows off the railing and placed his free hand in it, so he could take a better look at Tom. Mark took a deep breath and another quick drag “This dickweed?” He asked pointing his cigarette at Tom
Tom’s guts flew up, he was totally ready for this “You wanted to introduce me to your fuckass brother?” Tom asked Anne with a serious tone
“Mark!” Anne whined
“Anne” Mark said sternly, and then he looked at Tom, deep into his eyes, showing he wanted to talk with Tom, and no one other than Tom. “Butthead”
“Pooptwat”
“Shithead”
“Cocksucker”
Mark took another drag of his cigarette, then dropped it at his feet, stepping on it “So, what’s your name?” The twenty year old asked to the junior
“I’m Tom”
“Hi Tom, I’m Mark” He said showing his hand for Tom to shake, which he took.
2005
Tom was the first to wake up, he looked at Mark who was now facing him and smiled. It was dark outside already, so he decided to wake up Mark, and for that he thought the best way to do it was by kissing him.
Mark slowly started to kiss him back, then he smiled and pulled away “Did you do this all for lazy sex?” Mark smirked, his eyes still closed
“Sex?” Tom asked “What’s that?” Mark chuckled as Tom moved down to kiss his neck, biting it a little. “Come on, Mark” Tom whispered against the older one’s skin
“Okay” Mark gave in; he sat up and took off his shirt, throwing it aside “Are you happy now?” He smiled down at Tom who was still lying down.
Tom smirked and sat up as well, moving on to take off his own shirt. He started running his hands on Mark’s chest, he grabbed Mark by the waist and pulled him closer, making their chests crash together as hard as their lips.
Mark caressed Tom’s hair and smiled into the kiss. Tom made him lie down on the bed and stood on top, making Mark put his ankles around his neck.
Tom reached to the nightstand, taking a lube bottle and a condom out, first he put on the condom, then he got the lube on his fingers
Mark’s breathing was rushed; he was pressing his eyes shut when the other teacher started fingering him as he also ran a hand in circles on Mark’s chest.
“Shh, calm down” Tom chuckled while tapping his hand on Mark’s chest carefully “This is lazy sex, remember?”
Mark smirked “You’re such a pervert”
Tom smiled and looked down; placing his head on Mark’s entrance “I’m going in, okay?” He asked and Mark nodded, taking a deep breath. Tom slid everything in and moved closer to Mark, kissing him slowly “I love you” Tom said when they pulled apart from the kiss and their foreheads laid against each other.
“I love you too” Mark said squinting his eyes
“Okay, I’m going to start…” Tom whispered
“Please!” Mark said in an urgent tone and then, Tom started rocking forwards and backwards in repetitive movements. He started moaning and kissed Mark again, who wrapped his arms around Tom’s back, feeling the younger one’s muscles under his fingerprints
Mark was moaning too, his eyes suddenly opened with dilated pupils while he stared into Tom’s. They connected. Tom’s lips were open, breathing deep as he thrusted and moaned harder each time.
Tom leaned down and started kissing Mark’s neck, without stopping the thrust. Mark kept moaning in his ear until they both came. Tom pulled himself out and started kissing Mark’s chest and shoulders
“Come on” Tom eventually whispered in Mark’s ear “Let’s make out in the bath, I’ll let you rub it in my face” Tom smirked
Mark laughed “Okay” He said as if he was a little child going out to an amusement park. Letting Tom drag him into the bathroom
2000
Mark had just finished correcting his exams already when he heard a knock on the door, it was rushed and quick, it was someone who was probably scared or wanted just to drop something and leave right away.
He had been living in that small apartment for two years now, he moved in around the same time he had started working at the school and so far it was going pretty well for him, not having to live with his parents and all.
When he opened the door he was faced with Tom, his black hair damp not with water, but with dirt and sweat from spending so much time without a shower, his lip ring and the ancient scar of his eyebrow piercing. He had a sports bag in his hand and fake smile on his lips
“Is something wrong?” Mark asked with a frown
“No, everything’s fine. Do you think I can spend the night here?” Tom said walking inside
“Sure, did Amy kick you out?”
Tom dropped his bag on the couch, but stood up “Sorta. She told me to never come back unless… You know what, forget it, she kicked me out”
“Unless what, Tom?” Mark kept frowning
“Mark, please don’t make things worse”
“Why did she kick you out?”
“Got fired at Dunkin Donuts” Tom shrugged like it was nothing much
“WHAT?” Mark jumped off his feet “You got fired? She kicked you out because of that?”
“Well Mark, what can she do? I’m unemployed, with no band and no college degree. Great!” He gave Mark thumbs up; his voice was sort of slurred, which made Mark frown even more
“Tom, you know it makes no sense, right? She didn’t do anything when 1972 broke up, and honestly you made more money at Dunkin Donuts”
“So what?” Tom shrugged
“I think you’re lying” Mark said sternly
“WHAT?” Tom asked offended “You’re doubting of ME? Your fucking best friend?”
“YES!” Mark nodded “What’s in that bag?”
Tom didn’t even have time to stop Mark. When he blinked, Mark already had his hands into the bag, throwing Tom’s clothes into the floor, looking for something
“MARK, THAT’S WRONG!” Tom screamed, trying to pull Mark away, but Tom was already too weak at this point “That’s invasion of privacy!”
Mark took two bags full of a white powder in it and shoved it angrily on Tom’s face “What’s this, farthead?”
“Cocaíne?” Tom asked
“YOU FUCKER!” Mark shouted, not caring about living next to some really cranky old ladies “You lied to me! You lied to me and Amy!”
“I didn’t lie!”
“Yes you did! You told us all you were going to stop, you told us you were going to quit. Shit, I even saw you having a withdrawal” Mark was screaming while Tom stood back, speechless “I cried that day, dude. You don’t know how bad I felt for you. I thought you were actually going to get better, but no, you lied to me, to Amy, to every one of us!”
“I did quit” Tom justified “But… But”
“But what, Tom? God, you may be a shit friend, but I know I won’t be!”
Tom’s first thought was that Mark was going to kick him out, asking to come back when he was detoxicated so they could be friends again. Tom was scared, but then Mark screamed again as he walked up to the bathroom. Tom followed him and saw his friend pouring the bags into the toilet and flushing it “Mark, you fucker, what did you do?” Tom asked looking into the toilet
“I’m doing what I should’ve done a long time ago. You’re quitting, for real. If Amy kicked you out, then it’s because things are serious” Mark said, then his voice calmed down “Did she leave you?”
Tom didn’t say anything, he looked to his side and breathed deep, he bit his lipring and nodded. Mark could see the small tear sliding down his face, he wanted to reach up and clean it, hug Tom and kiss his forehead, but now he was mad, he had to focus on being mad.
“Tom,” Mark said with a serious tone “Amy spent the last six years of her life dedicating herself to a boyfriend and later a husband who didn’t treat her the way she deserved because of drugs. If you really loved her, you would’ve changed. And not only if you loved her, but also if you cared about me, Shon, Kari and even Anne. I’m not saying you don’t deserve us for not quitting, but you just have to understand that you need to quit”
Tom blinked
“I know we have done a lot of shit on the past” Mark said, his eyes starting to pool with tears “We’re not friends, okay? We’re brothers, we tell each other what’s right and what’s wrong, and right now I’m telling you what’s right. You’re lost, Tom. I know what you’re going through, it was hard for me to quit smoking, don’t you remember? But you have to go through those stages and the pain; otherwise you’ll just kill yourself slowly. Don’t you realize your obsession was the reason your band broke up?”
Tom sighed, breaking through the tears that were already sliding down his face; he placed a hand on his arm, shying away from Mark
“You’re my buddy” Mark whispered, a tear going down his cheek as well. Tom looked up at him with sorry eyes “I taught you so much and I learned so much from you, even if you are years younger than me you’re still the one I put my weight on when I need a friend shoulder, so I need you strong, and it’s not the drugs that’ll give you that. And you know you can put your weight on me whenever you need to, and you should right now, I’ll be here for whatever you need, okay?”
Tom nodded, cleaning away his tears
“Good” Mark nodded, cleaning his own as well. He got closer to Tom and placed both hands on his shoulders “Tom, look at me” Mark said
Tom did so, his brown bloodshot eyes staring into Mark’s blue ones
That was when it clicked again; it was like they were meeting again. First two strangers at a high school party, now a teacher and a druggie in a bathroom.
Tom knew he needed Mark, he needed Mark to teach him life, how to be himself. Mark was everything Tom wasn’t, and he craved that, he wanted that for himself. So. Bad.
“Okay?” Mark asked casually
“Yeah!” Tom nodded “I’m… I’m sorry”
“Hey” Mark smiled and pushed Tom’s bangs away from his face “I’ll help you, alright? Can stay here as long as you want to”
Mark kept caressing the younger one’s hair while he nodded “Thanks” Tom said between his sobs against Mark’s shirt.
2005
Both their hairs were still damp from the shower, their lips sore and a couple of hickeys here and there. Mark was sitting on the floor, watching children’s cartoons in mute while Tom had his guitar on his lap, playing around
Burning on, just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take
From every heart you break
And like a blade you stain
Well, I've been holding on tonight
“What’s that?” Mark chuckled without taking his eyes off the TV “I’ve heard that before”
“It’s a song by some band going around; the fourth period wants to play it on the presentation next month. I’m practicing to teach them right”
“Have you ever…” Mark turned around, placing his elbow on the couch, but then he shrugs it off “Ah, forget it”
“What? Mark, tell me” Tom says as he stops playing
“Well, did you ever think how things would’ve gone if 1972 worked out?”
Tom wandered his mind for a while “Well” He started “I think we’d still be friends”
“Aw, so romantic” Mark said in a joke and stood to sit beside Tom on the couch, crossing his feet under his legs
“But I know I’d probably never find out you liked me” Tom pointed out “And I probably wouldn’t ever realize I liked you too”
“True. What else?”
“I would probably be butt rich, live in Malibu and still be married to Amy, with a great chance of cheating on her all the time, fancy rehabs… Ah, the sweet life”
“Tom, why was the name of the band 1972?” Mark suddenly asked, Tom was snapped out of thoughts, finally digging some old memories out of his mind
“Oh my God, I had totally forgotten about the name origin! But believe me; you don’t really want to know”
“Why?” Mark laughed
“You just don’t”
“Oh come on!” Mark whined, fully knowing that Tom never resisted that whine
“Okay, what happened in 1972?” Tom asked, raising an eyebrow
“The Godfather was released”
“It’s not that” Tom shook his head
“The first airing of The Price Is Right”
“Still not it”
“Oh I know!” Mark starts clapping “Apollo 17 returns to earth after completing its mission on moon exploration”
Tom frowns “How do you even know that? You never pay attention to that stuff!”
“I’m a better boyfriend than you think” Mark justified
“Well, it’s not that either”
“What is it then?” Mark frowned
“Well” Tom chuckled, shying away a bit “It was the year you were born, you silly thing” He said and turned to his guitar again, strumming a few chords, his cheeks flushing red
“What?” Mark asked quietly “Your old band’s name was in reference to me?”
“Yeah” Tom nods
“How come you never told me that?” Mark tried not to smirk, but somehow that made him happy
“Oh come on, it would lose the fun, plus I liked the strange air of ‘why?’. I don’t know why I chose it, you were my best friend back in the day, and you were the first person to actually tell me to make that band, you were my biggest fan. When I said it to the guys they didn’t really asked the meaning behind it, I guess they just liked how it sounded”
Mark smiles “I would have never guessed that”
“Com’ere” Tom said and pulled Mark closer, giving him a kiss.
2000
“No, Amy” Tom said into the receiver, tugging on the phone cord that he had been gripping on with his free hand “I’m sorry, but it’s just not fair to you”
His soon-to-be ex-wife was crying at the other end, asking herself what she had done wrong for him to leave her hanging dry like that
“Amy, stop crying, okay?” He said quietly “I’m not worth crying for”
Tom was speaking in a low voice, looking at his pants until the door opened. Mark was on the doorway, he had his glasses on while holding a glass of water, he walked over to the single bed they had just bought for the guest room and left the glass on the nightstand.
Tom took it in his hands, snapping it in his direction and taking big, giant gulps. Mark’s eyes widen and he mouths a ‘wow’ at Tom’s urgency in drinking water. Tom shoves the glass at Mark without looking at him, and Mark takes it, walking out of the room again.
“Amy, I’m just confused, there are a lot changes going on with me right now, and it’s not that I don’t love you anymore, I’m only scared that I’ll break your heart and make you suffer more than you already are…” Tom said as he stared at the empty space Mark had left by his side, hoping he would come back through that door anytime soon with another fresh glass of water.
She kept crying and he kept shushing her. This was breaking his heart more than he thought it would.
“I’m staying with Mark for a while, until I detoxicate or get a job” Tom looked down at his hand, shaking slightly already, the withdrawal was kicking in. He took a deep breath, knowing what was waiting for him next “I already talked to a lawyer so he can look into the divorce papers. I don’t want anything, you can keep it all”
Mark walked in again, another glass of full, fresh water in his grip. He left it on the nightstand, but when he was about to leave, Tom stopped him by grabbing his wrist
“Amy” Tom called her again “I love you” He said and gulped, gripping Mark’s wrist tighter
Mark sighed and made Tom release his grip, taking the younger’s hand in his. Giving him a smile and a warm squeeze.
“Bye baby” Tom said and hung up. He looked up at Mark and gave him a sad smile “Hm, can you sit here with me?” Tom asked and Mark nodded
Tom didn’t wait for Mark to sit, instead he pulled Mark into him, letting his friend hug him tightly “Is it true?” Mark asked
“What?” Tom raised an eyebrow
“That you love her… Is it true?”
“Yes” Tom slowly nodded “But I’m starting to have doubts…”
“Tom, if you do love her don’t make her go through divorce, I’m sure you can figure it out”
“Mark, I need change” Tom explained “Plus, I don’t want to hurt her even more. Two years from now she’ll be happy with some other guy, and I’ll probably be still struggling to put my life in place. She has way more opportunities than I do, she’ll do better off without me. I’m doing this for her good”
Tom sighed and Mark hugged him tighter
“There’s still so much for me to find out yet…”
2005
Tom walks into the house through the back door, stepping right into the kitchen, leaving his shoes dirty with mud on the backyard, remembering himself to come wash them later. His workout clothes were sweaty and sticky against his body.
He hadn’t seen Mark the whole day; he had woken up early for a Saturday. Tom was already alone at home when he woke up, that’s why he decided to go out for a morning run.
Tom only realized Mark was already at home when he saw the empty earl grey tea package on the table right beside a used teacup. Tom smiled at the sight and ran upstairs.
He opened the door of their room slowly, it cranked a bit. It was probably rusty anyway. Tom walked inside and saw a chair; Mark was standing on it, fixing the curtains that were closed “What are you doing?” Tom giggled
“Good morning!” Mark said excitedly, turning around to face Tom “I got you a present”
“Oh, really?” Tom smirked as he walked closer “May I ask you what is it?”
Mark put a hand on the caramel curtain and pulled it to his side, showing the new, white shades Tom had been wanting so bad since they had broken it with Tom’s idea of ‘sex against the window’, back when they had moved from the apartment to that house.
“Oh my God! Finally!” Tom cheered and Mark climbed down from the chair “You’re the best boyfriend, did you know that?”
“Yeah, my lover keeps saying that, you know?” Mark said and gave Tom a peck on the lips, leaning his hands on the back of the chair.
“Shut up” Tom giggles and slaps him on the arm, then he starts to walk to the bathroom “I’m taking a shower, the invitation was open for you, but since you’re cheating on me I’ll have to take it back”
“He’s better anyway” Mark shrugged with a giggled
“Oh stop it, come on, have a shower with me…” Tom motioned for Mark to follow him, and he did.
2002
Mark was gone doing groceries while Tom was playing his guitar on their little apartment’s living room. He was making notes and scribbling on a paper placed on the island that divided the living room and the kitchen.
There was a knocking on the door and Tom rushed to open it up, seeing Mark standing on the doorway, a couple of paper bags in his arms.
“Right on time, I’m starving!” Tom chuckled and took one of the bags away from Mark, placing it on the counter.
“Hey Tom, gotta talk to you about something…” Mark said while placing his car keys on the counter as well
“Sure, what is it?” Tom said going through the groceries, looking for something he could eat.
“I was going through our computer history yesterday, looking for a test I did a couple of years ago and… And I found something, but you have to promise me you won’t be mad at me…”
Tom stopped and turned around to look at Mark, and then he giggled “Mark, you’re scaring me”
“Well, do you?” Mark raised an eyebrow.
“I know I have nothing to hide from you on our computer so… yes, I guess”
“It was…” Mark sighed “You were chatting with Travis, and somehow it got saved on the computer, I opened it up thinking it was something else”
Tom’s eyes went wide, adrenaline pulsing through his veins and everything clicked: He was fucked. Things were slow and he could see everything chattering into pieces “What conversation?” Tom asked
Mark was hesitant
“Mark, please tell me what conversation did you read” Tom snapped
“I swear to God it was never my intention to look at your stuff, but once I started I couldn’t stop” Mark sighed “I’m sorry”
Tom puffed, he wasn’t angry, instead he wanted to take his toaster in the bath, or bury himself so he was never able to see Mark again. He felt awkward and ashamed. He didn’t even know his conversations with Travis were saved
He turned around and away from Mark, going through jars of tuna and ham cream, suddenly stopping and pressing his arms at his sides “I’m not hungry anymore” He stated “I’m going to bed”
Tom left the kitchen and started marching towards his bedroom
“Tom” Mark stopped him, grabbing his arm “I wanna talk about it, come on”
Tom gulped, fear and awkwardness stinging his guts and clogging up his veins. He felt like crying, this shouldn’t be happening
“Is it true?” Mark asked in a whisper, his lips getting into a thin line as he pulled himself back to not do something. Tom felt like he had just ruined ten years of friendship. Mark wanted to run away, he could see it in his friend’s eyes.
“What?” Tom tried to fool nobody but himself as he avoided eye contact
“That you… That you like me?” Mark as if it was something obvious “That you didn’t get back with Amy because you felt like you would be cheating on her?”
Tom sighed “If you love two people at the same time, you have to pick only one, you can’t have both” Tom sighed again “And in that moment you were everything, you were the main reason I wanted to get out of drugs, so I picked you”
“How?” Mark frowned “We were never together…”
“Yes, but I knew what I felt. I may have never had you, but it was you who I wanted…”
Mark’s eyes went big, starting to pool with tears “Oh my God” He whispered, getting a better grip on Tom’s arm “I didn’t see this coming…”
“It wasn’t like I was planning to start liking you” Tom said looking down at his friend “I didn’t see it coming either…”
Mark looked up, his blue eyes starting to glisten with tears, holding himself back to not let them drop
“I’m going to bed” Tom sighed
“Okay” Mark’s voice cracked and he slowly let go of Tom’s arm, putting his hand on the back of his neck, feeling the warmth of Tom’s skin
“I’m sorry” Tom said and Mark nodded. Tom locked himself into his room and Mark rushed to clean his tears
“Fuck” He said and looked up, taking a sharp inhale and sitting on the couch, soon letting himself fall asleep like that.
***
Tom was awoken in the middle of the night with the disturbing sounds his stomach was making, plus the cold wind coming from his window. He was already in his pajamas, so he just took an old blanket out of the closet and wrapped himself on it, walking to the kitchen.
The lights were off, only a single one on the kitchen so he didn’t get too confused when making his sandwich. From the kitchen, Tom could see Mark’s silhouette on the couch, he was wrapped up around himself, making his own body a blanket, probably feeling cold as hell.
Tom slowly made his way towards the living room and put his blanket over his friend, tucking him in as if he was a child. Tom didn’t want to have feelings for Mark, but how could he not? Mark had been his best friend his whole life, he couldn’t really picture his life without the guy. Plus, he was really really cute, he was so… handsome. There were times Tom could barely stop looking at him.
His gel was starting to wear off, so Tom started to caress it, feeling guilty for making his friend feel bad. After all, Tom knew Mark only wanted the best for him, but now he had walked into a territory in which Mark couldn’t really give him what he wanted.
Tom stopped and went back to the kitchen, taking his half-done sandwich off the counter and placing it on the counter behind him, turning away from Mark’s form across the room, as if he was running away from it.
When he was done, Tom licked his thumb and turned around to get a glass of juice from the fridge, facing a sleepy Mark standing on the doorway. He was still wrapped up in Tom’s blanket, his hair falling on his face and making him cuter than ever. He rubbed his tired eyes with the back of his hand and yawned “Hi there”
“Hi you too” Tom said closing the fridge “Going to your room?”
“In a while, I was hoping I could talk to you first…”
Tom didn’t really like of where this was going, he didn’t really want to face it. He didn’t want to stand in front of Mark knowing that he knew about his feelings “Sure”
“Well” Mark started, wrapping the blanket around himself “Remember when we first met?”
Tom nodded “Yes, in Anne’s birthday party, she was the one who introduced us…”
“That day, when she pushed you into my eyes, I couldn’t stop thinking about how bad I wanted to get to know you. You seemed so perfect. I felt a connection I hadn’t felt with much people. I saw you as this innocent, little creature who was starting to discover the world and that was screaming for help. I felt like I was the one who needed to show you everything”
Tom bit his bottom lip, feeling his cold lipring against his teeth. His eyes going soft as he stared at Mark.
“It was different, it was better. I was only me when I was with you, you made me feel as free as a bird, and it was like someone finally understood me…”
Tom could see the little tear running down Mark’s cheek, but the older one was fast enough to clean it quick.
“I lied to the truth during years, I was scared to lose you. Plus I wasn’t really sure of what I was feeling. So I pushed it aside and tried to forget about it. However, as the years went by, I only perfected the way I lied, the way I fooled myself, you and everyone around us. And it seemed like I could fool everyone but me”
“What are you trying to say?” Tom asked
“I think I love you too” Mark said cleaning another tear from his cheek
Tom gasped in a broken sigh and placed a hand on Mark’s shoulder, smiling at the sight and pulling him closer into a hug. Mark started to breathe little cries while Tom held him “Shh” Tom shushed him, tapping his hair lightly.
When they pulled apart, Mark couldn’t help but look into Tom’s eyes and give him a little chuckle; He couldn’t believe this was happening, after ten years, there he was, finally opening his heart to the love of his life.
Tom smiled back and cleaned another tear from Mark’s face with his thumb before the English teacher leaned in to kiss him. Mark was finally able to feel that cold lipring on his lips. The kiss was slow and soft, Tom held Mark’s head in his hand, bringing it closer while Mark wrapped them both into the blanket
When they pulled apart, Mark gasped again “Hey hey hey, don’t cry” Tom chuckled, giving him a kiss on the cheek “It was always you, okay?” Tom asked and Mark slowly nodded “Don’t ever forget it: It was always you. I may have only realized it when the whole drug addiction happened, but I know it, deep down you were always the one”
Mark licked his lips and Tom leaned to leave little kisses on Mark’s skin, around his jaw, neck, moving to his cheek, his nose, his eyes “Wanna go sleep?” Tom asked with his eyes closing, his cheek leaning against Mark’s
Mark nodded and Tom started walking to his bedroom without untangling himself from neither Mark nor the blanket.
2005
Mark jumped out of Tom’s SUV on Monday morning, holding the same old starbucks coffee cup with the same old homemade drink inside. Tom followed him right after. They both walked into the school, side by side and year after year.
Tom looked over to Mark and a thousand thoughts came over to his head: How high school was the worst time of his life, but it was also the best since he was still a junior when he met the guy who would change his life, turning it upside down like a fucking hurricane.
It took him confidence and guts to walk into those corridors again after everything he had gone through while he was a teenager, but doing it with Mark by his side felt different, it felt better.
Mark was never active on Tom’s high school life, at least inside the property; except when he dropped and picked Tom up before and after class. But now seeing Mark walk down those hallways with him was if his dreams really did come true, Mark was there sharing his bad memories, helping through hard times. And that was everything he wanted when those walls were the home to his personal hell.
It also showed him how things could actually change, even in the worst times. He knew it was Mark who made it all good; Mark was always his safe heaven.
He took a look to Mark’s hand, cursing to himself inside his mind, punishing himself by not holding Mark’s hand right then. Tom wanted to squeeze it, hold it, and whisper in his ear how much he was loved.
Though Tom didn’t feel like proving anything for those people, they respected him. High schoolers changed every year and every single one of those kids was just passing by, in four years or less they’ll be gone and other kids will take their places.
When he was 16, he never though high school would end, but now he could see how it does end, and how fast it goes.
He was finally being respected under that roof, students didn’t blame the problems on him anymore, and instead now they admitted them for him and asked for advice. It was totally gratifying; he really did feel like he had changed something in those little heads.
For him being a teacher didn’t only mean to lecture students on the music subject. The teacher takes up his place in the classroom with the purpose of helping and guiding. Most of what he learned in his life couldn’t be explained in class.
When Mark told him to get a job, he would’ve never thought about being a teacher since he had hated high school. But when his first year was over, Tom observed how his students looked at him in a way he had never looked at his teachers.
It was all in the way of teaching, Mark once said; it’s on how you care about them. If you treat them like pupils, they’ll treat you like a mentor, you just had to believe in their potential like they believe on your power of knowledge. And Mark also said that it was impossible to know everything, but they could believe in it, like superheroes, like faith. "Teachers are supposed to be friends, not enemies" He said after ending his speech on a cold tuesday night after class, both naked under the sheets, just talking around.
Those kids still had so much to live, so much experience to gather together after high school. So it was understandable to feel angry since they can’t do much. They’re just discovering what’s like living their lives, it’s their first experience, like a rehearse for what’s coming next. But when they’re free, they can finally see what they couldn’t during those four years.
You can either have heaven or hell, depends of what you make of it.
Author: wake_ofsaturday
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: blink-182
Chapters: One-Shot/7.700
Pairing: Tom/Mark
POV: 3rd
Author's Notes: This is a sequel to my fic I Got No Regret Right Now, but if you're reading this looking for Ryden or Joncer, you can stop it right here.
Warnings: Click Here
Summary: High School! AU, Teacher POV. They started out as friends, of course troubles got in their way: jobs, relationships and drugs. But in the end, falling in love could mean a twisting point for your life. The kids are there to help, and to be helped.
2005
The crack between the curtains seemed to be best friends with the sun light at pure morning for years now. The light craved to get into the room and it crawled inside as the couple on the double bed slept peacefully.
It hit Tom’s eyes angrily and rudely, prying them open with their invisible light hands. Tom whined, moaned, turned and whined some more, he didn’t really feel like getting up yet, even more if it was to close the curtains for the hundredth, eightieth, second… time?
He didn’t know how many times he had to disturb his dreams to close the shades at the morning peak since he had bought that house, but it was something around that. And honestly, he was getting tired of it…
The man untangled himself from the arms wrapped around him and marched towards the window “Fucking shades!” He groaned “We really need to get some; it has been way past time…”
Tom turned around and glanced at the clock on the nightstand, only two minutes until it blasted into an annoying, terrible sound made for them to wake up at any cost.
Why bother having a clock when you didn’t have fucking shades? The result of waking up uncomfortably was the same.
Tom sighed “Come on, baby. Get up” He said while gently pushing the lamp body on the bed
“We’ll get the window shades, Tom” Mark groaned, eyes still closed as he turned around and away from Tom, not wanting to be awaken “Don’t worry”
“It’s 6:30 already, come on” Tom said “Let’s have breakfast”
Mark got up grumping around, walking downstairs with Tom. Mark was always the one to prepare breakfast, so Tom just sat at the table waiting to be served, like a king. Mark was still fighting with his eyelids so they could get into an agreement to stay open.
Mark prepared cereal for both, pushing one of the bowls towards Tom, making the milk spill a bit around the border. Tom just shrugged and carved his spoon between the froopt loops. He watched carefully as Mark put away the milk into the cabinet and the cereal box into the fridge.
Tom noticed the mismatch of places, but he was too tired to complain or to actually do something. He sat back, ate his cereal and went to take a shower upstairs.
A full hour later Tom was sitting at his SUV, changing radio stations whenever they started playing some pop thing kids nowadays called ‘music’. Tom knew what music was, and that wasn’t it. He had two cups of coffee waiting beside him, one was full and had a messily scribbled ‘Mark’ written in black marker on the side, while the other one was half-full and had Tom’s name in it.
They had got those cups last time they had gone to Starbucks, always saving the last purchase’s cup for homemade coffee. It wasn’t the same thing, and it felt like cheating, but Tom knew how to make a really good coffee and it wasn’t like the original shit was cheap enough for them to buy every day.
“I’m so tired!” Mark whined while throwing his head back when Tom was taking the car out of the driveway
Mark was wearing his usual social shirt, badly ironed with a messily tied tie and his black rimmed glasses. His hair spiked up at the front, full of gel. Maybe his haircut wasn’t really appropriated to his age and job, but who gave a fuck?
Tom in the other hand had his hair messed up, as if it hadn’t seen a brush in a few days. He was wearing a black Descendants shirt, black jeans and MacBeths.
“You wouldn’t be if you didn’t stay up until 3am correcting exams” Tom pondered
“Funny, because there are nights I can’t sleep because there’s someone doing guitar riffs on the next room”
“Yeah, but there weren’t any last night” Tom said and Mark showed him his tongue, like a little kid of course. Tom tried to ignore the fact that Mark was all snappy and just kept driving.
They always arrived half an hour before class started. There was always something to do, either correct exams, fix the room, prepare the class or if you’re Mark, sleep on the teacher’s lounge’s couch.
The trigonometry teacher looked pissed that she had to seat on the wooden chair to finish correcting formulas, instead of seating on the couch like she normally did. Mark didn’t care, he just wanted to sleep, but then he felt a poke at his side “What?” He snapped, sitting up, thinking it was only Tom trying to piss him when it was actually Travis. His eyes were wide and scared; he had never seen Mark like that, snapping and all.
“I’m sorry Travis, whattcha want?” Mark said rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand
“I have some stuff to do after class; can you and Tom pick up the kids and drop them at my house, please?”
“Tell me what I won’t do for you, man” Mark sighed, leaning back into the couch to finish the fifteen minutes of sleep he still had.
“Thanks dude, see you around” Travis said and took off to do some of the stuff he had to before class.
***
The last class had finished already, but Tom was still sitting at the piano with his last student, who was frustrated that she couldn’t pick up the guitar’s pace.
“But my dad’s a bass player!” She had argued before they sat the piano, her blonde hair falling backwards and showing her stretched ears “All my uncles know how to play guitar, so does my mom and my sister. Hell, my cousin even has a band! Why can’t I do that too?”
“Well, maybe you’ll be able to do it someday” Tom had said while taking the guitar away from her and putting it aside “But you’re just getting frustrated now, maybe we should start with the piano, what do you think?”
“But I don’t know anyone who plays the piano…”
“Well,” Tom started to drag her to the giant black piano at the back of the room “You’ll be the first” He said while pushing her down into the seat “It’ll be a new start”. Tom sat by her side and started pressing some keys, making a random melody he was improvising “Music isn’t about an instrument” He shrugged, still pressing the keys “It’s about the message inside the melody; it’s the combination between everything around it. For example, a writer doing music may sound absurd” He stops then looks at her, making eye contact and causing the exact impact he wanted to “But makes perfect sense. Your turn”
She sucks at first, but he helps her into the pace, and suddenly, she feels closer to the piano in only a few minutes then to the guitar she had tried to play for months. Tom gets out of class half an hour later, but he doesn’t care.
Actually only then he remembered about Mark, he said goodbye to the girl and as soon as he turns on to the next hallway and he’s sure he’s away from her sight, he started to run towards the parking lot, only to find a furious Mark standing outside his SUV
“I’m so so so sorry, hon” Tom said trying to gather his breathing again, putting his papers on the hood of the car so he could hug Mark. Mark didn’t hug him back, instead he kept his arms crossed “Come on home so I can kiss you, huh?”
“Yeah whatever, good you’re hot” Mark said pushing him away
“Why are you so pissy? Is this because I got late?” Tom frowned
“Sorry, I’m tired” Mark said taking a hand to his forehead
“Okay, how about this: When we get home, I’ll give you the best afternoon sleep of your life, is that okay?”
Mark smirked and raised his eyebrow under his glasses “The best?”
“The best!” Tom nodded
“Okay then, but before we go home Travis asked us to pick up his kids”
“Uh, okay then” Tom frowned but shrugged, walking around the car and picking up his papers, driving away to Travis’s kids’s school.
***
Landon taps his hands to his legs, Alabama looks out the window while she tells the story of when Travis took them to the park last weekend, and how excited she is to go again next weekend
Tom and Mark always replied with ‘Ohh cool”s or ‘Awesome”s. They remind Tom of when he was still married, just waiting to have a kid sometime. His marriage didn’t really survive to that point, but Tom still liked the thought of kids. Even if it meant adoption for him nowadays.
They dropped the kids and headed back home. When they arrived, Tom walked Mark upstairs to the bedroom, closing the door behind him but not turning on the lights. Mark sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for Tom to come over.
Tom turned on the air conditioner, grabbed some clothes and an old quilt from the closet, and then wandered over to stand in front of Mark. Mark placed both hands on Tom’s waist, leaning his head against his stomach, eventually slightly biting at his hipbone while Tom caressed his hair.
“Stop it” Tom laughed “It hurts”
Mark chuckled, Tom could feel his tired tone and went on to undo his tie and unbutton his shirt, pushing it out of Mark’s body until he had only his jeans on.
Tom’s hand sneaked up on Mark’s neck to caress his hairline while he picked one of the shirts he had taken out of the closet, not actually caring who it belonged to. He put the shirt on Mark and did the same for himself; they both took out their pants and crawled together under the quilt with just their boxers and the shirts Tom had got.
Tom hugged Mark from behind, and soon, they were fast asleep.
1992
Tom had his present between his calloused finger tips; he had spent the whole afternoon playing his guitar. With his free hand he reached up to play with the ring on his eyebrow
Anne was the one to answer the door “Tom!” She said happily and hugged him
“Here’s your present, Anne” He said while pulling back and handing her his present “Happy birthday”
“Thanks Tom!” She laughed as she took the present “Well, you arrived kind of late so the party is at its high point right now. Jeff is inside waiting for me so do you bother if I don’t open it right now?”
“No, of course, it’s okay” Tom shrugged “Gotta talk to the dude anyway” he said as he walked inside the party, there were kids drinking and talking at all sides
“Tom, wait” Anne grabbed him by the arm before he walked further into the party “There’s someone you gotta meet first”
Tom frowned, but still followed Anne as she ran upstairs. She directed him to a glass door at the end of the hallway, she slid it open and both walked into a fairly big balcony. There were some kids there too, but they all seemed to be a bit too old to attend some junior girl’s party, they all looked like they went to college or something.
Then before she introduced him to anyone, there was this guy, he had both his elbows resting at the railing, his hands out and holding a cigarette. He was wearing baggy shorts just like Tom’s, a caramel shirt and converses with long white socks, plus the red cap on top of his hair.
He tipped his cigarette to drop its ashes and brought it up again to his lips, taking a drag and peacefully letting the smoke out through his nose. The image paralyzed Tom; he had never seen such… Beauty? He couldn’t even explain it, but he knew that was everything he wasn’t and he needed it, he needed to get close to that kid so bad, learn everything from him.
“Mark?” Anne asked and the guy looked at her
“How’s the party going, did mom or dad call?” This guy, Mark, asked and Anne shook her head
“Do you only think I go around looking for you when I’m in trouble? I gotta introduce you to someone…” She said and looked at Tom, gesturing for him to come over.
Mark took his elbows off the railing and placed his free hand in it, so he could take a better look at Tom. Mark took a deep breath and another quick drag “This dickweed?” He asked pointing his cigarette at Tom
Tom’s guts flew up, he was totally ready for this “You wanted to introduce me to your fuckass brother?” Tom asked Anne with a serious tone
“Mark!” Anne whined
“Anne” Mark said sternly, and then he looked at Tom, deep into his eyes, showing he wanted to talk with Tom, and no one other than Tom. “Butthead”
“Pooptwat”
“Shithead”
“Cocksucker”
Mark took another drag of his cigarette, then dropped it at his feet, stepping on it “So, what’s your name?” The twenty year old asked to the junior
“I’m Tom”
“Hi Tom, I’m Mark” He said showing his hand for Tom to shake, which he took.
2005
Tom was the first to wake up, he looked at Mark who was now facing him and smiled. It was dark outside already, so he decided to wake up Mark, and for that he thought the best way to do it was by kissing him.
Mark slowly started to kiss him back, then he smiled and pulled away “Did you do this all for lazy sex?” Mark smirked, his eyes still closed
“Sex?” Tom asked “What’s that?” Mark chuckled as Tom moved down to kiss his neck, biting it a little. “Come on, Mark” Tom whispered against the older one’s skin
“Okay” Mark gave in; he sat up and took off his shirt, throwing it aside “Are you happy now?” He smiled down at Tom who was still lying down.
Tom smirked and sat up as well, moving on to take off his own shirt. He started running his hands on Mark’s chest, he grabbed Mark by the waist and pulled him closer, making their chests crash together as hard as their lips.
Mark caressed Tom’s hair and smiled into the kiss. Tom made him lie down on the bed and stood on top, making Mark put his ankles around his neck.
Tom reached to the nightstand, taking a lube bottle and a condom out, first he put on the condom, then he got the lube on his fingers
Mark’s breathing was rushed; he was pressing his eyes shut when the other teacher started fingering him as he also ran a hand in circles on Mark’s chest.
“Shh, calm down” Tom chuckled while tapping his hand on Mark’s chest carefully “This is lazy sex, remember?”
Mark smirked “You’re such a pervert”
Tom smiled and looked down; placing his head on Mark’s entrance “I’m going in, okay?” He asked and Mark nodded, taking a deep breath. Tom slid everything in and moved closer to Mark, kissing him slowly “I love you” Tom said when they pulled apart from the kiss and their foreheads laid against each other.
“I love you too” Mark said squinting his eyes
“Okay, I’m going to start…” Tom whispered
“Please!” Mark said in an urgent tone and then, Tom started rocking forwards and backwards in repetitive movements. He started moaning and kissed Mark again, who wrapped his arms around Tom’s back, feeling the younger one’s muscles under his fingerprints
Mark was moaning too, his eyes suddenly opened with dilated pupils while he stared into Tom’s. They connected. Tom’s lips were open, breathing deep as he thrusted and moaned harder each time.
Tom leaned down and started kissing Mark’s neck, without stopping the thrust. Mark kept moaning in his ear until they both came. Tom pulled himself out and started kissing Mark’s chest and shoulders
“Come on” Tom eventually whispered in Mark’s ear “Let’s make out in the bath, I’ll let you rub it in my face” Tom smirked
Mark laughed “Okay” He said as if he was a little child going out to an amusement park. Letting Tom drag him into the bathroom
2000
Mark had just finished correcting his exams already when he heard a knock on the door, it was rushed and quick, it was someone who was probably scared or wanted just to drop something and leave right away.
He had been living in that small apartment for two years now, he moved in around the same time he had started working at the school and so far it was going pretty well for him, not having to live with his parents and all.
When he opened the door he was faced with Tom, his black hair damp not with water, but with dirt and sweat from spending so much time without a shower, his lip ring and the ancient scar of his eyebrow piercing. He had a sports bag in his hand and fake smile on his lips
“Is something wrong?” Mark asked with a frown
“No, everything’s fine. Do you think I can spend the night here?” Tom said walking inside
“Sure, did Amy kick you out?”
Tom dropped his bag on the couch, but stood up “Sorta. She told me to never come back unless… You know what, forget it, she kicked me out”
“Unless what, Tom?” Mark kept frowning
“Mark, please don’t make things worse”
“Why did she kick you out?”
“Got fired at Dunkin Donuts” Tom shrugged like it was nothing much
“WHAT?” Mark jumped off his feet “You got fired? She kicked you out because of that?”
“Well Mark, what can she do? I’m unemployed, with no band and no college degree. Great!” He gave Mark thumbs up; his voice was sort of slurred, which made Mark frown even more
“Tom, you know it makes no sense, right? She didn’t do anything when 1972 broke up, and honestly you made more money at Dunkin Donuts”
“So what?” Tom shrugged
“I think you’re lying” Mark said sternly
“WHAT?” Tom asked offended “You’re doubting of ME? Your fucking best friend?”
“YES!” Mark nodded “What’s in that bag?”
Tom didn’t even have time to stop Mark. When he blinked, Mark already had his hands into the bag, throwing Tom’s clothes into the floor, looking for something
“MARK, THAT’S WRONG!” Tom screamed, trying to pull Mark away, but Tom was already too weak at this point “That’s invasion of privacy!”
Mark took two bags full of a white powder in it and shoved it angrily on Tom’s face “What’s this, farthead?”
“Cocaíne?” Tom asked
“YOU FUCKER!” Mark shouted, not caring about living next to some really cranky old ladies “You lied to me! You lied to me and Amy!”
“I didn’t lie!”
“Yes you did! You told us all you were going to stop, you told us you were going to quit. Shit, I even saw you having a withdrawal” Mark was screaming while Tom stood back, speechless “I cried that day, dude. You don’t know how bad I felt for you. I thought you were actually going to get better, but no, you lied to me, to Amy, to every one of us!”
“I did quit” Tom justified “But… But”
“But what, Tom? God, you may be a shit friend, but I know I won’t be!”
Tom’s first thought was that Mark was going to kick him out, asking to come back when he was detoxicated so they could be friends again. Tom was scared, but then Mark screamed again as he walked up to the bathroom. Tom followed him and saw his friend pouring the bags into the toilet and flushing it “Mark, you fucker, what did you do?” Tom asked looking into the toilet
“I’m doing what I should’ve done a long time ago. You’re quitting, for real. If Amy kicked you out, then it’s because things are serious” Mark said, then his voice calmed down “Did she leave you?”
Tom didn’t say anything, he looked to his side and breathed deep, he bit his lipring and nodded. Mark could see the small tear sliding down his face, he wanted to reach up and clean it, hug Tom and kiss his forehead, but now he was mad, he had to focus on being mad.
“Tom,” Mark said with a serious tone “Amy spent the last six years of her life dedicating herself to a boyfriend and later a husband who didn’t treat her the way she deserved because of drugs. If you really loved her, you would’ve changed. And not only if you loved her, but also if you cared about me, Shon, Kari and even Anne. I’m not saying you don’t deserve us for not quitting, but you just have to understand that you need to quit”
Tom blinked
“I know we have done a lot of shit on the past” Mark said, his eyes starting to pool with tears “We’re not friends, okay? We’re brothers, we tell each other what’s right and what’s wrong, and right now I’m telling you what’s right. You’re lost, Tom. I know what you’re going through, it was hard for me to quit smoking, don’t you remember? But you have to go through those stages and the pain; otherwise you’ll just kill yourself slowly. Don’t you realize your obsession was the reason your band broke up?”
Tom sighed, breaking through the tears that were already sliding down his face; he placed a hand on his arm, shying away from Mark
“You’re my buddy” Mark whispered, a tear going down his cheek as well. Tom looked up at him with sorry eyes “I taught you so much and I learned so much from you, even if you are years younger than me you’re still the one I put my weight on when I need a friend shoulder, so I need you strong, and it’s not the drugs that’ll give you that. And you know you can put your weight on me whenever you need to, and you should right now, I’ll be here for whatever you need, okay?”
Tom nodded, cleaning away his tears
“Good” Mark nodded, cleaning his own as well. He got closer to Tom and placed both hands on his shoulders “Tom, look at me” Mark said
Tom did so, his brown bloodshot eyes staring into Mark’s blue ones
That was when it clicked again; it was like they were meeting again. First two strangers at a high school party, now a teacher and a druggie in a bathroom.
Tom knew he needed Mark, he needed Mark to teach him life, how to be himself. Mark was everything Tom wasn’t, and he craved that, he wanted that for himself. So. Bad.
“Okay?” Mark asked casually
“Yeah!” Tom nodded “I’m… I’m sorry”
“Hey” Mark smiled and pushed Tom’s bangs away from his face “I’ll help you, alright? Can stay here as long as you want to”
Mark kept caressing the younger one’s hair while he nodded “Thanks” Tom said between his sobs against Mark’s shirt.
2005
Both their hairs were still damp from the shower, their lips sore and a couple of hickeys here and there. Mark was sitting on the floor, watching children’s cartoons in mute while Tom had his guitar on his lap, playing around
Burning on, just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take
From every heart you break
And like a blade you stain
Well, I've been holding on tonight
“What’s that?” Mark chuckled without taking his eyes off the TV “I’ve heard that before”
“It’s a song by some band going around; the fourth period wants to play it on the presentation next month. I’m practicing to teach them right”
“Have you ever…” Mark turned around, placing his elbow on the couch, but then he shrugs it off “Ah, forget it”
“What? Mark, tell me” Tom says as he stops playing
“Well, did you ever think how things would’ve gone if 1972 worked out?”
Tom wandered his mind for a while “Well” He started “I think we’d still be friends”
“Aw, so romantic” Mark said in a joke and stood to sit beside Tom on the couch, crossing his feet under his legs
“But I know I’d probably never find out you liked me” Tom pointed out “And I probably wouldn’t ever realize I liked you too”
“True. What else?”
“I would probably be butt rich, live in Malibu and still be married to Amy, with a great chance of cheating on her all the time, fancy rehabs… Ah, the sweet life”
“Tom, why was the name of the band 1972?” Mark suddenly asked, Tom was snapped out of thoughts, finally digging some old memories out of his mind
“Oh my God, I had totally forgotten about the name origin! But believe me; you don’t really want to know”
“Why?” Mark laughed
“You just don’t”
“Oh come on!” Mark whined, fully knowing that Tom never resisted that whine
“Okay, what happened in 1972?” Tom asked, raising an eyebrow
“The Godfather was released”
“It’s not that” Tom shook his head
“The first airing of The Price Is Right”
“Still not it”
“Oh I know!” Mark starts clapping “Apollo 17 returns to earth after completing its mission on moon exploration”
Tom frowns “How do you even know that? You never pay attention to that stuff!”
“I’m a better boyfriend than you think” Mark justified
“Well, it’s not that either”
“What is it then?” Mark frowned
“Well” Tom chuckled, shying away a bit “It was the year you were born, you silly thing” He said and turned to his guitar again, strumming a few chords, his cheeks flushing red
“What?” Mark asked quietly “Your old band’s name was in reference to me?”
“Yeah” Tom nods
“How come you never told me that?” Mark tried not to smirk, but somehow that made him happy
“Oh come on, it would lose the fun, plus I liked the strange air of ‘why?’. I don’t know why I chose it, you were my best friend back in the day, and you were the first person to actually tell me to make that band, you were my biggest fan. When I said it to the guys they didn’t really asked the meaning behind it, I guess they just liked how it sounded”
Mark smiles “I would have never guessed that”
“Com’ere” Tom said and pulled Mark closer, giving him a kiss.
2000
“No, Amy” Tom said into the receiver, tugging on the phone cord that he had been gripping on with his free hand “I’m sorry, but it’s just not fair to you”
His soon-to-be ex-wife was crying at the other end, asking herself what she had done wrong for him to leave her hanging dry like that
“Amy, stop crying, okay?” He said quietly “I’m not worth crying for”
Tom was speaking in a low voice, looking at his pants until the door opened. Mark was on the doorway, he had his glasses on while holding a glass of water, he walked over to the single bed they had just bought for the guest room and left the glass on the nightstand.
Tom took it in his hands, snapping it in his direction and taking big, giant gulps. Mark’s eyes widen and he mouths a ‘wow’ at Tom’s urgency in drinking water. Tom shoves the glass at Mark without looking at him, and Mark takes it, walking out of the room again.
“Amy, I’m just confused, there are a lot changes going on with me right now, and it’s not that I don’t love you anymore, I’m only scared that I’ll break your heart and make you suffer more than you already are…” Tom said as he stared at the empty space Mark had left by his side, hoping he would come back through that door anytime soon with another fresh glass of water.
She kept crying and he kept shushing her. This was breaking his heart more than he thought it would.
“I’m staying with Mark for a while, until I detoxicate or get a job” Tom looked down at his hand, shaking slightly already, the withdrawal was kicking in. He took a deep breath, knowing what was waiting for him next “I already talked to a lawyer so he can look into the divorce papers. I don’t want anything, you can keep it all”
Mark walked in again, another glass of full, fresh water in his grip. He left it on the nightstand, but when he was about to leave, Tom stopped him by grabbing his wrist
“Amy” Tom called her again “I love you” He said and gulped, gripping Mark’s wrist tighter
Mark sighed and made Tom release his grip, taking the younger’s hand in his. Giving him a smile and a warm squeeze.
“Bye baby” Tom said and hung up. He looked up at Mark and gave him a sad smile “Hm, can you sit here with me?” Tom asked and Mark nodded
Tom didn’t wait for Mark to sit, instead he pulled Mark into him, letting his friend hug him tightly “Is it true?” Mark asked
“What?” Tom raised an eyebrow
“That you love her… Is it true?”
“Yes” Tom slowly nodded “But I’m starting to have doubts…”
“Tom, if you do love her don’t make her go through divorce, I’m sure you can figure it out”
“Mark, I need change” Tom explained “Plus, I don’t want to hurt her even more. Two years from now she’ll be happy with some other guy, and I’ll probably be still struggling to put my life in place. She has way more opportunities than I do, she’ll do better off without me. I’m doing this for her good”
Tom sighed and Mark hugged him tighter
“There’s still so much for me to find out yet…”
2005
Tom walks into the house through the back door, stepping right into the kitchen, leaving his shoes dirty with mud on the backyard, remembering himself to come wash them later. His workout clothes were sweaty and sticky against his body.
He hadn’t seen Mark the whole day; he had woken up early for a Saturday. Tom was already alone at home when he woke up, that’s why he decided to go out for a morning run.
Tom only realized Mark was already at home when he saw the empty earl grey tea package on the table right beside a used teacup. Tom smiled at the sight and ran upstairs.
He opened the door of their room slowly, it cranked a bit. It was probably rusty anyway. Tom walked inside and saw a chair; Mark was standing on it, fixing the curtains that were closed “What are you doing?” Tom giggled
“Good morning!” Mark said excitedly, turning around to face Tom “I got you a present”
“Oh, really?” Tom smirked as he walked closer “May I ask you what is it?”
Mark put a hand on the caramel curtain and pulled it to his side, showing the new, white shades Tom had been wanting so bad since they had broken it with Tom’s idea of ‘sex against the window’, back when they had moved from the apartment to that house.
“Oh my God! Finally!” Tom cheered and Mark climbed down from the chair “You’re the best boyfriend, did you know that?”
“Yeah, my lover keeps saying that, you know?” Mark said and gave Tom a peck on the lips, leaning his hands on the back of the chair.
“Shut up” Tom giggles and slaps him on the arm, then he starts to walk to the bathroom “I’m taking a shower, the invitation was open for you, but since you’re cheating on me I’ll have to take it back”
“He’s better anyway” Mark shrugged with a giggled
“Oh stop it, come on, have a shower with me…” Tom motioned for Mark to follow him, and he did.
2002
Mark was gone doing groceries while Tom was playing his guitar on their little apartment’s living room. He was making notes and scribbling on a paper placed on the island that divided the living room and the kitchen.
There was a knocking on the door and Tom rushed to open it up, seeing Mark standing on the doorway, a couple of paper bags in his arms.
“Right on time, I’m starving!” Tom chuckled and took one of the bags away from Mark, placing it on the counter.
“Hey Tom, gotta talk to you about something…” Mark said while placing his car keys on the counter as well
“Sure, what is it?” Tom said going through the groceries, looking for something he could eat.
“I was going through our computer history yesterday, looking for a test I did a couple of years ago and… And I found something, but you have to promise me you won’t be mad at me…”
Tom stopped and turned around to look at Mark, and then he giggled “Mark, you’re scaring me”
“Well, do you?” Mark raised an eyebrow.
“I know I have nothing to hide from you on our computer so… yes, I guess”
“It was…” Mark sighed “You were chatting with Travis, and somehow it got saved on the computer, I opened it up thinking it was something else”
Tom’s eyes went wide, adrenaline pulsing through his veins and everything clicked: He was fucked. Things were slow and he could see everything chattering into pieces “What conversation?” Tom asked
Mark was hesitant
“Mark, please tell me what conversation did you read” Tom snapped
“I swear to God it was never my intention to look at your stuff, but once I started I couldn’t stop” Mark sighed “I’m sorry”
Tom puffed, he wasn’t angry, instead he wanted to take his toaster in the bath, or bury himself so he was never able to see Mark again. He felt awkward and ashamed. He didn’t even know his conversations with Travis were saved
He turned around and away from Mark, going through jars of tuna and ham cream, suddenly stopping and pressing his arms at his sides “I’m not hungry anymore” He stated “I’m going to bed”
Tom left the kitchen and started marching towards his bedroom
“Tom” Mark stopped him, grabbing his arm “I wanna talk about it, come on”
Tom gulped, fear and awkwardness stinging his guts and clogging up his veins. He felt like crying, this shouldn’t be happening
“Is it true?” Mark asked in a whisper, his lips getting into a thin line as he pulled himself back to not do something. Tom felt like he had just ruined ten years of friendship. Mark wanted to run away, he could see it in his friend’s eyes.
“What?” Tom tried to fool nobody but himself as he avoided eye contact
“That you… That you like me?” Mark as if it was something obvious “That you didn’t get back with Amy because you felt like you would be cheating on her?”
Tom sighed “If you love two people at the same time, you have to pick only one, you can’t have both” Tom sighed again “And in that moment you were everything, you were the main reason I wanted to get out of drugs, so I picked you”
“How?” Mark frowned “We were never together…”
“Yes, but I knew what I felt. I may have never had you, but it was you who I wanted…”
Mark’s eyes went big, starting to pool with tears “Oh my God” He whispered, getting a better grip on Tom’s arm “I didn’t see this coming…”
“It wasn’t like I was planning to start liking you” Tom said looking down at his friend “I didn’t see it coming either…”
Mark looked up, his blue eyes starting to glisten with tears, holding himself back to not let them drop
“I’m going to bed” Tom sighed
“Okay” Mark’s voice cracked and he slowly let go of Tom’s arm, putting his hand on the back of his neck, feeling the warmth of Tom’s skin
“I’m sorry” Tom said and Mark nodded. Tom locked himself into his room and Mark rushed to clean his tears
“Fuck” He said and looked up, taking a sharp inhale and sitting on the couch, soon letting himself fall asleep like that.
***
Tom was awoken in the middle of the night with the disturbing sounds his stomach was making, plus the cold wind coming from his window. He was already in his pajamas, so he just took an old blanket out of the closet and wrapped himself on it, walking to the kitchen.
The lights were off, only a single one on the kitchen so he didn’t get too confused when making his sandwich. From the kitchen, Tom could see Mark’s silhouette on the couch, he was wrapped up around himself, making his own body a blanket, probably feeling cold as hell.
Tom slowly made his way towards the living room and put his blanket over his friend, tucking him in as if he was a child. Tom didn’t want to have feelings for Mark, but how could he not? Mark had been his best friend his whole life, he couldn’t really picture his life without the guy. Plus, he was really really cute, he was so… handsome. There were times Tom could barely stop looking at him.
His gel was starting to wear off, so Tom started to caress it, feeling guilty for making his friend feel bad. After all, Tom knew Mark only wanted the best for him, but now he had walked into a territory in which Mark couldn’t really give him what he wanted.
Tom stopped and went back to the kitchen, taking his half-done sandwich off the counter and placing it on the counter behind him, turning away from Mark’s form across the room, as if he was running away from it.
When he was done, Tom licked his thumb and turned around to get a glass of juice from the fridge, facing a sleepy Mark standing on the doorway. He was still wrapped up in Tom’s blanket, his hair falling on his face and making him cuter than ever. He rubbed his tired eyes with the back of his hand and yawned “Hi there”
“Hi you too” Tom said closing the fridge “Going to your room?”
“In a while, I was hoping I could talk to you first…”
Tom didn’t really like of where this was going, he didn’t really want to face it. He didn’t want to stand in front of Mark knowing that he knew about his feelings “Sure”
“Well” Mark started, wrapping the blanket around himself “Remember when we first met?”
Tom nodded “Yes, in Anne’s birthday party, she was the one who introduced us…”
“That day, when she pushed you into my eyes, I couldn’t stop thinking about how bad I wanted to get to know you. You seemed so perfect. I felt a connection I hadn’t felt with much people. I saw you as this innocent, little creature who was starting to discover the world and that was screaming for help. I felt like I was the one who needed to show you everything”
Tom bit his bottom lip, feeling his cold lipring against his teeth. His eyes going soft as he stared at Mark.
“It was different, it was better. I was only me when I was with you, you made me feel as free as a bird, and it was like someone finally understood me…”
Tom could see the little tear running down Mark’s cheek, but the older one was fast enough to clean it quick.
“I lied to the truth during years, I was scared to lose you. Plus I wasn’t really sure of what I was feeling. So I pushed it aside and tried to forget about it. However, as the years went by, I only perfected the way I lied, the way I fooled myself, you and everyone around us. And it seemed like I could fool everyone but me”
“What are you trying to say?” Tom asked
“I think I love you too” Mark said cleaning another tear from his cheek
Tom gasped in a broken sigh and placed a hand on Mark’s shoulder, smiling at the sight and pulling him closer into a hug. Mark started to breathe little cries while Tom held him “Shh” Tom shushed him, tapping his hair lightly.
When they pulled apart, Mark couldn’t help but look into Tom’s eyes and give him a little chuckle; He couldn’t believe this was happening, after ten years, there he was, finally opening his heart to the love of his life.
Tom smiled back and cleaned another tear from Mark’s face with his thumb before the English teacher leaned in to kiss him. Mark was finally able to feel that cold lipring on his lips. The kiss was slow and soft, Tom held Mark’s head in his hand, bringing it closer while Mark wrapped them both into the blanket
When they pulled apart, Mark gasped again “Hey hey hey, don’t cry” Tom chuckled, giving him a kiss on the cheek “It was always you, okay?” Tom asked and Mark slowly nodded “Don’t ever forget it: It was always you. I may have only realized it when the whole drug addiction happened, but I know it, deep down you were always the one”
Mark licked his lips and Tom leaned to leave little kisses on Mark’s skin, around his jaw, neck, moving to his cheek, his nose, his eyes “Wanna go sleep?” Tom asked with his eyes closing, his cheek leaning against Mark’s
Mark nodded and Tom started walking to his bedroom without untangling himself from neither Mark nor the blanket.
2005
Mark jumped out of Tom’s SUV on Monday morning, holding the same old starbucks coffee cup with the same old homemade drink inside. Tom followed him right after. They both walked into the school, side by side and year after year.
Tom looked over to Mark and a thousand thoughts came over to his head: How high school was the worst time of his life, but it was also the best since he was still a junior when he met the guy who would change his life, turning it upside down like a fucking hurricane.
It took him confidence and guts to walk into those corridors again after everything he had gone through while he was a teenager, but doing it with Mark by his side felt different, it felt better.
Mark was never active on Tom’s high school life, at least inside the property; except when he dropped and picked Tom up before and after class. But now seeing Mark walk down those hallways with him was if his dreams really did come true, Mark was there sharing his bad memories, helping through hard times. And that was everything he wanted when those walls were the home to his personal hell.
It also showed him how things could actually change, even in the worst times. He knew it was Mark who made it all good; Mark was always his safe heaven.
He took a look to Mark’s hand, cursing to himself inside his mind, punishing himself by not holding Mark’s hand right then. Tom wanted to squeeze it, hold it, and whisper in his ear how much he was loved.
Though Tom didn’t feel like proving anything for those people, they respected him. High schoolers changed every year and every single one of those kids was just passing by, in four years or less they’ll be gone and other kids will take their places.
When he was 16, he never though high school would end, but now he could see how it does end, and how fast it goes.
He was finally being respected under that roof, students didn’t blame the problems on him anymore, and instead now they admitted them for him and asked for advice. It was totally gratifying; he really did feel like he had changed something in those little heads.
For him being a teacher didn’t only mean to lecture students on the music subject. The teacher takes up his place in the classroom with the purpose of helping and guiding. Most of what he learned in his life couldn’t be explained in class.
When Mark told him to get a job, he would’ve never thought about being a teacher since he had hated high school. But when his first year was over, Tom observed how his students looked at him in a way he had never looked at his teachers.
It was all in the way of teaching, Mark once said; it’s on how you care about them. If you treat them like pupils, they’ll treat you like a mentor, you just had to believe in their potential like they believe on your power of knowledge. And Mark also said that it was impossible to know everything, but they could believe in it, like superheroes, like faith. "Teachers are supposed to be friends, not enemies" He said after ending his speech on a cold tuesday night after class, both naked under the sheets, just talking around.
Those kids still had so much to live, so much experience to gather together after high school. So it was understandable to feel angry since they can’t do much. They’re just discovering what’s like living their lives, it’s their first experience, like a rehearse for what’s coming next. But when they’re free, they can finally see what they couldn’t during those four years.
You can either have heaven or hell, depends of what you make of it.