WIANP Chapter 1
Walking Into A New Past - Chapter 1
This is a bit angsty but that's okay, it's all done, so you guys don't have to worry about not having to wait too much for new chapters.
Here it is
Mark smiled, then walked up to the door and knocked. He had been surrounding and ghosting that same street every single day for the past week, watching the house from the sidewalk across the street, looking at the cover of the life he never had, but that he could have had. But everyday he always ended up just walking away.
Today was different though; Mark had decided to do this the night before, thinking about it in bed, his insomnia kicking in. He felt a nervous buzz inside his stomach and small throbs at his chest, and the door opened only a few seconds after he had disturbed the peace of the house by knocking on the door. The little girl looked at him with a straight face, a fabric baby doll at her arms.
Where the hell did that girl come from?
Mark shook his head in an attempt to make some of the thoughts in his head go away, and tried to fake a smile.
Mark vaguely tried to remind himself of a girl in Tom’s past, but he gets nothing. Everything he can remember is a boy, in his own arms, crying and soon being taken away.
“Who are you?” she asked.
“I’m looking for Tom” Mark said, suddenly snapped back to what was happening “Tom, yeah, I’m looking for him,”
“You didn’t answer my question” The girl shoot back.
“Do I have to?”
“You want Tom?”
“Please” Mark sighed
“What’s your name?” She asked
“Say that… Say that my name is Mark” He bit his bottom lip as soon as his name was left out in the air.
The girl made a concentration face “Mark?” She asked and he nodded “I should go upstairs, don’t go anywhere.”
“Okay” Mark shouted at her as she walked back inside.
She came back once again and smiled at Mark “Get in” She opened the door and Mark shyly walked inside, he mumbled a thank you to her and automatically sat down on one of the couches.
The room was spacious, but not too much, perfect for two or three people. It hadn’t changed much since he left, and it still looked like a normal family’s house.
The girl sat on the couch opposite him, her little hands were on her knees and her back was straight as she looked like a porcelain doll, a pretty doll with pretty baby blue eyes and pretty pink lips. She was perfect like a pretty little doll.
Mark stared at her beauty and saw little pieces of Tom on her, the nose and the lips mostly. The way she moved her legs with swift movements and the hair that looked soft just like Tom’s.
Mark looked through Tom’s past one more time; he tried to think of a girl, but he couldn’t remember any. Maybe she was Tom’s daughter, one he had gotten right after he had left, he also thought of the possibility of Tom’s life being empty after losing a child, so maybe he adopted one? Maybe she was a distant sibling he had to take care of, or even his sister, sure, his mother was still young enough to have another kid…
The possibilities were many, and too confusing in his mind.
Of all children he had tried to picture Tom with, he could only see one baby boy, his boy.
Flashback
The room was bright and the only thing Mark could focus on were Tom’s eyes looking at him as he kept trying not to cry
“Hey, Daddy,” Mark called Tom and he looked up from his place on the bed, Mark had a baby in his arms, it was all a blur to him as the baby cried and Tom’s eyes were full of tears. The little red thing was covered in blood and Mark’s clothes were all dirty from it. Tom sniffed between his tears and Mark blinked repeatedly a few times, trying to register the fact that he had a dying child in his hands.
The doctor had said the baby was too weak, that he was too fragile. After the car crash in which Tom seemed to have no injuries, the baby for some reason was about to be born prematurely, they rushed to the hospital and now a red little human was wrapped in a blanket as Mark held him, eyes closed, but trying to open them just a bit. He was all covered in blood and taking his deep breaths with difficulty.
Tom sat as he watched Mark hold the baby carefully, trying to get closer to them. Mark kneeled beside him and Tom ran a hand along the baby’s almost invisible jaw line, the soft baby skin tickling his strong hand. Mark took a deep breath, breaking through it with his eyes full of tears.
The nurse came and took the baby away from Mark’s arms, and when the little thing was gone, Tom closed his eyes and a few tears streamed down his cheeks.
Tom reached a hand to grab Mark’s with the little strength that he still had and squeezed it. They both smiled sadly at each other and Mark whispered “Everything’s going to be fine” into Tom’s ear.
“How can you be so sure?” He asked, voice breaking.
“He’s strong enough.” Mark whispered and looked inside Tom’s eyes.
“I hope,”
“Me too,” Mark sighed and pushed a few bangs away from Tom’s face, leaving a bit of dried blood on his forehead “Sleep now, okay?”
Tom nodded slightly and Mark left a soft kiss on his cheek. The next thing Tom remembers is being attached to cables while he lied alone in his hospital room.
End of Flashback
“What’s your name?” Mark asked.
“April,”
“What grade are you in?”
“Fifth, I skipped a year,”
“Wow” Mark gave her a bright smile, trying to get her attention to him “I wish I had skipped a grade, and I could’ve, you know? But I was just too busy doing nothing so…”
She laughed and God, she was so cute when she laughed. If she wasn’t Tom’s kid, then how could they resemble each other so much?
“I was pretty lazy,” Mark shook his head while he laughed, after that he just stared at her while biting his lip “April,”
Mark leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, clasping both hands together and giving her a funny look while she just… giggled, she giggled like Tom.
“April?” A third voice came from the kitchen, Mark could see his heart jump to his throat and he can swear he could see it falling on the ground, blood everywhere while he slowly died in front of the sweet girl across the room. Instead his eyes darted towards the arch that leaded to the hallway “April, where are y…”
Tom showed up at the doorframe, stopping dead as soon as his eyes located Mark, both his hands rested on each side of the frame as he looked further into the living room to see who was in it. The giggling was ceasing, the shouting had stopped and silence filled in. Tom sighed heavily and Mark could feel his breath getting caught in his throat.
“Mark?” Tom asked, his voice breaking.
“Hi, Tom,” Mark blinked a few times just to take in the fact that he found him.
He found Tom.
“April, I thought it was Mark from the phone company…” He looked at the girl, whispering at her, not because of Mark, but because he was too surprised, too scared.
“That’s why I asked you if you wanted to talk to him.” She said back to him “I would’ve just called you if it was that Mark.”
“Shit” Tom muttered under his breath with the intention of keeping it to himself, but Mark and April both heard it. Tom shook his head slightly “What, what are you doing here?” He asked Mark.
Mark looked towards the girl who was still sitting on the couch and then back at Tom; the answer in his mind was clear as in empty, and blurred as in confused “I don’t know,” He said honestly.
Tom took a breath and closed his eyes, but when he opened them he looked straight at Mark, his eyes a mix of anger and delight, they were confused and dazed, pleasured and filled with lust all at the same time. It was like he couldn’t decide between two really powerful feelings.
Tom stopped looking at Mark and looked at April again, “April, I just need you to go to your room now, okay?” She nodded and walked towards Tom who gave her a kiss on the forehead as she went back upstairs.
When April was gone, the two just shared awkward silence until Tom decided to speak up again.
“You don’t know?” he asked a bit disbelievingly “It's been eight years, don’t you think it's a little late to come crawling back?”
“Apparently no…” Mark whispered and he could see Tom’s hands turning into fists, “I’m not here for anything, I don’t want money, I don’t want the house, I want nothing, I swear” He whispered hurriedly, trying to calm Tom down “I just don’t know.”
Tom sighed
“Tom,” Mark said simply. Mentioning Tom’s name out loud for the first time in eight years felt really weird, it gave a bitter taste to his tongue “I just needed to get back…”
“You say it like we have been best friends for years. Do you think it’s normal to come back this way, all of a sudden?”
“Tom, we were best friends for years,”
“You run away and then you tell me you need to come back? Is that what you call coming back? You don’t even know what you want, what you need to do!” Tom shouted, trying to give Mark a message.
“I was scared, all those cables on you and everything else scared me, the white walls and the white bed and everything being white just sickened me, okay? It was instant, like… Like blinking.”
“Why are you even telling me this stuff? It is not me you should be apologizing to…” Tom said, but he never said to whom.
“Yeah, okay, you want me to apologize, okay, that’s what you’ll get.” Mark fell to his knees in front of Tom and placed both hands together, “Dear God, I, Mark Hoppus, am really sorry that I am one ignorant fag who ran away after my child was born because death really is a fucking wonderful thing and I missed out on the miracle of life, that apparently is not seeing a child coming out of a person or seeing two beautiful men fucking each other, but actually seeing your child and the love of your life suffer, Amen.”
Mark got up and gave Tom a look that said ‘So there.’.
“I don’t think God likes to watch gay sex…” Tom said through gritted teeth, his face turned into what appeared to be a red mush of blood about to explode.
“I don’t care” Mark shrugged “At least I apologized.”
“Fuck, I can’t believe you!” Tom shouted and pulled a handful of his hair through his fist as he started to point at the door “Get out of my house!”
“What?” Mark looked at him heart-broken, when he had finally found Tom he was telling him it was all a waste of time “You can’t tell me to leave!”
“Oh, I can” Tom said, crossing his arms “I’m telling you right now, get out!”
“Whatever, you can’t make me leave!”
“Oh, I can too,” Tom took a hand to Mark’s shoulder and grabbed his shirt by the height of his chest, but Mark was quick enough to take Tom’s wrist and twist it “Let me go, Mark!” Tom cried out.
“You want to fight?” Mark asked and let go of Tom “You’ll get a fight,”
Tom flied to punch Mark’s face, but he managed to escape by the sides. Mark grabbed Tom by his back and pushed him against the nearest wall; Tom was being trapped against Mark’s upper body and the wall that shook with their impact. The frames of pictures of April and Tom with friends and family shook with the impact as well, making loud noises.
Mark’s breath felt hot against Tom’s neck as he was being trapped between the wall and the guy .
“You want me to leave? Fine, I will leave” Mark hissed in a low voice against Tom’s ear, “But I saw the way you looked at me and told April to go upstairs, you need me and I didn’t come here for a booty call, okay? I don’t want anything, just so we can be clear.”
“I was just surprised to see you; you disappeared for eight years, Mark, eight years!” Tom objected.
Mark’s breath was hot against Tom’s skin, they were breathing hard as they kept trying to find strength to keep still on that same position.
“Mark, leave my fucking house, you're not welcome here!”
That was when Mark finally let go of Tom, who was already panting, sweating and taking deep breaths. His eyes were browner now than what Mark remember, his hair wasn’t dyed black anymore. The nose, the lips, God, those lips, but the lip ring was no longer there and the tattoos, that Mark starts to imagine, under the blue shirt that’s wet with sweat.
Mark looked at Tom in front of him, Tom needed air just as much as he did. They were both taking deep breaths while they stared at each other with a short gap between them, one too close to the other.
“Yeah, I think I should go,” Mark said, feeling defeated, but not moving, he still waited for Tom to say something, for him to twist the plot.
“Yeah, you really should,” Tom said to him, showing him outside. Mark walked away as he gave Tom one last look before closing the door behind himself. When he was officially gone, Tom slid down the wall to the ground.
This is a bit angsty but that's okay, it's all done, so you guys don't have to worry about not having to wait too much for new chapters.
Here it is
Mark smiled, then walked up to the door and knocked. He had been surrounding and ghosting that same street every single day for the past week, watching the house from the sidewalk across the street, looking at the cover of the life he never had, but that he could have had. But everyday he always ended up just walking away.
Today was different though; Mark had decided to do this the night before, thinking about it in bed, his insomnia kicking in. He felt a nervous buzz inside his stomach and small throbs at his chest, and the door opened only a few seconds after he had disturbed the peace of the house by knocking on the door. The little girl looked at him with a straight face, a fabric baby doll at her arms.
Where the hell did that girl come from?
Mark shook his head in an attempt to make some of the thoughts in his head go away, and tried to fake a smile.
Mark vaguely tried to remind himself of a girl in Tom’s past, but he gets nothing. Everything he can remember is a boy, in his own arms, crying and soon being taken away.
“Who are you?” she asked.
“I’m looking for Tom” Mark said, suddenly snapped back to what was happening “Tom, yeah, I’m looking for him,”
“You didn’t answer my question” The girl shoot back.
“Do I have to?”
“You want Tom?”
“Please” Mark sighed
“What’s your name?” She asked
“Say that… Say that my name is Mark” He bit his bottom lip as soon as his name was left out in the air.
The girl made a concentration face “Mark?” She asked and he nodded “I should go upstairs, don’t go anywhere.”
“Okay” Mark shouted at her as she walked back inside.
She came back once again and smiled at Mark “Get in” She opened the door and Mark shyly walked inside, he mumbled a thank you to her and automatically sat down on one of the couches.
The room was spacious, but not too much, perfect for two or three people. It hadn’t changed much since he left, and it still looked like a normal family’s house.
The girl sat on the couch opposite him, her little hands were on her knees and her back was straight as she looked like a porcelain doll, a pretty doll with pretty baby blue eyes and pretty pink lips. She was perfect like a pretty little doll.
Mark stared at her beauty and saw little pieces of Tom on her, the nose and the lips mostly. The way she moved her legs with swift movements and the hair that looked soft just like Tom’s.
Mark looked through Tom’s past one more time; he tried to think of a girl, but he couldn’t remember any. Maybe she was Tom’s daughter, one he had gotten right after he had left, he also thought of the possibility of Tom’s life being empty after losing a child, so maybe he adopted one? Maybe she was a distant sibling he had to take care of, or even his sister, sure, his mother was still young enough to have another kid…
The possibilities were many, and too confusing in his mind.
Of all children he had tried to picture Tom with, he could only see one baby boy, his boy.
Flashback
The room was bright and the only thing Mark could focus on were Tom’s eyes looking at him as he kept trying not to cry
“Hey, Daddy,” Mark called Tom and he looked up from his place on the bed, Mark had a baby in his arms, it was all a blur to him as the baby cried and Tom’s eyes were full of tears. The little red thing was covered in blood and Mark’s clothes were all dirty from it. Tom sniffed between his tears and Mark blinked repeatedly a few times, trying to register the fact that he had a dying child in his hands.
The doctor had said the baby was too weak, that he was too fragile. After the car crash in which Tom seemed to have no injuries, the baby for some reason was about to be born prematurely, they rushed to the hospital and now a red little human was wrapped in a blanket as Mark held him, eyes closed, but trying to open them just a bit. He was all covered in blood and taking his deep breaths with difficulty.
Tom sat as he watched Mark hold the baby carefully, trying to get closer to them. Mark kneeled beside him and Tom ran a hand along the baby’s almost invisible jaw line, the soft baby skin tickling his strong hand. Mark took a deep breath, breaking through it with his eyes full of tears.
The nurse came and took the baby away from Mark’s arms, and when the little thing was gone, Tom closed his eyes and a few tears streamed down his cheeks.
Tom reached a hand to grab Mark’s with the little strength that he still had and squeezed it. They both smiled sadly at each other and Mark whispered “Everything’s going to be fine” into Tom’s ear.
“How can you be so sure?” He asked, voice breaking.
“He’s strong enough.” Mark whispered and looked inside Tom’s eyes.
“I hope,”
“Me too,” Mark sighed and pushed a few bangs away from Tom’s face, leaving a bit of dried blood on his forehead “Sleep now, okay?”
Tom nodded slightly and Mark left a soft kiss on his cheek. The next thing Tom remembers is being attached to cables while he lied alone in his hospital room.
End of Flashback
“What’s your name?” Mark asked.
“April,”
“What grade are you in?”
“Fifth, I skipped a year,”
“Wow” Mark gave her a bright smile, trying to get her attention to him “I wish I had skipped a grade, and I could’ve, you know? But I was just too busy doing nothing so…”
She laughed and God, she was so cute when she laughed. If she wasn’t Tom’s kid, then how could they resemble each other so much?
“I was pretty lazy,” Mark shook his head while he laughed, after that he just stared at her while biting his lip “April,”
Mark leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, clasping both hands together and giving her a funny look while she just… giggled, she giggled like Tom.
“April?” A third voice came from the kitchen, Mark could see his heart jump to his throat and he can swear he could see it falling on the ground, blood everywhere while he slowly died in front of the sweet girl across the room. Instead his eyes darted towards the arch that leaded to the hallway “April, where are y…”
Tom showed up at the doorframe, stopping dead as soon as his eyes located Mark, both his hands rested on each side of the frame as he looked further into the living room to see who was in it. The giggling was ceasing, the shouting had stopped and silence filled in. Tom sighed heavily and Mark could feel his breath getting caught in his throat.
“Mark?” Tom asked, his voice breaking.
“Hi, Tom,” Mark blinked a few times just to take in the fact that he found him.
He found Tom.
“April, I thought it was Mark from the phone company…” He looked at the girl, whispering at her, not because of Mark, but because he was too surprised, too scared.
“That’s why I asked you if you wanted to talk to him.” She said back to him “I would’ve just called you if it was that Mark.”
“Shit” Tom muttered under his breath with the intention of keeping it to himself, but Mark and April both heard it. Tom shook his head slightly “What, what are you doing here?” He asked Mark.
Mark looked towards the girl who was still sitting on the couch and then back at Tom; the answer in his mind was clear as in empty, and blurred as in confused “I don’t know,” He said honestly.
Tom took a breath and closed his eyes, but when he opened them he looked straight at Mark, his eyes a mix of anger and delight, they were confused and dazed, pleasured and filled with lust all at the same time. It was like he couldn’t decide between two really powerful feelings.
Tom stopped looking at Mark and looked at April again, “April, I just need you to go to your room now, okay?” She nodded and walked towards Tom who gave her a kiss on the forehead as she went back upstairs.
When April was gone, the two just shared awkward silence until Tom decided to speak up again.
“You don’t know?” he asked a bit disbelievingly “It's been eight years, don’t you think it's a little late to come crawling back?”
“Apparently no…” Mark whispered and he could see Tom’s hands turning into fists, “I’m not here for anything, I don’t want money, I don’t want the house, I want nothing, I swear” He whispered hurriedly, trying to calm Tom down “I just don’t know.”
Tom sighed
“Tom,” Mark said simply. Mentioning Tom’s name out loud for the first time in eight years felt really weird, it gave a bitter taste to his tongue “I just needed to get back…”
“You say it like we have been best friends for years. Do you think it’s normal to come back this way, all of a sudden?”
“Tom, we were best friends for years,”
“You run away and then you tell me you need to come back? Is that what you call coming back? You don’t even know what you want, what you need to do!” Tom shouted, trying to give Mark a message.
“I was scared, all those cables on you and everything else scared me, the white walls and the white bed and everything being white just sickened me, okay? It was instant, like… Like blinking.”
“Why are you even telling me this stuff? It is not me you should be apologizing to…” Tom said, but he never said to whom.
“Yeah, okay, you want me to apologize, okay, that’s what you’ll get.” Mark fell to his knees in front of Tom and placed both hands together, “Dear God, I, Mark Hoppus, am really sorry that I am one ignorant fag who ran away after my child was born because death really is a fucking wonderful thing and I missed out on the miracle of life, that apparently is not seeing a child coming out of a person or seeing two beautiful men fucking each other, but actually seeing your child and the love of your life suffer, Amen.”
Mark got up and gave Tom a look that said ‘So there.’.
“I don’t think God likes to watch gay sex…” Tom said through gritted teeth, his face turned into what appeared to be a red mush of blood about to explode.
“I don’t care” Mark shrugged “At least I apologized.”
“Fuck, I can’t believe you!” Tom shouted and pulled a handful of his hair through his fist as he started to point at the door “Get out of my house!”
“What?” Mark looked at him heart-broken, when he had finally found Tom he was telling him it was all a waste of time “You can’t tell me to leave!”
“Oh, I can” Tom said, crossing his arms “I’m telling you right now, get out!”
“Whatever, you can’t make me leave!”
“Oh, I can too,” Tom took a hand to Mark’s shoulder and grabbed his shirt by the height of his chest, but Mark was quick enough to take Tom’s wrist and twist it “Let me go, Mark!” Tom cried out.
“You want to fight?” Mark asked and let go of Tom “You’ll get a fight,”
Tom flied to punch Mark’s face, but he managed to escape by the sides. Mark grabbed Tom by his back and pushed him against the nearest wall; Tom was being trapped against Mark’s upper body and the wall that shook with their impact. The frames of pictures of April and Tom with friends and family shook with the impact as well, making loud noises.
Mark’s breath felt hot against Tom’s neck as he was being trapped between the wall and the guy .
“You want me to leave? Fine, I will leave” Mark hissed in a low voice against Tom’s ear, “But I saw the way you looked at me and told April to go upstairs, you need me and I didn’t come here for a booty call, okay? I don’t want anything, just so we can be clear.”
“I was just surprised to see you; you disappeared for eight years, Mark, eight years!” Tom objected.
Mark’s breath was hot against Tom’s skin, they were breathing hard as they kept trying to find strength to keep still on that same position.
“Mark, leave my fucking house, you're not welcome here!”
That was when Mark finally let go of Tom, who was already panting, sweating and taking deep breaths. His eyes were browner now than what Mark remember, his hair wasn’t dyed black anymore. The nose, the lips, God, those lips, but the lip ring was no longer there and the tattoos, that Mark starts to imagine, under the blue shirt that’s wet with sweat.
Mark looked at Tom in front of him, Tom needed air just as much as he did. They were both taking deep breaths while they stared at each other with a short gap between them, one too close to the other.
“Yeah, I think I should go,” Mark said, feeling defeated, but not moving, he still waited for Tom to say something, for him to twist the plot.
“Yeah, you really should,” Tom said to him, showing him outside. Mark walked away as he gave Tom one last look before closing the door behind himself. When he was officially gone, Tom slid down the wall to the ground.