What Was Left Unsaid: A Walk In The Park
What Was Left Unsaid Chapter Index
Main characters and pairings featured in this chapter: Craig/Ashley (friendship, inklings of a desire for more).
Brief summary of this chapter: Craig finally allows Ashley to extend friendship out to him and they let each other into their pasts.
8. A Walk in the Park
“Hey Craig.”
Craig turned around and saw Ashley pick up her stride to catch up with him in the school hallway. His breath caught in his throat; he hadn’t spoken to her since she invited him over for dinner weeks ago. He thought for sure that she’d decided he wasn’t worth her time. And he felt that was true, to an extent. Hadn’t she heard about him? He knew there was talk about him at school. How could there not be? His dad smacked him around and he attempted suicide - all great drama to talk about. She wouldn’t talk about me like that, Craig thought, but what had she heard?
“What’s up?” Ashley asked with her trademark smile.
Her smile was always quick, sincere, and a bit insecure. Craig found it adorable. He couldn’t help but always watch her mouth, eager to see what she’d say next or if he could get her to smile. She was beautiful, no matter what kind of clothes she was wearing or if her hair was a mess. He quickly pushed down any feelings he had for her. He had to or he’d never find the words to speak.
“Hey,” he finally answered. “I don’t know…nothings up. I was just going to go pick up Angie from daycare. Maybe go to the park with her for awhile or something.”
“Oh…well…uh…I’ll let you go then,” Ashley answered and began to turn away. She had noticed when he had smiled at her as she stood up to read her story aloud in English class today. Her eyes went straight for him once she read the last line and she’d seen him grin again. She interpreted it as a sign that he was approachable, still wanted to be friends. Maybe making the first move was a mistake. She bit her lip. After the falling out with her oldest friends, she was weary.
“Well, what are you doing now? We could walk a ways together or something…if it’s on your way,” Craig decided on saying. He hoisted his backpack up over his shoulders. He moaned at the weight of it, “I’m never going to get caught up.”
Ashley remained at his side as they walked through the hall. “I could help you out during study hall if you wanted,” Ashley offered.
Craig hoped that she didn’t notice him blush. He couldn’t help but feel embarrassed at the fact that she knew he missed out on study hall today to go to his counseling session with Sauvé. At least that wasn’t where he was headed now. It was Friday and he got Friday afternoons off. He was spending Friday with Ashley. He felt his heart speed up a bit.
Craig and Ashley walked out the front doors of Degrassi together, backpacks over their shoulders. They walked close together, so close that it was obvious that they were leaving together and not just happening to be exiting the school at the same time. A large group of students spilled out onto the steps and Craig backed up against the railing. Ashley stepped back so that she was pressed up against him, slightly. Craig hoped that his pounding heart was only obvious to him.
The crowd filtered out and Ashley stepped away. She looked back at him with a smile. He smiled back and took his place beside her. He glanced away from her for a moment to look at the other students. He couldn’t help but feel like they were looking at him. Ashley followed his gaze and picked up on her friend’s insecurity.
They continued past and Ashley felt she had to break the tension.
“They’re probably talking about me,” she said softly. “I didn’t exactly start this year out good. Didn’t exactly end last year that great either.”
“Well then, we are a good pair. I’m sure everyone’s talking about me,” Craig responded.
“No, Craig,” Ashley quickly said. She watched him look away. She always felt like she said the wrong thing. She either said too much or too little. “Well…actually I’m just going to be honest. Yeah, they are talking. But it’s not…uh…bad. You know? It’s more like…”
The conversation stopped with their walking pace as they waited for the crosswalk sign to change to green.
“Poor Craig kind of talk?” Craig answered for her.
Ashley flashed him an insecure smile. “Something like that. But, you know, it’s not quite as malicious as…how they are talking about what a freak I am.”
Craig wasn’t sure how to reply to that. He’d heard the rude off hand remarks but most of it made no sense to him. He knew there was some falling out with her friends and he debated on asking about that. He couldn’t help but begin to worry about gossip she had heard about him. He had to ask. “What have you heard?”
“Oh man, Craig…” Ashley trailed off. “I don’t know if that’s important. It’s just…talk.”
“Please tell me what people are saying. I know I shouldn’t care. And I wouldn’t if it was anything else but this.”
Craig watched as Ashley’s eyes darted around the neighborhood. “Don’t you have to go get Angie?”
Craig smiled. “Don’t try to distract me from this. I won’t freak out if it’s really bad, I promise…and I made that up about Angie. I don’t have to get her today. She’s at daycare until Joey gets off from work at 5.”
“Oh,” Ashley said with a puzzled look.
“I just needed a way to get away if things got weird.”
“Is it weird?”
“No,” Craig confessed.
“It’s not weird for me either,” Ashley said softly.
Craig glanced up at the street and watched as a woman hurried across the walk. The sign flicked back to red. “Uhhh…it’s not green anymore,” Craig said with a small laugh.
“Oh…” Ashley looked up and glanced around, “I wasn’t even…thinking about it.”
“No, me either.”
“Do you want to hang out for awhile today? Go to the park or something? It’s gorgeous out.”
“Okay…yeah… that’d be great. I have to call Joey and tell him though.”
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Craig stood in the phone booth, finishing up a conversation with his step dad. Joey sounded pleased that Craig was hanging out with a friend. There was a hint of satisfaction in his voice when he told Joey that he was with Ashley.
“Thank you for calling me, Craig,” Joey said.
“Yep. I’ll be home around 6.”
“Well…if you are going to be at Ashley’s house or something…just call,” Joey said.
Craig detected that weird delighted tone in Joey’s voice again. “Um...yeah. Okay. See you later,” Craig said. As he hung up the phone, Ashley came out of the store carrying a plastic bag.
Craig stepped out, “Joey’s been kind of weird lately. He freaks out if he doesn’t know where I am…” Craig explained, “…but uh...it’s all good. What’s in the bag?”
“Ice cream,” Ashley said as she removed the container from the bag.
“You can buy it at the park,” Craig said and then laughed. “But not a whole pint. A whole pint? You’re going to eat all that?”
She produced another container, this one cookies and cream. “I got you one too.”
“Um...okay. Thanks.”
“I had a bad day,” she explained as they headed across the street and into the park. “When I have a bad day, I like to eat ice cream. It’s like…my comfort food.”
They sat down under a tree, shaded from the bright afternoon sun. Ashley took out the two containers and held each one in either hand, “Cookies and cream or rocky road?”
Craig gestured for the cookies and cream. Ashley handed it to him. “Well…here’s to bad days,” Craig said and held up the ice cream tub.
Ashley smiled and held up her ice cream as well, “To bad days.”
They were silent for a few minutes, digging into their ice cream with plastic spoons.
“Must’ve been a really bad day to want a whole pint,” Craig said with a smile.
“Mmhmm…” Ashley answered her mouth full of ice cream. “It was particularly brutal. Somehow I’ve managed to alienate all my friends. I mean, today doesn’t take the prize, but it was brutal.”
Craig nodded and continued eating.
“But this makes up for all of it,” she added.
Craig looked up at Ashley. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to…suddenly it was like he had hit a brick wall. His thoughts returned to his dad and how weird he was when he met Ashley’s family. There was no way that this would ever work with Ashley. No way.
“Why are you here with me?” the words slipped out of his mouth and his voice was tainted with despair.
Ashley was a bit taken back, “Because I like you. Because you are my friend.”
“I…uh…” Craig felt that he had to tell her that he was beat up like a pathetic dog, that he took a bunch of pills and spent the week in a hospital. He had to just come clean and tell her. He wasn’t sure why he felt this overwhelming need to talk about this now. He had to ask, had to know what she thought. “What have you heard about me?”
“You really want to know?”
“Yes, I really want to know.”
“Craig, it doesn’t mean anything. What they are saying. It’s just…”
Craig cut her off and waved his hand. “I know, I know. But I want to know what you have heard…what you think about me.”
“After I tell you, will you tell me the truth?”
Craig nodded.
“People have been saying that you attempted suicide. That you took a bunch of pills and you were gone from school for a whole week because you were in a psychiatric ward. And you know…the story changes from person to person. Some people said that you took so many pills that you were in intensive care for a week.”
Ashley paused to look at Craig. His face was blank. He met her eyes though. So she continued, “What was really weird is that some people thought that Mr. Simpson was the one who took you to the hospital. So some girls actually asked him about it.”
“Did he say anything?”
Ashley looked surprised that there was some truth to that, “No.”
There was some silence, “People were concerned, Craig. I know that you were the new kid or whatever, but people were still concerned. No one was telling us anything. We didn’t know where you were. Sean and I…we were going crazy. Sean called your house and your dad said you weren’t there. And he wouldn’t say anything more.”
“He called my dad?”
“Yeah…” Ashley looked down, a bit ashamed and worried that Craig would think his two friends were snooping and it wasn’t their business. “We went by your house too. The housekeeper was just arriving. So we asked her if you were home. She said no. We kept asking her where you were and she finally told us that you were in the hospital.”
Craig’s head throbbed. He ran a hand through his hair and struggled to process all this information.
“We didn’t tell anyone about that though,” Ashley added quickly. “So…uh…then people started wondering why you would do something like that.”
Craig looked up and into Ashley’s eyes.
“Are you okay?” She asked.
“Yeah…I’m fine. This is just…strange.”
“I don’t think this was a good idea to talk about it. I know you are aware that people are talking and it’s making things worse for you if we talk about it.”
“No…it’s fine. I know all this. I know what they were saying, sort of.”
“So is it true? What happened?”
“I took a bunch of pills. And I went to Joey’s. Mr. Simpson was there. And I puked on his floor and passed out in front of them. And I was taken to the hospital. I, uh, I don’t remember anything from when I was taken there. But I guess I wasn’t breathing well enough and they put a tube down my throat and hooked me up to a ventilator,” the words were just flowing out of him. “And they pumped my stomach. I kind of remember that happening. I’d wake up on and off. It was a very, very messed up night. Afterwards, I wasn’t in the psychiatric ward or intensive care. They just kept me in the hospital for awhile.”
“Oh Craig,” was all that Ashley could say. She gently touched his hand.
He let her wrap her fingers around his. Too bad it was under these circumstances, he thought bitterly.
“Why?” she whispered.
“You know…that I’m living with my step dad Joey now.”
Ashley nodded.
“I couldn’t go back and live with my dad. I couldn’t live with him anymore because uh…we’d fight. It got kind of out of control. And I just…I don’t know…I took the pills because I couldn’t stand it anymore.”
“I’m sorry,” Ashley said her hand still around Craig’s.
“Did you know about that? Were people saying things about that?”
Ashley shook her head, unable to meet Craig’s eyes. She couldn’t imagine having people discuss the most private details of your life like it was the plot of some TV show. She couldn’t tell him that’s how it was. They might have been concerned but it still wasn’t their business. She looked back over at Craig, who was watching her.
“I…uh, I don’t think I could deal with people knowing how things were with my dad,” Craig said softly.
Ashley touched his shoulder. “I’m worried about you right now. I don’t think we should have talked about this. It doesn’t matter if anyone knows. Most people just…they just listen to the stories and then it goes out of their heads. Most don’t care all that much. It’s conversation to them. And the others were worried and now that you are back in school and we know that you are okay, the talking will stop.”
“I didn’t know what you’d think about all this…that’s why I couldn’t talk to you for awhile. I couldn’t stand that you knew.”
“Craig…” Ashley pulled her hand away from his. She had one hand his shoulder and touched his cheek with the other so he would meet her gaze. “It really doesn’t change a whole lot. I mean…I was worried…I worry about you. But…it’s not all that I see.”
Ashley looked down sheepishly. Then she raised her gaze. “I can’t help but think that you are so awesome. Talented…smart,” Ashley paused as she thought about how attractive she found his tall frame, dark hair and eyes. She could feel her cheeks burning some. She looked down, her lips still pressed in a small smile.
Craig smiled a little as well.
“So don’t worry about what anyone else is saying. Don’t worry about what I’m thinking. Or actually, just ask me and I’ll tell you,” Ashley reassured.
There were a few moments of silence. Despite the odd situation, Craig felt okay. He didn’t feel the normal panic that used to be forever engrained into him. Craig looked around the park, enjoying the trees turning to their fall colors and noticing the kids scrambling around the park. Things felt slower, things felt normal.
“This was a great way to start out my first year in high school,” he finally said with a smile.
Ashley burst into laughter, “Oh man…I know what you are feeling. Oh, I so know what you are talking about.”
“Well…now about you. What happened with you and your friends?”
“Oh, you must have heard the talk about that.”
“Yes. And Sean…well…um…yeah,” Craig said, suddenly feeling awkward for moving in on a girl Sean had history with.
“Sean. Yes, Sean. So the story is that I took some ecstasy one night and was out of my mind. Made out with Sean, publicly dumped Jimmy, and called Paige a hag.”
Craig just nodded in response. There was more to this girl than met the eye, that was for sure.
“My parents were so pissed at me. So pissed cause the house was a mess, I was a mess. I ended up seeing a counselor all summer. And I came back this year thinking I could fix things. And things happened too fast and I didn’t think about what I was doing, how I might hurt people again. So I’m on the outs again. But you know…it’s really ok. It’s like it was half blessing, half curse.”
“Do you have a thing going with Sean?” Craig had to ask. He’d tried to get information out of Sean but he didn’t bite.
“We hooked up last year,” Sean explained when Craig asked how they knew each other.
“Oh. Just once?” Craig pressed.
“That’s what I said, Manning.”
“But you are friends now, right? I mean, I saw you talking.”
“Friends, yes.”
“So you aren’t going out with her?”
“No. Craig, you miss a week of school and you are going to miss out on some drama. Welcome to Degrassi.”
“Is that what he said? That we have something going on?” Ashley asked, incredulously.
“Oh, no. I was just wondering how you two knew each other. You are friends, right?”
“Just friends. Nothing’s going on with Sean. Nothing with Jimmy. Jimmy hates me.”
Craig nodded, “So you’re stuck with me. I mean…not like…not like that.”
Ashley smiled, “I’m stuck with you.”
He looked down at his ice cream. “My ice cream is melting,” he said and began to dig in.
“I kind of like it when it’s all soupy,” Ashley said as she ate the last few large chunks that hadn’t melted. Then they moved the buckets of ice cream mush aside and lay down in the grass.
“I really don’t want to go back to school next week,” Craig mumbled as he gazed up.
“High school is going to suck,” Ashley chimed in.
“So you said you were in counseling all summer cause of the ‘E’ thing?” He looked over at Ashley and found comfort in her strong gaze. He watched her nod.
“I have to see Sauvé, you know, the school psychologist,” Craig explained and watched for her reaction.
“How’s that for you?”
“Oh it’s fabulous.”
“Not enjoying it huh? Last summer wasn’t the first time I’ve had to see someone. We all went into family counseling when my Mom moved in with Jeff. That was a pain, but hey, I guess it helped some. Maybe it won’t be so bad with Sauvé?”
“Not likely. I don’t know what to say. Last session was me explaining that indie rock is an umbrella term that covers a range of styles and I got into detail about new prog. Her eyes looked a little glazed by the time I was done.”
Ashley giggled.
“What?” Craig questioned.
“Nothing. I just can’t imagine Sauvé had anything to add to that conversation.”
“It’s always awkward,” Craig sighed. “But it’s not like I have a choice.”
“Maybe it will get better later. She seems nice.”
“Yeah she’s nice. But…it’s like everyone is watching me. Sauvé, teachers, Joey…are just waiting for me to freak out.”
“It’ll get better,” Ashley reassured after a moment. She wasn’t sure what else to say to Craig. She could hardly condemn the adults close to Craig for being concerned and protective when she felt the same way.
Craig rolled over onto his side and propped himself up with his elbow so he could see Ashley’s face. Ashley noticed how his eyes seemed less shifty; ever since the first time she’d met him it seemed like he was always watching, like he had to be on the look out for something. She recalled how he barely looked up when he walked down the hall at school. Sometimes he’d meet her gaze, or Sean’s, and then it seemed like he’d hold his head a bit higher. Now, he looked directly into her eyes and held her gaze. She couldn’t help but smile, her heart felt warmer. Craig couldn’t help but grin at how safe he felt, the sky blue of her eyes taking him up and away from everything that had weighed him down these past few weeks.
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Author’s Note: Yeah, this was a pretty fluffy chapter. Well, as fluffy as I can get. I’m all about the angst! More angst is on the way. I have an idea for a Christmas chapter but that’s not for another 2 or 3 chapters so expect some updates happening soon. Sorry for the lack of updates. I must think less and write more.
Main characters and pairings featured in this chapter: Craig/Ashley (friendship, inklings of a desire for more).
Brief summary of this chapter: Craig finally allows Ashley to extend friendship out to him and they let each other into their pasts.
8. A Walk in the Park
“Hey Craig.”
Craig turned around and saw Ashley pick up her stride to catch up with him in the school hallway. His breath caught in his throat; he hadn’t spoken to her since she invited him over for dinner weeks ago. He thought for sure that she’d decided he wasn’t worth her time. And he felt that was true, to an extent. Hadn’t she heard about him? He knew there was talk about him at school. How could there not be? His dad smacked him around and he attempted suicide - all great drama to talk about. She wouldn’t talk about me like that, Craig thought, but what had she heard?
“What’s up?” Ashley asked with her trademark smile.
Her smile was always quick, sincere, and a bit insecure. Craig found it adorable. He couldn’t help but always watch her mouth, eager to see what she’d say next or if he could get her to smile. She was beautiful, no matter what kind of clothes she was wearing or if her hair was a mess. He quickly pushed down any feelings he had for her. He had to or he’d never find the words to speak.
“Hey,” he finally answered. “I don’t know…nothings up. I was just going to go pick up Angie from daycare. Maybe go to the park with her for awhile or something.”
“Oh…well…uh…I’ll let you go then,” Ashley answered and began to turn away. She had noticed when he had smiled at her as she stood up to read her story aloud in English class today. Her eyes went straight for him once she read the last line and she’d seen him grin again. She interpreted it as a sign that he was approachable, still wanted to be friends. Maybe making the first move was a mistake. She bit her lip. After the falling out with her oldest friends, she was weary.
“Well, what are you doing now? We could walk a ways together or something…if it’s on your way,” Craig decided on saying. He hoisted his backpack up over his shoulders. He moaned at the weight of it, “I’m never going to get caught up.”
Ashley remained at his side as they walked through the hall. “I could help you out during study hall if you wanted,” Ashley offered.
Craig hoped that she didn’t notice him blush. He couldn’t help but feel embarrassed at the fact that she knew he missed out on study hall today to go to his counseling session with Sauvé. At least that wasn’t where he was headed now. It was Friday and he got Friday afternoons off. He was spending Friday with Ashley. He felt his heart speed up a bit.
Craig and Ashley walked out the front doors of Degrassi together, backpacks over their shoulders. They walked close together, so close that it was obvious that they were leaving together and not just happening to be exiting the school at the same time. A large group of students spilled out onto the steps and Craig backed up against the railing. Ashley stepped back so that she was pressed up against him, slightly. Craig hoped that his pounding heart was only obvious to him.
The crowd filtered out and Ashley stepped away. She looked back at him with a smile. He smiled back and took his place beside her. He glanced away from her for a moment to look at the other students. He couldn’t help but feel like they were looking at him. Ashley followed his gaze and picked up on her friend’s insecurity.
They continued past and Ashley felt she had to break the tension.
“They’re probably talking about me,” she said softly. “I didn’t exactly start this year out good. Didn’t exactly end last year that great either.”
“Well then, we are a good pair. I’m sure everyone’s talking about me,” Craig responded.
“No, Craig,” Ashley quickly said. She watched him look away. She always felt like she said the wrong thing. She either said too much or too little. “Well…actually I’m just going to be honest. Yeah, they are talking. But it’s not…uh…bad. You know? It’s more like…”
The conversation stopped with their walking pace as they waited for the crosswalk sign to change to green.
“Poor Craig kind of talk?” Craig answered for her.
Ashley flashed him an insecure smile. “Something like that. But, you know, it’s not quite as malicious as…how they are talking about what a freak I am.”
Craig wasn’t sure how to reply to that. He’d heard the rude off hand remarks but most of it made no sense to him. He knew there was some falling out with her friends and he debated on asking about that. He couldn’t help but begin to worry about gossip she had heard about him. He had to ask. “What have you heard?”
“Oh man, Craig…” Ashley trailed off. “I don’t know if that’s important. It’s just…talk.”
“Please tell me what people are saying. I know I shouldn’t care. And I wouldn’t if it was anything else but this.”
Craig watched as Ashley’s eyes darted around the neighborhood. “Don’t you have to go get Angie?”
Craig smiled. “Don’t try to distract me from this. I won’t freak out if it’s really bad, I promise…and I made that up about Angie. I don’t have to get her today. She’s at daycare until Joey gets off from work at 5.”
“Oh,” Ashley said with a puzzled look.
“I just needed a way to get away if things got weird.”
“Is it weird?”
“No,” Craig confessed.
“It’s not weird for me either,” Ashley said softly.
Craig glanced up at the street and watched as a woman hurried across the walk. The sign flicked back to red. “Uhhh…it’s not green anymore,” Craig said with a small laugh.
“Oh…” Ashley looked up and glanced around, “I wasn’t even…thinking about it.”
“No, me either.”
“Do you want to hang out for awhile today? Go to the park or something? It’s gorgeous out.”
“Okay…yeah… that’d be great. I have to call Joey and tell him though.”
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Craig stood in the phone booth, finishing up a conversation with his step dad. Joey sounded pleased that Craig was hanging out with a friend. There was a hint of satisfaction in his voice when he told Joey that he was with Ashley.
“Thank you for calling me, Craig,” Joey said.
“Yep. I’ll be home around 6.”
“Well…if you are going to be at Ashley’s house or something…just call,” Joey said.
Craig detected that weird delighted tone in Joey’s voice again. “Um...yeah. Okay. See you later,” Craig said. As he hung up the phone, Ashley came out of the store carrying a plastic bag.
Craig stepped out, “Joey’s been kind of weird lately. He freaks out if he doesn’t know where I am…” Craig explained, “…but uh...it’s all good. What’s in the bag?”
“Ice cream,” Ashley said as she removed the container from the bag.
“You can buy it at the park,” Craig said and then laughed. “But not a whole pint. A whole pint? You’re going to eat all that?”
She produced another container, this one cookies and cream. “I got you one too.”
“Um...okay. Thanks.”
“I had a bad day,” she explained as they headed across the street and into the park. “When I have a bad day, I like to eat ice cream. It’s like…my comfort food.”
They sat down under a tree, shaded from the bright afternoon sun. Ashley took out the two containers and held each one in either hand, “Cookies and cream or rocky road?”
Craig gestured for the cookies and cream. Ashley handed it to him. “Well…here’s to bad days,” Craig said and held up the ice cream tub.
Ashley smiled and held up her ice cream as well, “To bad days.”
They were silent for a few minutes, digging into their ice cream with plastic spoons.
“Must’ve been a really bad day to want a whole pint,” Craig said with a smile.
“Mmhmm…” Ashley answered her mouth full of ice cream. “It was particularly brutal. Somehow I’ve managed to alienate all my friends. I mean, today doesn’t take the prize, but it was brutal.”
Craig nodded and continued eating.
“But this makes up for all of it,” she added.
Craig looked up at Ashley. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to…suddenly it was like he had hit a brick wall. His thoughts returned to his dad and how weird he was when he met Ashley’s family. There was no way that this would ever work with Ashley. No way.
“Why are you here with me?” the words slipped out of his mouth and his voice was tainted with despair.
Ashley was a bit taken back, “Because I like you. Because you are my friend.”
“I…uh…” Craig felt that he had to tell her that he was beat up like a pathetic dog, that he took a bunch of pills and spent the week in a hospital. He had to just come clean and tell her. He wasn’t sure why he felt this overwhelming need to talk about this now. He had to ask, had to know what she thought. “What have you heard about me?”
“You really want to know?”
“Yes, I really want to know.”
“Craig, it doesn’t mean anything. What they are saying. It’s just…”
Craig cut her off and waved his hand. “I know, I know. But I want to know what you have heard…what you think about me.”
“After I tell you, will you tell me the truth?”
Craig nodded.
“People have been saying that you attempted suicide. That you took a bunch of pills and you were gone from school for a whole week because you were in a psychiatric ward. And you know…the story changes from person to person. Some people said that you took so many pills that you were in intensive care for a week.”
Ashley paused to look at Craig. His face was blank. He met her eyes though. So she continued, “What was really weird is that some people thought that Mr. Simpson was the one who took you to the hospital. So some girls actually asked him about it.”
“Did he say anything?”
Ashley looked surprised that there was some truth to that, “No.”
There was some silence, “People were concerned, Craig. I know that you were the new kid or whatever, but people were still concerned. No one was telling us anything. We didn’t know where you were. Sean and I…we were going crazy. Sean called your house and your dad said you weren’t there. And he wouldn’t say anything more.”
“He called my dad?”
“Yeah…” Ashley looked down, a bit ashamed and worried that Craig would think his two friends were snooping and it wasn’t their business. “We went by your house too. The housekeeper was just arriving. So we asked her if you were home. She said no. We kept asking her where you were and she finally told us that you were in the hospital.”
Craig’s head throbbed. He ran a hand through his hair and struggled to process all this information.
“We didn’t tell anyone about that though,” Ashley added quickly. “So…uh…then people started wondering why you would do something like that.”
Craig looked up and into Ashley’s eyes.
“Are you okay?” She asked.
“Yeah…I’m fine. This is just…strange.”
“I don’t think this was a good idea to talk about it. I know you are aware that people are talking and it’s making things worse for you if we talk about it.”
“No…it’s fine. I know all this. I know what they were saying, sort of.”
“So is it true? What happened?”
“I took a bunch of pills. And I went to Joey’s. Mr. Simpson was there. And I puked on his floor and passed out in front of them. And I was taken to the hospital. I, uh, I don’t remember anything from when I was taken there. But I guess I wasn’t breathing well enough and they put a tube down my throat and hooked me up to a ventilator,” the words were just flowing out of him. “And they pumped my stomach. I kind of remember that happening. I’d wake up on and off. It was a very, very messed up night. Afterwards, I wasn’t in the psychiatric ward or intensive care. They just kept me in the hospital for awhile.”
“Oh Craig,” was all that Ashley could say. She gently touched his hand.
He let her wrap her fingers around his. Too bad it was under these circumstances, he thought bitterly.
“Why?” she whispered.
“You know…that I’m living with my step dad Joey now.”
Ashley nodded.
“I couldn’t go back and live with my dad. I couldn’t live with him anymore because uh…we’d fight. It got kind of out of control. And I just…I don’t know…I took the pills because I couldn’t stand it anymore.”
“I’m sorry,” Ashley said her hand still around Craig’s.
“Did you know about that? Were people saying things about that?”
Ashley shook her head, unable to meet Craig’s eyes. She couldn’t imagine having people discuss the most private details of your life like it was the plot of some TV show. She couldn’t tell him that’s how it was. They might have been concerned but it still wasn’t their business. She looked back over at Craig, who was watching her.
“I…uh, I don’t think I could deal with people knowing how things were with my dad,” Craig said softly.
Ashley touched his shoulder. “I’m worried about you right now. I don’t think we should have talked about this. It doesn’t matter if anyone knows. Most people just…they just listen to the stories and then it goes out of their heads. Most don’t care all that much. It’s conversation to them. And the others were worried and now that you are back in school and we know that you are okay, the talking will stop.”
“I didn’t know what you’d think about all this…that’s why I couldn’t talk to you for awhile. I couldn’t stand that you knew.”
“Craig…” Ashley pulled her hand away from his. She had one hand his shoulder and touched his cheek with the other so he would meet her gaze. “It really doesn’t change a whole lot. I mean…I was worried…I worry about you. But…it’s not all that I see.”
Ashley looked down sheepishly. Then she raised her gaze. “I can’t help but think that you are so awesome. Talented…smart,” Ashley paused as she thought about how attractive she found his tall frame, dark hair and eyes. She could feel her cheeks burning some. She looked down, her lips still pressed in a small smile.
Craig smiled a little as well.
“So don’t worry about what anyone else is saying. Don’t worry about what I’m thinking. Or actually, just ask me and I’ll tell you,” Ashley reassured.
There were a few moments of silence. Despite the odd situation, Craig felt okay. He didn’t feel the normal panic that used to be forever engrained into him. Craig looked around the park, enjoying the trees turning to their fall colors and noticing the kids scrambling around the park. Things felt slower, things felt normal.
“This was a great way to start out my first year in high school,” he finally said with a smile.
Ashley burst into laughter, “Oh man…I know what you are feeling. Oh, I so know what you are talking about.”
“Well…now about you. What happened with you and your friends?”
“Oh, you must have heard the talk about that.”
“Yes. And Sean…well…um…yeah,” Craig said, suddenly feeling awkward for moving in on a girl Sean had history with.
“Sean. Yes, Sean. So the story is that I took some ecstasy one night and was out of my mind. Made out with Sean, publicly dumped Jimmy, and called Paige a hag.”
Craig just nodded in response. There was more to this girl than met the eye, that was for sure.
“My parents were so pissed at me. So pissed cause the house was a mess, I was a mess. I ended up seeing a counselor all summer. And I came back this year thinking I could fix things. And things happened too fast and I didn’t think about what I was doing, how I might hurt people again. So I’m on the outs again. But you know…it’s really ok. It’s like it was half blessing, half curse.”
“Do you have a thing going with Sean?” Craig had to ask. He’d tried to get information out of Sean but he didn’t bite.
“We hooked up last year,” Sean explained when Craig asked how they knew each other.
“Oh. Just once?” Craig pressed.
“That’s what I said, Manning.”
“But you are friends now, right? I mean, I saw you talking.”
“Friends, yes.”
“So you aren’t going out with her?”
“No. Craig, you miss a week of school and you are going to miss out on some drama. Welcome to Degrassi.”
“Is that what he said? That we have something going on?” Ashley asked, incredulously.
“Oh, no. I was just wondering how you two knew each other. You are friends, right?”
“Just friends. Nothing’s going on with Sean. Nothing with Jimmy. Jimmy hates me.”
Craig nodded, “So you’re stuck with me. I mean…not like…not like that.”
Ashley smiled, “I’m stuck with you.”
He looked down at his ice cream. “My ice cream is melting,” he said and began to dig in.
“I kind of like it when it’s all soupy,” Ashley said as she ate the last few large chunks that hadn’t melted. Then they moved the buckets of ice cream mush aside and lay down in the grass.
“I really don’t want to go back to school next week,” Craig mumbled as he gazed up.
“High school is going to suck,” Ashley chimed in.
“So you said you were in counseling all summer cause of the ‘E’ thing?” He looked over at Ashley and found comfort in her strong gaze. He watched her nod.
“I have to see Sauvé, you know, the school psychologist,” Craig explained and watched for her reaction.
“How’s that for you?”
“Oh it’s fabulous.”
“Not enjoying it huh? Last summer wasn’t the first time I’ve had to see someone. We all went into family counseling when my Mom moved in with Jeff. That was a pain, but hey, I guess it helped some. Maybe it won’t be so bad with Sauvé?”
“Not likely. I don’t know what to say. Last session was me explaining that indie rock is an umbrella term that covers a range of styles and I got into detail about new prog. Her eyes looked a little glazed by the time I was done.”
Ashley giggled.
“What?” Craig questioned.
“Nothing. I just can’t imagine Sauvé had anything to add to that conversation.”
“It’s always awkward,” Craig sighed. “But it’s not like I have a choice.”
“Maybe it will get better later. She seems nice.”
“Yeah she’s nice. But…it’s like everyone is watching me. Sauvé, teachers, Joey…are just waiting for me to freak out.”
“It’ll get better,” Ashley reassured after a moment. She wasn’t sure what else to say to Craig. She could hardly condemn the adults close to Craig for being concerned and protective when she felt the same way.
Craig rolled over onto his side and propped himself up with his elbow so he could see Ashley’s face. Ashley noticed how his eyes seemed less shifty; ever since the first time she’d met him it seemed like he was always watching, like he had to be on the look out for something. She recalled how he barely looked up when he walked down the hall at school. Sometimes he’d meet her gaze, or Sean’s, and then it seemed like he’d hold his head a bit higher. Now, he looked directly into her eyes and held her gaze. She couldn’t help but smile, her heart felt warmer. Craig couldn’t help but grin at how safe he felt, the sky blue of her eyes taking him up and away from everything that had weighed him down these past few weeks.
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Author’s Note: Yeah, this was a pretty fluffy chapter. Well, as fluffy as I can get. I’m all about the angst! More angst is on the way. I have an idea for a Christmas chapter but that’s not for another 2 or 3 chapters so expect some updates happening soon. Sorry for the lack of updates. I must think less and write more.