i only ever wanna talk when it's about boys
The boy that I briefly mentioned in the last entry is actually not a boy at all; he's a man, a good five years older than me.
And I suppose he deserves an entire post because...he's my boyfriend? When I was with the last guy, we didn't even bother to use labels since I honestly stopped caring about him one month in. But this guy--his name is Steven--is just...I don't even know what to say.
I'm an introverted person by nature--and even when I'm talking, a lot of the time, I'm talking nonsense. I used to open up a lot about my feelings, but somewhere along the way, it just stopped happening. So whenever I'm feeling something, or thinking about something that matters, I just shut up, because I don't talk about it. Steven doesn't ask me what I'm thinking, and we can spend an entire car ride together in silence. And I'm comfortable.
He doesn't really watch anime, but I introduced him to Code Geass, which he adores. And I watched the first season of Doctor Who with him--he choked up at the finale, it was very endearing.
It's strange, because I can't think of anything particularly extraordinary about him--but I keep on thinking back to one night when I was sitting in his lap and he was smiling up at me, and it was just so stunning. His smile is stunning sometimes, when he lets himself stop being nervous for a moment just to be genuine. And he's always considerate and kind, and I know I shouldn't, but I keep on comparing him to the guy I met before him. Steven is so much better in every single way.
He makes me happy, and I've spent so long chasing after things and people that I can't get, that it's just a strange concept to me. I don't know if this will last. I don't know what's going to happen.
But I just...really hope we last.