five stages
Title: Five Stages
Pairing: Arthur/Eames
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Eames deals with his grief from losing Arthur.
Warnings/Spoilers: Character death.
Author's Notes: I actually got it done! Not too happy about it, but I think the next stages will be better.
Disclaimer: Characters are property of Chris Nolan<3
Previous Chapters: 1
STAGE TWO: ANGER
“What did you say to her?” Cobb asks when Eames picks up the phone. He’s inclined to hang it up the second he hears the voice, but he knows he can’t avoid Cobb forever. It’s not only that, but he’s curious what Ariadne’s accusation was. Did she disclose the full truth or leave out the part in which she unjustly invaded his dreams? Surely the two could relate on that front. Ariadne was, if anything, a creature of habit.
“You tell me,” he replies, his voice monotone and uncaring. For a moment, Cobb doesn’t speak. It’s difficult to decipher what this means. Perhaps he’s angry about the deflection, or maybe even the tone that Eames used. Perhaps it’s not anger at all, just contemplation or analysis. What does his choice of words say about him? The former extractor was always good at reading people in this sort of way. It was what made him so good at what he did.
“I called her and she told me that if I wanted to know what was wrong with you, I had to come to Paris and see for myself.” Ah. It makes sense to him now. Cobb got Ariadne to do his dirty work because he can’t bear to leave his motherless children ever again. Otherwise, Ariadne would have never shown up. Eames should have known better than to be in Paris. There were too many ties to his old life there.
“So it’s you who is so worried about me, then? I suppose I should be honored you still remember me old man.” He can’t bring himself to actually be honored. What he wants is for people to stop meddling in his business, especially someone like Cobb. He may have been able to deal with his demons, which was great for him, but Eames didn’t have that opportunity or strength to even do it. This conversation isn’t going to last much longer, he decides, despite whatever direction it chooses to go.
“Eames, what’s going on with you?” He wonders who ratted him out. The last time Eames heard from him was a few days after Arthur’s death when he probably felt inclined to check on the guy who’d just had a friend die before his eyes. No one ever came for Eames. He wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or a curse. That didn’t mean he would let it go. He was adamant that he would seek revenge for Arthur’s death. That’s probably why Cobb called. A slip of the tongue while he was drunk led someone to believe that he was going down a dangerous road.
“Nothing is going on with me because I’m not like you. I’m perfectly capable of dealing with the death of a loved one, especially since I didn’t make him kill himself, eh?” Now things are just awkward. For a long time, he’d kept his suspicions about Mal to himself, but now that Cobb was treading into his business, he felt the need to bring it up and push the man away.
“What did you just say?” Cobb finally chokes out with a hint of shock and anger in his voice.
“Nothing at all. I really should be going since I just have so much to do. Say hello to the kids for me.” A push of the button ends the phone call and despite everything his morals say he should be feeling, he doesn’t really feel guilty about it.
----------
There’s a bar that Eames goes to when he decides that he wants to take the edge off of life, however, the recent conversation he had with his former friend leads him to believe that it is no longer the best place to go. The usuals there know him and apparently they worry about him. The last thing he wants is anybody’s pity or for another old teammate to be called upon to make him see the joy in life. He scoffs at the thought because he knows that no amount of coddling will ever make him see what is so wondrous about life. It’s something that no one seemed to get, that when Arthur died, so did he.
Still, he wants a bar because he doesn’t want to wallow in sorrow alone back at his apartment. What he wants, at least for that moment, is to pretend like he is a member of society and not some hollow zombie that he most certainly was. He doesn’t want to feel pain because he wants to go home tonight and dream up Arthur not in a stage of guilt or remorse. He wants to dream of Arthur and be happy. So what he does is order a few drinks and mingle with some people so he can pretend that in his reality, this is just a night of relaxation. He’ll go home to Arthur because that isn’t a dream in his reality.
But what happens is bad because in one instant, he’s sitting alone and drinking and in the next, a girl is approaching him and trying to win over his attention. He turns her down, but she’s offended and simply won’t take the rejection in a rational manner. This provokes the attention of other people who are convinced that due to her response, he’s done something wrong. This is why he has a bar with usuals that he attends because things like this do not happen. A guy gets in his face and insists he apologize to the lady, regardless of the situation since the guy has no real idea what happened. Eames could have easily charmed his way out of this, got the hostilities to die down and leave, but he doesn’t want to. He’s itching for a fight.
So he refuses to apologize and the guy thinks he can make him do it, but then his face is greeted with Eames’ fist and he falls to the floor. This doesn’t stop the raging Englishman who decides that this man is worth the brunt of his anger. He straddles him and fists collide with flesh again, breaking cartilage and teeth. There are people rushing toward him now and pulling him off as Eames yells unintelligibly.
“It’s my fault!” He screams, but no one understands it. If you were to ask him in that moment, he couldn’t tell you what started the fight. All he knows is that he wants to be the guy laying on the floor with blood coming out of his mouth and nose because he wants some kind of punishment for his actions. When he claims responsibility, it isn’t for the fight, but for Arthur’s death. Everyone is silent and confused so he leaves and hurries down the street.
----------
“It’s my fault,” he repeats, but this time it’s to his projection of Arthur because the instant he got home, he went into the dream. Arthur’s confused, so he elaborates. “The job. It went wayward because of me.” This is the first time he’s addressed these concerns out loud. He’s had them for a while. Not after they got out of their failed job, but after Arthur’s death. He supposed he couldn’t bring himself to care about their mistake until he saw the repercussions of it. The subject knew they were after his secrets and once he awoke, he couldn’t shake the feeling. It was when the subject began looking into their business rival that the big guns were hired to rid of the extraction team. They just didn’t figure that the team was almost as good out of the dream as they were in it.
“It’s not your fault that Callahan got caught,” Arthur says, his eyes pleading with Eames to come out of this way of thinking. As long as he believes it’s his fault, the guilt will eat away at him. They all saw what guilt did to your subconscious firsthand.
“I should have bought him more time. That’s my job, right?” He looks down at his drink and swirls the cup around in circles. The ice cubes dance around the golden liquid and he’s entranced by their fluidity. They move because he makes them move, not on their own accord. Something as simple as ice cubes in a glass make him ponder how much control he actually has in his own destiny. Whoever wrote out the story of his life was a cruel bastard.
“If it’s you’re fault, then it’s mine for the same reason.”
“No,” Eames insists.
“Why not? I could have bought him time as well and I didn’t. It can’t not be a mistake just because it’s me. I’m not perfect.” Eames smiles and looks up at Arthur.
“But you are, darling. Each and every one of your flaws make you perfect. They stop being imperfections and become nothing more than character traits. The world was blind to have not seen it.” This type of thinking is dangerous, and he knows it. He doesn’t care. What more harm could come to him now? His idolization of Arthur was nothing new anyway.
“Eames,” Arthur says. He looks scared, which he rightfully should. At this point in time, Eames is unpredictable, even to himself. “Stop beating yourself up over this.”
“Why?” He asks, frustrated. “You think I don’t deserve it, but what do you know? You’re not even real.”
“You’re the one keeping me here!”
“Because I can’t live without you!” He yells. The glass he was holding is now shattered across the counter of the bar, dripping from the scotch that was inside. “What part of that don’t you understand?”
He wakes up with sore hands and bleeding knuckles.
----------
The next day, he leaves Paris, because it isn’t safe, and flies out to the states. For the entire duration of the flight, he sleeps without dreaming. When he arrives, he digs around. There are questions to be asked of the team that was sent to execute him and Arthur. He says he won’t rest until he gets a name. After that, he still doesn’t rest. He’s driven by revenge. He knows he should make a plan. On the other hand, he isn’t much for self-preservation these days.
It takes a lot to find the man. Apparently people aren’t too keen on giving up assassins. If you threaten them with the right things, however, you tend to get your way. Threaten their life, threaten someone they love, offer them money and you get a name. He burns bridges with many of his contacts to get there and it doesn’t matter because it works. He finds the man in his home, playing with his two children and looking like he has the perfect family. This does nothing to sway his opinion of the man. In fact, it sickens him. More than ever he wants to put a bullet through the man’s head. How can he sit there, laugh and play with his kids when he kills people for a living? Eames wants to kill him, but he can’t. Not with the children there. Even when he thinks he his devoid of all morals, he can’t look at those kids and want to put horror on their faces.
He goes back to his hotel room and argues with himself over what he’s going to do. He didn’t think there would be children involved. They remind him too much of himself and the last thing he wants to do is produce another version of him. After what he’d gone through to get the name, though, he doesn’t think he has a choice. Word will get out. They’ll come for him.
He decides to let them.
“I think we’ll be together soon, Arthur darling.”
Pairing: Arthur/Eames
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Eames deals with his grief from losing Arthur.
Warnings/Spoilers: Character death.
Author's Notes: I actually got it done! Not too happy about it, but I think the next stages will be better.
Disclaimer: Characters are property of Chris Nolan<3
Previous Chapters: 1
STAGE TWO: ANGER
“What did you say to her?” Cobb asks when Eames picks up the phone. He’s inclined to hang it up the second he hears the voice, but he knows he can’t avoid Cobb forever. It’s not only that, but he’s curious what Ariadne’s accusation was. Did she disclose the full truth or leave out the part in which she unjustly invaded his dreams? Surely the two could relate on that front. Ariadne was, if anything, a creature of habit.
“You tell me,” he replies, his voice monotone and uncaring. For a moment, Cobb doesn’t speak. It’s difficult to decipher what this means. Perhaps he’s angry about the deflection, or maybe even the tone that Eames used. Perhaps it’s not anger at all, just contemplation or analysis. What does his choice of words say about him? The former extractor was always good at reading people in this sort of way. It was what made him so good at what he did.
“I called her and she told me that if I wanted to know what was wrong with you, I had to come to Paris and see for myself.” Ah. It makes sense to him now. Cobb got Ariadne to do his dirty work because he can’t bear to leave his motherless children ever again. Otherwise, Ariadne would have never shown up. Eames should have known better than to be in Paris. There were too many ties to his old life there.
“So it’s you who is so worried about me, then? I suppose I should be honored you still remember me old man.” He can’t bring himself to actually be honored. What he wants is for people to stop meddling in his business, especially someone like Cobb. He may have been able to deal with his demons, which was great for him, but Eames didn’t have that opportunity or strength to even do it. This conversation isn’t going to last much longer, he decides, despite whatever direction it chooses to go.
“Eames, what’s going on with you?” He wonders who ratted him out. The last time Eames heard from him was a few days after Arthur’s death when he probably felt inclined to check on the guy who’d just had a friend die before his eyes. No one ever came for Eames. He wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or a curse. That didn’t mean he would let it go. He was adamant that he would seek revenge for Arthur’s death. That’s probably why Cobb called. A slip of the tongue while he was drunk led someone to believe that he was going down a dangerous road.
“Nothing is going on with me because I’m not like you. I’m perfectly capable of dealing with the death of a loved one, especially since I didn’t make him kill himself, eh?” Now things are just awkward. For a long time, he’d kept his suspicions about Mal to himself, but now that Cobb was treading into his business, he felt the need to bring it up and push the man away.
“What did you just say?” Cobb finally chokes out with a hint of shock and anger in his voice.
“Nothing at all. I really should be going since I just have so much to do. Say hello to the kids for me.” A push of the button ends the phone call and despite everything his morals say he should be feeling, he doesn’t really feel guilty about it.
----------
There’s a bar that Eames goes to when he decides that he wants to take the edge off of life, however, the recent conversation he had with his former friend leads him to believe that it is no longer the best place to go. The usuals there know him and apparently they worry about him. The last thing he wants is anybody’s pity or for another old teammate to be called upon to make him see the joy in life. He scoffs at the thought because he knows that no amount of coddling will ever make him see what is so wondrous about life. It’s something that no one seemed to get, that when Arthur died, so did he.
Still, he wants a bar because he doesn’t want to wallow in sorrow alone back at his apartment. What he wants, at least for that moment, is to pretend like he is a member of society and not some hollow zombie that he most certainly was. He doesn’t want to feel pain because he wants to go home tonight and dream up Arthur not in a stage of guilt or remorse. He wants to dream of Arthur and be happy. So what he does is order a few drinks and mingle with some people so he can pretend that in his reality, this is just a night of relaxation. He’ll go home to Arthur because that isn’t a dream in his reality.
But what happens is bad because in one instant, he’s sitting alone and drinking and in the next, a girl is approaching him and trying to win over his attention. He turns her down, but she’s offended and simply won’t take the rejection in a rational manner. This provokes the attention of other people who are convinced that due to her response, he’s done something wrong. This is why he has a bar with usuals that he attends because things like this do not happen. A guy gets in his face and insists he apologize to the lady, regardless of the situation since the guy has no real idea what happened. Eames could have easily charmed his way out of this, got the hostilities to die down and leave, but he doesn’t want to. He’s itching for a fight.
So he refuses to apologize and the guy thinks he can make him do it, but then his face is greeted with Eames’ fist and he falls to the floor. This doesn’t stop the raging Englishman who decides that this man is worth the brunt of his anger. He straddles him and fists collide with flesh again, breaking cartilage and teeth. There are people rushing toward him now and pulling him off as Eames yells unintelligibly.
“It’s my fault!” He screams, but no one understands it. If you were to ask him in that moment, he couldn’t tell you what started the fight. All he knows is that he wants to be the guy laying on the floor with blood coming out of his mouth and nose because he wants some kind of punishment for his actions. When he claims responsibility, it isn’t for the fight, but for Arthur’s death. Everyone is silent and confused so he leaves and hurries down the street.
----------
“It’s my fault,” he repeats, but this time it’s to his projection of Arthur because the instant he got home, he went into the dream. Arthur’s confused, so he elaborates. “The job. It went wayward because of me.” This is the first time he’s addressed these concerns out loud. He’s had them for a while. Not after they got out of their failed job, but after Arthur’s death. He supposed he couldn’t bring himself to care about their mistake until he saw the repercussions of it. The subject knew they were after his secrets and once he awoke, he couldn’t shake the feeling. It was when the subject began looking into their business rival that the big guns were hired to rid of the extraction team. They just didn’t figure that the team was almost as good out of the dream as they were in it.
“It’s not your fault that Callahan got caught,” Arthur says, his eyes pleading with Eames to come out of this way of thinking. As long as he believes it’s his fault, the guilt will eat away at him. They all saw what guilt did to your subconscious firsthand.
“I should have bought him more time. That’s my job, right?” He looks down at his drink and swirls the cup around in circles. The ice cubes dance around the golden liquid and he’s entranced by their fluidity. They move because he makes them move, not on their own accord. Something as simple as ice cubes in a glass make him ponder how much control he actually has in his own destiny. Whoever wrote out the story of his life was a cruel bastard.
“If it’s you’re fault, then it’s mine for the same reason.”
“No,” Eames insists.
“Why not? I could have bought him time as well and I didn’t. It can’t not be a mistake just because it’s me. I’m not perfect.” Eames smiles and looks up at Arthur.
“But you are, darling. Each and every one of your flaws make you perfect. They stop being imperfections and become nothing more than character traits. The world was blind to have not seen it.” This type of thinking is dangerous, and he knows it. He doesn’t care. What more harm could come to him now? His idolization of Arthur was nothing new anyway.
“Eames,” Arthur says. He looks scared, which he rightfully should. At this point in time, Eames is unpredictable, even to himself. “Stop beating yourself up over this.”
“Why?” He asks, frustrated. “You think I don’t deserve it, but what do you know? You’re not even real.”
“You’re the one keeping me here!”
“Because I can’t live without you!” He yells. The glass he was holding is now shattered across the counter of the bar, dripping from the scotch that was inside. “What part of that don’t you understand?”
He wakes up with sore hands and bleeding knuckles.
----------
The next day, he leaves Paris, because it isn’t safe, and flies out to the states. For the entire duration of the flight, he sleeps without dreaming. When he arrives, he digs around. There are questions to be asked of the team that was sent to execute him and Arthur. He says he won’t rest until he gets a name. After that, he still doesn’t rest. He’s driven by revenge. He knows he should make a plan. On the other hand, he isn’t much for self-preservation these days.
It takes a lot to find the man. Apparently people aren’t too keen on giving up assassins. If you threaten them with the right things, however, you tend to get your way. Threaten their life, threaten someone they love, offer them money and you get a name. He burns bridges with many of his contacts to get there and it doesn’t matter because it works. He finds the man in his home, playing with his two children and looking like he has the perfect family. This does nothing to sway his opinion of the man. In fact, it sickens him. More than ever he wants to put a bullet through the man’s head. How can he sit there, laugh and play with his kids when he kills people for a living? Eames wants to kill him, but he can’t. Not with the children there. Even when he thinks he his devoid of all morals, he can’t look at those kids and want to put horror on their faces.
He goes back to his hotel room and argues with himself over what he’s going to do. He didn’t think there would be children involved. They remind him too much of himself and the last thing he wants to do is produce another version of him. After what he’d gone through to get the name, though, he doesn’t think he has a choice. Word will get out. They’ll come for him.
He decides to let them.
“I think we’ll be together soon, Arthur darling.”