(no subject)
More psychobabble from elizabethdehner, though it's less psychobabble and more just friendly conversation, for the most part.
First, it started with Liz commenting on an observation I made about Sarah, concerning her feelings about a certain telepathic shape-shifter. In effect, I noted that Sarah wasn't falling in love so much as she was clinging desperately to the last handhold on the edge of a cliff jutting out over love, and that she was struggling as hard as she could to pull herself back up. So to speak.
Liz: *shakes head*
Liz: I"m not helping you up off that ledge, Sarah. You've got to fall eventually. It'll be good for you. It'll scare the hell out of you and it'll build character.
Sarah: I've already built as much character as I want to build!
Sarah: Any more would be overkill!
Liz: Well, that still leaves scaring the hell out of you, which is a healthy reaction to things and no one is complete with out it.
Sarah: I've had the hell scared outta me too. Really, there is nothin' I could gain from fallin' in love with Ford except maybe a headache.
Sarah: And I've had those too.
Liz: You know, if love was so horrible, it wouldn't be the center of thousands of years of legends, stories and myths, it wouldn't be the number one thing that people need help with in my office and it wouldn't be so damn popular.
Sarah: Maybe it ain't horrible for most people, but most people don't have the history with it that I do. *see, this is why Ford's better at hiding things than she is. She says things that leave openings*
Liz: *shaking her head* I'm sure people out there have a worse history with love than you do and yet they go on looking for it. Don't be such a fatalist.
Sarah: Realist, I think you'll find. I mean, really. Apart from scarin' the hell outta me, what would fallin' in love with Ford accomplish?
Liz: In spite of your dire efforts to remain insufferable, it might improve your mood. It gives you someone to confide in. It gives you a sense of belonging even when the rest of the world is turning you away. It boosts your confidence. It makes you more attractive to other people even. Your energy levels go up as well as your libido. And most of all, if gives you something else to care about other than worrying about all the crap that goes on in your own life. It serves as a lovely distraction.
Sarah: And if Ford doesn't want to go fallin' love with me? *shakes her head* Look, I know you and your man, things turned out alright for you. And that's wonderful, really. *and that's not sarcastic, surprise surprise* But I have a history of makin' stupid decisions, and maybe it's time I learned my lesson and stopped.
Liz: Making mistakes doesn't mean for you to stop trying! *oh god, mistake rant* Mistakes are the things that make us all ourselves. Our mistakes are what build us into the person we are. Sometimes those mistakes are deep seeded and they hurt for a long time afterward, but in the end, those are the major lessons we learn. Those are the parts of us that grow and know better for the next time. We warn each other of our mistakes and we move on. The mistakes we make are my favorite part about the human race. We are the only species on Earth to see our mistakes and have the minds to analyze them. Its quite a gift.
Sarah: 'Lizabeth, just try lookin' at it from my perspective for a minute. I've lost damn near everyone I've ever loved, one way or another. And yeah, it hurts. 'Cause I care too much, 'cause I know people a way most others don't. You've got a touch of empathy, right? So maybe you know what I'm talkin' about. A gift like that, you know people. You know 'em better than maybe they even know themselves, and you care about what happens to 'em 'cause when it does you feel it too. Only with Ford, it's like walkin' along and hittin' a brick wall. There's nothin'. He keeps himself shielded all the time, and I can't make heads or tails of him, most of the time. And Warren... *she pauses a minute, chewing on her lip* Reckon maybe I had a bit of a crush on him, once. And he knew it. We didn't bother shieldin' from each other. We worked together better that way. He helped me set things right after my husband left. Got me back on my feet. We never acted on it, 'cause of professional obligations, but maybe we even loved each other. And Liz, I didn't just watch him die. I felt him die. And Ford, his job is more dangerous than bein' a cop will ever be. Every day he goes out, he might not come back. I can't put myself through that again.
Liz: I don't mean to say that your reasons aren't valid. And I will never demand you go against what you feel is right. That's a lot to have built up and I can't even pretend to understand completely, but I can see where you are coming from. I'm not a risk taker. I don't like them. They are unpredictable, but something about watching other people let wonderful things pass them by irks me. I don't like seeing your chances at happiness, no matter how small, pass you buy. Yeah, I've found Scotty, but I'm still half convinced that someday, I'll be too much for him.
Sarah: *shakes her head again* There's a quote some people are fond of parrotin'. 'Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all." S'bullshit. And risk-takin'? I take risks, Liz. I'm a cop, or I used to be. Thinkin' about lookin' into the Boston PD, actually. Bein' a bloodhound's kinda borin'. Anyway, point is, there's some risks worth takin'. Ford goin' after Luci. Me draggin' him back. Psychical risks, I can do those. Those're easy. But when you deal as closely with emotions as I do, it hurts a whole hell of a lot less to play it safe.
Liz: You are preaching to the choir, Sarah. I find myself invested emotionally in people's lives. I can't help it. I'm empathetic towards patients, no matter who they are or why they come to me. *shakes her head* But that one time that stands alone in a crowd of pain and suffering, that one moment where a patient has a light go on in their head and it all makes sense... it makes it worth it for me.
Sarah: There's a difference, between empathy, as in what I got, and bein' empathetic. You ain't felt what it feels like yet, knowin' someone you care about is angry at you, I mean really knowin'. Feelin' it yourself. I can shut it out, yeah, I got shields, but there was a time I didn't know how to shut it out.
Liz: You don't know that about me. I am empathetic because I just am, but empathy... I don't know how long that has been going on. I feel things harder than most people do. *zips her mouth because she'll say too much.*
Sarah: Maybe you do know, then. *shrugs, she's not in a mood to get snippy in return* And maybe I'm tryin' to let you talk me into somethin'. Maybe that's why I keep arguin' with you. *have we mentioned that Sarah is very self-aware and not at all ashamed to acknowledge it?* Maybe I just need that extra push to convince myself my arguments ain't good ones.
Liz: You deliver less arguments and more excuses. If you don't think it's worth it with Ford and you feel you have sacrificed enough for him, I don't blame you. He's a hell of a guy to getting involved with in any sense.
Sarah: *sighs* That ain't what I wanted to hear, girl.
Liz: Did you want me to tell you that you should go after him because you are clearly in denial of how in love with him you are? DId you want to hear that life is going to go on without you and you are going to miss you chance if you don't hurry up? He's not going to wait around. Luci is dead. Where do you think he will go from here? If you don't grab ahold of him, he will disappear. He didn't say that to me, but he sure as hell doesn't know what to do with himself now.
Sarah: That's exactly what I wanted to hear. Sounds more convincin' when you say it then when I tell myself.
Liz: *laughs* *shakes her head* Sarah, you are ridiculous. You have all the answers you need yet you still want me to walk you through them.
Sarah: *eyebrow at Liz laughing at her* Just need a bit of encouragement, is all.
Liz: Well, I'm full of encouragement if you need it.
Sarah: Just glad to know I ain't the only one crazy enough to think maybe I oughta take a chance.
Liz: I would hate to see you hurting worse for not even trying.
Sarah: It helps, a bit, not expectin' much in return. 'Least that way I won't be too disappointed. *shrugs* Hell, might even be pleasantly surprised, though knowin' Ford, I ain't sure that's all that likely.
Liz: I wish I could help you on that end. I have no idea what he'll do.
Sarah: Well, one way or another, looks like I've talked myself into findin' out.
Liz: For what its worth, I'm proud of you.
First, it started with Liz commenting on an observation I made about Sarah, concerning her feelings about a certain telepathic shape-shifter. In effect, I noted that Sarah wasn't falling in love so much as she was clinging desperately to the last handhold on the edge of a cliff jutting out over love, and that she was struggling as hard as she could to pull herself back up. So to speak.
Liz: *shakes head*
Liz: I"m not helping you up off that ledge, Sarah. You've got to fall eventually. It'll be good for you. It'll scare the hell out of you and it'll build character.
Sarah: I've already built as much character as I want to build!
Sarah: Any more would be overkill!
Liz: Well, that still leaves scaring the hell out of you, which is a healthy reaction to things and no one is complete with out it.
Sarah: I've had the hell scared outta me too. Really, there is nothin' I could gain from fallin' in love with Ford except maybe a headache.
Sarah: And I've had those too.
Liz: You know, if love was so horrible, it wouldn't be the center of thousands of years of legends, stories and myths, it wouldn't be the number one thing that people need help with in my office and it wouldn't be so damn popular.
Sarah: Maybe it ain't horrible for most people, but most people don't have the history with it that I do. *see, this is why Ford's better at hiding things than she is. She says things that leave openings*
Liz: *shaking her head* I'm sure people out there have a worse history with love than you do and yet they go on looking for it. Don't be such a fatalist.
Sarah: Realist, I think you'll find. I mean, really. Apart from scarin' the hell outta me, what would fallin' in love with Ford accomplish?
Liz: In spite of your dire efforts to remain insufferable, it might improve your mood. It gives you someone to confide in. It gives you a sense of belonging even when the rest of the world is turning you away. It boosts your confidence. It makes you more attractive to other people even. Your energy levels go up as well as your libido. And most of all, if gives you something else to care about other than worrying about all the crap that goes on in your own life. It serves as a lovely distraction.
Sarah: And if Ford doesn't want to go fallin' love with me? *shakes her head* Look, I know you and your man, things turned out alright for you. And that's wonderful, really. *and that's not sarcastic, surprise surprise* But I have a history of makin' stupid decisions, and maybe it's time I learned my lesson and stopped.
Liz: Making mistakes doesn't mean for you to stop trying! *oh god, mistake rant* Mistakes are the things that make us all ourselves. Our mistakes are what build us into the person we are. Sometimes those mistakes are deep seeded and they hurt for a long time afterward, but in the end, those are the major lessons we learn. Those are the parts of us that grow and know better for the next time. We warn each other of our mistakes and we move on. The mistakes we make are my favorite part about the human race. We are the only species on Earth to see our mistakes and have the minds to analyze them. Its quite a gift.
Sarah: 'Lizabeth, just try lookin' at it from my perspective for a minute. I've lost damn near everyone I've ever loved, one way or another. And yeah, it hurts. 'Cause I care too much, 'cause I know people a way most others don't. You've got a touch of empathy, right? So maybe you know what I'm talkin' about. A gift like that, you know people. You know 'em better than maybe they even know themselves, and you care about what happens to 'em 'cause when it does you feel it too. Only with Ford, it's like walkin' along and hittin' a brick wall. There's nothin'. He keeps himself shielded all the time, and I can't make heads or tails of him, most of the time. And Warren... *she pauses a minute, chewing on her lip* Reckon maybe I had a bit of a crush on him, once. And he knew it. We didn't bother shieldin' from each other. We worked together better that way. He helped me set things right after my husband left. Got me back on my feet. We never acted on it, 'cause of professional obligations, but maybe we even loved each other. And Liz, I didn't just watch him die. I felt him die. And Ford, his job is more dangerous than bein' a cop will ever be. Every day he goes out, he might not come back. I can't put myself through that again.
Liz: I don't mean to say that your reasons aren't valid. And I will never demand you go against what you feel is right. That's a lot to have built up and I can't even pretend to understand completely, but I can see where you are coming from. I'm not a risk taker. I don't like them. They are unpredictable, but something about watching other people let wonderful things pass them by irks me. I don't like seeing your chances at happiness, no matter how small, pass you buy. Yeah, I've found Scotty, but I'm still half convinced that someday, I'll be too much for him.
Sarah: *shakes her head again* There's a quote some people are fond of parrotin'. 'Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all." S'bullshit. And risk-takin'? I take risks, Liz. I'm a cop, or I used to be. Thinkin' about lookin' into the Boston PD, actually. Bein' a bloodhound's kinda borin'. Anyway, point is, there's some risks worth takin'. Ford goin' after Luci. Me draggin' him back. Psychical risks, I can do those. Those're easy. But when you deal as closely with emotions as I do, it hurts a whole hell of a lot less to play it safe.
Liz: You are preaching to the choir, Sarah. I find myself invested emotionally in people's lives. I can't help it. I'm empathetic towards patients, no matter who they are or why they come to me. *shakes her head* But that one time that stands alone in a crowd of pain and suffering, that one moment where a patient has a light go on in their head and it all makes sense... it makes it worth it for me.
Sarah: There's a difference, between empathy, as in what I got, and bein' empathetic. You ain't felt what it feels like yet, knowin' someone you care about is angry at you, I mean really knowin'. Feelin' it yourself. I can shut it out, yeah, I got shields, but there was a time I didn't know how to shut it out.
Liz: You don't know that about me. I am empathetic because I just am, but empathy... I don't know how long that has been going on. I feel things harder than most people do. *zips her mouth because she'll say too much.*
Sarah: Maybe you do know, then. *shrugs, she's not in a mood to get snippy in return* And maybe I'm tryin' to let you talk me into somethin'. Maybe that's why I keep arguin' with you. *have we mentioned that Sarah is very self-aware and not at all ashamed to acknowledge it?* Maybe I just need that extra push to convince myself my arguments ain't good ones.
Liz: You deliver less arguments and more excuses. If you don't think it's worth it with Ford and you feel you have sacrificed enough for him, I don't blame you. He's a hell of a guy to getting involved with in any sense.
Sarah: *sighs* That ain't what I wanted to hear, girl.
Liz: Did you want me to tell you that you should go after him because you are clearly in denial of how in love with him you are? DId you want to hear that life is going to go on without you and you are going to miss you chance if you don't hurry up? He's not going to wait around. Luci is dead. Where do you think he will go from here? If you don't grab ahold of him, he will disappear. He didn't say that to me, but he sure as hell doesn't know what to do with himself now.
Sarah: That's exactly what I wanted to hear. Sounds more convincin' when you say it then when I tell myself.
Liz: *laughs* *shakes her head* Sarah, you are ridiculous. You have all the answers you need yet you still want me to walk you through them.
Sarah: *eyebrow at Liz laughing at her* Just need a bit of encouragement, is all.
Liz: Well, I'm full of encouragement if you need it.
Sarah: Just glad to know I ain't the only one crazy enough to think maybe I oughta take a chance.
Liz: I would hate to see you hurting worse for not even trying.
Sarah: It helps, a bit, not expectin' much in return. 'Least that way I won't be too disappointed. *shrugs* Hell, might even be pleasantly surprised, though knowin' Ford, I ain't sure that's all that likely.
Liz: I wish I could help you on that end. I have no idea what he'll do.
Sarah: Well, one way or another, looks like I've talked myself into findin' out.
Liz: For what its worth, I'm proud of you.