Monday.

Ricky never started conversations online when we were dating...so I don't know why he would now when we're on a break. Oh yeah, by the way, Ricky and I are on a break right now. I don't think it's a "dating other people" kind of date, and I don't think I want it to be anyway. I would really love it if Ricky would sweep me off my feet ( Read more... )

Thursday.

Life is so difficult. So is love, and lust, and honesty. It is so hard to hurt someone even if it is to keep yourself from getting hurt. In fact, for me, it seems to be impossible. I know what I need to do...but as Alice (from Alice in Wonderland, the Disney version) once said, "I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it ( Read more... )

Monday.

I did something for myself today. Instead of always considering someone else and letting myself suffer just so I wouldn't hurt them...I did something for myself. I'm so proud of finallly being able to do this. I feel so relieved and free. I feel guilty too and I really hope I didn't hurt anyone or ruin anything but it was so important that ( Read more... )

Tuesday.

Still more to say.

After a huge moment of clarity like the one I just had, you lose so much that was important to you. My things were important to me for all the wrong reasons and it will be better that they are gone. But missing them is going to hurt so bad. I've gained a lot of clarity and surety in their place but they're really not ( Read more... )

Tuesday.

I'm so confused emotionally, but right now, logically things couldn't be clearer. I know what is best for me and I know what I should do but I'm so afraid of doing it. Michelle and I just had a very long conversation about all the things that have been happening in my life and what I really should do about them. I've become so weak and ( Read more... )

Monday.

Halloween weekend has come and gone and I did not wear a costume. No matter, one day I will have a costume party at a time that is definately not Halloween, just for the fun of it.

I hope Ricky calls me soon. I told him he should call me if he was ever not too busy to hang out and I haven't seen him since Thursday, October 20th. That's a ( Read more... )

Sunday.

I met Evan at Eat'n'Park last night. I would've rather gone to Ricky's show, especially now that I've talked to him about it. He said it was really awesome. It was at the Note Worthy in Bedford; he said it was a really nice place. Then when I told him about meeting Evan he asked me when Evan would be replacing him. I felt so awful. I never ( Read more... )

Saturday.

I had to work tonight, but now that my work is done and I had to cancel my other plans,...I'm going to meet Evan at Eat'n'Park. I didn't mean to ditch my friend and my boyfriend to meet a boy...it just, kind of, happened. He called around 7:00, right after I got back from work the second time so I had nothing to do.

Here's what would be ( Read more... )

Monday.

Why is everyone so busy? Why am I so busy? If life is so terribly short why do we all spend it being so busy?

I hate talking to people online now. What seem like totally awkward silences could be nothing more than someone being busy on thier computer...but I always get nervous. Of course in this case it could be that the person I'm talking ( Read more... )

Friday.

Last night was so cool. Ricky came to the Penn party with me and Mo was completely smashed and hilarious. Ricky and I drank a little but stayed long enough afterward that we were okay to drive home...at about 3 in the morning. Ricky talked to the ad. rep. Drew practically the whole time about guitars and stuff. I'm really glad Drew was ( Read more... )